I found a link to you from another homeschool site.

I am homeschooling a highly gifted son, age 8, with other "stuff" going on. He has very poor social skills, possible AD/HD, definitely not Aspergers or anything else on the "spectrum", though several have suggested it; maybe NLD or executive function disorder of some sort? He is very high functioning in Math (finishing Singapore 4B). He can read well into middle school level material with excellent recall and good (not always excellent) comprehension and is finishing 4th grade science and social studies. He has significant impulse and emotional control issues. Meltdowns are decreasing since I've been using Free Spirit Laugh and Learn books. In writing, he can form letters beautifully if you let him have 15 minutes or so per sentence, with many erasures to correct the still regular reversals, but can't put a thought on paper for any reward. His spelling is maybe first to second grade. We do short daily copy work. He "gets" grammar as long as he doesn't have to do more than circle or underline words and find errors.He has been taking piano for a year and is progressing well above average pace. He has no gross motor issues, and does well in soccer , gymnastics, and karate, except for getting along with his classmates. He has finally learned to zip and button if the zipper pull or button are large-ish, but can't tie at all. I finally caved in 6 weeks ago and the pediatrician and I are doing some med trials for the AD/HD. The Ritalin LR worked great the first month, but he started developing facial tics. Focalin is not working as dramatically, but the tics are gone.

When I had him tested 1 1/2 years ago, it cost me $1000 for the WISC-IV and WIAT. The psychologist suggested follow-up for ADHD and Aspergers, but made no other attempt to explain the scattered sub-test scores or Verbal-Performance difference.  I just can't afford more testing to get labels, but I'm desperate to help this amazingly bright kid who can't write, spell, or get along with other kids,

I have a BS in Special Ed and taught LD for 6 years in the early to mid 80's. I've read tons of books and copious articles on websites, but I feel like I'm chasing myself in circles. A little of this and a little of something else, but not exactly any of them.

He's loving and expressive and amazing, and it breaks my heart that I can't figure his brain out or how to help. Can you give me any suggestions, advice, or direction?

Beth

Wow, Beth,

I so understand you! Your son sounds like mine in so many ways! His original Dx was ADHD and absolutely not on the Spectrum. It wasn’t until he was almost 18 when a Psych with strong ASD training and experience determined that he has very mild Aspergers and that the interventions and home ed. that we had been doing since he was 7 was how he made it through at all!

First let me say, going in circles is not always bad! (We actually learn cyclic rather than linear, but no one wants to admit it!) But I do understand the frustration. I don’t believe you need labels, I do believe that you need direction.

As you know from working in Sp Ed every child is different and what works for one will not work for others. Unfortunately, finding what works can be an expensive endeavor. I would love to talk with you on the phone about how I can help. You can call the office and set up a free ½ hour (usually ends up being an hour so be prepared for the time) phone conference. I’ll be happy to give you as much info as possible on the call and I will make lots of suggestions as we talk. I hope I can be of assistance to you as you seek for intervention options.

Blessings,

Christie Berry

www.christieberry.com

Hey Christie,

My name is J. C. and I live in Alabama.  I got your name from one of the Alabama Homeschool yahoo groups a while back.  My 8 year old is having some difficulties and I believe he may have some special needs but I’m not sure where to begin to find help.  It all started about 3 and a half years ago when he was in 4 year old Kindergarten and could not do his work.  We pulled him out of the school and just chalked it up to his not being ready for a structured program.  A few months later, he was on a basketball team and rubbed his ears with his shoulders for most of the game.  I took him to the Pediatrician thinking he had an ear infection but he did not.  I told her about his difficulties in pre-school and she suggested that he might have sensitive hearing and that he would probably grow out of it.  Since then, we have been homeschooling him and he has struggled with reading.  He is 8 years old and is just beginning to be able to read 3 and 4 letter words and still has to sound most of them out.  He also has a difficult time staying on task.  He is very easily distracted.   He and I have been very frustrated.  He goes to a local learning center nearby 3 days a week for private tutoring in reading.  He started out at a Kindergarten – 3 months level.  He is progressing somewhat but his tutor is having the same problems I am with trying to keep him focused on what he is doing.  I have taken him to an ophthalmologist and an optometrist.  He is slightly near-sighted so we got him some glasses which are yet another distraction for him.  He doesn’t where them if we want to get anything done.  I have not received much guidance from his pediatrician on ways to help him.  I am considering taking him to a vision center to have him evaluated and possibly have vision therapy.  I’m really not sure if this will help with his inability to focus on tasks or not.  I feel like he needs something for the Auditory problems also, yet he has adjusted quite well and I’m not sure if the auditory issues are a big problem anymore.  Anyway, do you have any advice for me on where to go to find help for my son?  I’m just really not sure where to turn.

Thank you,

J. C. 

Hi J. C.,

First, let me ask, has he had a tempanagram done? This measures the amount of pressure behind the ear drum and may reveal a fluid problem. It takes less than ten minutes to complete for both ears, but many peds don’t have the small machine to test children with, so they don’t routinely do the test.  If you have not had one done, I would highly recommend it. If there is fluid behind the ear drums it will cause auditory distractions, difficulty learning to read, and eventually (if not treated) can cause hearing loss.

Ok, If you had a tempanagram and his ears are fine, there may be a hypersensitivity to auditory stimulus. Using headphones during independent work can help with audio-sensitivity distractions. There are also some therapy options that can help such as Samonas Sound Therapy.

As for eyesight: All children are slightly nearsighted and it usually only affects distant vision (reading from the chalkboard, seeing things far away, etc.)  As a home educator, this is easily overcome by providing work that is up close. There are some informal evals you can do that will indicate if vision therapy is necessary.

Staying on task: There are several things to consider - First, do you allow him to fidget while he works, stand up at the table, rock in the chair, etc? Many children need to fidget to stay focused. (This is due to an immature nervous system.) Also, you may need to begin working on attention span. An 8 yo should be able to stay on task for 10 minutes without being redirected. You should never have him on the same task for longer than 20 minutes. I don’t suggest increasing to 30 minutes until a child reaches 14 yo and for 16-18 years old 45 minutes to an hour. If he is unable to focus for 10 minutes then there are very specific ways to teach a child to focus for longer periods of time. I will be happy to explain how to do this.

I will be in Birmingham for the Chef convention in June. We will be having 30 minute free consults at the convention. If you would like to talk with me directly you can call our office for a phone consult. We have a sliding scale fee for phone consults. You can contact our office at 256-829-1074 and talk with Donna. She can send you an info packet or give you info over the phone for our consults and fees. We also have a cover school if you feel you need more help.

Blessings,

Christie Berry

Christie,

Thank you so much for your response.  He has not had a tempanagram done.  I’m going to call around today to find someone that has the machine.  We will start there and see what we can find.  I am also going to implement your suggestion of not having him on the same task for too long.  I may be calling you in the future for a phone consult.  I’m going to try these other things and see how it goes first.

Thanks again for help.

J. C.

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Learning Styles and Interests is a $15.00 value, FREE! This is a great resource for those just starting out as well as for seasoned home educators! This book provides information on learning styles, personality, talents, gifts and abilities and their effect on how our children learn! Includes worksheets and questionnaires to use with your children to find out how they learn best and what their interests are.

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Dear Christie,

I am getting really discouraged with homeschooling my son.  He can't do ANYTHING independently.  I will show him how to simplify a fraction, for example, and he will not understand it.  I will walk him through it, but he can't do it a second later.  It is as if he has lost ALL his skills.  He doesn't seem to understand what he reads, or very minimally.  Do I go back and teach 3rd grade skills or what do I do? 

E.

Dear E.

Dear Christie,

We are having a hard time with our teen son. He is not compliant and doesn’t want to do anything that we ask him. He is even turning from God! Please help us know what to do.

T.

Dear T,

Basically, there is a need to win your son’s heart. True learning won't happen unless the pupil is compliant and willing. The willingness to learn comes from a love of the learner for the teacher. Thus, the teacher must win the heart of the learner in order for true learning to take place. This is God's design, this is how we learn from him. First, he wins our heart. Then, as our love grows for him, our compliance and willingness to learn and change grows.

Your son’s education is important, but knowledge is much less important than wisdom and understanding. Knowledge is all the information that we shove into our brains, the 3r's and all of the other worldly knowledge that is there for the learning. Wisdom and understanding is truth and application of that truth. We live our lives well with wisdom and understanding. Knowledge alone brings pride.

Your son’s need right now is to learn the wisdom of your experience. But he will not learn it unless his heart is willing. It has been said that all the knowledge that a person must know to graduate from high school can be learned by an adult in 1 year's time. I'm not sure if this has been proven to be true, but I tend to believe that it can be possible if the child knows how to read and write. In my experience, adults can learn quite a lot in a short period of time when they are willing and interested.

At your son’s age, you need to be looking at marketable skills. The most important skills are compliance with authority and a good attitude. If he is to be an asset to the community, he needs to be teachable, this demands compliance and a good attitude. He must learn to comply with the authorities in his life, parents, teachers, pastors, leaders, bosses, etc. He needs to learn to comply with a good attitude. This, again, comes from winning his heart. This should be your top 'curriculum'!

Winning his heart will be the most effective and the most difficult thing you can do, but the rewards will be priceless. Start by doing a project together or find some common interest. Even if you have nothing in common, learn to enjoy something he enjoys...meet him where he is... play video games with him! I know that sounds terrible to those of us that are old and not at all interested, but you will be amazed how far it will take you into your son's heart! After you have entered his heart, then you will begin to hear him better. It is not your time to talk, it is your time to listen, learn who he is, share your worries about other things (not about him), let him into your heart. In time you will create a relationship... you are courting him... Think of this time as being on 'your best behavior', court him as Christ courts the Bride.

As his parents you need to seek God for direction as to how to win his heart and how to teach him. We need to step out side of the proverbial box and allow God to show us the best way. We have been programmed by our experience to do things a certain way. This holds true for how we think 'school' should look. We need to let God open the top of our head and scoop out all the predispositions that we have and pour in the wisdom and understanding we need to teach our children. God created him, he knows him better than we do, and he knows what it will take to reach him.

I pray this helps,

Blessings,

Christie

Dear Christie,

I have an autistic child and I find it very difficult to keep on a schedule. I know he needs it, but despite my best efforts I just can't stay on schedule! I have written my schedule and put it up where I can see it and then I get totally stressed out worrying about the schedule and staying on it! How can I stay on the schedule for my son's sake and not stress about it when things happen and I can't stay on it!

Mom

Dear Mom,

I do understand your dilemma! We have a schedule on our wall that everyone can see. It actually has times on it, but we don't follow it too closely. We have tried many things to help us maintain a schedule… structure, schedules and routines help our children feel secure and helps their environment for them to learn best. But, Life always gets in the way!

Here are a couple of things we have tried, some have worked well, others have worked to one degree or another. Keep trying until you find one that works for your family!

Turn off the phone, tv, etc and stay in a distraction free zone! (not always possible but a good place to start)

We have written out our schedule and have it posted. When life gets in the way, there are a couple of things we have tried successfully:

We take care of life and learn to be flexible during these times. When life is finished happening, we go back to the schedule and

*look at the time and continued from the time on the schedule (for example, if it is now 11:00 and we are supposed to be working on math at 11:00, then we take out math and work on it)

Or

*look at the schedule and go back to what we were doing when life got in the way (for example if we were reading a story, we would go back to reading the story)

Another option that still provides routine and structure but not necessarily a strict schedule is to make a priority list. We have found that works best for us

We create a list of things that we need to do, would like to do, etc. We do this right after prayer and Bible study time. We discuss what will happen that day, where everyone needs to go, what we will be doing and anything that needs to be discussed about the day. I work with the children on learning to prioritize the list… What do we Absolutely need to get done today? Prayer and Bible study is always first on our list. What is next on the list, usually that would be the 3 R's. Finally, we include things that we would like to do but if we don't get to them because life gets in the way, it is ok. If by the end of the week we haven't gotten to any of the 'fun stuff' we then take Friday for our fun stuff day and do lots of things we didn't get done all week because life was in the way and we couldn't get our list completed. Don't worry if you don't complete your list of 'to-do's'. Remember it is only a guideline for things you would like to get done in the day!

Take the opportunity to teach your child to be flexible as well when life gets in the way. It is difficult for us to be flexible sometimes. Teach your children how to behave when they are outside their comfort zone. Teach them to come to you when they begin to feel uncomfortable and take that opportunity to show them security and dependence on you. This will teach them to find security and dependence on God when they get older. Life getting in the way is a great opportunity to show God in your daily walk and teach by example!

Don't stress over the schedule, create routine and teach flexibility.

Blessings,
Christie

Dear Christie,
I would like some opinions please. My daughter is 6 years old and has been attending speech therapy for almost a year this winter. She has a phonological disorder where it is hard for her to make sounds from the back of her throat. It is hereditary (from my husbands side of the family) You usually outgrow it. My husband did. Anyway, the real concern I have. The speech therapist gave me the number of a person that works for the school system that I am in. (I homeschool) She was concerned that my daughter is having a difficult time associating the number 3 with the word number three.
When you ask her to write the number 3, she says she does not know how. When she sees the number she can tell you what it is. She thinks I should have her evaluated to see if there are any learning disabilities? I am not sure
what to think. She is very bright and will turn 7 in soon, she is just more complex inclined. Meaning things that are harder for other children come easy to her and things that are easy for other children take more time for her to develop. How would you approach the situation?

Thanks,
B.

Hi B.,
Unless you are seeing significant deficits in her learning (and since she is not even 7 I wouldn't worry too much about deficits, yet) I would just continue to work with her. Remember to teach with lots of review.

There is a need for frequency, intensity and duration for learning to be grasped and stored in long term memory. For frequency you will want to expose her to the information often in a short period of time (10 - 15 minutes). For intensity you will want to make it as fun or exciting as possible. For duration you will want to expose her to the info day after day until it is learned and imbedded into the long term memory.

It is also important to understand the natural learning process. First, a child learns to match exact items "Here is a 3, do you see another 3?" Then, a child learns how to identify when asked by pointing to the correct item "Where is the 3?" Third, a child will learn to tell you what the item is from memory "What is this?" pointing to a 3. Finally, the child gains the ability to create from memory a 3 when asked to draw one (recall). It sounds as though your daughter is in the second or third step of the learning process. I wouldn't consider that behind unless you have been working in this series of teaching the number 3 alone, daily, over an extended period of time (several months). Usually, we work with many numbers at the same time and it takes repetition to learn to recall.

Blessings,
Christie

Dear Christie,
I appreciate it! Out of all the replies thus far. I have felt more comfortable with that one. Everyone else recommends that I go ahead and get her tested just to see. I just do not want her to have a label. I know the effects of self-esteem. My degree is in social work and I have always home schooled. I just have not been as demanding on her, she sometimes cries when people cannot understand her and she has to repeat herself. She gets really frustrated that is why I pushed for the speech therapy. I know she is very smart, she is just more artistic, her loves are music, drama, and dance. I found this great book that has 365 different ideas to reinforce phonics and learning the alphabet. She knows her alphabet but when you ask her to say it for other people, she changes it around to the way that she likes it. She says it sounds better that way. She picks up the writing with no problem. I am not saying that if she has special needs I would not tend to them and learn about them so I could be more effective. Through the classes I have taken, I just do not see it. She loves homeschool, computers and software come at ease with her. So with all of these other strengths that most children do not even have at this age, I would hate to make a bad decision. That is why I sought out advice. My son is in the top 4 to 7 % of the nation and he is working on the 5th grade right now. He learns completely different than her. She will be 7 late in the year. This week we have been working on her numbers 1-4. I posted them up in the house and every time you walk into the room you shout the number. She loves it and has retained that information. I just needed to find a dramatic way to illustrate it and make it fun. She loves it and is learning. Add me to your newsletter and tell me more about your cover school. I have never heard of it before.

Thanks again,
B.

Dear Christie
I have a helper who comes 3 times and week and does some homeschool work with my daughter. I believe she is a blessing from God and we pray together over our needs and the children she works with each time she comes, so if nothing else, she has been a wonderful prayer partner. My problem is that she gets in "power struggles" with my daughter. She just tries to "nag and prod" my daughter to do work instead of using smarter methods. The behavior that must be changed is my daughters teacher. I know we talk a lot about how to change our children's behaviors but how do we change their therapists? I talked to her once about this. I even outlined other methods she could use. She seemed offended but did it for a while. Even though it was effective, she fell back into her old ways. My mom thinks she "has a lazy streak" and that is all it is. What would you do if you were I, especially since she is a blessing in other ways.

Kristi

Hi Kristi!
This is a good question. Unless your helper is inclined to change, you can't change anyone but yourself! (I think I said this at least 20 times this past weekend!) I suggest praying. First, for guidance on how to help her or approach her with suggestions that will not offend her or make her angry. Second, for God to change her heart. He can do this, I've seen it happen!

You can recommend that she get the Attention Problems workshops on 2 audio tapes. It talks about disengaging from power struggles, changing how you present materials, and changing your own behavior: how and why... This isn't just for children with attention issues. The information can help all parents with any child. I recommend the 2 tape set as it goes into how to teach organizational skills, study skills, and covers winning the heart of the child. Your helper should work on winning the heart of the child she is working with. When she does this, it will help her in all situations she is in, not just teaching. She can find this tape on our website at www.specialfriendsnews.com. The set is called Teaching Children with Attention Issues. It sells for 11.00. You might want to pick it up for yourself and let her borrow it? Just a thought.

Another possible resource is our record book called Making the Grade (also available on our website.) It teaches how you can provide a positive grade for a good attitude during a period of work. You might suggest that she implement this type of 'grading' so that your daughter is getting a positive result from a positive behavior, rather than just getting constant negative responses.

Blessings,
Christie

Dear Christie,
I need help with what to do with my special needs child that has profound special needs. I know she can't read or write or any normal school stuff right now and I just don't know what I am supposed to do for school. If you have any ideas please let me know.

Desperate Mom

Dear D. Mom,
The first thing I wish all home educators can do is get out of the box (see last week's article, "Help, My Child doesn't fit in a Box" on our sample page at www.specialfriendsnews.com/sample.htm)

Now, to address your specific question… as you move from the 'in-the-box' thinking of how school should look..

Let's first look at your child's abilities. Ask God to give you clues into the special gifts He has given your child. Does she have an infectious smile? Can she laugh at the time when you really need a jewel from the Lord? Are you seeing progress in her abilities to accomplish simple tasks? Is she perseverant as she tries to do something?

I remember Shelly as a small child (she'll be 13 this week! Where does the time go?) Her Uncle Kevin would be at the house with his dog DJ… She would do anything to get to pet DJ! We used to put her on the floor and watch her scoot, ever so slowly and with great struggle, to reach DJ and pet him! Watching her face when she finally accomplished the goal was AWESOME! What great obstacle she had to overcome to scoot along the floor with only the use of one leg and one arm. Yet what tenacity and perseverance she gained each time she accomplished her goal! God is amazing! She still has that same perseverance and pushes forward when there is something she wants and that perseverance has brought her much farther than the docs ever thought she could go! God knew what she could do and what she needed to succeed! What a Great God we serve!

As you begin to see the simple things, you will want to encourage those things in your child's life. Help her press toward the mark God has laid out before her life. The final destiny is, of course, Heaven. Yet, there is so much more until then. Tell her every day, many, many times a day that Jesus loves her very much. Teach her about Him by speaking of His love for her daily and showing His love for her through your embrace and actions.

School in your home may look something like this:

Large muscle movement while you sing, play, listen to music (Range of Motion, practice rolling, sitting, crawling, walking, etc.)

Small muscle movement with play (Small muscle range of motion, blowing, sucking, chewing, opening and shutting hands, picking up large or small objects, playing with heavy objects, playing with smaller objects like legos or clay, holding a pencil, coloring, etc)

Daily Life skills (eating, drinking, sitting, playing, tracking with eyes, smiling, listening, pottying, modeling an activity, talking or communicating, loving!, etc.)

In the public system this is called PT, OT, Speech/Language, and Life skills!

BUT, the most important thing you do for your child is keep them safe and secure,  love them each moment of each day, and pray for them, lifting them up before an all knowing God that can bring life and joy into the world of this special friend and amazing gift He has given you!

Blessings,
Christie

Hi, Christie,

My 8 year old son needs some help.  I have a suspicion that he has Asperger's, but have not had him diagnosed.  He NEEDS to be diagnosed. 

He used to be my "sweet & tender boy."  In the last couple years he's turned into a BEAST.  He and his younger brother are constantly at each other. 

The force behind this e-mail is that we had a TERRIBLE row last night.  Dad was chasing him around the
house with a broom!!!  Later, he caught him, belted him a few whacks ***on his bottom*** (not leaving any marks) and
let him go.  Dad says Son had told him he would NOT clean his room, and I believe that he might say that, but Dad's reaction was uncalled for. 

I don't know what to do with my son's behavior, his backtalking & refusal to obey.  This can NOT be tolerated, and it does not change, no matter HOW many times I discuss this with him or punish him.  Nothing helps.  I can NOT reach him.  He sees the results of his behavior but it doesn't matter.  I *have* to reach him somehow before he turns into a belligerent teenager.  Or before Dad kills him, whichever happens first.  Do you have a recommendation of where I could take him for diagnosis, with suspected Asperger's?  I've been referred to someone at Vanderbilt in Nashville, but thought perhaps you'd have an opinion.  I'm planning to set this ball rolling soon.

Thanks SO much for your help.  I know you've heard -- and lived through -- worse, but I would appreciate your steadying influence and your prayers.

With all my love,
L

Oh, Dear L,
I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I would suggest that you take your son to Vanderbilt as well. There is no other qualified place in the area you are in.

Some tips:
Find a "safe place" that he is allowed to go, be when he is getting upset. Somewhere that he can't hurt himself or others, and can't destroy stuff. Tell him it is a safe place, take him there when he is having inappropriate behavior, tell him that it is ok to be angry, upset, whatever, but he can only do it in that spot. When he has calmed himself down (or through holding you have helped him calm down) then he must do what he didn't want to do, or be compliant. Some families have used a walk in closet, we used the laundry room at one house. We've also stripped the bedroom and used it before.

Find ways to win his heart, love him unconditionally, find things you can do together, you can't gain compliance without winning his heart.

There is a book called Holding Time, you can find it used on Amazon. It discusses using holding to help a child calm down.

Learn and use Sensory Integration techniques to teach your son how to manage his own behavior.

Look to the scriptures to model God as the parent. (the bruised reed He shall not break... Is 42:3, 1 Cor 13)

Only work on one behavior problem at a time, don't try to fix everything at once.

Discipline all behavior, but not while he is in a rage. It will only make the rage worse. Help him calm down first, then discipline the behavior.

Put your day on a very strict schedule and routine. If there is going to be a change in the routine, you will need to prepare him for the changes way in advance. Use a 'school' type calendar to help him prepare for a day that will be different. Create a visual schedule that he can use to stay on task and focused each day. He needs to know what is expected of him. You can do this for chores as well, make a visual list for him to use (check list, sticker list, velcro list, etc.) This is probably the most difficult thing to do in our relaxed homeschool families, but it is imperative.

There is much more, but this is probably all you can handle right now...I teach on Sensory Integration (helps with rages, behavior, etc). I can also help with schedules if you need help or ideas on that as well.

I will keep you in prayer, and answer any questions, help with any intervention, whatever you need, PLEASE ASK!

Christie

Dear Christie,

I am considering home educating my teen boy. He has been diagnosed with Aspergers and has been in public school for his entire school time. I am spending 3-4 hours a night trying to get through the fight of homework. He is not doing well and has no self esteem. He is starting to become more defiant and I am not even sure if I will be able to homeschool him. I don't like the direction that he is going and I am afraid for him. We had him evaluated for sensory integration concerns and he is currently on a program out of Texas that has helped a little. But, he is not learning and his behavior is getting worse. Do you think I should try to homeschool him? He has always been close to his father and now even that relationship is strained. I don't know what to do, where do I start? Any help will be appriated!

Mississippi Mom

Dear Miss. Mom,
My heart goes out to you. You are facing a difficult road ahead, but not impossible.

The first step is to win the heart of your child! You need to re-build the relationship in your family between you, your husband and your son. School (reading, writing and math) are not the most important things at this point in your home education. Without a relationship there is no respect, without respect there is no compliance, without compliance there will be no learning. So your first step is to re-build the family unit.

There are many ways you can do that. The easiest and least expensive way is to read together as a family. Find a time when you are all at home (it is very important to include Dad) and chose an adventure book, a classic is good, or even a couple of fun picture books and have Mom or Dad read them out loud to the family. Make up voices for the characters, sound effects (or let the children make the sound effects), and have fun with the stories. Talk about them throughout the day. Discuss your favorite part, let your child discuss his favorite part. Retell the story in your own words and let your child do the same. Laugh about it as the days go by.

Another way to help rebuild your family relationships is to do family outings together, camping, fishing, picnicking (even in the backyard), take time to talk, learn about one another, explore each other's interests. You can learn your child's interests and join him as he is pursuing those interests. Do they have to be interesting to you? Of course, not, but you may find yourself learning to enjoy the same interests.

I heard a story once about a mom wanting to win the heart of her adult son. They had never had a close relationship and she felt sad for the loss and wanted to kindle that relationship between them. Her son loved playing golf, however, she didn't know how to play and had never been really interested. One day she asked him if she could go with him to the golf course and learn how to play. As they went together each week and she learned to play golf, they began to talk. They shared thoughts, plans, interests, and defeats through the months that she learned to play golf! Their relationship grew stronger and they became friends. It didn't take a few weeks to accomplish this task, it took months of diligence on her part to light the fire of their friendship, but it was well worth the time and effort! Now they golf every week and they share all the ups and downs life sends them they have re-tied the heartstrings and rebuilt the relationship God had intended for them to have as a mother and son. Moms and Dads need to look at the relationships they have with each other and with their children. Rekindle the fire, re-tie the heartstrings of your children so that the unity of the family is strong as you journey into home schooling.

Let your child pursue his own interests. You can help him learn to research those interests. Cindy Rushton has a great book on note booking that will help your child organize all the research he finds on a topic that he is interested in. Teach him to search the web, library, and periodicals to find information on what he is interested in. Teach him to keep a note book, scrap book or binder with all of his important gathered information. This is a wonderful way to learn his interests, show him you are interested in what he knows and encourage learning! (Guess what? This is school!)

It may take many months for you to rebuild the family relationships that have been in need of repair for so long. But once those relationships are strong you will begin to see respect and eventually compliance. Once you have reached the place where you can ask your son to try or do something without argument, it is time to discuss with him what his plans are for the future. Begin to help him find what he needs to do to reach his future goals. Usually that includes some schoolly type of activities, like reading, writing and math at least. If college is in the plan, there will be more education based requirements needed. It will also be important to include some skills that dad can teach him, like carpentry work, changing the oil in the car and other physical labor skills that he will need in the future.

It is especially important for special needs children to learn skills that are marketable in the job field while they are teens. They need to learn marketable skills and find opportunity to work as much as possible. If Dad isn't in the picture or is unable to teach the child some of the skills the child has an interest in, ask some local small business owners if the child can volunteer for 6 months helping a couple hours a week. Most small businesses can use a few hours of free help each week and will be glad to share their knowledge and experience with a teen. Many times the teen will learn that he doesn't want to do this type of work for a living and moves on to another idea or skill. If he enjoys it, he will probably continue working for the person and learn as much as possible, eventually working for pay and making a living in that field. This is a great opportunity for our special needs children!

Apprenticeship is not a new concept by any means, 200 years ago we had apprenticeships that 12 and 13 year old boys would take part in to learn a trade or skill and eventually work in the business. As home educators we can take advantage of this proven, age old opportunity and help our children become contributing adults in our society!

I pray that this has been helpful and will face you in the right direction for the education of your son!

Blessings,
Christie

Dear Christie,
I don't know if you know about Communicating Partners, but it is a website and group out of Ohio that works with children with language disorders for various reasons. The website is http://www.jamesdmacdonald.org/. My Daughter quit getting any benefit from her private speech therapy and I ordered the book from Dr. MacDonald. She improved so much after I started using the techniques from his book. The book is around $30 and I think he has some kind of DVD too. Just thought the other parents may be interested.

M. M.

Thanks M. M.!
This is great information and I am sure others may want to look into it! I will check it out as well. Thanks for the info!

Blessings,
Christie

Dear Christie,
My child needs speech and I am just not sure where to start. The insurance won't pay for it because they say that it is free through the public school! Ugh! I don't want to take my son to the public school, that's why I home school. Do you have any suggestions?

M.

Dear M.,
This is a common question and I know the frustration you feel! You are not alone, many home educating parents face the same dilemma. I recommend Straight Talk 1 for speech articulation concerns. This program was written by a speech path and a home schooling family with many special needs children, the Bushnel's. The Bushnel's have a newsletter called Nathhan that is for home educating special needs and they have a wonderful ministry! You can find Straight Talk and information on Nathhan at www.nathhan.com

Straight Talk 2 is for language (basic language) and, although it is a good program, basic language is best taught by hands on experience and within context than through identifying and naming line drawings. If your child is in need of language skills, depending on the level of the child's language now, you will want to begin by talking about things around the house, name them, touch them, talk about them, etc. For example, talk about the milk being in the refrigerator. Milk is used on your cereal. Milk is used in making pudding. We drink milk with our lunch. Milk is cold. Etc… Always remember to use frequency, intensity and duration with anything you teach.

Blessings,
Christie