Posted in Train Up A Child Thursday
Do not return evil for evil but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:21
Hitting back is human nature. Our fallen, sin cursed nature. The life of a Christian is supposed to be radically different than that of the lives of everyone else around us. The bible reminds us over and over that, while we are children of God, fellow heirs with Christ and rich in all spiritual blessings, we are also not our own. We have been bought with a price and have no rights. James asks "What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you?" And then he answers his own question "Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members?" He goes on to list what flows out of that source (our quest for pleasure). The list is not pretty! Lust, envy, wrong motives. And the root of all of that is pride. 99 out of 100 times (and probably all 100) when I get upset with someone, or offended, or insulted it's because I feel like I deserve better treatment than what I'm getting. Every time my children get upset with each other, or me, it's because they think they deserve better, too. So this is one of my favorite verses to have my children recite back to me at the necessary time (and there are LOTS of them every day) "Do not return evil for evil, but overcome evil with good.'
I want my children to grow to understand that there is NEVER a good reason to retaliate, in any form, for the wrongs committed against them. I want them to grow to understand that "Vengeance is Mine, and recompense" (Deut. 32:35) I want them to grow to trust that even if they don't see justice being done right away, that God sees all and will make sure everything comes out right in the end.
So, in our house, the one who returns evil for evil gets the worst consequence. I also point out that a child who returns evil for evil is taking the law into his or her own hands and acting like the mother or father. I remind the child that God has given everyone in the family special roles, only Mom and Dad have been given the authority (in the family) to decide what constitutes a good consequence for any given behavior. There are times when I will refuse to give consequences to the primary offender because the retaliating child has already done that and "is it fair to punish twice?"
And of course, it's not enough to just stop the bad behavior, we are to be "putting off" sin and "putting on" virtue. So ideally, we work out something that the retaliator can do to show love and "overcome evil with good."
