Posted in On Being a Wife and Mother

It has occurred to me lately that we mothers, we wives, have an unjustified inferiority complex when we compare ourselves to other wives and mothers.  Forget that comparing ourselves is idiotic, forget that we are our own, unique selves.   Because we certainly forget it.

Each woman here has talent, a fun outlook on life, and that special thing which makes her HER.  And no one else can duplicate that.  Because everyone else has their own talents, their own outlooks on life, and their own special things.  And we forget it, each and every day.

I get up each morning, amazed at the new day, the endless possibilities, and thankful that the Father in Heaven has blessed us with another day.  I marvel in the peacefulness and tranquility of my home when I am the first one up, and determine to do better, be more. 

 Whoa.  Do better?  Be more?  Than what?  Or who?

I am one of you - almost.

I don't seem to have things together like some on here.

I don't do great enough in some school subjects. 

I don't work with the earth enough. 

I fail in my quest to be the perfect wife and mother every day.  Some days more spectacularly than others. 

I'm not everything to my friends that I wish that I were.

I'm not the biddable, submissive wife that I ought to be; that I strive to be each and every day.

As a mother, I sometimes yell at my children for reasons that have nothing to do with them.

I fail to come to an answer on how to deal with specific people in my life.

I'm not happy with how I look.

I'm not outwardly who I am inwardly a lot of the time.

I'm not as organized as I want to be.

I could go on and on.  And you would probably be familiar with just about everything on my list, as it would mirror a lot of what's on yours.

Now, here's the rub:  Lately, I have had people coming to me (me!) for advice on organizing.  On scheduling.  On schooling.  Instead of being flattered (which I should be), I think to myself, "If you only knew the truth."

And yet, what's the truth?  The truth, if I'm honest with myself, is that I am organized for the most part, I do have a knack for scheduling, and for us, our schooling methods work great (when I remember that pesky little fact instead of trying to re-invent the wheel every year).  Compared to some, I have reached the holy grail of organizing a home that is absolutely 100% lived in 100% of the time.  People can pop in and I'm not ashamed (for the most part).  That statement is HUGE if you know where I've come from.  Because I've worked really hard on that.  And while it's still a daily struggle, I'm so much better than I ever used to be.

So we get to the crux of this morning's musing:  we women focus on what is wrong with ourselves, more than what is right.  I love something special and unique about each and every one of you, did you know that?  I'll bet each and every one of you just blew that statement off with a passing thought similar to this:  "There's nothing special about me."

That's where you're wrong.  I would love to get specific, but am afraid of hurting someone if I accidentally leave them out, so here are a few of the thousand or so things that are specific yet anonymous:

You have an incredible capacity of love, kindness, and generosity.
You are funny, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not.
You are selfless.
You are a fellow sister in Christ.
You are an amazing teacher.
You are a priceless friend.
You are a loyal and loving wife.
You are so talented in your special areas.

These are but a few of the thousand or so reasons you should be proud of yourselves.  Instead, we look at what she is doing, and all we see is the wanting in ourselves.

No more.

I am going to name 10 things I like about myself, and then I want you to leave me a comment about 10 things you like about yourself.  It is time we start building each other up, and time we begin looking for the positives in ourselves.

10 Things I Like About Me:

1.  My love for the kitchen.  I am so glad that I can cook for my family.
2.  My patience.  While sorely lacking once upon a time, I have finally learned how to hold onto it.
3.  My excitement in educating my children.  That hasn't burned out or diminished in any way since the day we began.  In fact, it's only increased.
4.  My love for my husband.  It has only grown stronger through time.
5.  My love for my children.  Who knew you could feel this?
6.  My change in housekeeping habits.  Now, I pick things up right away and put them away (for the most part).
7.  My hospitality.  I have really been working on this area, and am happy to say that 85% of the time I am a welcoming, warm hostess.  I have struggled with this due to the constant unexpected interruptions, but have improved greatly.  Room for much more improvement, but I'm a work in progress.
8.  My ability to admit that I don't know.  I used to *never* be able to admit this.  Now, if flows freely off my tongue.
9.  My ability to admit that I'm wrong.  Seems to work with everyone but my husband (grin), but I will breach that final frontier.
10.  My faith.  While severly tested over several years, I am relieved and overjoyed to report that I found a firm foothold in my faith, and my heavenly Father holds my hand each and every day.

Okay.  That was not easy, and even painful at times, but I did it.  I will expect you to give us your 10.

We are women, in a long line of women, that are homemakers, wives, home educators, friends, daughters, sisters, and above all, ourselves.  I wouldn't really want to be anyone else, and neither would you.  So let's find the pride and joy in being who we are again, and that begins with liking ourselves.

Posted in On Being a Wife and Mother

90 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Superior

Too funny!  If you would like to take the test as well, go here.  Thanks to DeeDee for the fun!

Posted in On Being a Wife and Mother

You'd think that, this being a home educating blog and all, that I would post, even occassionally, on the process of home education, wouldn't you?  I will eventually, but my mind has been spinning a hundred different ways each day, and I thought it would help to put pen to paper (as it were) and try to work some things out here.  Maybe some of you lovely ladies would care to weigh in on whatever I am pontificating at the moment.

At this moment, I am pondering the thought of being a Wife and Mother.  It seems to be more difficult than ever, although how would I know?  My only frame of reference is the here and now.  At any rate, how much easier would this life of love be if we didn't rely on our girlfriends so much?  No, that's not blasphemous.  Just hear me out.

If we weren't so wrapped up in supporting our girlfriends, we would:

1. spend less time on the phone
2. spend less time on the computer
3. have time to clean our homes
4. have time to dote on our children
5. have time to devote only to our husbands
6. have time to find peace within ourselves
7. would no longer compare/contrast/compete with other women
8. would no longer hear any other voices in our heads except those of ourselves, our husbands, and God

So why do we do it as much as we do?  Don't get me wrong.  I love my girlfriends, and love how they know what I'm feeling because they've been there.  I have no intention of dropping anyone from my life.  It just bears more than a passing thought, don't you think? 

I have a girlfriend; let's call her Susie.  Susie and her husband are going through an extremely difficult marriage test right now.  She doesn't believe the same as I in the whole 'stay home and raise your children - submit to your husbands' thing; she's a career gal.  That's fine for her, if that's what she wants.  But she is miserable.  And her problems with her husband are spilling over onto me and my husband, where before no problem had existed.  See, when I get off the phone with her, I feel my mood shift to a black place.  Unintentionally, I am short with my husband.  I have been avoiding her calls for weeks now.

Or how about either one of my girlfriends 'Melanie' or 'Christie'?  They complain about their husbands ad nauseum, and while I don't participate in that, suddenly when my dear husband comes home I see faults where before I only saw strengths.  I have been slowly weaning those calls as well.  I don't feel spiritually uplifted when I conclude a conversation with any of these women, and yet they're the ones I talk to most often. 

So let me ask my question again:  why do we place so much value on our girlfriends if those girlfriends don't place half as much value on their marriages or children?  The more I'm forced to live in my own head (by avoiding the phone and computer), the more I see how discontent I've been due to outside forces.  When left to my own devices, life takes on a much more relaxed, content flow. 

It's been said "Show me a man's friends, and I'll tell you the measure of that man."  What do people see my measure as when they meet my friends?   What would I see in you?

Posted in On Being a Wife and Mother

All mothers everywhere can use inspiration.  I have been feeling exceedingly restless in the mothering department lately, and so have daily sought out words of wisdom mothers before me have left bobbing contentedly in their wakes.  The one I am about to share with you I discovered yesterday, like a gem shining brilliantly through the caked on mud that seems to be me lately.  It spoke to me so much that I have printed it off to place in a prominent spot of my (under construction) household management binder.  Enjoy, and be soothed.

"I think I find most help in trying to look on all the interruptions and hindrances to work that one has planned out for oneself as discipline, trials sent by God to help one against getting selfish over one's work.  then one can feel that perhaps one's true work-one's work for God-consists in doing some trifling haphazard thing that has been thrown into one's day.  It is not a waste of time, as one is tempted to think, it is the most important part of the work of the day-the part one can best off to God.  After such a hindrance, do not rush after the planned work; trust that the time to finish it will be given sometime, and keep a quiet heart about it."

~Annie Kearny, 1825-1879

Posted in On Being a Wife and Mother

I got this in an email the other day, and thought I'd post it here for others to find encouragement and support.  Some days it seems we need all the support we can grab ahold of.  Grab this and feel your worth.

The Homemaker's Value

If women choose not to do this very special job,

it will simply not get done.

The mothering, the nurturing, the comforting and caring

that fills the committed homemaker's day

will simply be lost,

and society will be impoverished.

Children will not get the spiritual guidance they need.

Lonely teenagers will not be listened to.

Many people with problems will not be ministered to;

many sick folk will go unvisited.

A special human quality will disappear from our culture.

Women can give up their careers

as clerks, engineers, sales people, doctors,

and others will step in.

The world will go on as smoothly as before.

It will be business as usual.

The groceries will still be sold,

trucks loaded with merchandise will still roll across our highways,

and Wall Street will carry on.

Not so with homemaking.

Homemakers are the special people in whose hands

the country and the world have been entrusted.

When women leave this job the world does not go on as before.

It falters and begins to lose its way.

Homemakers are indispensable!

Posted in On Being a Wife and Mother

The boys have left.  Last Friday evening, as a matter a fact.  They are gone until this Sunday with my parents for their annual trek to parts northward.  The school year was wrapped up last Thursday, and I can not convey to you all the deep sense of relief, bordering on outright hysteria, that I feel in having that school year behind us.  Now we have five weeks until the next one begins, and I'm eagerly sitting down this week to plan, chart, order, and tweak. 

I'll admit, however, that it's been a long couple of months.  During my sabbatical from blogging, while I was (and still am) attempting some changes in myself, I truly have felt as though I have been walking the line between sanity and insanity, and that the line narrowed a little more each and every day.  I knew I needed this week of no children badly.  Not for the projects I will check off (and there are multitudes of them), but for the time to live in my head interruption-free.  You all know what I mean.  I have been longing for a different..... something, and I'd sure love to know what it is.  To find that out, I need time in my head.

So, Saturday morning mo chroi and I wake up, and I wander downstairs to the living room with my book.  He putzes along after me, grabs the paper from the drive, and sits down opposite me.  We read in companionable silence for a short time before I looked up and said that we should decide what we're doing for the day before the day's gone.  I suggested taking a drive north to cooler termperatures (have I told you lately how much I detest the heat?), or making a list of the errands to do.  He decided on the drive north (at the time, I didn't have a preference either way, but the drive sounded more romantic :).  Then, he casually suggested I check the hotels to our particular destination online before we go, and maybe we should think about making a weekend out of it.  !!!  I ran upstairs before he could change his mind and began looking at accommodations. 

I have always, *always*, wanted to stay in a Bed & Breakfast, so I looked those up first.  He was less thrilled with the idea than I, but knowing how much I'd always hoped to go to one and how difficult that can be with children, he graciously agreed (especially after seeing that the local hotel chains cost just as much as the B&B ~ before you think he's perfect, lol! :).  We showered, packed, laid out provisions for the mutt, and off we went.  While he was fueling up I called and made our reservation, and off we went! 

We arrived after a beautiful three hour drive, and were met at the door of this charming B&B by a warm and genuinely welcoming hostess.  Our room was *perfect*, down to the fireplace in the room.  Our hostess told us of a lovely .3 mile walk to a beautiful scenic vista, and we walked it both Saturday and Sunday.  Saturday's hike found us sitting on a boulder overlooking the most amazing view, out of earshot of the highway with only the scream of the hawks surfing the wind and the incoming grumble of the storm for company.  We sat on that boulder and were at peace.  It was the first time in too long.  My emotions were right at the top, and we sat there for well over an hour, staring at the endless view and talking about dreams, opportunities, and what is right and good for our little family.  We didn't solve the world's problems, but we found each other again, and left with lighter hearts, and souls that were soaring with the angels. 

We had hoped for anything other than the perpetual sunny skies we were tired of, and that evening as we dined at a fabulous Italian restaurant in town we were rewarded with a lovely, gentle thunderstorm.  We hied it back to the B&B, and sat and played cribbage in the chairs by the fire in our room for the evening, with the window open and the sound of rain and the storm cocooning us.  We had a beautiful and delicious breakfast Sunday morning, and reluctantly checked out. 

To say that this past weekend was desperately needed is a huge understatement.  We talked from the moment we left to the drive home, when we were spent, and sat in contented silence for the rest of the weekend.  We agreed we don't take enough time for each other, and need to put it as a priority in future.  I beg all of you, whether you think you need it or not, to spend some time with your love.  Your marriage, your future, your soul deserve it.

I'll leave you for now with a picture of our romantic hidey-hole that we're planning on escaping back to in January, for our *15th* wedding anniversary.  Mo Chroi was sold on the B&B option for future travels, and we will look at them first in future. :) Have a wonderful week!!

Posted in On Being a Wife and Mother

I don't believe I've ever made my position on motherhood and wifeliness (is that a word??) clear.  Let me do so now, and then pass along something that has just come across my desk.

Being a SAHM and a faithful wife, in this instance faithful in the way of 'true to the duties of a wife', is the biggest contribution we as women can make to the formation of society.  It is critical that we take seriously the responsibilities given to us, that we voluntarily signed on for when we said "I do."  It is vital to the future of society that we Be Aware, at all times.  That we understand what influences surround our children, that we live up to the bar we set for ourselves in the running of our homes, and that we understand that we CHOSE the life we lead.  To look for 'better' or to be satisfied with 'good enough' is an insult to ourselves, our husbands, our children, and God.  It is detrimental to society as a whole, and that thinking has deteriorated society to its current level.   I'm not going to get into specifics, because frankly, you all are already familiar with them, and in all honesty it's a soapbox issue of mine that I could wax on about for ages.  Unfortunately, I don't have that kind of time this morning, lol!

I received an email from a friend about an article she read in Dr. Laura Schlessinger's blog today.  It loudly advocates SAHMs, and soundly renounces an article written that tells us women we should settle for being a 'good enough' parent when we deign to be at home.  That being a SAHM serves only to make us dependent on others and a drain to society.  I was so angry at this reporter's article that I felt the need to band together with my SAHM Sisterhood.  Read the article, get mad, and take a stand with me. 

I am a SAHM, I am proud to take care of my family, and I am content being me.  God has provided me riches beyond gold, and I am so grateful each and every day that my husband gets up, puts on his boots, and goes to work - for US.  And each time I throw a load of laundry in, or make a homemade meal for my family, or shuttle kids to lessons, I feel such a special glow that I'm doing exactly what I should be doing.  I am where God wants me for right now, and I am at peace.

Posted in On Being a Wife and Mother

I remember being 13~ the whole world is your playground and anything is possible, because You Are An Adult.  You can do anything, and exploring the world and all it entails is right at the top of your list!  Piper is just beginning to explore the world, and mo Chroi and I are trying our level best to show him how to go after your dreams and make them reality.  He is such a wonderful young man, and his father and I couldn't be any prouder of him.  He was our first baby; the only person who could've made our little twosome a family.  He is such a delightful contrast of mo Chroi and I, with a smattering of grandparents and an uncle thrown in for good measure, yet he is wonderfully unique.

So, here's to my baby, my first-born, my teacher and guide through this crazy, wonderful mess called motherhood.  Happy Birthday, baby, and may the next 13 bring you all that you can imagine, and even some you can't.  We love you!!

Posted in On Being a Wife and Mother

Life has a way of spinning out of control at the oddest times.  You expect it to become a vortex of chaos and uncertainty when someone is ill or has passed, during a move, or in times of financial instability, but do you expect it to hit during your regularly scheduled life?  I did not, and so was caught quite unawares these last few months. 

Nothing specific got in the way; it was a cumulation of things.  Family visits, obligations, illness, and performances.  Oh my goodness, the performances.  Both boys had an abundance of performances they were committed to, and that eats away at your time and sanity after a couple of months.  At least, it did mine. 

Yesterday my girlfriend and I were talking, using each other as sounding boards, when she asked me if I knew the definition of insanity.  Besides being a SAH-Home Educating-Mother? I asked sarcastically.  She laughed but said no.  Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results.  I thought long and hard about that, and agree completely.  I had allowed our schedule to get so bogged down in performances and extracurricular activities that I made it through each day by silently chanting "it'll get better next week."  But of course it didn't, because there'd be three more performances next week.  After a steady diet of this, and of 'working' other things into my weekly schedule, we had no time to decompress, and my husband and I were the proverbial ships in the night.  He has been offered a lot of overtime, and we grab at the opportunity because this is his slow time of the year.  So, he's been working and I've been shuttling.  And I was losing my mind.

So I stopped the insanity (ignore that Susan Powter voice in your head) and am doing things differently.  Because I desire different results.  I have taken control of our schedule and set up guidelines (no more than one performance per week), and have chosen to live simpler.  Less social time, more home time.  The holidays are fast approaching, and I would love to snuggle into our home and lives and appreciate the magic of the season. 

May you all find the magic of the season in your own homes.

Posted in On Being a Wife and Mother

Good Morning, Dear Reader!  I hope this finds you relaxed and enjoying your week.  I certainly am, as my children are with my parents in another state having a ball.  I have been staying home almost exclusively since they left, as their activities are usually the only things that haul me out on a regular basis (besides grocery shopping, but who counts that? )  I absolutely LOVE being at home, and am enjoying this time immensely.  I am able to get to projects that I look at longingly when the boys are home, and feel a huge sense of accomplishment!

I have, however, happened upon a startling revelation this morning, Dear Reader, that gave me pause.  I looked around my home and noticed that things were full.  The dishes in my cupboard are all actually present and accounted for.  Same for my drinking glasses.  And silverware (can you tell I was in the kitchen?).  And I began looking all around my home with new eyes, and realized that this is what I'm working toward every day that my children get older.  Sure, we all dream of a home that gets clean and STAYS clean, but it doesn't end there.  I can't explain it, but it made me sit down with shock that I DON'T want this all to end.  I'm just beginning to get good at this mom thing, and I'm SO not ready for it to be done.  I know, some of you are thinking I'm over-reacting, after all, my boys are only 12 and 8.  And you'd be right, except for one thing.

Yesterday they were only 10 and 6.

Three days ago they were only 7 and 3. 

And it breaks my heart how quickly time is rushing by, Dear Reader. 

Everyone tells you to enjoy your children when they're born, because they grow too fast.  You smile and say "I will," and think they've gone off their rocker.  I mean, Look at that Baby.  He's going nowhere fast, right?  So you get caught up in the day-to-day details of life, knowing in the back of your head that YOU are going to do this right.  YOU are going to do this perfectly the first time around, so you have no regrets.  So you Wait.  For the time to be Right to be Perfect.

And you Wait.

And you don't realize that every day with your children is Your Perfect Time.  That every day you're sewing together the fabric of their childhood.  Good, bad, or ugly, it's for Real, and it's a One-Time-Only shot. 

And one day, you wake up, and you look back over the past 8, 10, 12 years and you want to cry.  Because your babies are as tall as you, and you let yourself get caught up with chatting on the phone, or spent too much time on the computer, or a thousand and one other things that just DON'T MATTER in the grand scheme of raising your children.  And you hang your head in shame, and then you.....

What?

What would you do?

That's what I want you to ponder, Dear Reader.  What would you do?  What should you do?  What will you do?

I know what I'm going to do.  I'm going to spend less time on this thing, no time on the phone, and I'm going to Enjoy My Children.  And if God's plan is that we bring more children into this home, then I'm going to get on my knees and thank Him.  Because then I'll know I've done right by my children.

Good luck, Dear Reader, and thank you for listening.  This mama is going to wipe her tears up now, and start making changes. 

Go play a game with your children... they're only lent to you for so very short a time.