By Barbara Frank
Recently I wrote about the happy medium, that wonderful place halfway between hyperactivity and lethargy, where homeschool moms can find themselves if they do enough, but not too much. Let’s dig a little deeper into this topic.

An Overload of Activities
One of the obstacles to keeping our families in the happy medium is an overload of activities. There are so many good things out there; we don’t want our children to miss out on any of them. But we don’t realize what a toll a schedule loaded with activities takes on us and on our children. We need to periodically assess the activities our families are involved in, as well as those looming on the horizon, and ask a few questions about each one:

· Exactly what benefits does this activity provide for my child(ren)?
· How eager is each child to go to each activity?
· Would we benefit more from spending the time that the activity takes (include driving-back-and-forth time) at home, getting things done or even relaxing?

Some moms feel that staying home doesn’t permit getting things done or relaxing, but instead requires them to spend all their time keeping their children occupied. They may avoid being home with their children for long periods for that reason. But it’s not the mom’s job to keep the children busy all the time; it’s up to the children.

As children grow, they need to learn to manage their own schedules and entertain themselves more. It’s very important that they not grow up accustomed to always being told where to go and what to do next. That’s what happens in formal school, and while that may be the ideal preparation for a life of factory work, it’s not what our children need in order to be prepared for the world we live in now.

It’s also good for our children to have periods of solitude so that they can think, dream, and most importantly, grow spiritually. You can’t hear God’s voice when you’re always on the run. When given time to be alone, children actually learn to enjoy solitude.

It takes time for them to get to that point, though, especially if they aren’t used to taking ownership of their day. You have to be tough and insist they keep themselves busy for short periods (which will lengthen over time).

The same principle applies to children in a group, either your own brood alone or when they have friends over. Today’s “play-dates” have become Mom-run events, with preplanned craft projects and movies. As a result, this generation of children is unused to the free and unorganized play of previous generations. But there are valuable lessons that can be learned from free play. We parents must stop thinking that we are solely responsible for everything our children need to learn and do. There are many opportunities for learning through free play, alone and with other children, as long as parents don’t get in the way and try to run it. If our children are given those opportunities, they will learn from them; meanwhile we’ll be able to accomplish the other things we need to do.

Curriculum Stress
I remember obsessing over finding the best stroller for my first baby years ago. What a waste of time that was! I had yet to learn that as far as little ones are concerned, it’s not how nice of a stroller you have, but whether you have a mama who will use it to take you to the park and push you on the swing.

The same concept applies to curriculum---some are better than others, and the success of any curriculum often depends on the mom’s teaching style and the child’s learning style. But no curriculum carries as much weight as a mom who has time to sit with her children, answer their questions and help figure things out together. The very best curriculum will be hampered if the mom is not willing to help when help is needed, and a lousy curriculum can still be of use if the mom takes the time to tailor it to the child.

Whatever homeschool resources you use, you must be available to help your child. If you are in the vicinity, you’ll get a handle on whether the requests for help are genuine, as well as when they are an out for someone too lazy to figure things out on their own. But if you’re on the phone a lot, or otherwise distracted much of the time, you are not available to help your child. That will make things difficult no matter how good the curriculum is.

Being a Perfect Mom
Being available to your children does not mean hovering over them or letting your other responsibilities go in order to attend to the slightest whimper or demand. Sometimes we try so hard to anticipate our child’s every need that we wear ourselves out, and our child, too.

If that’s been a problem for you, remember that God chose you to be your child’s mom---just the way you are, warts and all. Try to enjoy it instead of always trying to perfect it. Don’t try to live like other homeschooling moms who seem to have it all together. No matter how long they have been homeschooling, they still have their trials like everyone else. Be yourself, and let your children be themselves.

Don’t forget to work in some time for yourself each day, no matter how little, so you don’t burn out. When you feel overwhelmed (and everyone does at times), don’t be afraid to ask your husband for help. Asking a friend to watch your children for a few hours can also make a difference. Just make sure you’re there for her when she needs a break.

Do you feel guilty when you take time for yourself? I once read an essay by a woman who recalled her mom letting the housework slide whenever she found a particularly good book. Seeing her mom stop everything to park in a chair and become immersed in a book for a while gave this woman permission to do the same thing, and she became an avid reader from childhood on. Besides, it’s good for your children to see that you are a real person with interests of your own, and not just “Mom.”

Finally….
Achieving the happy medium for your family is a wonderful thing, but it slips away easily. Just when you have all your ducks in a row (a good schedule, terrific homeschooling resources, etc.), it seems as though something stops working before long. The math curriculum becomes something to slog through instead of something to learn from. Wednesdays stop being a good day to run errands. Your son decides soccer is no longer the love of his life. Changes must be made, again.

Your family’s needs change as everyone grows, so you must learn to be flexible in letting some things go and bringing other things into the life of your family. Like a ship’s captain traveling through choppy seas, your goal is not to stay firmly in place, but to keep things on an even keel through good times and hard times. Take heart: the longer you homeschool, the better you’ll get at this, so keep at it, and don’t give up the ship!

Barbara Frank is the mother of four homeschooled-from-birth children ages 12-21, a freelance writer/editor, and the author of “Life Prep for Homeschooled Teenagers”. To visit her Web site, “The Imperfect Homeschooler”, go to www.cardamompublishers.com.

© 2005 Barbara Frank