Apr. 17, 2008 - Sibling Rivalry - Solutions?
I've been dealing with some pretty major (at least to me) sibling rivalry around here. I need HELP! lol Any suggestions on what works for you? I have a nearly 6 year old daughter and nearly 3 year old son who are always AT IT - fighting over a toy, a blanket, a place on the couch, to be first, to do the "running" for mom, to bring me a ringing phone, etc, etc. Then my nearly 3 year old likes to follow around and pester my 1 year old. Taking any toy he has in his possession. There have been times of hitting, but no major, physical "fights" (thank you Jesus).
How do I teach them to handle this kind of conflict being so far apart in cognitive development?
Also, there has been a major issue of attitude in my daughter. It's like she ALWAYS has one! I cannot "force" it out of her. I cannot change her heart, only God can do that. But what can I do to aid God in this process? I can give you a little background on this though: I used to be the same way. 
I did best when I was left alone because I was better able to sort through my thoughts and get myself together again. Having people threaten to ground me or spank me only made me more bitter. Do you think there is something to that? Should I use my own experience with it to help her? One thing I have learned: trying to discipline her in the midst of an "attitude problem" only makes it worse. I have to wait until she "comes out of it" and then discipline her (many times the attitude problem turns into a full blown tantrum with kicking feet, and screaming). I certainly don't believe that behavior ought to go undisciplined, yet trying to discipline her during the episode only makes it worse and is of no use. She shows sincere remorse afterwards and feels bad for disobeying Jesus.
Anyhoo...these are some dilemma's I'm facing as a parent. Advice would be great! :) Thank you!
Comments
Apr. 17, 2008 - Hello
Posted by carolina
My concern with waiting is that she will might forget what the issue was. I wouldn't suggest waiting. You are right though, this is a heart issue and it must be dealt with that way. Here is a great godly site that is very helpful with all the questions you've posed.
http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/default.asp
Apr. 18, 2008 - Great!~
Posted by carolina
Glad you picked up the book. Warning though, he wrote it a long time ago so some things don't apply or are out of date. But overall, the premise is great. I was really challenged by lots of things in the book. Hope you enjoy it!
And the Growing Godly Tomatoes site is fabulous. Very wise woman!
Edited by carolina on Apr. 18, 2008 at 10:01 AM
Apr. 18, 2008 - Hmmm,
Posted by Marja
I am NOT one of wise words. But I can relate to the comment about threatening etc makes her more bitter or angry. Isaiah is much the same way. And I can tell you that being more forceful will only create an angry heart in her towards you. And likely cause her to not want to go to you for things, or be very honest when troubles arise. She needs to be able to trust that you will be fair, honest, say what you mean, and do what you say. We have had that isssue with Isaiah and his dad particularly. I think you need to say in her ear why she is being unrealistic and a snot (NOT in those words! LOL!) and put her in her room to sort her thoughts out. Then talk about it when she is ready to listen. I know I have a hard time if Isaiah is having tude near me cause it stresses me out, makes me irritated, then I'm apt to yell at him. Not proud of it, something I'm working on every hour I'm awake.
Apr. 21, 2008 - A good book!
Posted by Anonymous
I have been using some of the techniques from "Mom Jason's Breathing on Me" and some from "The No Cry Discipline Solution."
"No Cry" says to teach them how to navagate through the situation with modeling. "Mom Jason's" says 1. don't take sides 2. don't listen to the "story" 3. tell the children they need to solve the issue on their own or you will intervene and it is likely that no one will be happy with your solution. ;)
Right now we are working on teaching our two (kind of) canned dialogue to use when they are arguing. (Brother, I can see that you are upset and that you want my blankie, but I wish you would use your own instead.) Later on we are going to move to the hands off (parents hands, that is!) approach.
Good luck!
May. 10, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous
I have a child who seems to have an arirude more than most. We made a deal. He can have it as long as he choses, but he is not to be around others with it.When his attitude is gone, then things can resume. He says it helps a lot.Giving him his time to sort through whatever it is, is helping him to help himself. Leena
