Oct. 25, 2007 - LOVE
It seems I catch up on blogging just when another month is ready to slip out my door – almost unnoticed. Why is that when you are waiting for something it takes forever and the days and weeks drag out? Yet when you are trying to get all your ducks in a row, and to all outside appearances look as though you have the semblance of a well-ordered life, the months whiz on by spinning you giddily in their hurried path?!
Well, that’s been October for me…hmmm…think it was September too…and August, July…whoa! And it’s only HOW long to Christmas?!
Speaking of days, months and years washing over me with the suddenness of a flash flood, I find myself reflecting back almost 15 years to the birth of my youngest son as though it were only yesterday. What a struggle he had to enter this life, but once arrived he has spent the last 15 years marking each moment with a “Sam” insignia. There has never been a day in those years when I have not seen him, met the morning with his huge smile and strong hug (although these days he has to stoop to cuddle me) and been the recipient of his immense measure of love. He is the child I begged God for - the child who filled my aching arms after a deep loss had robbed me of so much joy. I cannot yet imagine him marrying and not being here with us, but I know in my heart some young woman will one day be incredibly cherished by this lad whom God gifted us with.
Children grow so quickly…they change and mature, they challenge and ponder, they drink your patience dry…and then they love you with a fullness that saturates your heart and soul leaving you with a deeper appreciation for the adults they are destined to become, adults who will continue the tapestry of life God has planned for them. I have always been excited at the prospect of watching my children embark on adulthood and life in their own ‘stride’, wondering what new things they will grasp of Christ that I have missed along the way…I have prayed that their walk with Him would be far stronger and deeper than mine.
The thought of not being there to see them live their future had eluded me…then over the last month a possible life-threatening health scare changed my hopes for the future. Being confronted with my mortality rocked my world for the better part of two weeks – suddenly there was not time enough to do all those things I had planned and dreamt about. But mostly, there was not enough time to LOVE...to just LOVE the people in my life. I was not frightened of dying, I was filled with grief for my family…for what they would feel and the realisation that I had held back a lot of myself from them. With increased awareness the depth of love for my husband and children spread into every particle of my being and my life…it always had, but now it was urgent to love them more, to listen intently to their voices, to applaud their uniqueness and their passions, to offer them that extra part of me that I had always (unknowingly until now) reserved for myself. Suddenly there was a wholeness to my being that I could expose and spill upon those I loved the most.
In the process of this experience they changed too. When they spoke to me their eyes were more intense, their embrace was tighter, longer, impassioned. There was a thread between us that seemed to strengthen, yet it was with gentle strength, hopeful strength. They began sharing their deepest thoughts and the desire to fulfil dreams intensified. We were journeying an unknown path and I thanked God I would not be alone…together we had LOVE and HOPE.
In the midst of this time I was reconciled to my eldest son, who had turned from us a few years back, requesting we step out of his life. What a grief as a parent to have your firstborn ask this of you…no, demand it. God showed me through those years that my prayers were powerful because I had no human contact to sway them…I had to rely on the Holy Spirit’s guidance every day to pray for my son, to know what was important. Being reconciled now is evidence to me once again of God’s grace, and how He uses these hard times for His own purposes.
I’m not sure where I’m really going with this blog entry, except that I have a hunger to encourage mothers to give of their whole selves to their families. The only guarantee we have in life is that we shall meet Jesus when this life’s breath has expired…and when that will be is only known to Him. The old saying “Don’t put off till tomorrow what you can do today” takes on new impact when you apply it to LOVE. You can never show too much…you can never give enough…you can never receive more than you need. LOVE is the most intimate and raw expression of self you can offer. LOVE has no boundary line…there is no price high enough to obtain LOVE…The ultimate cost of LOVE was paid for by Our Lord, and from that gift, freely given, we have LOVE to give that will never run out.
You do not have to keep a part of yourself locked away. When you do that you are robbing others. The gift of LOVE is precious, and it is only when we open our entire being to those we love that we allow them to know who we really are. Yes, there are times when unveiling who we are can hurt us, when some will cast our LOVE aside and not cherish it, BUT Christ did not let that stop Him from giving His all. He knew the treasure He had for those who received His sacrificial LOVE was worth all the rejections. Good will always outbalance evil. LOVE will always be perfect and untainted when it is grounded in Him. I’m sorry that it took a life threatening situation to shake that truth into me, but what seemed a horribly bad situation God was able to use for good, and I know I am a different woman today because of it.
My health is still in the unsure basket, but it appears not life threatening any more. I am open to God using any situation He needs in order that I grow in Him, and I am committed to sharing the journey with you…even if it’s hard.
I just want to ask you to LOVE.
Comments
Oct. 26, 2007 - You're home!
Posted by HomeGrownKids
I have been wondering about you...and praying for you.
What a beautiful, encouraging post Jenny. I'm so glad to hear about 'M'. What blessed news, you must be so happy.
I have meant to email but weren't sure where you were...with travelling and results. I've been back and forth to the Dr. with Rebekah and her epilepsy and whatnot. They're looking at starting her on medication.
Beautiful post...
Oct. 31, 2007 - Wonderful post
Posted by jugglingpaynes
It may take a month, but your writing offers quality.
I know I sound somewhat like a Pollyanna, but I truly believe everything happens for a reason, but sometimes it takes time for that reason to come to light. I've had a few close calls in my life. They give me perspective.
I imagine heaven as a place to relive my happy memories. The more happy memories I make here, the more I will have when I leave this world for the next!
Peace and Laughter,
Cristina
Oct. 31, 2007 - Blogging and catching up
Posted by Anonymous
So many blessings in one month. I'm so glad to hear that good has resulted in such an uncertain time for you. I'll be praying for you and yours, for your health and that the desires of your heart are realised. Take care and God bless, love ya, Michelle xxx
