Sep. 2, 2008 - So alone
So I am sitting here at Crowder College, and I just want to run away and cry somewhere. I have never felt so alone. I haven't made a single friend, not one. I know people are going to say you have to try, you're just to shy. But I am trying to be more outgoing, and everyone justs ignores me. It's a small school in a small town where everyone went to elementary, middle, and/or high school together. They have known eachother forever. And I'm just lost. I see people talking to friends, making plans to hang out after classes. I miss my friends, I need someone to talk to. I need to see their smiling faces. My classes are okay, but it is just so hard watching everyone else talk with eachother and laugh with eachother. I had my speech class the other night and we had to stand in front of the class and let out classmates ask us questions about ourselves. I talked about my major, my traveling, where I am from, things that i though people would want to talk about with me more. At first i thought maybe, they just want to talk to the people they know, but then I saw them talking to complete strangers about their answers in their intro speech. They're were two other persons in my speech class with the same major as me, they didn't know eachother, yet they still talked to eachother. And I had more in common with one of them, we are both planning on going to the same vet school, to be the same type of vets, and he has done volunteer work in Cuba and I am planning on doing that in Africa, yet he still talks to the other girl because she is pretty. My mom says to stop sitting in the back of the class (what I usually do), so I did, I sat next to people that looked nice and tried to talk to them, but they just turned and talked to the stranger next to them. I eventually came to the conclusion that I am just not pretty. I see guys come into work, I work at the bookstore in the college, all the time and they talk to the two really pretty girls in the store, and when I try to talk to them they just look at me and turn back to the other girls. I miss my friends, I need them to cheer me up. I had so many plans for my first year of college, I was going to be in a dorm, make lots of friends, join clubs, have study groups, and this is not at all what I planned. I don't understand why they don't like me here. Everyone's so cold and distant, and I just want one person to befriend me. I didn't even want to get up this morning, I wanted to stay in bed and cry. I know I'm not pretty, but why can't people just stop judging the book by the cover, why can't they stop and take the time to know the me, the person inside. I just want to go home to my real home, my Chesapeake and sit on the pier. I always went there when i was upset, I would cry to the water, and it would calm me. Anyways I just looked at the clock and saw that I have to go to work in 10 minutes, oh joy. Ciao, Sara
Comments
Sep. 3, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by sharla88
Sara Elizabeth Moorhouse, Oh you know I'm serious when I use the middle name girl..... How dare you even hint at the idea that your not pretty! Your beautiful! I just want to run right over to you and give you a hug and then tell you that your being silly for saying that, I know your alone feeling dearest, but wasn't it like that the first few months of high school???? You will make friends just keep trying your SO much braver than me I would never move from the back and I would NEVER try to talk to people, I am so proud of you for trying, but you STOP thinking negatively, you got your cry out so now force somebody to be your friend!!! I miss you SO much, I have nobody to hang with, I just need to move to Carth. X( I'm so sorry your feeling down, call me if you need to talk!
(How's life with Will going? LOL I would love to hear about that)
GB~
Sharla~
Sep. 14, 2008 - Be encouraged!
Posted by Anonymous
Hello Sara Belle
We don't know each other, and your blog is the one that came up when I hit the Browse random Blogs button.
Your post touched me and I just want to let you know I'm praying and will be praying for you...that Jesus will bring you the friends you need. Sometimes, the lonely times are for us to draw closer to him.
Whatever the case, please do not think it's something wrong with you, or that you're not pretty. From what I've seen on your pictures, you are an attractive young lady. My work involves working with girls and young women in helping them to value themselves for the unique person that God has created them to be, and to recognize their immense value and worth. We women can be SO HARD on ourselves and unfortunately, because of the society we live in, we give more weight to outward beauty than we should.
Unfamiliar places can be tough to get used to. I remember when I went to France to do a Summer of service missions outreach with YWAM. I was to spend the first few days in Paris, then two weeks in Marseilles, and then back to a week in Paris before returning home. I made the trip alone, and the first few days I spent in Paris were absolutely horrible. I had several bad experiences (which I look back on and laugh at now)--the people were so unfriendly, unhelpful, etc. etc. I was so alone! I was so happy when I finally was able to get to Marseilles to meet up with the group I was working with, but dreaded having to stay in Paris that final week before I left.
Well, to avoid rambling on, I'll just let you know that God did come through for me (as he will for you, if you trust him) and that final week in Paris (that I so dreaded) turned out to be a real blessing, and even though I was still alone, I had a wonderful time. Praying for a turnaround for you!
