Dear Christie,

I learned through a friend of the sensory integration program you have. Can you please tell me if the
techniques presented would be applicable by parents to older teens? I might
be willing to "go the extra miles" if the material were to be useful to me.

Thank you.

K.

Hi K.,
Good Question! :)

This program that I teach is called the Alert Program and I have been granted permission to teach an overview of it by the authors. I have had the full 3 day training course on it and have used it successfully with children and adults alike! Those who attend will be using the program first-hand as we go through the day!

This program works best in children that can self regulate (ages 8 and up) but can be used by parents for children younger than 8. The goal is to teach self regulation so the child can learn to use sensory integration to stay alert and control themselves.

As for a teen, this will depend on his/her willingness to participate. Usually, they want to feel the security of control once they realize what they need to do to gain it. But if you have an obstinate teen you may have to 'prove' that it works before they will try it...

As an aside, my husband has even learned to use sensory integration techniques to help him stay alert while at work and school! It is easier than one might think!

Blessings,
Christie

Dear Christie,
I have a friend that has a child that is 3 years old and has been experiencing problems since she was 1 year old. This little girl can not control her emotions and she will get very angry and bite or scream. She has had times when she would cry (not mildly) and then in the middle of crying she will began to laugh sometimes as long as an hour. She has only spoken a couple of times but when she did it was clear. The other night she woke up in the night screaming hysterically and trembling. Some loud noises will make her hold her ears and scream. Her parents are very perplexed and her mom tells me that people have told her that they suspect that this child has Autism. I would like to know what you think. What is Autism? What causes it? This child did everything normal until she was 1. What advice can I give this friend? They have 3 other children. Do you know of anywhere that they can turn for help?

L.

Dear L,
This is such a sad situation. Yes, it does sound like an Autism symptom. It could also be a Sensory Integrative Disorder symptom.

I would start off by telling mom to pray. God knows her child and can open the understanding of her heart to know what is happening.

For more information about Autism may I recommend the Autism Society Web Page at www.autism-society.org/ they have more information that most know what to do with, but it explains Autism, causes, etc to help answer many of your questions.

There are a couple Autism checklists on our VAST website at www.vastnetwork.org in the library section under checklists and evaluations. I will also be glad to help as much as I can.

She is welcome to come see me for help at any of my workshops. For workshop information the schedule is at www.specialfriendsnews.com/schedule.htm. I have a workshop on tape that should be ready soon on Sensory Integration. It would be VERY helpful for her if she could purchase that workshop. Please tell her to feel free to call and leave a message on the voice mail, I will be glad to talk with her further.

Blessings,
Christie

Hi Christie,
My name is Pat, I live in AL. I have a daughter that has cerebral palsy. I'm not sure of all the technical names for what all is wrong, but in my language she is like a 70 LB, 4 MO baby. She has not been to school this year where she receives therapy because of a broken ramp, broken wheel chair and broken car!! Anyway, I already home school my two boys so I was wondering, why not her? I have a feeder seat, bath chair, wedge, mat and bean bag chair. I can do the positioning, stretching, massaging, I even have a home spa for the tub. I can do the visual stimulation and audio, I can do the tactile stimulation, too. The only thing the school does that I can't is she sees a physical and occupational therapist for 30 minutes each once a week. I am pretty sure my daughter's Medicaid pays for it so they may be able to come to my house. I know I am laying a lot on you but you were recommended to me as someone who would know something about this, I believe you home school special children. If so, have you run across any legal problems with this?

Hi Pat,
Your story is a familiar one, I receive questions like yours often!
I do hs my children, 17yob with Asperger's Syndrome and 12 yog with CP, 70% IQ, Seizure disorder. I agree that you should have no problem providing for your daughter. I also believe that you already know how to do range of motion and help with fine motor issues. I think that the ‘professionals’ keep us from believing we can do for our children. But for our children, WE ARE the professionals!

Your first step is to ask your homeschool cover if they will cover her and allow her ‘school’ requirements to be a set of goals (IEP). I will be happy to help you or you are welcome to attend our workshops. We have workshops throughout the state. If your cover would like to talk to me about how to cover her, provide grades, etc, I will also be glad to help them set up a system to include children with special needs. Just have them contact me.

You will have difficulty getting Medicaid to pay for in home therapy… ‘it is free from the public school’ according to them. But, again, I believe we know what we need to know and can do with an occasional consult to keep us up-to-date with our children’s therapy.

As for legal concerns, if you keep a cover for her that is willing to come to bat for you with the state and an IEP on hand, you shouldn’t have any trouble. I have had to answer to DHR a couple times, but nothing major, just verify that the family is covered with our school (send an enrollment form), has an IEP, and that they are being monitored by an Education Specialist (big words for a school coordinator).

I hope I have helped you. If you have further questions or need an educational consult, I will be happy to send you a consult form.

Blessings,
Christie Berry

Dear Christie,

I am a friend of L., who gave me your address. When I asked her questions about children's behavior relating to the foods they eat, she said I should contact you.  I have 3 boys, ages 2,4,6.  I feel that there are many times when their behavior is abnormal, but I feel unsure about what normal is.  Although I haven't put them on an elimination diet yet, I'm guessing that they are allergic to corn and wheat.  They don't have any running noses or watery, itchy eyes.  Some of the abnormal behaviors I'm referring to are: aggression, screaming, stuttering, not playing together nicely (I'm not talking about having a little bickering now and then, I mean it is very rare for them to play nicely for more than a couple min.), they are also very destructive.  I'm not really sure what else to say.  L. S. didn't tell me much about you or even exactly what you have knowledge about.  She mentioned that you speak at seminars, but I don't know what your topic is.  I'm just searching for answers and wanted to give you a little info just so that you could maybe know whether or not you could help me.

I read a scripture recently that describes how I feel.

"The sea (our boys) was getting rougher and rougher. So they (I) asked him (God), "What should we (I) do to make the sea (our boys) calm down for us?"  Jonah 1:11

If you can help I would greatly appreciate your response.

J.

Hi J.,
Well, I guess I'll tell you a bit about myself first, and make some suggestions later! :)

I run a school for families with disabilities and speak at seminars about children with 'issues'. I am into natural healing as much as I can be. I have a child with Cerebral Palsy, one with Asperger's Syndrome (undiagnosed), and several with other issues. L. is much too admiring! I am not an expert on anything except my kids, but I have found that most parents are subject matter experts on their children and through trial and error gain the knowledge needed to manage their homes. Saying that, I also learn as much as I can and listen to many that have found various and sundry ways to help and as I listen, I share! :)

A couple of things that come to mind with your situation is to first find an objective person that can tell you if your children fit into what is 'typical'. (I don't use the term normal... too subjective). Most boys under 8 are thought of as 'hyper' because they are boys and they are young, they need lots of physical activity. Don't expect them to sit quietly for more than 10 minutes (for your 6yo, less for the others) Create a 'schedule' that will keep them busy, moving and changing, don't give lots of unscheduled time (usually increases time for mischief). Next, I would suggest that you limit their intake of sugars, simple carbs and caffeine. These few things are easy and may make a world of difference.

If these things do not do enough, you may consider some other options... one is elimination, another is a study of the body that I have seen others use with great success that doesn't eliminate, but rather adds to with supplements and increases the body's ability to manage food intake. You can find this through a local health food store or online. You may also look for a compounding pharmacist in your area, we have one in North AL that has truly been God Sent! I would also consider eliminating animal foods that have hormones and antibiotics. (We began eating home grown animals that are not fed traditional feeds with hormones and antibiotics. These items also include store bought milk and eggs.)

Another thought would be to consider some cross-patterning activities to increase brain function and maturity... those exercises like, crawling, low-crawling, criss-cross steps (scissor steps), circle 8 with arms crossing body. Some ways to do these exercises is by doing relays and obstacle courses every day with the boys (they will love it!) These exercises have been proven to increase the growth of connectors between the brain cells and help with maturity, learning, and reasoning abilities.  You will not see the results of this immediately, but after several months you will see a definite change! Consistency is the key here.

Another activity would be to work on visual and auditory processing. Do this by saying 3 numbers in a monotone voice with a 3 second delay between each number and having the child repeat the numbers back to you in sequence. When they can do this successfully and consistently for a week, increase to 4 numbers and 5 etc until they can do their age in numbers... Average is 7 but 10 is best... don't cluster the numbers like we do with phone numbers. This exercise increases auditory processing. You can do the same basic thing for visual processing by using flash cards with 3 numbers on it... let them look for 3 seconds then cover and have them recite back to you what they saw. Increase as above. This is for visual processing. These exercises help with mental processing, storage, and recall of information and helps to increase memory and maturity. Generally, we get stuck at 3 or 4 and don't mature past that age with our communication skills! (too much TV and video games!) If our communication skills are stuck at a 3 or 4 year old level then we don't get along with others well, nor do we get our point across without fussing! That may be why they argue and fight a lot, they haven't learned to get along because their communication level hasn't matured past 3 years old!

You may also want to look at your parenting style. Do you have routine? Do the boys know what is going to happen next? Are your boundaries clear? Are there clear consequences? Are you consistent? I would suggest setting up a priority list or basic schedule (be careful not to get caught up and stressed out by the schedule). Have it in a place where the boys can see it and know what is done and what is coming up next. You could even give your oldest his own 'list' to mark off as he completes a task. Set specific and clear boundaries! Even write them and put them on the wall (we use Door Posts If/Then and Blessings charts). Choose a planned response when the boys go beyond those boundaries, like saying, "You need to go to your room, I'll be there in a minute." This is important to keep you from reacting and becoming angry or frustrated. Once they are in their space you have sent them, then pray! Ask God to show you how to manage this situation. Calm down if you are upset or angry, then go to the child, discuss, discipline, and pray with your child. Be consistent with your discipline. I know it is difficult and exhausting, but getting under control now will save you later! (You don't want those boys out of control at 12, 14, and 16!)

I pray some of these things help. If so great! If not ask me again and I will think of some more stuff! ;)

Blessings!

Christie

Dear Christie,

I have 5 kids.  One of them is a daughter who is 4 and a half.  She does not speak well and is not potty trained.  She was tube fed and has acquired eating by mouth (finally) as a new skill.  Her baby sister is potty training so she has interest in that now.  That is the next thing I want her to do and then master talking.  Right now I have her in the public school for a 2 and a half hour program.  The bus picks her up at my drive and takes her back.  She is gone a total of 4 hours.  My insurance still pays for aqua therapy and speech therapy once a week for her.  In school, the speech therapist works with her for 20 minutes a day 4 times a week.  The pt therapist comes in and gives the teacher ideas of what to do with her once or twice a month.  They evaluated her for OT and said she did well in fine motor, in fact it is considered a strength for her, so she did not need extra help with that.  The problem is....she gets so sick from exposure to all the kids.  3 of them have continually snotty green noses.  My daughter has Down Syndrome which means the tubes in her ears and lungs are half the size of a normal person.  Needless to say, her health has been greatly compromised as well as the rest of my homeschooling crew.  I would like to approach them and ask if she can just go to school for therapy.  They told me before that this was not possible, although I know from other homeschooling parents in my state that this is not the case.

I am afraid they might send a truant officer here because of her absences. She is not getting the therapy if she is sick, it makes more sense to give it to her and let me take her home instead of exposing her to the constant colds.

What would you suggest?

Concerned Mom

Dear Concerned Mom,

I do understand your concern. The Federal laws say that the state is responsible for identifying and providing a program for children with special needs from ages 3-21 (see our site at www.vastnetwork.org for the Federal Laws and Fed. Regs.) However, each state has a different view on how they will do that for “privately schooled” children with disabilities. For children under age 3 they receive services through the state early intervention program and yours may be through a school if in a rural setting. Early intervention services must be provided in the child’s “natural environment” and that would be her home until age 3 and actually the school can provide therapy services to you at home until age 5 as her “least restrictive environment” but this is usually a fight to get.

As for the potty training, I wouldn’t push it yet. I know it may be expensive for diapers but unless you know she is able to “feel” and understand her bladder is full, she will not be able to control herself.

Also, the school will tell you that most of her language learning will be done in her classroom time. This is because her main need right now is language not speech (speech being pronunciation, intonation, phonemic awareness, oral-muscular movement and placement, etc.) Basically the mechanics of speaking not the use of language itself. She probably gets plenty of this at home with 4 other children and parents around. Actually, she is probably getting stuff at school beside illness that you won’t want her to be exposed to such as bad language, biting, hitting, inappropriate finger gestures, etc. (learned from experience!) I have also found that when she gets to the higher levels of school things get worse, not better. I worked with an advocacy group for a while and the things that were going on were astonishing!

VAST Network is currently helping families find discount PT (physical therapy), OT (occupational therapy) and Speech consultations in regional areas in Alabama to help parents that are homeschooling learn how to do the services at home with their children. We hope to someday network with therapy providers around the country to provide this service for all homeschooling families that cannot get the services through the states. Unfortunately, as I explain on our website, the Fed. Regs. removed some of the power of the Laws so now states are finding a loophole to use as not to provide services to privately schooled children. For example, if you remove the child you must give a 10 day written notice of removal and why you are removing the child if you are going to challenge the state’s services. Also, many states only provide one type of service, for instance our local schools are providing only speech. PT and OT are not available. They also only provide in specific locations to school age (3 - 21) such as the local school. I requested that my daughter be seen with me present at the local school once a month for her services. They were a bit upset but finally gave in. We now go to our regional therapist and only as we feel it is needed. We have had 12 years of experience with all three therapies and feel that we only need help when addressing specific problems.

I cannot address your state law, however, I would like to address your concerns to the best of my ability and then follow up with you on the laws.

PT:  I would suggest you do some “homework” with the teacher and PT person. Contact the school and ask for a conference with the teacher and PT person. Explain that you would like to follow up with her pt at home as much as possible and would like to receive information on how to do the exercises they are doing. You will find they will be similar, if not the same as the ones being done with early intervention.  (I am sorry, I am assuming they taught you. When we were in early intervention we were taught to do the pt and OT with Shelly, do they do that there? This would be helpful for you so that you have some indication what they will be showing you to do.) Once you learn to do it you can continue it at home with ease. If you come to a point where you think you need some advice. Go to your primary care manager and ask for a consultation referral to a pt then it will only cost for a one time visit!  We have done aqua therapy with Shelly at the local indoor pool. I had the therapist show me some exercises and it was great! Our insurance won’t cover anything extra (military insurance is for the birds!) so we basically had to learn to do everything ourselves if we wanted it done.  :)

You can do the same thing with speech. You may want to talk to your private therapist and ask if they will give you follow up exercises and things to work on at home.  Stay in with them during a session or two to learn how she does with speech. This will be the beginning of your “homeschooling curriculum.” You can also look at Straight Talk I available through Nathhan (see website listed above).

About a truant officer:  Compulsory attendance in your state is from the ages of 7 - 15 so they really can’t do anything until she reaches age 7.  This will be when you will need to follow the law for your state. Until then, they cannot make you send her. This will also give you time to learn what you need to learn in order to help in her path toward learning and hopefully independence and success.

Some other thoughts you may or may not have considered:

** If you don’t already have a copy of her IEP, you should get one. It will be helpful to see what they are doing and what her goals are for the year.  I would also like to strongly suggest that you create an IEP for several reasons:

1) to help you have specific goals and track her achievement and your progress
2) to help you stay on track in specific areas that you would like to accomplish
3) when or if she goes back to a public or other educational institution (such as college) or if she is able to go through the adult rehab to attain employment, the information will be helpful to determine the interventions, supports and services necessary for her to be successful.

Your IEP does not need to be on a state form, or comply with the state or fed regs. The primary parts should be current levels, goals and special services (pt, speech, books on tape, working for only 20 minutes at a time, using computer to write, sign language or picture communications for daily communication, etc) anything you use to help her learn. This will be a list more than anything and you will be constantly editing it, what works, what doesn’t. This IEP can be as simple as a few goals and current levels at the beginning of a notebook, journal or log book. Keep the journal for the year and now you have a record of her progress! Easy as pie!

**A second point to think about is that, any special education or related services she gets from now until she “graduates” in the public system will be educational only. For example, Physical therapy will only be provided for educational purposes. Once she is functioning appropriately to succeed educationally PT will stop. Potty training, living skills, hygiene, and any other non-educational skills may be addressed in preschool but once she is in kindergarten none of these skills will be addressed. And if you do get them to do them, it will be after a fight! (That is if your state is like mine, or the several other states we have lived in!)

**Thirdly, independent living skills (vocational skills) will not be addressed until she reaches age 14 - 16. This is mandated by Federal law (Carl Perkins Act) and it seems that most states don’t do anything until then. This is too late to begin learning the life skills that many of our mentally challenged children need! Learning to read a recipe or memorize one, measure, wash and fold laundry, wash dishes, daily mundane chores are many times difficult for these wonderful children and they need lots of repetition to learn them. When she is around 10 or 11 it will be a good time to begin thinking about independent living and employment situations for her. Consider the options, who will manage her care after the “grown-ups” are gone, and what skills is she strong in that will be beneficial for her to get employment. You can help her increase those skills to make the transition easier.

**Last, but definitely not least, is to help her identify her likes and dislikes and strengths and weaknesses. Help her learn to find ways to compensate for the weaknesses and encourage her to pursue her interests and strengths.

You will probably find that there will not be a curriculum to fit her learning needs. Your best bet is to determine her specific needs, strengths and learning style and introduce her education through avenues that will fit her. This will also be part of her IEP, write things in your journal as you learn together. You can also let the others work with her. Most children love to do stuff together and help each other. Encourage peer teaching and let her learn from the older ones and pretend to teach (read, write, etc) the younger ones.

I hope these suggestions and ideas help you as you make the difficult decision you are faced with.

Christie

Dear Christie,

I have a son that needs speech therapy and the school was going to offer it to us and now has back out of it. We provide some private however, we can not afford all that he needs.  So, I wanted to see if anyone gets help that way where you live. Or what can we use to do it ourselves?

Thanks,
B.

Dear B.,
I do not live in your state, but I do know people that use Straight Talk I for Speech. It was developed by a speech path and a homeschool family for parents to teach their children with disabilities. You can get it through Nathhan on the internet. www.nathhan.com.

Communicating Partners is another resource. They have a website and group out of Ohio that works with children with language disorders for various reasons. The website is http://www.jamesdmacdonald.org/. You can order the book from Dr. MacDonald, it is around $30 and I think he has a DVD, too.

Dear Christie

Thank you so much for your information. Wow what great information for us. I told my husband about it and we are going check into them. I thought I could do what these people do but I wanted to have a guide for it. Now I will .. .oh.. I have to say you just blessed me so with this information. Thank you so much.  I can not tell you how good you have made me feel, I was thinking how I was going to do what was best for my son. I was very lost... now I am starting to cry. So, again thank you so much for this information.  So, much...

B.

B.,
You are quite welcome. Be encouraged! There are many of us out here! You might like to sign up for our free online newsletter at the special friends website... www.specialfriendsnews.com... Also, there is a bunch of info at the VAST Network website as well... www.vastnetwork.org...

Home education is the best for your son... I worked in the public system and home school my special children.... your son will benefit even if you flounder at what you are doing...

He will learn about life, God's purpose for him in this earth, what is appropriate, how to live holy and acceptable before God, and maybe along the way, he will learn what the world feels is important, the 3 r's!

Seek God daily, He will direct your path and your son will receive what God needs for him to learn!

Blessings to you and your family!

Christie

Dear Christie,

I was watching a program on Discovery Health, about drug rehab. They [the adicts] were saying they were so angry at themselves for what they did. They were also expressing anger at past hurts, etc.  and beating them to "death" by beating a bean bag. 

My mom has just visited my blog for the first time. She had a question. Hi and Thanks, Mom!

Dear Christie,

I believe my nine year old daughter has ADD. She has not been tested, but we would like to proceed with the testing. When I mentioned my concerns to my family doctor, he prescribed Adderall. She was not able to take the meds and we stopped it. We have been referred to another doctor in our area. I want to proceed in my daughter's best interest at hand. Please help. 

K.

Hi K.,

Not having had your daughter tested I am amazed that your doctor prescribed meds without a diagnosis.

If you daughter has ADD, then there is medical intervention that has been found to be beneficial. There are other forms of alternative interventions and many behavior management interventions that can also help. I suggest that you start with the simplest and least interfering interventions first and move up... prescription meds are the last resort because of their over all effect on the child's liver, kidneys and body. However, if interventions and meds are not working, there may be a missed diagnosis. Please be careful as you proceed down this path to a proper diagnosis.

I have a checklist that can be used to review a child for ADD symptoms on our school website at www.vastnetwork.org. If you visit the Library you will see a link to Checklists and Evaluations. Unfortunately, the ADD symptoms are the same as symptoms for many different issues. Again, be careful as you travel this journey.

Blessings,

Christie

Dear Christie,
My son is Autistic and is getting very strong. He is also becoming more physical when he gets angry. Do you have any suggestions?

Mom

Dear Mom,
If you can remove him from the area to a safe place where he will not hurt himself or others that would be my first suggestion if he is already spiraling out of control. We have used a bedroom, large walk in closet, and a laundry room. This is not a punishment, this is a safe place and we call it that so that the child understands that this is a place he can be upset and angry, can't hurt himself or others, and has time and a place to find ways to calm himself down.

Having said this, I would also recommend that you begin looking for trigger behaviors. Every child has certain behaviors that are noticeable when they are becoming upset. Start to look for those behaviors. They might be clinched fists or teeth, tight shoulders, growling, hard breathing, flapping, or other types of behavior. When you notice the behavior you can begin to talk with your child about (or try with your child) sensory integration techniques that can help him calm down. Some techniques might include: heavy holding (bear hug); heavy brushing; deep pressure (one mom told me she has her son lay under the cushions of the couch and she lays on the cushions, or has a smaller sibling gently lay on the cushions, to give him a secure squeezing feeling); push ups; pushing the wall (using all muscles); jumping; swinging; bouncing, chewing gum, sucking hard candy, blowing, crunching with teeth, or any heavy work for muscles. Trying these activities should be fun and help as a diversion for your child before he goes into a melt down. But, more importantly, it will give you tools that can be used regularly to help defuse frustration and meltdowns before they happen.

These sensory integration techniques are not new. Temple Grandin, a well known author and autistic adult, has created a 'squeeze machine' for herself to help her calm down when she is feeling stressed, anxious or upset. Her theory is from her background and training in animal behavior. Cattle are herded one at a time into a squeeze shoot before they are given shots or other attention. The squeeze shoot isn't used to hold the cow, but rather to provide deep pressure so they will feel secure and safe as the farmer or worker examines or administers medications. Giving our children that same kind of security with a heavy hug or squeeze will help eliminate the anxiety or frustration they are feeling.

I just finished teaching a workshop this past weekend called Making Sense of Your Senses: Fidget vs. Focus that teaches Sensory Integration theory and applicaton. We should have it on the website for sale in a week... Watch for it at www.specialfriendspublishers.com.

Blessings,
Christie

Dear Christie,
I was thinking about letting T. go on to 9th grade when we bring him home to home school so he can do driver's ed, and maybe it would help him. He got excited about it, but is now scared and worried, anxious, not sleeping nights, the whole bit, just thinking about next year.  It is just too traumatic to him.  I don't know exactly how to do this.

Ms. GG

Dear Ms. GG

Don't tell him you are putting him in any grade for his school work. Get out of the need to assign grades, it is too overwhelming for many children. Just take it a day at a time... You could tell him you will assign him the age appropriate grade, but that you won't make him do grade appropriate work, only work he is capable of doing. So you can call it 9th grade, and let him do driver's ed if he doesn't stress over it.

Most of us feel safe in the 'Box' and really need to learn to step outside the box for our special children! This week's article in our FREE E-zine talks about God wanting us to 'step out of the box'. You can read it at www.specialfriendsnews.com/sample.htm The article is titled, "Help! My Child Doesn't Fit in the Box!" Check it out!

Blessings,

Christie

Dear Christie,

We had an incident at church regarding our special needs child and I felt very hurt and offended. How do I keep from being offended?

R.

Dear R.,

This is more than a special needs issue, it is a spiritual one. Each step of our walk with Christ brings us through difficult times in order to teach us valuable lessons and help us mature and grow in trusting Him. As we walk with our special needs children, well intentioned people will do and say things that they don't realize hurt and often offend us. When we receive Christ as our savior, we no longer belong to ourselves, but rather, to Him. In dieing to ourselves we have given up all rights, that means we have given up the right to be offended! This is a major step in our spiritual growth; trusting God will protect us from our offenders. Ask God to give you His heart for those that offend you!

The Lord has forgiven your offense against him! When you accepted Him as your Lord, He quickly forgave your offenses and doesn't remember them! Colossians 3:13 (The Message) says:

    "Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the               Master forgave you."

Proverbs 17:9 tells us that we are to overlook offenses and bond our friendships.

Jesus was talking one day with the disciples. He said there would be a time of great sorrows when it is close to His return. (see Mat 24) He told them that there would be many that would be offended and love would wax cold. He promised that those who endure to the end would be saved. We must endure to the end, knowing that He is in charge of all that we endure. It is not our place to be offended, only to trust and endure to the end!

Peter told Jesus at the last supper that he would not offend, yet 3 times before morning he denied Christ! Thank God that he forgives quickly our offenses! He wants to teach us to do the same. As you travel this life journey, you will be in situations that might offend you, take the opportunity to learn to have Christ's heart for others and be quick to forgive, just as He is quick to forgive.

Blessings,

Christie

Dear Christie
I read your article on 4 crazy friends. It really made me think. However, it made me sad to think that I really don't have 4 crazy friends. I realize I have isolated myself somewhat, partly because of the special needs of the kids. I have always done it. T. was medically fragile for years and couldn't be around others. Then, I guess I just got so comfortable with being alone I didn't reach out. Now, I miss it. I am searching for friendship, but don't know how, or don't take the effort, to cultivate it. I see others sharing, going places with friends, etc., and I feel so alone. But, it is me that did it. Maybe I am too sensitive. I get hurt sometimes when I feel slighted.

On top of everything, I am so tired, stressed, you name it. I am so tired of "problems". Seems when one gets better, something else happens.

E.

Dear E.,
If you want friends, make yourself friendly!

I have found this to be an invaluable lesson!

While I was reading this, I thought of the scripture that talks about the people not rejecting the prophet, but rejecting God... I think in somewhat slanted way this is a good lesson to learn and applies to you feeling slighted... don't look at it like they are slighting you, just that they are not giving to the Father, that is who they are slighting. In the New Testament it says if you have done it to the least of these, you have done it unto me. I think that it is important not to take offense when someone treats us wrong or when someone doesn't do for us, the Word tells us this will happen. But rather, remember that it isn't directed at you, it is spiritual, it is directed at the Father. I do not take on the problems (or at least I try not to take on the problems, I'm not perfect either) and I try to see each issue for it's spiritual merit and not what my flesh wants to make of it.

I agree with you that many of us are stressed.. you are at burnout (I just finished a workshop on that and I am writing a book about it), you are feeling apathetic and exhausted, you are wearing your heart on your sleeve and everyone brushes it while passing by and it doesn't feel good. Try not to take it personally. Give it all over to the Father, He will keep you in your exhaustion... read the articles from the past few weeks about Mary and David, they will help you. Read Elijah's story, this one is very uplifting when you are exhausted and burnt out... Spend more time in your Word and in prayer and meditation each day.

You are in a daily warfare. You are warring for the souls of your children. Satan will fight you every step of the way, he wants you to fail. Each day you must go to the Commander and ask for the daily battle plan. Each day you must put on your whole armor (Ephesians 6). Each day there will be skirmishes going on around you. Some of those skirmishes are important and some are fires set to distract you from the real battle... choose your battles wisely. Go to the Commander each day, ask Him to show you which battles are real and which ones are distractions, God always knows. When you see a fire or skirmish, STOP, PRAY, WAIT and LISTEN for God's still, small voice to tell you what the next step is, which battle to fight, and how to fight it... One of the most amazing things I have read in the Word is the many battles that were fought in the strangest of ways! Marching around a wall, playing trumpets, singing, choosing the warriors that drank a certain way, watching God send unseen mighty hosts, horses and chariots of fire to smite the enemy blind. There are many ways God chooses to fight our battles for us, but we need to wait and listen for our part... Go to the Commander to receive your daily battle plan!

Blessings,

Christie

Read the article "Everyone Needs 4 Crazy Friends" on our blog at http://homeschoolblogger.com/cberry/

Dear Christie,

I tried the 15 min. copywork today.  Everyone was whining and complaining a lot, but it did them some good.  All except B. my ASD child.  He spent the entire time erasing and rewriting so he had only part of a sentence.  I also had to tell him what to write.  He doesn't read much for pleasure except animal books and these are hard to copy because they are mostly pictures.

B.

Dear B.,

As for your children 'whining and complaining' this shows you that there is an issue of the heart that needs to be addressed and taught. I will discuss this in a minute.

On the copywork, have B. do 5 or 10 minutes. Print the words, sentences out for him in large print on a sheet of paper in the manner you want it written... example... I like dogs. (or let him chose/dictate a sentence) Write this sentence with a line underneath it so he can write directly below the text (it needs to be the only thing on the paper for him to look at). Write it in print or cursive on wide lined paper exactly how you want him to write it. He doesn't need to write the entire sentence. It is important that he work on copying it and not dictation.

As for the erasing, you will have to pick which will not stress him out as much... 1) tell him not to erase, just write as neatly as he can the first time... (tell him it is a handwriting exercise not an erasing exercise). Or, 2) let him erase and try to get through as much as he can for the 5 minutes. He is probably trying to make it perfect, right? So let him know it isn't going to be perfect, just his best at this time, and in a few weeks his best will be better!

It is important to remember that handwriting is an exercise in perseverance! Copy work teaches our children that we have to do things that we don't like to do, as well as teaching that with perseverance they will do better or accomplish a goal. Using copywork is a wonderful way to teach to this heart issue that many of our children will have difficulty learning in our instant everything society!

Blessings,
Christie

Dear Christie,
What could possibly be the purpose of my child, when she can't talk or communicate or even do for herself?

Mom

Dear Mom,

Every individual is created for a purpose! God doesn't create mistakes, only perfection. But, he allows disability to bring glory to Himself and teach us as we travel the path He has set before us for our journey. We may not always see the purpose in the obstacles on the path. Sometimes we just need to press onward with faith knowing God is going before us! But, if the only purpose for your child is to be Godly sandpaper to sand off your rough edges, then your child is greatly fulfilling her purpose! Ouch! It might hurt, but God will only do what He knows we can endure with faith in Him. Any time we stretch our faith it hurts!

For more insight on how God uses disabilities to bring glory to Himself and to help us grow in His grace and faith, Check out our booklet,  Hidden Treasures. This booklet is a Bible study on finding hidden treasures both within ourselves as we follow God's path, but also in our special children by seeing how God used disabilities throughout His Word to show His Glory and teach faith. A complete catalog of booklets and articles is available at http://www.specialfriendsnews.com.

Blessings,

Christie

Dear Christie,
How do you feel about teaching spelling?

S.

Dear S.

Spelling is one of the areas that I suggest is a gray area for teaching (as are multiplication tables and cursive writing). Some of us have a talent or ease of ability to learn some things and difficulty learning others. We all have weak areas. Can we continue learning by compensating for a weakness? Of course! Every one of us does that on a daily basis! So, whether we are talking about spelling or multiplication facts, you should look for a balance in your teaching. By Balance, I am referring to both remedial (review and continued teaching for the sake of learning a difficult area) and Compensatory (giving the child skills to overcome the weakness.)

A Remedial example; help them by allowing them to create a word bank (a notebook or page with words they have asked how to spell or looked up to spell) to use for finding words they have difficulty spelling and practice spelling a few words each week taken from an area of interest. For compensatory, you can help the child by letting them learn to use a spell check or dictionary while working on areas other than spelling. Continuing to teach spelling may or may not be a benefit to the child. Is there a talent for spelling? Is learning to spell causing undue stress? Can we compensate for the weakness of spelling? I do this everyday! I am not the best speller, but I use spell check. The more I write, the more I remember how to spell words I use often. I have taught my oldest spelling off and on to discuss the spelling rules for him to use as he writes, but frankly, I haven't really taught spelling. He doesn't have a talent or ease of ability in that area. He is doing better than he used to because he is writing more now on the computer and using the spell check has helped him. Words that are important and that he uses often he has learned how to spell! We learn most of what we learn out of necessity.

I guess if your child is not benefiting from spelling and you find it is a struggle to get it done each day/week, then change what you are doing. Use a word bank, find 5 words each week from something your child is already learning, and teach them to look up words and use a spell check while they are writing.

Blessings,
Christie

Dear Christie,

In evaluating my child's progress over the years the Neurologist noticed that in one year of homeschooling, T. went from a 6.5 reading level to a 9.5 grade equivalent reading level! The school was the one that tested him each time, and they never notices the improvement!  The Neurologist said it was because he was comfortable at home. The school just assumed he was loosing ground. And a plus to all of this he has learned to enjoy reading, not just for the grade! Thank you for encouraging me to homeschool! It is working!

E.

Dear E.

Children, given a chance, want to learn. They have a natural curiosity. However, when they are put into uncomfortable, unnatural, and even hurtful situations (school can be that type of place for many of our children),  fear and anxiety take over and they loose that curiosity. It doesn't amaze me that T. did so well in his natural environment, we all do!

Blessings,

Christie

Dear Christie

When I fill out forms for the school board how is the best way to indicate grade level? For example, I have a child that should be in 4th grade at school but he has worked through the summer for the past two years to get ahead and is now working on 6th grade work. Can I indicate on the paperwork that he skipped a grade?

Mom

Dear Mom,

There are several ways to look at this.

If your child is behind, then do as the 'Romans' do and indicate their age equivalent grade. This way they are not 'red flagged' by the school board and they can move as fast or slow as they need. You can also provide measurement tools (star test or other measure) and annual goals to show progress in the event the board ever asks to review your child's records.

If your child is ahead, you can choose to indicate their age equivalent or their ability level. If you decide to indicate ability level, you will also want to include measurement tools, work samples and annual goals to show progress.

If you choose to use age equivalent, but want to indicate they are above grade average, you can qualify the classes and grades as an advanced placement (AP) course of study. This will highlight the ability and is a better indicator to the school board of the child's success. Again, any measurement tools, work samples and goals will be helpful to 'back up' the placement.

Blessings,

Christie

Dear Christie,
I have a 13 yr old daughter.  She has no physical disabilities, but she reads and communicates at a 3rd grade level, She is beginning to desire friendships of children her own age.  Do you have any suggestions of how to help her find friendships of children her own age with maybe her same issues?  Even homeschool groups that meet of her age group do not relate well with her so we steer away from those.  Maybe we should participate in spite of that initial feeling.  I feel so sad at seeing her rejected face around children her own age.  Adults and little children love her dearly but she desires more.

Seeking Wisdom and Knowledge,

J.

Dear J.

My heart goes out to you, I deal with the same issues in my daughter. She is the 12 year old social butterfly, but is mentally about 7 or 8 years old. I understand about the activities by the local homeschool groups, children are not always taught to love others despite their differences. We have created and found opportunities for her to have healthy social activities that will not cause her to feel rejected by her peers. This can be difficult sometimes, though. One of the reasons I recommend special needs support groups is to connect parents so that they can find opportunities for social settings that would not otherwise be available.

Some things we have done and other ideas:

*PRAY! Ask God to open up opportunities for your family and others to minister to the needs of your daughter.

*Start a support group for special needs or find one in your area.

*Start a cooperative teaching program for both special needs and typical children. (We started a co-op 2 years ago, and we have a mix of special needs and typical children, it has turned out to be a wonderfully supportive group of parents and friends!)

*Find a special friend that your daughter is comfortable with that will not treat her differently. (We have a friend that is younger and one that is close to her same age)

*Find a few special friends (age and ability doesn't matter) and have a monthly tea party or other activity that you can prepare your daughter for and the other parents can prepare their daughters for that will be a 'level' playing field for all the girls.

*Find a sport activity that she is interested in, that she can participate in, and that will be understanding and tolerant of her differences.  (ie. Upwards Basketball, Special Olympics, Miracle League sports, Special Pops programs through the local recreation center.)

*Encourage her to attend church activities for the youth (make sure they are appropriate for her mental age)

*Take the time to teach other parents about your child's differences so that they (or you) can teach their children to be understanding and have unconditional love for all of God's children. It is amazing how loving and inclusive children can be when they are taught and understand! This is a wonderful way for typical families to teach their children this character trait as well! (We have found this to be one of the most important things to do for any situation; communication is a key!)

*Ask God to show you what her life purpose is. Look at her abilities, strengths and talents and encourage and strengthen them to help her move toward her purpose. This will open up opportunities to connect with others of like purpose. Using like interests will help with social differences.

Creating social situations is time consuming and sometimes difficult, but it can be done. Encourage typical children to befriend your daughter as much as possible. This will be important for her growth and theirs. Larger group settings are not always the best situations, due to peer pressure issues. Once she is an adult, she will find adults are more tolerant and understanding of her differences.

We have tried many of the activities mentioned above. Shelly is currently in a sport league called the Miracle League. They are finishing the basketball season and getting ready for the baseball season. They are open to special needs children only.

Shelly has a neighbor friend (public school) that she plays with. I have talked with both her and her grandmother about Shelly's disabilities and the girl has learned to be understanding and enjoys playing with Shelly. She calls her almost every afternoon to see if she can play! This opportunity took time and many sad days when things were said that hurt Shelly. But we took those times as a learning time, not everyone is going to treat you nicely and it isn't always just about your differences.

We are involved in the co-op I mentioned earlier. I actually started it for my special needs children and those that we work with in the area. It gives them typical children to interact with and provides a small group setting for them to learn in. This has been one of the most beneficial activity that we have tried as it ministers to the social needs of both of our children.

God has opened up many windows through which we can meet the needs of our children. The key is to keep our eyes open to the possibilities. He will not make a big banner that says, "Look Here". We have to listen quietly to His still, small voice and keep a sharp eye out for the open windows He provides us.

Blessings,
Christie

Dear Christie,
How can I encourage my 8yo child to read?

Mom

Dear Mom,
I always suggest that mom's look for things their children are interested in. Some reluctant readers need to have a reason to read. Find their interest areas and then find some books that match those interests. One thing you might try is to read to them in their interest area, show them that there are important and interesting things in books. I still read to my children, they are 17 and 12!

But remember, not everyone enjoys reading (I know, that is hard to believe!) Some read because they have to or are required to. However, not everyone grows up to enjoy reading. You can't force children to enjoy reading. In fact if we do try to force it, it will make them dislike it even more! Encourage by reading interest based books to them. Give them a reason to read and they will read when they need to!

Blessings,

Christie