Painting the Memories of Home - Growing our boys to become men...

Apr. 11, 2006

Growing our boys to become men...

As our family has been reading Little Britches lately, it's gotten me really thinking about how some elements of the rigorous ranching/ pioneer life lend themselves to growing boys into men by providing real responsibility at earlier ages. This is an area of concern that's been floating around my head a lot in the past years. How to grow our sons, while homeschooling, into young manhood and not let them grow soft or domesticated in the process of being home with mother all day.

At one point we met a wonderful homeschooling family that had three daughters and one 16 yr old son. The girls were lively, they cooked a lot and helped run the house. The son was pale, didn't get outdoors much according to his sisters. His family didn't believe in doing sports and running to lots of outside activity, so he wasn't athletic. He was an expert at computer stuff and games, which is useful today I guess. He was quiet, awkward, introverted. But upon seeing him, I just felt an ache of pity. It just seemed like something was lacking. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming homeschooling or his mom. And right or wrong of me, I made an inward note that I wanted my sons to somehow be more rugged when they are sixteen.

Our modern convenience oriented life often eliminates the rugged duties sons once performed to keep family life running. I think especially in our suburban areas. My question is this: regardless of where we live in today's world, what are some of the every day real-life stepping stones we can put under our boys feet on their way to becoming men?

Jobs & chores are one way. In the last house we lived (and our current) we had a gas fireplace. The convenience of gas eliminates the need and mess of chopping and hauling firewood. While it's much more tidy, I wish we had a wood burning one instead so my sons could have that added to their job list. It's MANLY work! There's a picture of my brothers as kids and Dad with their sleeves rolled up showing off their muscles in our family photo album back "home" after they'd all three been chopping, hauling and stacking together for the new wood stove. The sweat, grins and pride in their faces was priceless.

One problem I face is my own self! I like tidiness. Often these rigor oriented activities involve some sort of mess or an element of risk. I have to let some of that go in allowing them build a fort out of all sorts of materials or dig a ditch. Sometimes we moms can be super safety conscious, which is good. But we don't want to give our guys the chance to learn a real-life skill...perhaps things like using an ax, bow and arrow or BB gun if there is remotely any risk involved. Activities (age appropriate of course) that involve real responsibility build the sense in them that they are stepping toward manhood. We've given our oldest sons BBguns. But they first have to pass Dad's safety indoctrination & rules class and are supervised. If it's improperly handled or not put away correctly, the privilege is suspended. This last move, we decided to try rural living after living in a very controlled picture perfect neighborhood. We thought country life would afford more chances for that rugged life. But moving with the Navy every two years, we won't always have the ability to do this. Some of us are city dwellers, some suburban folks...some country...wherever we live, we need to be growing our sons to manhood...calling them forth and equipping them in character and experience.

What are some ways you all have helped your sons grow into men (or would or will) in the course of homeschooling? Leave some ideas or thoughts if you can!

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Apr. 11, 2006 - In FULL agreement!

Posted by amada

We have the same concern for our boys. We want them to grow up strong and good. Sometimes I think I'll be happy if they do grow up! I mean, I'd rather they not be killed in some of the "manly" activities I so want them to be part of. I, like you, have the same qualms about chopping, building... in other words danger... but you're right. We have to put that aside, trust that God will preserve them and protect them. Resting assured that in the process of these activities they DO learn responsibility, courage, strength of body and of character, among other things. I want to be old and have men, strong and good surrounding me in my old age. Now, if I can just calm down while their hammering that nail, or chopping that wood! Yikes. I mean there ARE injuries that don't lead to death, right?!
My husband's family was the same way with their wood cutting- lots of pictures of that and of muscle-flexing. I haven't thought of what we could do, but we've talked about asking to help on building projects other people have (even if it's just grunt work), and my husband will take them hunting when they're old enough. He's already handed down the BB gun he had when he was a kid. I think a big part of it is who they have for heroes and role models and WHO the dad IS in all this... I don't know, but I'm going to think about it. If I think of anything good, I'll come back to post!

Okay, I just read this post on my friends page and decided not to comment, thinking that I would like to mull it over a bit... then I saw the comment you left on my blog and thought I'd go ahead. I think we think alike :) You know, the whole "Great minds"... Well, thanks for your comment about my photo editing. I use the simplest program (it was free with my pictures a long time back from Wal-mart, I think), Adobe Photo Deluxe. A friend gave me Photoshop Elements (nice expensive program) but haven't learned to use it yet. Someday when I have more time... I wonder if that day will ever come?!

Amy
Cajamarca, Peru