Posted in Train Up A Child Thursday

When I was a child, I  had this beautifully illustrated book of nursery rhymes . I loved it very much.  A few years ago, my very thoughtful brother found out which book it was from my mom and bought one on Ebay and gave it to one of my girls as a Christmas gift.  While reading through the book with them, we came across this short and pointed poem  "Here's Sulky Sue. What shall we do? Turn her face to the wall until she comes to!"  I had to laugh because that's what we do with our own little sulky sues (and joes...).  Kids with attitude get to go stand in the corner until they have a happy heart for the under 6 set) or a good attitude (for the over 6 set).   Sometimes a child will wail from the corner "I'm happpppyyyyyy now!"  I will hold them up in front of the mirror and say "is that a cheerful face???!  Sometimes they are there for quite a long time....
The idea is that obedience with a bad attitude or angry heart is not acceptable.  So I try very hard to stop their world and give them time to get their own attitudes straight before allowing them to do whatever it was that they were originally not happy to do.  And then I usually give them a second job to test them =)  If they come out of the corner and give me attitude again, it's lather, rinse, repeat. Back to the corner!
(thanks to Carla Link for corner time guidance...)

Posted in Train Up A Child Thursday

I have this nice little thin book (more like long pamphlet) called "Classical Education and the Homeschool" by Douglas Wilson et al (Mr. Wilson's sort of retraction of his unfortunate comments regarding the ability of homeschoolers to do a proper job of a classical education in his otherwise excellent book "Recovering the Lost Tools of Learning" from 20 years ago) which I pull out and read  through periodically.  Here is a passage that always hits me where it hurts every time I read it.  So I'll share it with you and hope that you can say "That's not a problem in our house!"

Posted in Train Up A Child Thursday

Yikes , it's Saturday already! How did that happen?  We had a busy week. Thursday was open house for our Classical Conversations group.  Which is always fun but a little hectic!  Especially since I was mixing paint with flour or sand or salt or glitter for our art project right up until it was time to start. Must learn to delegate!  Actually, must learn to be better prepared and organized!  Thursday evening we had a tutor meeting with all the tutors and I have to admit I tend to steal their time a little because I so enjoy the chance to get together with these wonderful women and talk.  We did get alot accomplished, but I kept them late.  I haven't even Been on my blog much at all this week to visit my blogging friends , I miss that.  

Anyway.  I even had an idea of what I wanted to post about for Thursdays "train up a child.'  I could just wait until next Thursday, so maybe I"ll just pretend I'm really early this week with this post instead of really late (although technically the new week doesn't start until tomorrow!)

Posted in Train Up A Child Thursday

It's almost Saturday!   I'm falling behind........

So here is a short one


God hates lies.  God is truth, lies are firmly in the realm of the wicked one who is the father of lies.  The OT is full of God's condemnation of false hood, of negative consequences that come from false hoods, of how lies impact not only the liar but also everyone around him.  So in our home we train our children from an early age that lies get the very worst consequences.  A child who disobeys but tells the truth or readily admits his wrong doing receives the consequences of that disobedience, but one who disobeys and then lies about it receives many times more consequences.  I think it was John MacArthur who made the point that a child who thinks he can lie and get away with it will be much more prone to sneaky, disobedient and rebellious behavior because they think they have a pretty good chance of lying their way out of trouble.  I also don't want my children to get a  taste for lying, the more you lie, the easier it becomes.  Of course, I don't have eyes in the back of my head, so I do miss lies sometimes, but God is faithful to have the truth come out one way or another. And I often pray that the Lord would help me to see those little signs that my kids exhibit (each one has different signs) on the rare occassions when they do lie to me or to their dad. 

At the same time, I try not to tempt them to lie. Here's a good example from this morning!   I knew my 4 year old had got hold of the tube of decorating gel that I used on the birthday cake I bought Trinity yesterday  (alas, gone are the days of my crafting beautiful homemade birthday cakes in the shape of giraffes or gumball machines!), I didn't say to Aria "Did you eat the gel from this tube?"  I mean, I can see the evidence all over her face!  I know very well she did, why give her the chance to think "Hmm, mom doesn't know...maybe I say no...") So in this case, I picked her up, took her to the bathroom and said "You ate Mommy's cake gel after I told you not to, you need a consequence."  And then go through Repentence, Fogiveness, Restoration

Posted in Train Up A Child Thursday

             Hitting back is human nature.  Our fallen, sin cursed nature.  The life of a Christian is supposed to be radically different than that of the lives of everyone else around us.  The bible reminds us over and over that, while we are children of God, fellow heirs with Christ and rich in all spiritual blessings, we are also not our own. We have been bought with a price and have no rights.  James asks "What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you?" And then he answers his own question "Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members?" He goes on to list what flows out of that source (our quest for pleasure).  The list is not pretty!  Lust, envy, wrong motives. And the root of all of that is pride.  99 out of 100 times (and probably all 100) when I get upset with someone, or offended, or insulted it's because I feel like I deserve better treatment than what I'm getting. Every time my children get upset with each other, or me, it's because they think they deserve better, too.  So this is one of my favorite verses to have my children recite back to me at the necessary time (and there are LOTS of them every day) "Do not return evil for evil, but overcome evil with good.' 
             I want my children to grow to understand that there is NEVER a good reason to retaliate, in any form, for the wrongs committed against them. I want them to grow to understand that "Vengeance is Mine, and recompense"   (Deut.  32:35) I want them to grow to trust that even if they don't see justice being done right away, that God sees all and will make sure everything comes out right in the end. 
          So, in our house, the one who returns evil for evil gets the worst consequence.  I also point out that a child who returns evil for evil is taking the law into his or her own hands and acting like the mother or father.  I remind the child that God has given everyone in the family special roles, only Mom and Dad have been given the authority (in the family) to decide what constitutes a good consequence for any given behavior.  There are times when I will refuse to give consequences to the primary offender because the retaliating child has already done that and "is it fair to punish twice?"
          And of course, it's not enough to just stop the bad behavior, we are to be "putting off" sin and "putting on" virtue.  So ideally, we work out something that the retaliator can do to show love and "overcome evil with good." 

Posted in Train Up A Child Thursday

Well, it's still Thursday for another hour and a half, so I'm going to try one more time to do this!
       
I've mentioned before that I'm extremely blessed to be part of a church that advocates family worship.  It's a great idea, but for people like me, who grew up in a church that practiced the typical Sunday School, Jr. Church ,Youth Group design, it's one thing to say "let's all worship together!", and it's another thing to figure out how to DO that so that each member of the family can be involved!  Thankfully, there are many good resources out there to point us in the right direction!  One excellent book is by Robbie Castleman.  She wrote"Parenting in the Pew" which is full of great ideas.  Here is what we are doing at the moment to train our children to participate in worship and fellowship with the body on Sunday mornings.
         Daniel and Aria are the youngest members of our family.  At 20 months and almost 4, they are learning to sit still, face forward and not stick gum in the hair of the lady sitting in front of us. (that's a joke...) Daniel can sit on my lap for about 45 minutes before he starts to get antsy.  At that point, i usually give in and put him in his stroller and pace the back of the room with him.  We're working on stretching him into longer sit times.
        Aria is learning to hold her song book and her bible the right way (i.e.not upside down)  and to "sing" along with us, standing and sitting at the right times.  She has a tiny new testament that won't make too much of a thump if she accidently drops it on the floor in the middle of communion.  She hands it to me when we are instructed to open our bibles, to make sure that she's in the right spot .  Most of the time, she remembers not to ask me  (in a loooud stage whisper) if it's time to go, if Daddy is "awmost" done, what happend to the hair on the top of that man's head or if she can go potty. She's learning to keep her feet still, to not stand on the back of the chair in front of her, and to not poke her neighbor.  In short, she's learning to think of others first and to consider the preciousness of others!
        Trinty, Eden and Lukas have mastered those skills (well, ostensibly), so they are now learning to actually HEAR what's being said from the pulpit.  One of Mrs. Castleman's great ideas was to ask the pastor ahead of time for key words that we can listen for during the sermon.  Since their Daddy is the pastor, I usually remember to ask him (as he's on is way up to the pulpit...) for one or two of these.  Last week we were in the book of John, the key words were "door" and "shepherd."  Trinity is supposed to write tally marks under each word for every time she hears one. She's really good at this, although she sometimes loses steam during the last 15 minutes or so.  (As a side note, this really helps me remember what the sermon is about as well since I can't take notes with Daniel sitting on my lap!)
        Eden has a blank book, she's supposed to also keep track of the key words with tally marks and write down any scripture references.  She's less enthusiastic about this, she tends to get distracted with the pen in her hand and starts to draw pictures instead.  She usually looses the freedom to have her pen at that point, so if she is sitting beside me, I'll hold her hand and we see who can squeeze first when we hear a key word. (The only problem with this is that she gets giggly when she beats me to the squeeze!)
        Lukas also has a blank book, he's old enough that he should be writing down scripture references and taking simple notes.  Alas and alak, he is rarely sitting next to me (we sit in the back row for obvious reasons, but sometimes he sits in the front row, he likes to be right in front of his dad), so I've not been as diligent about training him in this area. However, he always has a good answer when I ask them after church to "tell me one thing from the sermon today", so I know he's paying attention.
      This is just one aspect of training our children in worship.  Other aspects involve training them to think correctly about worship (who is it for, to please ourselves or our Lord) and to prepare for corporate worship. But those are for other posts!
        My biggest desire in all of this goes back to training their appetites. We have such a consumer mentality, even in the church (especially?), we want everything to be fun and interesting.  While I don't want my children to grow up thinking church is dull and boring, I want them to learn to really enjoy it for the right reasons and not have to be entertained by clever sunday school programs and neat reward  systems.  I want them to learn to die to self, not indulge the self.  Church should not be a fun and games social time, it should be a very sacred and special time where we go to hear from the Lord and to "bring the sacrifice of praise into the house of the Lord."  Jer. 33:11

Posted in Train Up A Child Thursday

Posted in Train Up A Child Thursday

S.O.A.P Notes
        No, I haven't decided to change jobs and move to the medical field.  Different SOAP notes.  A few years ago, my sister Stephanie encouraged me to do soap notes while reading through the bible.  Although it was a great idea, I have to admit I didn't make it very far before I stopped, so I'm determined that with the new year approaching I'm going to try again. But this time, I'll have my 2 oldest join me and help keep me accountable!  So today's Train Up A Child Thursday is about my continuing efforts to train my children to make bible reading a regular part of their day.

S is for Scripture.   Each day, mom will read 3-5 chapters beginning in Genesis and Lukas and Eden will read one chapter, probably starting in Psalms or Proverbs.  The idea is to pick out a passage or verse that is meaningful in some way and write it down.

O is for Observation.  What do you observe in this verse, or what is it that made it jump out?

A is for application.  How can you use this in your everyday life?

P is for prayer.  Write a short (even 1-2 sentence) prayer asking the Lord to help you apply this truth to your life.

My plan is for them to do this after lunch each day, before we do our history read out loud and catechism practice.  Trinity will spend this time doing a half hour of quiet book reading time, either in her bible or another book (her reading skills aren't quite up to her new bible, but she's working on it!).  I will do my soap notes with them for a the first few days, but I should probably be doing it early in the morning before the kids are even up. We'll see if that happens!  They will show me what they've done when they're finished, hopefully I can help them keep some of the things they are writing down in their minds during the day.  I'm going to shoot for doing 7 days a week, but they will only do 4 (not on the weekends or co-op day).  I'm going to get them each their own lined book and a cool gel pen that they can only use for soap notes.
So we'll see how it goes! Consistency is the key!

Posted in Train Up A Child Thursday

Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit  Proverbs 25:28

      Self-Control.   Who couldn't use a little more? Some of us could use a LOT more!  In many ways, it seems, parenting boils down to teaching our sweet little sinfully depraved off-spring that fine art of controlling one's passions, tempers and wills.   At 30-something, I'm still trying to get a handle on my "self,' which seems a losing battle some days.  I really really really want my children to reach adult hood with more self-control than I currently possess.  So that is one thing we work really hard at around here. 
      Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind.  And your neighbor as yourself.   What is at the root of that if not controlling our selves that are naturally bent to resisting authority and loving self best? 
       Thankfully, it's not a battle we fight alone, Peter reminded us that we already HAVE everything we need for life and godliness through the true knowledge of God.  The Lord has given us His Holy Spirit who leads us into all truth and convicts and commends us according to the need of the moment.  But the everyday working out of that is still a fight.  Paul said he buffeted his body and lamented that he often found himself doing what he didn't want to do and not doing what he did want to do. 
       So again, how do we make the crucial need for self-control real to our young children? (and our older ones as well!)  Along with general training to obeying parental authority, I often remind my children that they are called to be the "boss" of their bodies.  This is an interesting concept to children who often feel like they have to follow all the rules but don't get to impose rules on anyone else! 
       When going through our Repentance, Forgiveness, Restoration script, I always ask them questions like
-What did you do that was wrong?
-When you were mad at your brother, what did your body want to do?  -What should you tell your body when it wants to hit back or grab a toy or speak rudely? (or whatever the offense was)
        I try to impress upon them that they are responsible for what their bodies do (or don't do). God gave us our bodies to be an extension of Himself, we are to use our bodies to love and serve others which means cultivating LOTS of self-control.
        We also talk about how every time we tell our bodies "No" and choose to do what is right instead, we are exercising our self-control muscle so each time it should get a little easier to do what is right!
       In the Proberbs also is a verse that says "The way of the transgressor is hard."  I don't want my children to have a life that is "hard" because of their inability to control themselves.  I want them to enjoy the blessings that come from learning to graciously submit to authority and from looking to serve others rather than self.
    

Posted in Train Up A Child Thursday

With 5 kids under the age of 10, there's lots of sinning going on every day! (and unfortunately, the kids aren't the only ones who sin every day!)  It's hard to keep on top of it all and sort it all out every time someone complains or somebody else doesn't do something they should or another someone does something they shouldn't!  But in order to maintain some semblance of routine and order, we use a handy tool that is a script whenever we have a problem with behavior or attitude.  It's a way to keep short accounts, restore relationship and promote humility all wrapped up in one neat little package.  All of our kids who are verbally able practice this script several times a day (and so do I).

Step One:  Repentance: When a child (or mom) sins, the first step is to admit guilt (I'll use me as an example).  If I lose my cool and yell at my kids (not ME...), I would go to them (when I've cooled off) and say something like this " Kids, I was wrong to lose my temper and yell at you.  That does not show love and self control.

Step Two:  Forgiveness:  I've admitted my sin, but that's not enough.  Now I must ask for forgiveness so the next part goes like this. "Will you please forgive me for not having self control?

Step Three:  Restoration":  Next time I'm tempted to yell, I'll work harder at counting to 10 and asking the Lord to help me use a quiet voice.  Hugs all around, kids forgive the mom (Kids are SO good at forgiving their mothers!)

You can use this with your kids, too!  It's important for children to first recognize that what they did (or didn't do) was sinful and admit it, secondly to ask forgiveness of all offended parties including the Lord, and thirdly come up with a plan for the next time they are tempted to sin - something they can do instead.

(It helps to have the child first say what they DID that was wrong and then ask forgiveness for what they Didn't do eg. "I was wrong to hit my sister when I was angry" is much more specific then saying "I was wrong to not be nice"  "Please forgive me for NOT keeping my  hands to mysel")

We usually do this in private, the mom and the offending party, and we practice together what the offending party will say to the offendee when we leave the private area where we are talking together.

Of course, all of this can only happen when the offending child has self control, so in the heat of the moment, I usually have the child go sit somewhere out of the flow of household traffic until they are calm enough to discuss what happened. 

Oh, and of course, consequences are applied as needed. Once a child admits they are wrong, it's easier to get them to see that they need a consequence to help them remember to think twice next time!

And once again, hats off to Carla Link who worked through this concept as well. www.momsnotes.com

Posted in Train Up A Child Thursday

1 Samuel 3:19  "Thus Samuel grew and the Lord was with him and let none of His words fail.'

Even before Lukas was born, we started taking parenting classes.  I wanted to be as prepared as possible!  The first class we did was a Growing Kids God's Way class, in which we learned mountains of useful information.  One of the most basic things we learned, that we still practice practice practice to this day is to train our children to first time obedience.  It's an uphill battle!  We have never counted to 3 and tried very hard not to fall into the "threatening repeating" trap, we don't bribe or cajole.  We give an instruction one time and expect it to be obeyed the first time. 

Even with this high standard in place, the day to day operation of this sometimes gets...murky!  About 5 years ago, I heard Carla Link (http://www.momsnotes.com) give a lecture in which she gave some very practical ways to help teach our kids FTO.  She turned to the account of Samuel hearing from the Lord for the first time in the book of 1 Samuel and applied it to our child training.

In 1 Samuel Chapter 3, we see that while Samuel was in bed, he heard his name called.  What did Samuel do?  Did he lie there and shout "WHAT?" to Eli?? No, he got out of bed, went to Eli and said "Here I am, for you called me."  Twice more, this happened.  Surely by the third time, Samuel could have been forgiven if he had called from bed "Are you calling me this time?"  But no, each time he heard his name called, he got out of bed and went to his mentor and said the same thing each time "Here I am, for you called me."

Carla encouraged us to teach our own children to do this.  I call my child.  WAIT. I expect my child to stop what he is doing and Come To Me.  I do not give instructions until I am looking into those sweet baby blues.  Or browns!  This one little thing has made such the difference in our home.  It teaches our children that when we call, it's for a reason, it teaches them to show honor and respect by putting aside their own activity to come to the call of their parent, and it removes the need for that question "Did you hear me?????" 

So.  Are my children perfect at this? No.  Do I have to work at it every day? Yes. Even the older ones' who know better still need a bit of retraining to bump them back up to the standard.  But once they are trained to the standard, it's easier and quicker to bring the back up to it when they inevitably start to slide.  I love this concept!  Just thought I'd share =)
 
 Over at Everyday Me...life as it happens blog, Sallie has started a meme on Training up our children under Christ's guidance. Come join us!

Posted in Train Up A Child Thursday

 Train Up A Child Thursday. Or, What we're working on these days.

            With 5 children under the age of 10, what are we NOT working on. That’s my trouble half the time, trying to keep it all straight!  So here is a positive training in what seems to be a sea of negative training. Something I try to incorporate as much as possible every day with every child.  I forget where I first got the idea, but someone gave it to me.  Like all my good ideas!  We call it "Cha-Ching" and it’s all about storing up treasures in heaven.

            Jesus says, in Matthew 6:19-21, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

            We want our children to have an eternal focus. To be able to look beyond the temporal and see the eternal.  But how to do that on a day in and day out basis with the mundane things of life?  What does it Mean to store up treasures in heaven? What does that look like for a 3 year old? For a 13 year old? For a 33 year old?  How can we actively practice what our Lord commands?

         Storing up treasures in heaven, for our children, means considering the preciousness of others.  It means thinking of others first, of acting or speaking in a kind and loving way.  So when I catch one of our children choosing the low place, or using kind words, or sharing a favorite toy, or showing initiative or responsibility, etc., I give them a big smile and a cheerful “Cha-Ching! You’re storing up treasures in heaven!”  Sometimes I will be a little goofy and gush about how the angels are marveling at how kind they were, or what cheerful obedience they demonstrated or how thoughtful they were and how their words or actions were “just like Jesus’”  We want Jesus to be our standard of excellence, we want them to learn to think in terms of what He would have them do or say in any given situation.

            We want our children to learn from an early age to be God-pleasers, not man pleasers. To do everything to the honor and glory of God, not because good manners and obedience will get them what they want in life.  A high and lofty goal!  A small tool to help!  Begin as you mean to go.