I'm not hungry.  No, that's not it.  I'm not thirsty either.  I just feel... empty.  Literally, physically hollow.  It's very strange.  It's like there's nothing inside of me.  No room.  It's not just physically hollow, either.  It's emotionally... not hollow, but neutral.  No happiness.  No sadness.  No anger.  Nothing.  It's just.

Empty.

Should I be worried about this?  I'm not.

He promised.  I know He did.  And maybe it won't work the way I want it to, or maybe I heard what He didn't say, or I read into what He said.  But He did promise and no matter what happens, I will trust His promises.  After all, He did promise.  And if anybody keeps promises, it's Him.

Even when I've been less than faithful and less than wonderful.  But I'll come back and repent and try to do as I'm told.  And then He'll renew His promises.  It is best not to stray at all, because when I do, I miss promises that I didn't even know about.  But when I do stray, He'll take me back.   I may not get the perfect best He had planned for me, but He will still love me and protect me and take me back and renew His promises.  I love that about God, don't you?  Even when we fail miserably, He still takes us back?  We lose what we gave up, but He still gives freely and generously.  How amazing is that?

Forgiven, Hopeful, and Faithful,

The ChocolateCatt

Did I ever say how crazy this thing called life is?  I can't decide whether it's totally stupid and I should just jump off a cliff or not.  Yep, it's totally crazy.  So what do I do now?  Wait, I guess.  Not much else to do.  Keep busy.  Yeah.  I can do that.  It's so weird having part of my life ripped away.  Everything was so normal.  Now everything's still so normal, but it's only half of what it used to be.  This is called talking in riddles.  I highly recommend it.  It never fails to make me smile.

So spring formal is tonight.  I know what I'm going to wear but I still haven't figured out what to do with my hair.  Spring Formals are like that.  We girls spend a lot of time guessing.  It's half the fun, really.  

Well, if you ever come visit my blog, I hope you don't forget me.  It's going to be a long wait until after European tour.  Shall I take lots of pictures?  Of course I shall.  Lots and lots of pictures.  And I'll keep them all for myself.  Nobody else will want them.  But I'm going to have fun in Europe and nothing will stop me, not even disasters, pain, guilt and sadness. 

Keep smiling, everybody.  You know that's very important.  Just keep smiling.  Laugh as much as possible.  There's nothing like it.  It doesn't matter if life keeps throwing you curveballs.  Smile, laugh, joke and keep going.  Don't lose your heart to it and don't go cold and impenetrable.  Pain is important.  It's how we grow.  We learn to live and to forgive others and forgive ourselves.  I think the last one is the hardest.  It's not a mask.  We learn to live in different areas.  All my pain goes here, and all my happiness, here.  And even in the tough times, the happiness compartment is still a lot bigger than the sadness compartment.   So smile, everybody!  Live life, because that's what you're meant to do.

"To live would be an awfully BIG adventure!"

Living in spite of everything,

The Chocolate Catt

There's nothing to do but wait.

Nothing to say

Nothing to think

Even waiting is frightening.

But I'l wait till it's over.  Or fight, until I've won or died.  There is no loss.  I'm not going to lose.  Just watch.  Victory or death.  Glory or the End.  I'm still here.  I'll be here forever if I have to be.

When you start fallin'

Who's gonna catch ya?

I'm willin' to betcha

It will be me...