• May. 21, 2007
How can I be really dedicated to God?

I've been feeling a bit like I'm not very strong in my Christian walk, lately.  I don't know, I guess it's just a feeling as if I just am not doing enough for God.  I mean, I read my Bible, pray, go to Church, 'be good', etc., but I felt a bit like I was missing a bit of the spark of life that we as Christians are meant to have.  I want that!

One of the things I really fight with is not have a place to commune with God.  I mean, a freshly cut lawn and a picture-perfect house accross the street, along with asphalt and street lights just don't create a very reverent environment.  Last summer when we were away and rented a little cottage in the middle of nowhere, I had a really amazing 'chat' with God.  I was actually crying!  Somehow being out in nature, especially if it's twilight, seeing the silouets of trees, and maybe the moon glistening on a lake, and the stars twinkling silently, each with their own little song, just helps me to listen to God.  It's different when you are sitting on your bed.  What did God tell me that evening?  He told me I needed to be a foot-washer.  He told me I needed to be humble, and through little acts of servanthood, that I was a leader.  Boy, I struggle with that!

For a while, I was fairly diligent in my foot-washing (not literally!!!), but after a while I kind of forgot.  It's easy to forget to be humble.  To be honest, sometimes I'm a little arrogant pig.  I want it my way now, I want everybody else to like it or if not to deal with it, and let me do my thing.  I want to be in control, I want to know what's going on, I want to be in charge!  God, however, says: "Be a servant, and I will make you a leader in my own way."  That thought--though I hadn't put it into words--has, I think, been scraping away at the little wall of self-satisfaction that I had built around my heart since I 'forgot'.  Sadly, it's not all gone yet, but with prayer and hard work, and hopefully a bit of self-sacrifice, I will make it come down!

I mentioned this to a friend when I told her, that all this sound so spiritual, and how could I make a blog post to the entire world, about my wanting to be humble?  It sounds a little ironic, but I just want all you to know what I struggle with, so you know that I feel like this too, even for all my articles on Godly relationships and all that.  To be honest, I have felt rather 'spiritually dead' lately.  So, when I read my Bible, I'm trying to think it through a bit more than I was, and I am trying to live out Greg Long's son: 'Fifteen'.  Here are the words:

I  was sitting at the table
As the waitress took our order
In her eyes I knew that something wasn't right
And before I saw it coming
I was caught up in her story
Of the storms that she had weathered in her life
My friend said can we pray for you
She said I think I'd like you to
She walked away, we bowed our heads
But then he turned to me and said


If it takes fifteen times
To hear about Jesus
For someone to believe
Wherever I stand in line
I've got to make a difference
In case it comes down to me
'Cause, I may be the third, may be the seventh
There may be years in between
But what if I'm fifteen
What if I'm fifteen

Just a chapter in a story
With the ending still unwritten
Do they find the truth of Jesus after all
As I listen for the whispers
And I follow where they lead me
I pray that I'll be faithful to the call
I know that God can work through me
I may not understand it now
But I believe somehow

If it takes fifteen times
To hear about Jesus
For someone to believe
Wherever I stand in line
I've got to make a difference
In case it comes down to me
'Cause I may be the third, may be the seventh
There may be years in between
But what if I'm fifteen
What if I'm fifteen

God I don't want to miss the chances
When you open the door
What may seem so insignificant
You see so much more

If it takes fifteen times
To hear about Jesus
For someone to believe
Wherever I stand in line
I've got to make a difference
In case it comes down to me
'Cause I may be the third, may be the seventh
There may be years in between
But what if I'm fifteen
What if I'm fifteen

Can I make a difference?  I think so!  If I can just live my every day walk with Christ, just being a Christian, maybe I can change people's lives.  Maybe just being a servant for someone else will help me become the leader of their lives: Leading them to Christ's eternal kingdom. 

Now, I think there are some feet to be washed!  Let me be off!  Pray for me, and I will pray for you as your names become known!

Love in Christ,

Sheila

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• Feb. 15, 2007
Modesty Survey Results!

For those of you who don't know, The Rebelution (www.therebelution.com) has released the results of the Modesty Survey, where thousands of men - young and not so young - answered girls' legitimate questions about modesty.  It is so encouraging to read the text responses and know that there are young men out there who care how we dress.  They notice and take the time to say 'Thanks!' through this awesome project!  Check it out! :)

http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/

Sheila

PS.  Guys!  You can still sign the modesty survey petition!  Go sign it and show the feminine side of the world that you really care! :)

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• Nov. 24, 2006
Flying High!

Pr.S. (Pre Scriptum) Like the new colours?

I'm happy!!!  Tis a good thing, is it not?  I feel that God is teaching me simplicity.  I am learning, slowly, to lay my cares on him, and to let the past be the past.  He is teaching me that simple things are the jewels of life, pretty skirts, wide open spaces, or a walk in the woods.  I am learning to accept the almost constant peace he has given me, and it is such a relief.  The future and the past, and the present, are all in his hands, and he's not going to let me go.  He cradles me and my life, and shelters me.  I am safe, in the simplicity of peace. 
Sheila

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• Nov. 22, 2006
Poems

Okay, I posted a couple of these on the 'personal poetry' post on CSCF, so Maria and Mariah, (It's funny typing that! :P)  you have already read two of them.  I read Cheekymonkey's poem, and it reminded me of these a bit, so I'm posting them.

The Wings of Life

By Sheila

Life gets all confusing,

I’m starting to grow up.

I start to ask: “Who am I?”

I wonder what direction

God will lead me in. 

I shut my eyes

and see a life,

that’s just about to fly.

Still on the ground,

the wind swiftly moving,

beneath my wings.

If God has a plan,

what is it? 

Will I be married in five years,

or will it be another twenty? 

Are children in my future?

Will I be teaching

or will I be learning

in ten years? 

I bow my head,

and consecrate my life

to him once again. 

It scares me sometimes,

and I wonder what I’m here for. 

But I know there is a reason,

and I’m ready to find out. 

God, direct my wings.

(Don't quote me on this next one, I don't quite understand it myself!)

The Life

By Sheila

Many other thoughts do swirl and whirl,

 while many other lands do hurt and hurl.

I do not know if I can justify,

 life, such a life as destined to I.

Maybe life is not supposed to be,

 this kind of strange and stark reality.

Perhaps, is it possible? We have lost a gentle spirit,

 a love so sweet and tender and no one will ever hear it.

Then again I marvel at the perfect will of God,

 the small and tender babies, whose feet have never trod.

As all the colours blossom in early spring,

 these perfect little wonders do gently ring.

The burnt out log and the rotten tree,

 remind of the attention we give to me.

Might if we would ask of God if he would please,

 guide us, help us, all our pain would ever cease.

My Jesus

By Sheila

I want to shine Jesus,

But my heart is not clean;

Full of sin and destruction,

And all things obscene.

I want to show his mercy.

But I’m so lost in sin;

I have a dirty, horrid underside,

And a filthy part within.

I feel a gentle touch;

Nudging under my face.

He lifts it up toward him,

And tells me of his grace.

I want to sing his praises,

I want to dance today,

My sins are forgiven,

And all my debts are paid.

No more do I feel dirty,

Lost in hopeless, wicked lusts.

I’ve been washed – I’m loved,

And it’s all from my Jesus.

I thought you might enjoy that! :)

Sheila

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• May. 5, 2006
Worship

Wow.  My Mom and I just were having a great time.  She pulled out her violin and I played my flute and we improvised with a bunch of contemporary worship songs.  It was totally awesome!  We played for like, almost an hour and a half and I was just completely in God's presence.  I love that.  It makes me feel really specialI love God so much!  I'm just going to go finish up school and go to my flute lesson.  I'll blog again tonight.
Cyas!
Lina

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