An Instrument in Christ's Hands

• Oct. 20, 2007
My Poetic Side

Hello out there!!!

Well, as long as I can remember, I've had a weird flare for writing weird poetry.  I admit, some of it was awful, and scary.  Which is why I tore it out of my booklet.  ;)  In any case, I did save some of my old stuff, and I've written some new stuff.  I can't say I understand it all, or that I expect it to all make sense to you, or that it is in any way very good, but I thought I would share it with you, so you get a bit of a feel for what goes on inside my head. :)

These are from before 2002:

Spring

Spring is coming!
I can feel it in the air,
Spring is coming!
I see some springtime over there.
Spring is coming!
The bells so clearly ring,
“Spring is coming!”
It just makes me want to sing!
 
Spring is here!
Oh the sun is shining brightly.
Spring is here!
I do feel like dancing lightly!
Spring is here!
No more winter sleet and snow,
Spring is here!
The flowers, how they grow!
 
Spring is gone!
But do not shed a tear.
Spring is gone!
But Sumer’s drawing near.
Spring is gone!
But flowers, do not weep,
Spring is gone!
Your memories I shall keep!
 
(I was probably 9-ish when I wrote that.)
 
Pity
 
Faces,
Wandering.
Wondering.
Forever.
 
Hearts,
Unknowing.
Unforgiving.
Forever.
 
Why?
Unknown.
Unwelcome.
Forever.
 
Lives,
Lost.
Useless.
Forever.
 
God,
All-knowing.
All loving.
Forever
 
(I was probably also 9 or 10-ish here)
 
Stubborn
 
You talk,
but do not act.
 
You cry,
but cannot mourn.
 
You look,
but pass me by.
 
You want,
but will not ask.
 
You live,
and you will die.
 
(I like that one, and think it is one of my better ones of all time!)
 
 
Forgiveness
 
A man came walking by me,
all dressed in clean white robes.
He called me by my name,
I did not answer.
 
Someone tried to love me,
care for me, caress.
They reached their hand to touch me,
I pulled away.
 
A woman tried to show me,
the answer to my faults.
She pointed them out gently,
I would not listen.
 
I lay wounded by the roadside,
the others passed me by.
they had tried, I’d not responded,
I cried in agony.
 
I was mournful, weak, and sorry,
God came to me and helped.
He comforted and loved.
God forgives.
 
(The truth in life, isn’t it?)
 
 
The Poem I Never Gave a Name To
 
A special friend arrives,
as I sit there at the door.
The wood steps feel so lonely,
I do not see my friend.
 
I wonder why I have
not seen as my pen flies
o’er and o’er.
My friend…is gone.
 
I look again, I see my friend,
but alas it’s a mirage.
No…sense is not for me.
I don’t get it.
 
(This is one of those REALLY WEIRD ones! I have no idea what frame of mind I was in, but I must have been about 10 at the time. We had wood steps at that house.)
 
These are just a few little random lines I’ve written when I felt out of sorts and confused. Not really poems, but they are in my poem notebook, so I’ll share them anyway.
 
‘Whenever my pen flies,
answers come fast,
and then I understand.
 
The reasons seem to reach me,
I want to know more,
Then it comes.
 
Quiet night.
Soft
Noise
words
gentle
love
sleep.’
 
 
‘Poems are useless,
Pens are so dull,
But the sound of an instrument
rings clear like a bell!’
 
These poems and thoughts have been written in the last 6 months.
 
Pure Friendship
 
Pure friendship,
Gift to not pass up.
Such kinship,
Oft’ hard, but don’t give up.
 
Though valleys quake,
Loud roar it makes,
the friends continue on.
Encouragement to one another,
from evening through past dawn.
 
Though we endure,
This friendship pure,
Leads us through good times too,
when every precious moment,
is filled with joy from you.
 
I count our special tie,
as a gift from God.
For though earth binds us night,
it’s Him that deserves laud.
 
I probably seem silly,
sometimes as on we run,
but you see, it’s really,
so nice to have sheer fun.
 
Especially when you’re around,
and can join along,
to make a giggly, happy sound,
or to sing a foolish song.
 
So now as we set for lightly,
let’s clasp each other tight.
Let’s watch the stars that winkle brightly,
and fix eyes on Christ’s might.
 
(I wrote this when Mariah was here visiting. It was amazing.)
 
 
Time and Life
 
If time could suddenly stand still
What would I do with what is left?
I might wait a while and pray,
let imagination stay.
Walking, talking, thinking,
My thoughts drift around now.
Emotions wander.
Though I should ponder,
What lies ahead.
Can’t think, at best.
Words fail me,
What I see,
Means more.
Clear door.
Light,
Life.
 
(Another weird one, it is kind of an exploration of the thoughts that none of us can put into words, and I think that is why it doesn’t seem to make sense. Language just doesn’t do those thoughts justice, but in order to share them, we have to try. Note the arrangement: The first two lines are 8 syllables, the third and fourth lines are 7 syllables, the fifth and sixth lines are 6 syllables, on down to two one syllable lines. Weird and wonderful.)
 
 
Abstracts
 
Some days are like moments,
some moments, like days.
Time still rolls, going on and on.
And my life seems an endless maze.
 
No, I know, those moments,
are as precious as years,
yet still the speed seems unfair,
and slowly drop tears.
 
But see, I’ve realized,
this time will never wait.
Don’t waste it on tears,
never let your heart hate.
 
Sometimes, though, I wonder,
Are tears really wrong?
If they were, why’d God create them?
No, they are no worse than a song.
 
I wish I truly understood,
all these miniscule abstracts,
I’m pretty sure it’s impossible,
All we fathom are true facts.
 
They all leave my head spinning,
drifting thoughts without end.
Confusion encircles every emotion.
To my pencil, these thoughts I send.
 
(This was one of those bleak, confused moments yesterday.)
 
 
A Dedicated Life
 
My words have been words of confusion,
Thoughts of great pondering I wrote.
My Saviour wasn’t my centre,
My Jesus wasn’t my hope.
 
I’m now quite sure He wants me to,
do something big for Him.
He wants my heart, my soul, my all,
To run away from sin.
 
My joy must be full, overflowing!
Acceptance of His love, my all.
I can trust in Him, perfect, all-knowing,
and onto my knees I will fall.
 
Father, God, forgive them
They know not what they do.
Your words mean so very much to me,
They’re so incredibly, wonderfully true!
 
So help me, Lord, to understand,
to win this battle of faith,
to lean heavily on your wisdom,
and run well this glorious race.
 
(I wrote this earlier today, after realizing that though we do have confused thoughts sometimes, our Jesus is there for us. I felt like God was talking to me yesterday afternoon, and I learned a lot. It made me want to be on fire for Him, and I feel he has something special for me to do. I can’t elaborate now, but I would appreciate it if you’d pray for me. Thanks!)
 
 
I have a few other poems, but I wrote them on the computer, not in my notebook, and my computer is ‘at the hospital’ right now, so you’ll just have to wait for ‘part 2’.   Thanks for listening, and I hope you don’t think I’m too crazy!
May you have a beautiful weekend,
In Christ Alone!!!
Sheila

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• Oct. 6, 2007
Joy in Learning?

Here we are in October, a month (or two for some of you in the US) into the 'school year', so to speak, and I must ask how we--the 'students'--are feeling about our learning endeavours.  I'm telling you, when I first thought of writing this post, it was because I was THRILLED every day about the things I was studying and learning.  Everything seemed perfect., and at the end of 2 hours of flute practice, I wanted more and didn't want to stop and get on to other things.  My excitement about my 'bookwork' was way up there, beyond what I ever thought it could be, and soaring in happiness and glee everyday.  I was getting up at 6:00, keeping on schedule, and hey, what could be better? 

Well, you all know how it is.  By mid-September, my 'going to bed early, getting up early, and staying on track everyday' plan had started to falter.  I was falling a behind, and slacking off, and it kind of felt like every day was 'one of those days'.  "Yuck, I just don't feel right today, I'm squishy."  "Well, you know, I did do such and such and so and so today, and those are good things! (Just not what needed to be done)", and the like.  I'm sure you've made excuses like that too!  Well, I just didn't know how to pull myself out of this silly hole I'd dug for myself.  Although the things I was learning were amazing and great, I just couldn't bring myself to truly enjoy the learning of it. 

Let us now look at what I've learned over the last week.  I've tried a few things that have helped me to figure out what I should be getting out of this, and I've talked to God about it.  First of all, I've realized I have to get over the elementary grades notion that I have to be 'done' for the day.  I'll never be done, there will always be something else I could do, so when I need recreational time, I have to just take it.  Of course, that doesn't mean an easy excuse for getting out of work, but I've found it's true.  If I want to crochet at all during the day, I have to just say to myself "Okay, now I'm going to crochet'.  Otherwise it will never happen and I will stress over not having a chance to do some of the 'extra-curricular' things that I like doing. 

I've also learned that some days I need to get ALL 4 hours of practicing done before I even touch my books.  Other days, I MUST complete all my bookwork for the day before I dare to look at an instrument.  Other days are crazy, and I just have to fit things in bit by bit.  Of course, I have two days each week in which I don't expect to get nearly as much done, as I am out for most of them.  So you see, I learned that organization can be slightly disorganized, and therein lies the beauty,

I am enjoying what I am doing, and trying to feel at peace and relaxed no matter what I'm doing or how much I have 'accomplished for the day', for though it might be 4:00 and I may have only done one hour of practicing and half a math lesson, did I take into account the housecleaning I did, or the things I learned going out with my Mom?  Nope, I usually forget that.

Last week I prayed, I prayed with more fervency than I have in a long time, and you know what?  I'm slightly ashamed to say that I was praying for me, not for the lost in poverty stricken countries, or the persecuted in Arabia, but for selfish little me.  No matter how much I need to pray for these people, however, I really needed to pray about this.  Shedding a few tears, I asked God for the excitement I had at the beginning of the year for my instruments.  I asked Him for this thing which it seems all other musicians have except me, and that is the desire to be constantly playing my instrument, at least to some extent, I asked for the instrument to be a distraction, and that He would help me to find pure joy in them all the time and not just sometimes.  Wouldn't you know it, the next day was easier, I didn't feel that old dread seeping in of having to practice as I had a few days prior.  No longer did I feel burdened to finish every minute of practicing that day.  I did though, and I enjoyed it.  The next day was even better, and suddenly, a burst of joy bloomed from my soul.

Please don't get me wrong, it's not that I hate my music, I don't feel that way in any way, shape or form, but sometimes you can get really bogged down with even the things you love the most.  I guess that's what happened a little, and other times in the past I never thought of asking God for wisdom.  This time I did, and it payed off!

All that to say that I have learned lots about learning.  I realize everyday that  life is one big schoolroom filled with shelves and shelves of marvelous books.  Books to dig deep into, and to live from.  At the very centre of that room is a very special book: The Bible.  It governs all.  I never want to get to the point where I say "That's it, I've learned enough."  If my life is to be an adventure, I must keep learning about how to make that adventure the best one I can have, and Christ is my most valuable life-source: literally.

May you find peace in this as we learn together to find joy in life's journey.  i'm struggling with you all, but I just found one tiny, fragment of the final answer that lies in Christ.  I would love to say I could keep it up pretty well on my own, but I know I can't, and that if I rely on God and His wisdom, He will guide me through it and I can succeed.

Phillipians 4:13

I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.

 

Gowing together,

Sheila

PS. I have pictures for this post, but the computer with the pictures got fried.  Fortunately the pictures were able to be saved, but I've already deleted them off my camera, and the computer is at the repair shop.  I have to wait until I get the other computer back to get them up.  Hope you'll come back to see them!  Sheila

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• Sep. 4, 2007
Who am I?

Yes, that's me. :)


Dear blog readers,

I'd like to share with you all a bit more of who I am.  Please read on!

Who am I?  I am no celebrity, no star.  I am no great oracle of wisdom, and no mother of many.  I am not a popular girlie-girl, and I am not a hidden away nun.  So really, who am I?  I am Sheila, truly, and I am a 15 year old young lady striving after God's will.  That could be so much, so who is that girl?  Here I am, in as much detail as possible.

My interests: 
My one and only life-source is Jesus Christ, and I am striving with all my heart to let 'this little light of mine' shine with as bright a light as I possibly can.  I know I fail, and my heart is not as centred on Him and His will for my life as it probably should be, but I am now trying my hardest, and praying that I will truly want to want Him at any given moment.  I want to display Christ's incredibly love simply by being me, and I know I cannot do that on my own.  With God's help, though, I know for a fact, that I can lean on Him completely and totally give my everything to HIm!

As most of you will already know quite well, I am desperately musical! (Hence the blog name and current template.)  I play the flute and piano with much enthusiasm, though during the summer one might not see that quite so clearly, as even the musical part of myself needs a little break now and again.  However, my excitement for the sounds I create is huge, especially on the flute, and I can't wait to get back into lessons and such in a week!  Hopefully I will have students again this year! :)

I also ride horses and enjoy that very much.  I ride Western, for those of you who might wonder, and think it's the greatest!  It is all very layed back and I have never competed in my life.  It is something I do for pleasure, and those horses get right into my heart each time I see them!  I have a little collection of horsey things, grooming brushes and such, that I buy now and then for cheap, just for fun...just in case. ;)

Other than that, I am enjoying working on Geometry this semester, and am interested in topics such as midwifery and the like, and have considered taking a few doula courses in a couple years.  I also am working towards becoming a lifeguard and swim teacher, which I enjoy very, very much!  I also do lots of research on various topics that pop into my head, checking encyclopedias, and using the internet as an invaluable resource.


My flute...or is that a flower?


My hopes and dreams:  My biggest hope is to become a wife to whoever God has in store for me, and a mother to the children I desire Him to bless me with.  That truly inspires me to learn as much as I can now to prepare for the life I hope to have ahead!  Although I know it is possible that I may stay single, I pray that is not so.  I dream of big fields, open spaces, huge gardens, giant family, and beautiful femininity throughout.  I know that our Father in heaven has made me that outdoor dreamer, which consequently is why I spent most of my childhood at 'my tree' living out a 'Little House on the Prairie' of my own imagination, with my dear imaginary friends who attended the same 'boarding school' (my house!) as myself.  I, who in my imaginary world was known as Christine, used to call the space between two birch trees my home, and I would sweep it out, and sit on on of the big branches of the big maple tree, driving my 'carriage' to 'town' through beautiful prairie outdoor settings of my imagination, holding the 'reins' of my rope swing in front of me.  Who needs real people?!  This proves to me the kind of dreamer I am, and the life I've lived out in my imagination as a little girl is what I hope for in the years to come.  I know it all seems so perfect now, but I pray that I can at least get a taste of that little house on the prairie one day, filled with the laughs and joys of brothers and sisters that I always dreamed of having...only I'll be the Mommy.  :)  Of course, this is all hypothetical.  Haha!

I also pray that I can continue to teach music to those little ones in my life, be it simply students from the community I may live in, or my very own children.  Hopefully, I can even continue with my lifeguarding and swim teaching!

Mommy practice!  He our friend's little boy.  Isn't he cute?


My personality: Well, most of you have a bit of an idea about that! :)  First off I'm totally goofy and sometimes a tad on the weird side.  At least, that's what they say.  I love to sing silly songs when I wash the dishes, as evidenced by some of the really weird posts I used to put up.  I guess I'm past that kind of weirdness!  On the other hand, I love all things feminine and am so glad that God chose me to be one of his little girls.  I hope that I can demonstrate--through my chatty personality--Christ's unending love.  If you just look at all the good parts of my personality, I'd describe myself as fun, bright, chatty, silly, feminine, God-fearing, dreamy, etc., but as we all know, that isn't all there is to a person.  I'm often impatient, grudging, lacking in deference, not humble, and a very bad procrastinator, however, with God's help, I think I can get over those things.  I am really working specifically on humility and patience at the moment, and although it isn't easy, I do make small baby steps towards the true, God-fearing woman I want to be. 


So, who am I?  I am Sheila, the girl of breezy dreaming, of prairies and oceans, and wide open spaces, of laughter, and Christ-adoring, of struggles and uncertainties.  I'm a human being just like you, and yet unique, because God made me like that.  Yep, I'm no cookie-cutter girl, but I'm nothing extraordinary either, just different...and I have a secret for you:  You are too. :)

That's me too! :D

God bless you all as you discover who God has made you to be.
In Christ,
Sheila

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• May. 17, 2007
Dating, Crushes, and Love (Teens; Part 2)


Pr.S. I'm a girl, and most of you are girls, therefore, I am going to write this mostly from a girl's perspective.  If you are a guy (or you know a guys who might be good at this), and you wish to elaborate on this topic from your perspecitive, let me know, and if I like what you write, I'll post it. :)

Three words, used practically interchangeably, but so vastly different: Dates, Crushes, Loves.  Let me set before you a scenario from our public high school world: One young woman meets a handsome young man, and decides she 'likes', or has a 'crush' on him.  He's 'hot' she says, and 'cute', and she feels that she is in the most glorious place when she is around him.  The young man in focus decides he 'likes' the young woman in focus as well, and 'asks her out'.  'Almost dying' when he asks her, the girl accepts, and immediately tells all her 'friends' that she has a 'date', and shows them pictures of his 'adorable' face.  The following Friday, the 'couple' go to a movie at the local theatre, hold hands, and eat from the same bag of popcorn, while shallow, little, warm fuzzies creep through the two of them.  A few weeks later, as the rumor goes around that the 'couple' is 'in love', the guy and girl kiss, making them believe they are utterly in heaven.  I need not elaborate, but it is obvious that a few weeks or months later, they 'break up', possibly because he just wants to go for another girl, she cries for a few days, and begins the process once again with another young man.  Does this make sense to you?  Would you want to be that girl?

I hope you would not!  As you see, there are many things in quotations in the above paragraph, because those are the words that are used, but they are not what the things they are reffering to really are.  It all goes to show you how fake it all is.  The problem is, that the dating scene continues into married life.  Date, kiss, break up: Marry, kiss, divorce.  God clearly states that divorce is not right, therefore, how could breaking up be right?  If divorce was alright, then what what would be the point of marriage in the first place?  Therefore, the same thing goes for dating: If breaking up is wrong--which it is--then what is the point of dating?  I think it is high time that we penetrate our earthly desires, to see what the bigger picture really is.

Personally, I have a goal in mind that I know many girls scoff at.  Laughter, whether suppressed or not, is the first thing from their lips when I tell them that I don't have crushes.  "Everyone has crushes; you can't stop that!", they say.  I don't believe that, because I know someone that can help me!  I see many hansome young gentlemen, and at first glance even think that very thing, but that doesn't mean that I am in love with him, or that there is some sort of secret force between us that makes me 'like' him.  Sure, if I let my thoughts dwell on that young man, I could become infatuated with him, but that isn't necessary!  When I feel those thoughts and feelings seeping slowly into my heart, I pray.  "Heavenly Father," I pray, "take these feelings away from me, and help me not to think about that young man in that way.  Help me to see him only as another one of your children, not a candidate for my love."  Having had one or two 'crushes' in the past, before I had jumped over the not-so-scary hurdle of submitting my feelings to God, not just my heart, I know that once you have 'liked' someone, and then decided you don't 'like' them anymore, you can never be quite as close to them as real friends as before.  It is as if there is a film left on your soul that says: "I had feelings for that person, and I can never have feelings, whether love-ish or not for him again."  It's difficult, but possible to overcome.

Through prayer and contemplation, God can help you to feel friendly towards previously-liked guys, but is it necessary to go through that again?  I think not!  Affection for young men is not a planned part of life, however, it happens suddenly and without warning, and we must be sure to nip it in the bud as soon as it becomes noticable, just like weeds!

If you think about it, dating and crushes are not aa part of God's plan.  Courtship, in which the two parties in question take time to think through all the little parts of the relationship, and consider marriage from square one, instead of it being an afterthought, is Biblical.   Here is an example of someone not caught up by lust for many girls: Jacob loved Rachel, and was willing to wait.  Why date when you're 15 if you are not planning on marriage anyway?  Perhaps waiting as Jacob did for the right time in life, is the better choice.

Genesis 29:18¹
And Jacob loved Rachel; and said, I will serve thee seven years for Rachel thy younger daughter.

Love--contrary to popular belief--is not a feeling.  Love is a passion for God, and a willingness to share that with someone.  Love means being ready to do anything at any time for a particular person. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.

According to God's word, is love a feeling?  No!  So what on earth are we talking about when we say that someone is 'in love'?  I'm not going to get into symantics and say that we shouldn't use the word 'love' for being 'in love', etc., but perhaps just realizing that our English language is severely limited might help us to see that the word 'love' is used for a lot more things than it was originally designed for.

Girls!  If you haven't already, promise with me,² give your single years to God rather than silly young men who just want a kiss!  (and leave the prayer in the comments of that post to show the world that you did!)  Let us show the world that we are true lovers, according to what our Master in heaven has set forth as a guideline.

One day, most likely, you will be 'in love'.  At that time, think back to the promise you made, and remember that the object of your affection is not your Creator, and think on the fact that He alone is worthy of your life and complete surrender.  The man you will marry will become a beautiful part of you, but he cannot live within you as your Father does.  In light of this, let us consider how worthless and what a waste of time and energy it is to have breezy relationships with young men before such a time as you are ready to commit to a lifelong bond, no matter how mature and upright the man may be.

1 John 4:16
16 We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us.  God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.

Now, go in peace and serve the Lord with every ounce of your being.  Being His child and walking His road can be hard, and the devil likes to confuse us with other lofty ideas and ideals, and perhaps even a taste of the world's version of love, but stay straight and lean on Jesus and through all remember: God is Love!

Sheila

¹ All Bible passages taken from the New American Standard Bible
² URL: http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/ChristsInstrument/235758/

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• Apr. 4, 2007
Special ways to capture who you are!


As I have been reading Anna's posts on Maidens of Worth, about returning to 'plain journaling', and reading the posts on her old blog about journaling itself, and writing letters to future husbands, I've decided to write my thoughts on it as well. :) 


Diaries

I'm on my 3rd 'real' diary now.  I had another one when I was 8, that I wrote in regularly for about a month, about nothing in particular.  The rest of the entries go something like: "Wow, I haven't written in over a year!  Well, we went to Paris last summer and saw the Eiffel tower!  It's really tall!  Sheila"  Amazing, isn't it?  Yeah, so I don't really count that in my list of diaries, however I've filled up two large journals, and I started another at Christmastime!  The first one I started when I was 11. 

It's been a real joy to write in my Diary, to share things with an unknown someone, and to record my thoughts and feelings as tangible things.  If I write of some joyous occasion with joy in my heart, the reader will feel that joy bubbling up through the pages.  If I am lonely and sorrowful, the heart of the reader will sink.  That is what I wish to convey with my Diaries, even if no one ever reads them.  However, let me share a little secret!  I won't tell you her name, but I do write to her!  She might be my daughter, she might be a friend, she might be my aunt, or a great-grandaughter, who knows!  But she is also the sister I never had, and always dreamed of.  She is who she is, and all I know is that she either will live, has lived, or does live.  Isn't that special?

Now I shall share a few diary excerpts. 
Diary one (Purple Diary)

Feb. 4, 2004
Dearest _____, I'm so sorry I skunked you for a few days.  I hope you don't mind!  Me and my friend have gotten the idea of organizing a stamp collecting club.  We've made little cards about it to give to people.  If it works it could be alot of fun!  Oh, just so you know, you haven't missed much with me not writing!  Nothing really fantastic has happened.  Well, I better go do school!  Sheila

It's amazing really.  I just read some further stuff in that diary.  Painful!  However, you can really see how I've grown.  There was a time when I struggled deeply with being me.  I didn't have many friends, and being involved in concert band at a Christian School didn't help.  I read it and it all sounds so superficial!  At the time I also really thought the teacher was the greatest thing, and 3/4 of my entries from half of the purple diary at least mention her once.  March 10 '04 I said: "She has long, dark, silky hair, a gentle smile, and sparkly eyes."  Ha ha...I was 11!  Everyone must have a childhood hero!  What really amuses me is how we found out later that she wasn't as nice as she seemed. 

Can you see what I'm saying?  I can see how I've grown!  I can see my horizons broadening!  I can look back and find the first time I ever mentioned being serious about music as an occupation.  I can see when I began to go 'school-ish', when I began to find myself again, how it happened, what happened along the way, and why.  While occasionally embarrasing, it's really worth it.

I can also see what I'm like when I'm confused, and how I've come out of mucky situations:

Diary two (Pink and Green Diary)

May 28, 2006
Grrg.  Piano sucks and I dread practicing and I'm not sure why.  Mrs. _____ (My piano teacher) is nice, but she has her ways, her little box you have to fit into.  I'm confused, and afraid and nervous and, oh...

See what I mean?  Soon after that we changed to another, fabulous teacher.  Now I'm happy, and love piano!  I so enjoy reading my diary and having proof and evidence that I've come a long way in a short time! 



My Special Box

Ah yes, the special box!  As you see, it's full of odds and ends that mean absolutely nothing to you!  Most of it is stuff that wouldn't fit very well in a scrap book, and even if it did, might not be worth putting in a scrap book.  I love that box!  It began with a tiny little green 'jewelery box' on my dresser, that was about 3-4 inches wide, and an inch and a half tall.  I began to put little random things in there from special events or whatever, and sometimes I'd go through it, and be reminded of those special memories.  A squished coin from Disneyland, an entry bracelet from a fair, a little tiny doll of mine that was my Mom's when she was little, or a little piece of glue with a happy face sticker on it that I played with a bit!  Go figure!  The box finally could close no longer, and I transferred the stuff to an old chocolates tin.  Of course, everything was stuffed and stuffed, and it just didn't fit very well.  So when I got two beautiful boxes for Christmas, I decided the bigger one would become my 'special box'. 

It's so lovely to go through it every few months, and see what things have been added, how things tie together from years before to things from a week ago, and again, to see how far I've come.  It's a great reminder of experiences I might otherwise forget completely about.  Perhaps you might see a card from someone I have never met, and perhaps in a year or two, you'll see an airplane ticket inside the same box, with a the same destination as was designated on the return address of the card's envelope.  "I remember that card!"  "Do you remember when we made that little sachet with rose petals?"  "Here's the backing from those earrings that so-and-so got for me all those years ago!"  Are frequent comments when I sort through my special box.  I also keep past diaries in that box.  In time, they may not fit, but they do now, and it's a good, special spot where I can't lose them.  I encourage you to find a pretty box, or decorate an un-pretty one, and start your own 'special box' .  Perhaps you have many little odds and ends of memories that need a permanent home.  This is it!



Letters to 'Him'

The ever contraversial issue of 'letters to him'!  Personally, I think it's a fabulous idea.  I first got the idea of writing letters to my future husband from the 'When God Writes Your Love Story' book (By Eric and Leslie Ludy, a must-read for those trying to let God run their love-lives!), in which Eric told the reader that he had written many letters in a journal for his future wife, and given it to Leslie on their honeymoon.  I think, however, as I've discovered with my diary, that if I had all the letters in a book, I would be very tempted at times to pull out a letter, and throw it in the garbage.  So I write the letters on various lovely stationary, sign it, and seal it within a dated envelope for 'one day'. 

Now let me clarify what I write in these letters.  I do not write mushy love letters.  Carefully thinking through my words before writing them, I often think things such as "If I were to get this letter from my future husband, him having written it as a 14 year old, would I like it?"  Receiving a letter saying such things as "Oh, my dearest, how you are a blossom of early spring whose petals draw a song from my lips and a tear from my eye.  Your ever-present love fills me with such passion, my dearest!"  would not be appealing.  Those words are intended for couples who have met.  It would be just wierd to ge that letter!  I do say such things as: "I do indeed look forward to meeting you.  You are and will be cherished in my heart each day as I pray for you and your life to come.  May God bless you richly on your journeys!"  Why not?  I know I will love him, and I cherish him now!  Perhaps I'll share a beautiful scene of God's nature, or my happiness and glee in some forthcoming event.  I'm sure when I read them with 'him' one day, I may laugh, or even be a little embarressed at the letters I wrote as a a 13-year-old, but they are from the depths of my heart, and I know he will know that.  In fact, after a discussion about this very topic on the Rebelution.com forum, I got this private message from a young man in response to the following quote:

Quote:
Yes, thankyou so much for your responses! It is very encouraging to hear your sensitive thoughts and excitement! Oh, how I look forward to presenting my precious box to 'him', if only he will appreciate it. Thanks so much,
Sheila








....if he is the one God has for you, he will appreciate it. :D


That was very encouraging, because some of the people who were discussing this thought that receiving any letters from a spouse which had been written in the past would be too strange, and that they wouldn't like it.  I feel that God wants me to do this, and so I know that it must meant that these letters will be important and cherished by my future husband.

One day, after I am wed, maybe on my honeymoon, maybe not for years into marriage, I don't know, whatever seems right, but on that special day, I shall present my beautiful box to the man I have married, and he will read them.  One each day?  All in one evening?  One every year?  I don't know.  Will he laugh, or cry, or simply be moved by my young, in-experienced words?  The understanding of this is beyond me, but one day, maybe near, or maybe distant, I will know.  I love the adventure in it!  There are so many unknowns: what the letters themselves contain,--because though I write them, I don't try to remember their contents--who will read them, when it will be, what he will think, and even--a thought I try to suppress--if they will ever be read!  Consider them messages of love, given before you can give them.  I've written only a few since the first special letter written December 18, 2005--around 5 or 6--but I've written them with all love and compassion, that I could only give now, not in the past, nor the future.  In this way, my Husband will be able to touch a part of my life that he cannot ever be a part of.



So, consider these words, and take heart if you have not started any of these three things yet!  If you are 45 and married, consider writing letter for your Grandchildren to read after you have passed on to be with Jesus.  If you are 30, and miss the 'tangible memories' that would be present in your 'special box' now, think of how many memories are still to be made, and look through your box in 5 years!  Scrounge the house for odds and ends: a wood shaving from a deceased rodent's cage, a scribbled paper from your kindergarten years stashed away in the back of a drawer, a tiny doll, or a piece of Chrismas paper from a gift from Grandma with your name written on it with her beautiful scrawl.  Are your journals many and your entries sparce?  Now is the time to begin journaling in earnest!  Maybe you should pull the entries from the various diaries and paste them into a binder, or even another diary!  Even if you only write every few months, think what I blessing it could be to your children or grandchildren to have 'inside information' on your life and thoughts and feelings!

Your life could be a blessing to others in a way you could never have imagined!

Blessings in Christ,
Sheila

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• Mar. 28, 2007
What is a Teenager? (Teens; Part 1)



What words do you think of when you say 'teenager'?  Punk, Emo, Goth?  Young lady, young man, both?  Dating, high school, extreme sports?  What are the 'teenage years'?  Are they simply a time between childhood and adulthood, or does the name teenager pertain only to a group of people between young and old?  We are young adults, almost ready to face an uncertain world, and with God's help, you and I must discover who we are.

Many jokes are made about these years, parents say them in front of their kids, pastors say them from the pulpit, and many teens even laugh at the jokes themselves, but what is it that makes these jokes funny?  Is it reality, or is it a disappointing system?  Really, they are insults.  Why should someone assume that because I'm 14 I disrespect my parents?  The reason, simply put, is that the stereotypical 'teenager' has become a disrespectful, un-thoughtful, disobedient, dull, un-interested person, dressed in drab colours with hair hanging in their face and underwear hanging out of pants that--depending on gender--are falling off, or are much too tight.  Why?  Wait around to watch the majority of kids come out of the high school at lunch time, and just watch for a few minutes.  It's sickening.

We must raise the bar, and step out from the rest of our generation.  Unfortunately, that means separating ourselves from those who we often consider 'friends'.  When we spend time with stereotypical teens, it rubs off on us.  Now, that does not mean in any way that we shouldn't ever spend time with non-Christian youths, after all, we must shine as a witness of Christs's love and forgiveness.  If the school and their families don't inform them of God's glorious grace, who will?  You!  It's a tough thing to do, staying away from the cliques and trends.  Watching others be accepted for their immodest clothes can easily lead one to believe that that is what I should do.  After all, everyone wants love!  What I have been learning of late, however, is that God loves me, and accepts me, and I don't need the affection of dull teenagers to have a wonderful life.

Let us take a couple examples from God's Word of young people who were not afraid to do hard things.

Genesis 29:20
So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel.

Jacob, though faced with awful dissapointment at the end, was willing to work for 7 years to recieve a beautiful wife.  How many of us would be willing to do so?  We want everything immediately and as easily as possible, but we seldom end up with a worthwhile prize.  Being a seemingly long time, 7 years of working would not be welcomed heartily by many youngsters now.  Pursue the difficult, and reach high goals!

Psalm 119:9
How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to Your word.

Ouch!  That's a tough one, and it's not just aimed at young men.  In this context, 'young man' means 'young person'.  I often find things in God's word that I do not live according to.  As set-apart young people, we need to try to step up to that level of life.  As we desire physical purity, so we must also strive for spiritual purity, and we see in this verse that we must live according to His word to attain that.  This, beloved, is who we are: Young people dedicated to a purposeful, pure life, by doing hard things, and living in accordance with the Bible.

If we can strive to go against our culture's expectations of teenagers, we can shine like 'a light set on a hill', and glorify our heavenly Father in so doing.  Do we not want to join forces and be Christ's hands?  Let us put aside the stereotypes, and be teenagers who are willing to be a rising generation that God can use!

Sheila

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• Jan. 23, 2007
Comtemplating Our Appearance (Do you have IDCS?)

It seems that in this world, we are so overtly - and overly - concerned with how we look.  Following is a short list of some of the primary ways we are concerned with outward appearance:

-Clothes
-Make up
-Hair
-Attitude
-Facial expression
-'Religion'

As it is the most often thought of example of outward appearance, clothes is first on my list.  It seems that the 'trends' and 'fashions' - though not by any stretch of the imagination a central point in my life - still reach me.  For instance, when I have that sneaking desire to wear jeans when I know there might be teens around - 'just cuz', or when you really 'want' to wear the little flouncy skirt instead of the long flowing dress that you really feel pretty in - 'cuz you know she won't wear that to church' - those are the toughest times to control our love of 'fitting in'.  I've been trying lately - when I have those urges to wear something that isn't bad in itself, but fosters a feeling of having to be fashionable - to wear something else.  The fuzzy blue pants that aren't quite so tight, while looking quite nice and neat and even pretty, and which perhaps aren't quite as trendy as the girl next door's, would be a better choice to keep our notorious feelings of 'fitting in' from getting out of hand.

For those of us who love prettiness - wear a dress!  Goodness knows they're extremely hard to find, but when you do find one (Like the one I got for $3 on E-bay!), and you put it on, brush your hair, pinch your lips and stand in front of the mirror to twirl around; you feel an immediate sense of beauty and loveliness and feel perfectly free and happy - at least I do.  I believe that when we  wear dresses and skirts, we  begin to comport ourselves with more grace and lady-like manners.  As Anna Naomi on Maidens of Worth (www.maidensofworth.blogspot.com) was mentioning, wearing dresses doesn't mean you can't romp around and have fun and be silly and 'childish', but you all-around feel better.  I often wear pants for a lack of dresses and a dislike of pantyhose, but I am learning to sew, and I have discovered the joy of knee-high socks!!!

The second on the list is Make-up.  Being a topic of much conversation between parent and daughter around 13, this must be addressed.  When I was 12, I began wearing a little mascara - without telling anyone the first time or two I must add, until my Mother noticed and told me it was alright for me to wear it once in a while.  Then I wanted 'just a little more'.  The eyeshadow was allowed for play, and then 'once in a while'.  Then I got a make-up kit from my Parents for my 14th birthday, which included some nail polish - which I'd always been allowed to wear, but rarely did - some mascara, eyeshadow, blush and some 'lip gunk' as I like to call it. :)  I wore most of it for a few months.  Then the blush came off, and then the eyeshadow, and then the mascara, and now, I only wear 'lip gunk' every so often, mostly using chapstick or the like to moisten my lips.  I can wear any make-up I want save skin toner, but I now wear practically nothing except for very very special occasions.  I must say it is extremely liberating.  I cry very easily and would often find myself choking back the tears simply because then I would have black streaks down my face, or I'd rub one eyelid only to realize I rubbed all the eyeshadow off, and end up rubbing it off the other eye to make it even.  I felt silly - and I must have looked silly too, a lot of the time.  Quickly taking up many minutes a day, and making me very self-concious, I began to feel as if I wasn't pretty without it.  When I eased it off, and started wearing virtually no make-up, I actually started to feel prettier.  I was letting my natural God-given beaty shine through, and I felt I could get closer to him, and I think he likes that.

Hair hasn't been too much of a concern for me, however I did think over getting it cut a little more 'trendy' a while back.  I now have my long hair slightly layered at the front to add a little 'flounce', and I really like it, but I  don't need anymore!  Purple hair looks silly on a pretty girl - why waste money on the bottle?  Feeling pretty and having one's hair set in a nice braid or hair-clip is quite nice, and sufficient for anyone.  If God gave you lovely red locks, why straighten them or cut it all off?  I'm all for fun short hair-dos, if they are not time-wasters - taking time away from things that need doing or a quiet time with Jesus - go for it and enjoy!  Please, though, consider letting it hang and be pretty, leaving it long so that when you run into the wind you can feel the lovely breeze pulling it off your face.  That is the most beautiful, pretty feeling.  Thank you Jesus for giving me a fine head of hair to enjoy and not obsess about!

One's attitude is most defineately part of their outward appearance.  We can be greatly influenced by the world around us as to what kind of attutude we should have.  Lately, the teen attitude has been saying: "Who cares?  I don't.  Let's be boring and un-interesting, and sullen."  Why?  Because that is what the media and the black butchy hair and the ragged jeans and tight slit tops are telling them.  I most certainly care if I have a hole in my pants, yet you can buy jeans premade like that.  If  "your attitude...[is]...like that of Christ Jesus" (Phillipians 2:5), you will shine for him, you will serve others for him, you will only 'not care' in the sense that you don't care if everyone in the whole world knows that you love Jesus and are going to serve him the rest of your life, and you don't care if that bothers someone.  That is an attitude that Christ holds dear. 

You may wonder what I mean when I say that facial expression is a matter of great importance in our society, but please; walk into a fashion clothing store and watch the dead, bored, sullen, un-interested faces of the teenagers within.  There is a message which is being given whether they know it or not.  "I don't care about anybody."   What an awful thought!  The many who call themselves part of this rising generation actually have no interest whatsoever in the fact that you or your friend, or their friend, or the entire world, might be hurting.  It simply doesn't matter to them.  As you might inadvertantly copy these faces, you demonstrate that message to the world too, even if you don't mean to say it.  Smiling and laughing or at least looking alert and interested will cause people to look twice and possibly to notice the different kind of person you are.  Here is a perfect springboard for witnessing!

The word 'Religion' is tossed about much in our modern society.  I've even heard someone deliberatley say: "Oh, I'm so glad I'm not tied down by religion, and that I can do whatever I want."  This is another direct link to the 'I don't care' syndrome.  (IDCS! :-)  If you can prove to the world by the way you dress, and your attidute, and the way you carry your person that the 'religion' that you are 'tied to' is a faith of great freedom and love and joy - you can glow like the first evening star and cause others to be interested in who and what you stand for.  On the other hand if you proclaim that your 'religion' is Christianity, and yet you dress immodestly, and look sullen and appear to have the IDCS (I Don't Care Syndrome), no one around you is going to be particularly drawn to this 'Jesus' that you speak of. 

Shine for your Saviour!  Shed the old ways of sullen faces and disrespectful attitudes to proclaim your love for Jesus without saying a word!  Prove to our sad world that there is a better way to live - something worth far more than 'fitting in' to the latest fashions and trends - and that that way is to follow Christ!
Sheila

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• Dec. 1, 2006
World AIDS day...

I went to Google today and discovered that December 1 is 'World AIDS day'.  It's really awful isn't it?  I put the 'virtual red ribbon' on my blog for today. I'll put it here too and see if it works.  I can't do much about it medical-wise, but today I am promising to pray for these people all over the world who are struggling with AIDS.  I'm also praying for the medical personell and anyone else who is working to help these people and to stop the spread of AIDS.  Pray with me.

Support World AIDS Day

I'm just adding this Samaritan's purse video: http://www.samaritanspurse.org/HIVAIDS_AdSplash.asp
Sheila

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• Nov. 9, 2006
The Promise

Hey you girls!!!
Alright, for those of you girls who have read books like 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye', and 'When God Writes Your Love Story', etc., you know what this is all about.  If you haven't read any of them, go buy one and read it, it's worth it.


I move that we promise to 'protect' guys, by dressing modestly, and not doing, saying, or acting in any way that might bring on feelings in a guy.  Let's make a promise to complete purity untill marriage; that means kissing etc.  Let's promise not to date the way the world dates, or let our thoughts and emotions go wild on silly 'crushes', and let's promise to let God write our love story.  He can bring the perfect guy into our lives at the perfect time in the perfect way.  All we have to do is pray for our future husbands, talk to God about how we feel, take our thoughts and feelings about guys, and let go of them; give them to God.  Let's promise to use our single years wisely, and not to waste them wishing we 'had found the perfect guy' already.  Let's use those years to bring about change in the world for God's sake.  He wants us to be ready to serve him at any moment, and what better time is there than while you're still single, and don't have the responsibility of marriage?  That will come. :D  Now...let's pray.

Dear God,
I know that it won't always be easy, but I pray that you will help me to dress modestly in protection of the guys, and live up to what I'm about to say.  God, I promise to you, not to dress immodestly, to keep myself completely pure untill marriage.  God, help me to put aside my own desires, and wait to date.  I promise to you now to not date in the fashion that the world desires us to, to not put my own 'physical' and 'emotional' needs first, but the needs of others.  Help me to not waste my emotions on 'crushes.  Help me to remember that you are in control of my love life as well as everything else, help me to give my feelings to you when they come up.  I pray that you would help me to use my single years wisely, and use them all to Your glory.  I pray that you would help me shape my heart into a servants heart, so I'm willing to use this precious gift of my single years, to wash as many feet as I can; to be a Christ-like servant always.  These things I promise to you God, and I pray that you will help me in this endeavour.  Keep me accountable to these words always.
Amen.

Will you promise with me?

Sheila

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• Oct. 25, 2006
Ridiculous Nutrition!

First of all, I've come up with a great plan for destroying Wal*Mart!  Everybody in the univers buys 10 Wal*Mart movies and makes sad smiley banners and stands outside their local Wal*Mart and hands out the movies to everyone going in!  Sounds great!  Then again...we could be sued........phooey. 

~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~

Anyway, I am writing this mainly to rant my thoughts before I spew them out in essay form for school.  I was reading in the MCC cookbook 'More With Less' about nutrition.  Boy, around here (North America) it really sucks!!! 

Haven't you seen those packages for some fancy snack food or whatever with a bright coloured circle saying 'Now with a higher percentage of Protien!!!'  "Rah! Rah!  Eat it to your your heart's content - it's good for you!"  Yah right.  The amount of protien we eat is way overboard, not that protien isn't a necessary ingredient for our bodies to keep running, but we really do eat to much.  Here's an example of how people think that high protein diets are good:

"Scientists say a gut hormone could explain why high protein diets can aid weight loss."
The punchline from a BBC article: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/5302054.stm

Do you see the problem?  Scientists are promoting high protein diets which are a major cause of the world food shortage problem!  Our daily/yearly consumption of meat is very high, in all of 2004 in Canada, people ate an average of 27.1 Kilograms!  Eek!!!

Of course we all know the dangers of too much calories - it's posted in every diet ad: "Cut back on calories and get slim fast with our new 'SlimCal' drink!" or whatever.  Obese people swarm to the calory-rich convenience foods isle, loading their carts with 'Pop Tarts' and 'Shake and Bake'.  Overeating wastes food.  People get fat, it costs taxpayers thousands to treat obese people for all their dietary problems, life expectancy plummets; insuranse premiums skyrocket. 

Doris Janzen Longacre in 'More With Less' (which I recommend you pick up, read through, and use) states one of these many problems as such: "Most North Americans have sedentary occupations.  We live in comfort-controlled temerpatures.  Our calorie needs are therefore significantly lower than they were several decades ago.  We fail to adjust our eating habits to these conditions."  Sad, but true.

In the US. eight, ten, or more pounds of grain is consumed by the beef cattle per pound of meat produced. Ouch!  Imagine if that grain was put directly into our mouths?  Imagine how much less waste there would be?  Imagine how much more grain there would be to go around!  Of course, I'm not saying that meat isn't important, or that they should stop manufacturing it (Although, with some of the conditions they put the cattle in, maybe we'd be better off!) but simply that we need to cut back on our meat consumption - way back.

Did you realize that in the 'refining' of white flour, they often discard the most valuable parts of the wheat kernel?  They remove the bran and germ and then artificially 'enrich' it, but their 'enriching' doesn't bring it close to the level of nutrition that flour made from the entire kernel (Whole Wheat) has. 

We are wasting our time, wasting our energy, wasting the nutrients that God gave us in all things natural, by supporting these 'all-for-profit' food corporations. *Shiver*  We complicate our lives with food 'conveniences': toasters, mixers, blenders, deep-fryers,  electric frying pan, electric knife, crock  pot, electric can opener, rice cooker, pressure cooker, coffee maker, plastic pots, food processors, garbage disposal systems, on and on the list goes.  What are they for?  The creating of an imbalanced diet that serves only our tastebuds - not our bodies or our country or our planet.  What are we doing?

We need to consentrate on Timothy's words from the Bible: "If we have food and clothing, with these we shall be content."  Plain old food - a bowl of homemade chicken noodle soup and a slice of whole wheat bread.  'Sounds good to me!
Sheila

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• Oct. 21, 2006
Thankyou...

Thankyou all for your kind and supportive comments!  I am so glad you all agree.  The Walmart Movie I spoke of can be bough at www.walmartmovie.com where you can also find out more about what you can do.  I have a little petition banner that you might want to put on your webpage and/or blog.

Here's the url:
http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v328/Dinky_hamster/?action=view&current=1161450641.pbw



Please feel free to take it and post it on your blog or website. :) I might make more later. :)
Sheila


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• Oct. 15, 2006
The Undermining of Society

Hey there!
We watched the new anti-Wal*Mart documentary last night called Wal*Mart: The High Cost of Low Price.  I may offend any Wal*Mart aficionados who might read this, so hold your tummies!  This is gonna get hot!!! 

WAL*MART IS VILE!!!!!!!

I have come to realize what a terrible, disgusting, horrendous monster giant Wal*Mart is.  Do you realize that Wal*Mart has the largest number of employees of any company that are eligible for Medicaid and other state/province welfare programs?  These employees are educated on how to fill out the paperwork for programs like this.  Can you imagine?  A company who rakes in BILLIONS of dollars every year 'cannot afford' to give it's employees proper healthcare benefits?  Goodness me!!!

A garment that a young girl in China earned 43 cents to make might cost us fifteen dollars!!!  Think about that pretty young girl working long hours each night, sweating and toiling literally for cents next time you buy that pretty shirt from Wal*Mart.  Is it worth it?

Very often Wal*Marts do not have enough employees.  Is it because they haven't had enough applications?  No!  It is because they are purposely under-employing their stores and having the employees work overtime for no pay or else lose their jobs.   There are hundreds of millions of dollars in unpaid work done for Wal*Mart.  Did you know that?

All they want is money.  Once you have paid your dues and walked out the doors, they don't care about you anymore.  There are many many, many cases that have been reported of crime in the Wal*Mart parking lots.  Rape, abduction, theft, murder, robbery, trauma, even murder!  It's not because they don't have security cameras out there.  Many of them do, in fact.  However, when there is no one employed to actually watch the cameras, what is the point?  I don't see one.

Please, please, oh please, don't think that this epidemic is only limited to Wal*Mart, think of the many other 'big box' stores across the United States of America, Canada, the U.K., and everywhere else in the world.  I'll list a few: Costco, Superstore, Carrefour, Sears, Target, etc.  When one of these comes in, everyone else is driven out.  Downtown shops are deserted.  'For Sale' signs are rampant.  12 cars in a downtown area?  Does that sound ridiculous?  It isn't!  Not when you can get everything at Wal*Mart, everything at Costco, everything at Superstore.  It's just not right, and I won't put up with it. 

Now, to be fair, I've been in Wal*Mart, and for a time, it was the only place we could find semi-decent, modest clothes.  I still have two or three items.  Does this movement mean I'm going to burn them?  No.  But as I wear these garments, I will pray for the person that made it, for the people who are making them right this moment.  God, help me to love those people. 

Am I going to buy more things there?  No.  Will I ever set foot inside a Wal*Mart again?  I pray not.  But I want to make a difference, and how can one person not purchasing items at Wal*Mart make a difference?  For this reason alone: I am not the only person who feels this way, I am going to buy the movie: 'Wal*Mart: The High Cost of Low Price' and show it to others.  It's to late to keep Wal*Mart from invading my surrounding areas, but I plan to rally together with others to stop Wal*Mart from growing and making progress.  I believe it will be a long, hard road, but it's worth every step, I think.

Is it worth the low price?  I don't think so.  Do you?  Are you willing to take a stand in society and say "No!" to Wal*Mart?  I hope so.  I hope that reading what I have just written will stir you to make a move.  What is the next step for you?  What can you, one lonely little person through which the world can be changed do?  You are not too small, you can make a difference.  I believe it.  So can you.
Sheila

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• Oct. 11, 2006
The Way the Mind Works

It's fascinating, really.  This morning I rode a horse (We'll call her Cardamon) that I hadn't ridden for a very long time.  My coach suggested that change was good, so why not?  So I did. But, (There's always one of those.  Phooey.) I really couldn't control her.  So we tried and tried, but it just wasn't working.  I couldn't relax, and she kept doing things I either didn't think I was telling her to do, or not doing things I thought I was telling her to do.  The truth is, I was on a new horse that felt very different from what I was used to.  My confidence went down a notch or two.  Whzooooop!  Right there, she caught on to that - how? - I'm not really sure, it's a horse thing.  They have an instinct - a mind reading power if you will - to understand us.  I was giving her mixed messages.  My hands and rear might have been in the same place as they always are when I ride, but with my confidence down (and I didn't even know it) my body told me to 'hang on' so I was grabbing with my legs - and she sped up.  It makes sense, doesn't it?  But, I didn't know I was, so I pulled back on the reins "Easy Cardamon!  Slow down!" *sigh*  She didn't get it - and  understandably so.  I was telling her to go fast and slow at the same time.

This is the interesting part.  My coach said "Let's put her on a longe line" (he holds the longe line which is attatched to the horse and the horse walks around him basically).  So while he went down to the barn to get the longe line, I dismounted and had myself a frustrated little cry against Cardamon's neck.  She was really sweet, nuzzled me a bit (and of course got goop all over my shirt, silly girl!) and I sighed and pushed my face into her almost-winter fur.  He came back and we longed.  All of a sudden I had my confidence back up.  Was it the line or my cry, or both?  Either way, I felt more confident - even though I thought I was doing exactly what I had before.  Obviously not!  She listened to me, we walked a bunch, and my coach explained the confidence factor to me.  I understood.  Then I post-trotted a bit and even had a lope that was not bad at all! 

So it was a good lesson after all.  It was frustrating at times, but I learned a lot more about horses - and me for that matter - than I have in a long time.  Oh, and by the way, when I was tacking down, Cardamon licked my shirt in the spot where she had previously gooped it!  Isn't she a sweety?  I may have felt like she was trying to be a pain, and wasn't obeying me, but it was my mind - my body.  Isn't it amazing?

I hope I haven't bored you with my long speech, but it really just goes to show you the marvels of the creation God has made.  Horses have an inate sense of communion with us.  They were built for us.  To cry on, to love, to laugh with, and to enjoy.  Thankyou God, for making me an instrument in your hands today, to learn a lesson about you and your perfections.  I really appreciate that opportunity.
Sheila

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