Dear Christie,

I am considering home educating my teen boy. He has been diagnosed with Aspergers and has been in public school for his entire school time. I am spending 3-4 hours a night trying to get through the fight of homework. He is not doing well and has no self esteem. He is starting to become more defiant and I am not even sure if I will be able to homeschool him. I don't like the direction that he is going and I am afraid for him. We had him evaluated for sensory integration concerns and he is currently on a program out of Texas that has helped a little. But, he is not learning and his behavior is getting worse. Do you think I should try to homeschool him? He has always been close to his father and now even that relationship is strained. I don't know what to do, where do I start? Any help will be appriated!

Mississippi Mom

Dear Miss. Mom,
My heart goes out to you. You are facing a difficult road ahead, but not impossible.

The first step is to win the heart of your child! You need to re-build the relationship in your family between you, your husband and your son. School (reading, writing and math) are not the most important things at this point in your home education. Without a relationship there is no respect, without respect there is no compliance, without compliance there will be no learning. So your first step is to re-build the family unit.

There are many ways you can do that. The easiest and least expensive way is to read together as a family. Find a time when you are all at home (it is very important to include Dad) and chose an adventure book, a classic is good, or even a couple of fun picture books and have Mom or Dad read them out loud to the family. Make up voices for the characters, sound effects (or let the children make the sound effects), and have fun with the stories. Talk about them throughout the day. Discuss your favorite part, let your child discuss his favorite part. Retell the story in your own words and let your child do the same. Laugh about it as the days go by.

Another way to help rebuild your family relationships is to do family outings together, camping, fishing, picnicking (even in the backyard), take time to talk, learn about one another, explore each other's interests. You can learn your child's interests and join him as he is pursuing those interests. Do they have to be interesting to you? Of course, not, but you may find yourself learning to enjoy the same interests.

I heard a story once about a mom wanting to win the heart of her adult son. They had never had a close relationship and she felt sad for the loss and wanted to kindle that relationship between them. Her son loved playing golf, however, she didn't know how to play and had never been really interested. One day she asked him if she could go with him to the golf course and learn how to play. As they went together each week and she learned to play golf, they began to talk. They shared thoughts, plans, interests, and defeats through the months that she learned to play golf! Their relationship grew stronger and they became friends. It didn't take a few weeks to accomplish this task, it took months of diligence on her part to light the fire of their friendship, but it was well worth the time and effort! Now they golf every week and they share all the ups and downs life sends them they have re-tied the heartstrings and rebuilt the relationship God had intended for them to have as a mother and son. Moms and Dads need to look at the relationships they have with each other and with their children. Rekindle the fire, re-tie the heartstrings of your children so that the unity of the family is strong as you journey into home schooling.

Let your child pursue his own interests. You can help him learn to research those interests. Cindy Rushton has a great book on note booking that will help your child organize all the research he finds on a topic that he is interested in. Teach him to search the web, library, and periodicals to find information on what he is interested in. Teach him to keep a note book, scrap book or binder with all of his important gathered information. This is a wonderful way to learn his interests, show him you are interested in what he knows and encourage learning! (Guess what? This is school!)

It may take many months for you to rebuild the family relationships that have been in need of repair for so long. But once those relationships are strong you will begin to see respect and eventually compliance. Once you have reached the place where you can ask your son to try or do something without argument, it is time to discuss with him what his plans are for the future. Begin to help him find what he needs to do to reach his future goals. Usually that includes some schoolly type of activities, like reading, writing and math at least. If college is in the plan, there will be more education based requirements needed. It will also be important to include some skills that dad can teach him, like carpentry work, changing the oil in the car and other physical labor skills that he will need in the future.

It is especially important for special needs children to learn skills that are marketable in the job field while they are teens. They need to learn marketable skills and find opportunity to work as much as possible. If Dad isn't in the picture or is unable to teach the child some of the skills the child has an interest in, ask some local small business owners if the child can volunteer for 6 months helping a couple hours a week. Most small businesses can use a few hours of free help each week and will be glad to share their knowledge and experience with a teen. Many times the teen will learn that he doesn't want to do this type of work for a living and moves on to another idea or skill. If he enjoys it, he will probably continue working for the person and learn as much as possible, eventually working for pay and making a living in that field. This is a great opportunity for our special needs children!

Apprenticeship is not a new concept by any means, 200 years ago we had apprenticeships that 12 and 13 year old boys would take part in to learn a trade or skill and eventually work in the business. As home educators we can take advantage of this proven, age old opportunity and help our children become contributing adults in our society!

I pray that this has been helpful and will face you in the right direction for the education of your son!

Blessings,
Christie