8. Make a list of all people I have wronged in my anger and be willing to make amends to them all.
*blanch* Have you ever stopped to think about how many people a sin or action of yours wrongs? When it's something as long-term as this anger has been for me, the list can get pretty long. I can't list it all here-- you would all go to sleep or close this window and I just can't make myself show you all exactly how much I've wounded my Lord-- but here are a few key players:
God-- every single time I sin in anger, I put Christ back on that cross, bleeding, suffering and dying for me. I hurt my Father, who created me and who loves me. I grieve the Spirit, who would intercede for me.
My husband-- my DH never EVER starts our fights. In fact, he usually ignores my attempts to have a fight until I force it on him. Unfortunately, my anger has overflowed into him and he is no longer as patient with the kids or as easy going about perceived wrongs. This is due to MY influence.
My children-- ARGH! This is the only real reason I ever consider sending my children to public school. From me, my children have learned no self-control. They have learned to scream at each other. They have learned a few choice words that I never wanted to hear from my mouth, let alone theirs. They have also learned to flinch when they err, because Mommy might yell. They have learned to be guarded. I have done this. There is nothing in the world that can destroy your spirit as much as having your parent yell at you-- unless it is to see the look in your children's eyes when you are the cause of their pain. I am not sure the damage can ever be completely healed... but I will trust in God for His mercy and grace.
My mother-- it saddens her deeply, I know, to see me both failing in this area and to know how torn my spirit is from my inability to get this under my control
B. Zaneri-- I worked for her (and two men) just before Prince Berryboy was born. She did not like to work with other women and I couldn't do anything right around her. I grew to resent her and instead of acting in a Christian manner, I displayed both rebellion and anger. I made her job harder when my job was to make hers easier.
Those are the ones that stand out. Those are the ones for which I most need to make amends. Most of them are easy (in theory), but finding Ms. Zaneri and making amends may be a very hard project.
And that is how it should be.
24 "Teach me, and I will be quiet; show me where I have been wrong.
I've only read your first step yet, but I will follow you. We really needs it over here, at least I need it. I have to start thinking about doing my own 12-steps in this issue... never thought of it before so I have to give it some time before I start.
Thank you for being so transparent. I agree this is one of the less talked about sins and perhapes one of the most harmful for family life.
Once again:Thank you.
Malgomaj
