Recently I was pondering that famous group of verses in Proverbs 31, 10-31.  I know there have been articles and books published studying the implications of these verses, and sermons taught and arguments started, etc., etc.  I even had a friend tell me once, "Oh, I hate that woman."  Women everywhere seem to be so easily intimidated by this "virtuous" or "wise" woman.  She seems too good to be true, too productive and seems to have it all.  She certainly is busy. 

But in all her busyness, one thing she seems to lack - stress. And burnout.  She definitely isn't an angry woman, she is not a sick woman, and she is not depressed.  She doesn't appear to be running around like a chicken with her head cut off, and her family is not mad at her, either.  Hmmm.  I have heard people say that this is not a real person, but rather it is an accumulation of everything that is ideal in a woman - that the qualities listed here are qualities that one might find in a woman who fears the Lord.  I believe therin lies the secret.

It is not about busyness and accomplishing things or being productive or being admired.  It is not about being "perfect" or better than other people.  It is not about being the best woman in the Church, as though it were some sort of contest.  It IS, I have slowly learned, about setting priorities and putting first things first.  Amazing things grow out of obedience, and in due time wonderful, big things can happen.

Prov.31:30 says "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised."  This is the #1, above all else priority over everything.  A woman who fears the Lord.  What does this mean?  It means your entire way of thinking and living is subjected to the Lord.  He is the love of your life.  He is your creator, your redemer, your provider, the One whom you must above all else seek to please and obey.  I have heard people say that you can't please God, because all of your good works are like dirty rags before him.  I know that in terms of trying to save yourself, this is true.  Jesus Christ alone is the way of Salvation - He bore our sins, mine and yours, and by His death and resurrection - His finished work, we are saved.  We are then called to love Him and obey Him, because He first loved us.  This is our first most important work.

Prov. 31:10-12 says "An excellent wife, who can find?  For her worth is far above jewels.  The heart of her husband trusts in her.  And he will have no lack of gain.  She does him good and not evil all the days of her life."  Now obviously, an excellent wife is a rare find.  That is kind of sad to me that an excellent wife would be a hard thing to find.  But if we are excellent wives, we are a priceless asset and not an expensive liability.  If we are excellent wives, our husbands' heart will trust in us.  Do we have our husband's heart?  Really?  Will we handle it with care and will we do our husbands good and not evil all the days of our lives?  Are we really committed?  Ladies, this is the second most important work we can do.

But look with me at 1Peter3:1-8: " In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.  And let not your adornment be merely external - braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.  For in this way in former times the holy women also who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands.  Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. 

You husbands also, likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and  grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.  To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit:" 

In the above verses I highlighted that one sentence to show something that is explicitely precious in the sight of God.  How many times in the Bible do you see those words, that something is precous in the sight of God?  Now, I need to mention that we need to look at the verses before chapter 3, because the first words of chapter 3 say, "In the same way,..."  If you back up to 1Peter2:18-20,  it says, "Servants, be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but to those who are unreasonable.   For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a man bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly.  For what credit is there if, when you sin, and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience?  But if when you do what is right and sufffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God."

OK, so Peter is telling the wives that they are to submit to their husbands in the same way that servants are to submit to their masters.  I did not say this, the Word of God says this.  Ladies, we are servants first.  We are here to serve.   And we are to specifically serve God first by serving our husbands.  And if our husbands are unreasonable, (as probably everyone is at sometime or other), we are to still submit to them, knowing that God is pleased with this, and that He can fix things that need to be fixed.  God specifically speaks to the husbands in chapter 3 vs. 7, when it says that they are to "live with their wives in an understanding way," and "grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life. so that your prayers may not be hindered."  So if husbands are having trouble getting their prayers heard and answered, perhaps they should read these verses.

So a woman who fears the Lord is going to make it her business to first love and obey the Lord and then love and submit to her husband (if she has a husband.)  If you make it your business to take good care of your husband even over your own needs, and if you do not harbor anger and resentment against him and are happy with what he provides, then I guarentee you there will be peace, joy and much less stress.  If you die to your self, your desires and your selfish ambitions, and instead embrace the Lord's provision, and your husband's efforts at leading you and your home, you will be much happier, healthier, and probably wealthier.  If you are trying to do too much outside of your home or work too much at your own projects inside your home, and you are neglecting your husband and his needs - or if you are taking advantage of his good nature and doing everything you can to take advantage of him and advance your own cause, my friend, this is not virtuous or wise.  It will eventually catch up to you and you will find yourself tearing down your own house, and not building it up.  Would that it could be said of us, as in Prov.31:28-29: "Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: Many daughers have done nobly, But you excel them all."

The next thing that strikes me about the Proverbs 31"10-31 verses is that this woman personally prepares food for her household, she does not give this job to her servant girls.  Verse 15 says"She rises also while it is still night, And gives food to her household, And portions to her maidens." I find this interesting.  As a mom of 8 children, I know how important meals are.  I also have a husband who eats almost anything and does not complain very much.  But good meals are important to him.  And when I go the extra mile to make a meal that is one of his favorites, he really appreciates it and it blesses him.  I have 5 daughters, and they all like to help cook.   The other night Amanda and Abby made a delicious dish for our supper while I was grocery shopping and taking Rachel to ballet.  It was a blessing to me to come home and have a clean kitchen with a nutritious supper already prepared.  I want to see to it that my daughters consider it important to prepare good meals for their future husbands and families.  But they do not do this every day.  I consider that my job.  They will have that daily job when they marry and if they never marry and we all live together, then we can share those duties! 

You might say, "Well, cooking is not my thing.  I'm just not very good at it."  I have heard more than one woman say, "I don't cook," or "I don't like to cook very much."  I have to tell you that I used to not like to cook too.  Sometimes I don't like to cook now, to be honest.  But, that does not take away from the fact that it is my job.  I have found when you embrace meal preparation, put some time and energy into doing it, and learn from experience, you eventually reap the rewards, and eventually, you begin to enjoy it.

"She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness." (Prov.31:27) I think this encompasses home education, child-training and nurturing, food preparation and clothing, ordering and organizing the home, preparing for the future and planning ahead, and promoting a loving, harmonious, happy atmosphere where God is readily praised and thanked and people are welcomed.  This is a full-time job and it takes a good long time to make it all happen.  Simplifying is a huge help.  Sometimes you have to focus really hard and ignore some of the loud, intrusive voices that invade your home - whether it is electronic invasion through TV or the internet,  or whether it is the phone ringing off the hook and  people trying to pull you in the wrong direction, taking your focus off of your primary calling,  or whether it is catalogs in the mail or a ladies' group needing assistance only you can provide.  Don't submit to the tyranny of the urgent mentality that is so easily forced on you.  And don't let your girlfriends intrude on your family time.  Friends are important, but they should be down the list after your God, your husband, your children.  We certainly should not be shunning our husbands or neglecting the discipleship of our children because we need some "girl time."  If you have time leftover after the first priorities, for friends and fellowship, then enjoy it to the hilt.

I think all of the other accomplishments the Prov. 31 wise woman has listed comes out of and as a result of, her faithfulness to the 3 main callings in her life : The Lord God, her husband, her children/ household.  If you are a single woman, you are to develop skills that will help you if and when you marry.  If you have a career and you are single, set aside money for when you marry and then use it in some creative way to benefit your household under your husband's authority.  Learn about finance, business, running a household.  Minister to the poor and needy as you can.  And we can minister to the poor and the needy now, as wives in a busy household, as an outpouring of our regular daily duties.

I no longer look at the Prov. 31 woman as a wonder-woman, but I do see her as a wise woman who has set her priorities straight and has a deep love for and committment to, her Lord, her husband, and her children.  This is something we all can do, and as the Lord blesses and helps, who knows what wonderful things will come about.

May you be blessed as you seek the Lord,

Chris