By Dr. Sam Davis
Hello Special Families!
We have been blessed to have permission to reprint a long article that many have found to be a blessing! We are breaking this article into 4 parts. We pray that you will find help and encouragement in this article.
Dr. Sam Davis has been serving the Lord in many different areas since surrendering to the ministry in November of 1967. He has been a minister of music, associate pastor, and presently is pastor of Park Meadows Baptist Church in Lincoln, Illinois, where he has served since 1975.
Dr. Davis speaks at churches and conventions across the country. He comes very highly recommended by many Christian state home school organizations. His tape ministry, comprised of 80+ video tapes (all of which contain captivating on-screen graphics!) and 90+ audio tapes, reach all over the United States and into many foreign countries. Many of those messages give Biblical solutions to critical family problems.
"Changing the Heart of A Rebel
Dr. S. M. Davis
800-500-8853
One of the greatest gifts God has given us is our children. They are also a great responsibility.
Raising children is a challenge.
Raising good children is a big challenge.
Raising Godly children is an incredible, but possible, challenge!
There are several important ingredients needed to raise Godly children. One is teaching children to obey. Another is teaching them to show respect and honor. Then, too, parents must protect children from evil. It is a false philosophy that says you produce better children by exposing them to the filth of this world. Romans 16:19 says, "I would have you wise unto that which is good, and simple [or ignorant] concerning evil."
Many parents in our day are accused of over-protecting their children. Could I give you my observation of that? We don't lose our children because of being over-protective; we lose our children because of being harsh and critical or from being inconsistent in our own lives.
By far the majority of families I know are not protective enough of their children.
Teaching obedience and respect and protecting children from evil are key ingredients necessary to raise Godly children. But they are not the key ingredient. In fact, you may have those ingredients and still not succeed in raising a wise, Godly child without the key ingredient.
In Proverbs 23:26 we read, "My son, give me thine heart."
Malachi 4:6 is a prophecy concerning the ministry of John the Baptist: "And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers..."
But that's not the end of the verse.
The verse ends with a warning of what God does if fathers don't turn their hearts to their children: "lest I come and smite the earth with a curse."
We are witnessing the fulfillment of that verse all around us when kids shoot kids, and when schools have to have armed guards and metal detectors, and when people are afraid to walk city streets alone.
Luke 1:17 is a further exposition of Malachi 4:6: "And he [John the Baptist] shall go before Him [Jesus] in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient [that's the children] to the wisdom of the just [that's what parents are supposed to be]."
The number one characteristic of wisdom is justice. When children see parents as just, rather than unjust, then children are more likely to cease their disobedience and rebellion and give their hearts to their parents.
The last phrase of the verse says: "...to make ready a people prepared for the Lord." Young people are not prepared for God to work in their lives until their hearts are turned from themselves or from others to their parents.
I've given you the passages where the truth is stated. Now let me tell you where the truth is illustrated.
THE STORY OF ABSALOM
Second Samuel 13 and 14 are the chapters that tell how King David lost his son Absalom's heart.
Absalom and Tamar were full-blooded brother and sister. But David wasn't as protective of Tamar as he should have been. David allowed Tamar's half-brother Amnon to be alone with Tamar and Amnon raped her.
David was angry when he heard what happened, but he took no action.
TWO YEARS LATER Absalom had his half-brother Amnon executed to revenge his sister's rape. Then Absalom fled to Geshur
David's general Joab noticed how badly David missed Absalom. So he got the king to bring Absalom back to Jerusalem.
But for 2 more years David refused to talk to his son.
Absalom, provoked to wrath by SEVEN YEARS of his father's failure to act and failure to communicate, sent for General Joab. When Joab didn't come, he had Joab's barley fields set on fire. Those fields on fire were a picture of Absalom's heart burning with anger and rejection and distress because of being cut off from his father David.
Finally Joab came and Absalom said, "I want to see my Father. If he wants to kill me, then let him kill me, but I want to see my father!"
So Joab talked to David and David sent for Absalom. But the reception Absalom received was not the warm reception of a father. It was the cold reception of a monarch on a throne.
When a man is a father, his children must see him first and foremost as a father! Children don't mind a father being something else, but he must primarily be a father to his children. It's alright to be a Factory Worker or a Pastor or a Businessman, but a father must first be a father to his children.
Absalom was treated like a subject, when he should have been treated like a son!
To those who understand the principles involved, it is no surprise that in the very next verse, 2 Samuel 15:1, Absalom had become a rebel. And he had plotted and was carrying out his plan to usurp his father's throne.
Verse 6 of chapter 15 is an enlightening verse. Absalom did to the men of Israel what he apparently wished David his father would have done for him.
By listening and talking and touching, "Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel."
Before the chapter ends, David is running for his life, and Absalom the rebel has taken the throne of Israel.
THE KEY INGREDIENT
Now please listen carefully as I make one of the most important statements you will ever hear any preacher make in your life. The key ingredient in raising good children is to get their hearts early, keep their hearts, and be extremely vigilant to not lose their hearts.
If you do lose your child's heart, then quickly find out where and when you lost it and put into action a plan to get the heart back NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES TO DO IT. No matter how much time or trouble or money it takes to get back your child's heart, you must decide you will be willing to pay the price.
Proverbs 22:6 says "Train up a child in the way he should go." The Hebrew word for "train up" means "pay the price to dedicate him fully to the Lord." The word is only used a few times in the Old Testament. It is usually translated "dedicate." It occurs in I Kings 8:63 "So King Solomon and all Israel dedicated the house of the Lord." What price did Solomon pay to dedicate the house of the Lord? It was not cheap. It cost Solomon 22,000 oxen and 120,000 sheep. The message is this: Whatever it costs you to dedicate and train your children to follow God, then you must be willing to pay the price.
Listen to all of Proverbs 22:6: Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. YOU CAN'T CLAIM THE PROMISE OF THE LAST HALF OF THAT VERSE UNLESS UNLESS YOU'RE WILLING TO PAY THE PRICE REQUIRED IN THE FIRST HALF!
It may cost you financially -- $1,000 or $10,000. You must be willing to pay the price.
It may cost you your job. You must be willing to pay the price.
It may require you selling your home and relocating elsewhere. You must be willing to pay the price.
It may require you taking several weeks off work to travel one on one with your child. You must be willing to pay the price.
It may require radical changes in your own personal life. You must be willing to pay the price.
It may require days of fasting and praying. You must be willing to pay the price. Many times Ive dealt even with Pastors who had rebellious children but were not willing to pay the price to reach them. A Pastor is not disqualified from being a Pastor because he has a rebellious child. But according to 1 Samuel 3:13 he is disqualified if he has a rebellious child and he will not take whatever steps he is able to take to deal with the child.
Be sure of this right now: God knows your heart. And God already knows whether or not you love your child enough to be willing to pay the price to deal with his disobedience and rebellion. I've seen many rebels change, but seldom ever have I seen a rebel change where his parents were not willing to pay the price.
Before I finish this message, you may feel that I'm somewhat intense. It's because I've lived through the learning of what I'm speaking.
THE STORY OF MICHAEL
On December 21, 1992 my telephone rang. A very distraught Mother was on the other end of the line.
For a year and a half they had had problems with their now 17 1/2 year old son Michael.
It all seemed to have started about age 16 when they got Michael his own car and let him get a job at a restaurant.
Michael became close friends with a 19 year old fellow who had attended the same Christian School where Michael was a student.
But why don't I allow Michael's Mother to tell you their story in her own words?
"Our son running around with a friend from church seemed fine. Boy, were we wrong.
"Michael soon started staying out late. He was working later and later. On his days off he went with his friends to their homes to play pool or ping pong. 'Mr. 19's' girlfriend wasn't allowed to go out with him unless her parents went, so that wasn't a problem. So as far as we knew, Mike and 'Mr. 19' were just a couple of Christian guys having fun.
"We totally trusted Mike. We watched him. He seemed to still be having devotions. He was still in church most of the time. His mouth was a little "smarter" than usual, but we chalked it up to being 16. We also noticed him stretching the rules a little. Some things weren't adding up, but nothing major.
"Then in November, 4 months after Mike turned 16, we got up one morning and the car was gone. It was 4 A.M. and Mike wasn't home. "We were both up and suddenly noticed a note on the dining room table. I still remember every word on it, even thought it's been three years now. It said, 'Someone said I couldn't do it. I love you Mom and Dad. Bye, Mike.' We weren't sure what 'it' meant, but we were horrified.
"First we ran over to 'Mr. 19's' apartment. No one was there. We checked the garage but no one was there. About that time I checked my purse and realized $300 was gone. It was a relief to realize he had taken the money and probably run away.
"We started searching through Mike's stuff. Boy were we shocked. We found lots of awful, hard rock tapes. Mike set those out for us before he left. We found cigarettes and found out he'd been drinking. We also found pictures he had drawn of evil, wicked skulls. They gave me chills! Mike had a side we knew nothing about.
"Mike was found in Florida 5 days later. Broke. We had him put in a detention home and went to get him. [This family lived in Illinois.] Mr. 19 who had gone with Mike was just left in the street. We had the car impounded so he had nowhere to go or stay. His parents sent him nothing, so he was left on the streets of Tampa, Florida with only his clothes. He was scared. He stayed at a police station in a chair.
"We got there 2 days later. God had started the work and we brought back both boys. Mike confessed to us 'everything' and asked our forgiveness. We blindly gave it to him.
"From this point on, 'Mr. 19' was gone.
"One part Mike held back was that 'Mr. 19' had introduced him to pornography. They had started renting X-rated movies."
Let me interject here that Mike's parents recently told me that they have since been humbled to find out that Mike's first exposure to bad movies was in their own home when Mike was about 10 years old. His parents had tried cable TV with HBO for about six months. Mike would watch it when they didn't know about it. Mike also had another friend while growing up whom his parents didn't know about, who provided him access to MTV, rock music tapes, cigarettes, alcohol, dirty movies, etc. whenever he wanted them.
The Mother continues: "Mike was fine until the next summer when a girl came into the picture. She seemed like a nice girl...went to church...an 'A' student...worked hard...we liked her. Again we trusted blindly. Mike was smart mouthed with us. By this time we were home schooling but I still worked 35 hours a week and my husband 50 hours a week. The children were home alone a lot.
"There were small things that weren't adding up but the hard rock music wasn't seen around the house. He wasn't smoking. He never talked mean or ugly to us. His hair was short, neat and clean. He was always in church. He loved his family. So to us he was just a struggling good kid.
"On December 20, Mike's sister came into our room about 11:00 crying. She said she had to talk to us. She told us Mike and a friend had been bringing X rated movies into the house. She had walked in on them one night. He had a VCR in his bed room. They threw her out and told her to keep quiet. They didn't care what we or anyone else thought. They were going to do what they wanted.
"Our daughter also told us he had ruined her birthday slumber party 2 weeks earlier. He had taken one of the girls to the car and was kissing her. He had also been sexually aggressive with all her other 14-year-old friends."
WHAT COUNSEL WOULD YOU GIVE?
It was the morning of the next day, December 21st, that Michael's folks made contact with me.
They desperately wanted to know if there was anything they could do to change their 17 and 1/2 year old son.
Allow me to ask you right here: What would you tell these parents? What can this Mom and Dad do that would straighten out a 17 and 1/2 year old son who has now tried about everything the world has to offer, has become deceitful, and shows little or no inclination towards changing?
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