Sep. 19, 2007
Thoughts on Being a Wife and Mother
Posted in On Being a Wife and Mother
You'd think that, this being a home educating blog and all, that I would post, even occassionally, on the process of home education, wouldn't you? I will eventually, but my mind has been spinning a hundred different ways each day, and I thought it would help to put pen to paper (as it were) and try to work some things out here. Maybe some of you lovely ladies would care to weigh in on whatever I am pontificating at the moment.
At this moment, I am pondering the thought of being a Wife and Mother. It seems to be more difficult than ever, although how would I know? My only frame of reference is the here and now. At any rate, how much easier would this life of love be if we didn't rely on our girlfriends so much? No, that's not blasphemous. Just hear me out.
If we weren't so wrapped up in supporting our girlfriends, we would:
- spend less time on the phone
- spend less time on the computer
- have time to clean our homes
- have time to dote on our children
- have time to devote only to our husbands
- have time to find peace within ourselves
- would no longer compare/contrast/compete with other women
- would no longer hear any other voices in our heads except those of ourselves, our husbands, and God
So why do we do it as much as we do? Don't get me wrong. I love my girlfriends, and love how they know what I'm feeling because they've been there. I have no intention of dropping anyone from my life. It just bears more than a passing thought, don't you think?
I have a girlfriend; let's call her Susie. Susie and her husband are going through an extremely difficult marriage test right now. She doesn't believe the same as I in the whole 'stay home and raise your children - submit to your husbands' thing; she's a career gal. That's fine for her, if that's what she wants. But she is miserable. And her problems with her husband are spilling over onto me and my husband, where before no problem had existed. See, when I get off the phone with her, I feel my mood shift to a black place. Unintentionally, I am short with my husband. I have been avoiding her calls for weeks now.
Or how about either one of my girlfriends 'Melanie' or 'Christie'? They complain about their husbands ad nauseum, and while I don't participate in that, suddenly when my dear husband comes home I see faults where before I only saw strengths. I have been slowly weaning those calls as well. I don't feel spiritually uplifted when I conclude a conversation with any of these women, and yet they're the ones I talk to most often.
So let me ask my question again: why do we place so much value on our girlfriends if those girlfriends don't place half as much value on their marriages or children? The more I'm forced to live in my own head (by avoiding the phone and computer), the more I see how discontent I've been due to outside forces. When left to my own devices, life takes on a much more relaxed, content flow.
It's been said "Show me a man's friends, and I'll tell you the measure of that man." What do people see my measure as when they meet my friends? What would I see in you?
Comments
Sep. 20, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by callmekate
I've enjoyed catching up on your posts. I struggle with not being very good in the housewife/mother area - I wouldn't have it any other way but I don't feel like I'm very good at it. My family is happy enough with me, fortunately. I do appreciate any encouragement and inspiration I can find! I really loved your post on what happens when homemaking is removed from our society - that is so true it's scary!
As for girlfriends - to be honest? I really feel that the Lord has removed ANYONE from my life that I can complain to. I try not to complain to my mom, so as not to cause her to worry, so I find that she mostly hears good stuff. I also try not to say anything bad about my husband on my blog or comments to anyone. So when I'm feeling really miffed about some husband-related issue, the only person to go to with it is God. And, pretty soon, I'm feeling thankful for my dh again. Works for me. It's true that when I do call up an old friend and we start discussing husbands, I find myself somewhat pulled into that negative mode. So I'm glad I'm not in that situation now. I also limit my computer time to a few hours late at night, though that's tough because I'm a night person and my dh is a morning person - so sometimes I find that the computer gets put off to another day. And that's o.k. because my dh is much more important!
I don't know why you and I BOTH had to have our "monthly visitor" on the first week of school! Bummer! But, we are strong - we endured!
Lots of great posts - thanks for sharing!
Kate
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Sep. 22, 2007 - wonderful post
Posted by mtnmamaof4
And so true! Do you remember in dating days with your dear hubby? How you used to race to see him? How everyone else was put aside (well, mostly)? How time with him was precious? I do. God really reminded me of that a little bit ago. And I am sad to say it was just a memory at that time. But now, I am giving more attention to my husband. He is my best friend, confidant, listening ear. Besides Jesus, he's the most important person in my life.
I think as wives, we have somehow let girlfriends get in the way of our husbands. And I totally agree that some friends will trouble your life instead of lift you up. I hope we all surround us with strong Christian friends who remind us to obey God and seek His face. Those are the kinds of friends we need! Not ones that draw our attention from the very things God wants us to focus on!
Just my 2 cents! I heartily concur with your post!!!
~mtnmamaof4
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Sep. 27, 2007 - Hi!
Posted by Anonymous
Hello there! Had to let you know that I had 3 days in Ireland last week - it was incredible!
Am in Paris at the moment & will post my thoughts about our trip when I return to NZ in 2 weeks of so.
Take care!
Cate
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Sep. 28, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by educatingmummy
I have had friends whose influence has not been good.It is very wise to limit the time spent with them and make sure that we have God fearing women whom we respect and glean from.
Amen sister!!
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Sep. 29, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Canadagirl
Come and see what I gave you on my blog [0=
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Oct. 4, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by crazybusy
Hee-hee! I don't write a whole lot about homeschooling either. I sure enjoy your posts though. This is SO true.
I don't have a bosom buddy here like I did before we moved, and I miss that. She was always very uplifting and a good example for me. I miss her. We both had this silent agreement that our hubbies came first and we'd plan our get togethers when our DH's were working or whatever. She was my one friend that understood that because she was the same way. We had a ton in common.Anyway, all that to say that I've been pretty picky about "close close" friends and don't deal with a lot of that. My biggie is number 2! Yikes! That is something I definitely need to work on.
The sentence about realzing how discontent you can get due to outside forces is SO true!!!! SO true. Great thoughts, Shani.
Love, Alyssa
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Dec. 27, 2007 - Thoughts about girlfriends
Posted by genevieve1642
I can see your point regarding different girlfriends. Some can be a good influence, some maybe not. I don't have many of them at this time in my life, and I really miss it. I would love to be able to just call a girlfriend that has alot in comon with me and talk. But I have also had situations where the girlfriends in the past were all "husband bashing" and I didn't want to join in, so I took a walk by myself. Otherwise, I find that it's somewhat difficult for me to not have any girlfriends that I can talk with some of the time. Thanks for posting about this. Don't give up on girlfriends. I do agree that the relationship with them should be one of love and friendship, encouraging each other in faith in the Lord.
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