Posted in Homeschool

Back in the school thing full force with yet more changes. Last night I sat up for a bit and worked on report cards. Now this is not a must but I believe it helps the children to see where they are.
Well....
I hate to admit defeat but  I will. I have sent my oldest back to school . His friend that I was homeschooling also went back. Both around the same time.
 I know, I know...I should have held on longer but given the situations here in my home ( a lot of chaos), I gave in. For our sake and for his. Now he attends a school that I can only take comfort in knowing there are many true believers that also attend the school and  a large part of the staff there are also believers. Of course there are downfalls and I know them all to well . Yet this is all I can do for now for the sake of the whole family. 
This has been a struggle this year and I gave up the fight! I was outnumbered, worn out and just plain tired of trying so hard and getting nowhere. Seems things just continued on a downward spiral. So I threw in the white flag and surrendered.
Do I feel like I failed? At times yes. I have my moments, still. It has only been since after Spring break that he went back. He is on his second week. Already I see a change in his attitude. Small but noticeable (to me anyway).

You know I recall the prodigal son. I think of the fact that His father gave him what he asked for. He did not turn him down. He knew, I gather, in his heart that sooner or later he would return home. Did that mean that he (the father) was happy with the decisions that the son was making? No.
Did it mean he would take joy in watching his son make those mistakes? No. It only meant that he (the father) knew it was time to let him make his own mistakes and prayerfully learn from them. He had to allow his son to make the mistake.  In order for him (son) to appreciate what he left, he had to leave it.
Well I feel a bit like this with my son. I feel like the more I pushed him toward homeschool, the more he pulled away. The less he tried and the easier he gave up in his studies. The more outrageous he became. The more things he did to try and go anywhere but here.He didn't want my help and wouldn't accept it when I offered. He was resentful, angry and unhappy. Oh the pain I felt and it almost took me to the ground. Well often it did...to my knees in prayer. I probably should have prayed more than I did. Instead at times I yelled , I screamed  and I cried . I know, not too mature is it?
I hated to look at him this way for as long as I did yet I wanted so bad to not "fail" at this attempt to home school him. When I did this before it was great. He did well. This was of course before he had made many friends and was more of a loner, if you would, than he is now. He didn't like public school. He got picked on and even beat up a few times.This need to not fail, was that for him or for me? I am not sure.
I really thought that I was doing good for him. My other children , when asked if they wanted to return to ps, answered with an astounding NO!  I mean they are happy as larks being homeschooled. However, all my trying did not change the way he( my oldest) felt. I hope and pray this will end a happy ending. I hope his faith in God grows, I hope I can still reach him, I hope that like God's Word says, if I raise them up in the way he should go when he is old he'll not depart from it.  He is mature yet immature. A boy and yet a young man. Desiring to be so independent and struggling with the fact that he still needs to be here at home.
Oh if I were to share the real of this house in the last month, I might lose more than a  few readers. I am not kidding. So I won't get too personal but I will say this..
 It has  been rough waters around here. The storms were pretty strong at times. The winds blew violently. There were even a few hurricanes. Nevertheless,these storms were not strong enough to sink the ship. The ship is a bit beat up, the sails are torn and tattered and we lost a few of our mates but are still sailing towards out destination. A few mates decided to jump ship and sail with another vessel. This is okay now, I struggled with it but realize that those who we start out with will not always finish the course. They must decide what their destination will be. I can only try to lead them and guide them.
Well if you are still reading, thanks sticking with us. I know if it were not for my friends here at HSB and in Blogland, and of course the Lord himself, I wouldn't be on this ship any longer. I'd jumped off months ago. Thanks a million ladies, much love in Christ Jesus too all of you.
Until next time...
Be blessed,
Stacy

Oh yea, today is another of my little brothers B-Day. Happy Birthday JR. Love and miss ya!

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Comments

Posted by proverbsmomof3

I have been down the road you have been traveling. The difference being mine was in a private school and hated it. He just hated school. He was more interested in stretching his inpendence muscles, fighting about everything, not putting any effort into his studies, being highly disrespectful to everyone in the house, etc., etc., etc. In his last semester we knew that if he stayed where he was he was not going to graduate, so with much protest, we took him out and went the homeschool route. Big change. We made him responsible for his future. He had to work in addition to his studies. He took hold and chose to do what needed to be done. Four years later, he quite often thanks us for trying to do what was best for him and apoligizes for what he put us through. So, don't despair. I so know how hard it is. You may not be seeing it now but whatever choices you have made, you have done it for his best interest and in the future he will probably feel the same way my son does now. (Sorry such a long comment)

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Posted by Momto5

{{{{HUGS}}}} to you Stacy...I am sure it was a difficult decision to make but you and your family did what you had to do. You know I think homeschooling our kids is an awesome privilege but sometimes it doesn't work out...you can see be part of his education by being there to help with homework etc. I think that is just as important...all parents should take part in their children's education no matter where they are schooled.

Please know you are in my thoughts & prayers...the Lord is our Rock and our fixed point even when the waves are crashing around us and the boat is going under...you continue to cling to Him & He will get you through...Praise God for your faith in Him...

Love in Christ,
Tammy

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