From Cindy Rushton's Desk(TOP!)!

Ministering To The Hurting... by Cindy Rushton

Ministering To The Hurting...
By Cindy Rushton
cindy@cindyrushton.com

Have a beloved friend in great pain? Have no idea how to help—really help? Great! This is for YOU! Grief is never easy. Even going through the same kind of grief over and over cannot prepare one for the fresh pain of more grief! But, God CAN use us to minister to the hurting. Here are some things that have blessed (and even HURT) us through the years of our tough times that may help you to minister to those that hurt in your sphere of influence...

• Jot a note of encouragement. Have no idea what to say? Don’t sermonize! Don’t simplify the painful situation! Surely, don’t give your “wisdom” or theological beliefs. Instead, send a sweet card. Include a Bible Verse that has ministered to you in tough times...a neat quote that has been special to you in your darkest moments...a poem or hymn that has blessed you in your struggles.
• Let THEM talk! So much swarms inside during grief! It is so precious when friends or family sit down and just LISTEN! No lectures! No judgment! Just listen! Listen to those memories of the person...what happened...how they are feeling... Just let them talk!
• Weep! Jeremiah 9: 20 tells us to teach our daughters how to weep and mourn. There is a great ministry need for us to join in weeping with those who weep and mourning with those that mourn! Just taking the time to really care ministers to the heart in a mighty way. In a society that is busier than ever, this sets the godly apart! Get into the lives of others. Seek to understand and truly empathize! Carry the burden with those that are hurting. Show God! Be a vessel used by God to reflect a glimpse of the heart of God! Show to others a God Who is our “with us” God!
• Let them cry! I KNOW how hard it is to let someone you love cry! It is just so tough! BUT! Crying is a release that leads to healing! Crying lets the grieving one let go of their “air” of strength and release their pain and grief. There is nothing like the release of a good cry! I remember one time that my daughter looked up to me and said, “Mommy, you need to cry...you can lay down in MY lap and just cry!” Talk about bringing on the tears. I laid down in her sweet little lap. She caressed my face and rubbed my face while I just cried and cried and cried myself to sleep. I could just be ME! I could just pour out my heart! I woke up and this sweet little girl was still sitting there rubbing my head and looking down at me with complete love! I need not tell you how precious that memory is to me! Make a memory by ministering to the heart of those that you love!
• Take a special meal for the family. If you are part of their church or support group, also help to organize meals for a period of time. Keep in mind that meals that can also be frozen and served later are great for the days when others forget. Carry dishes that are disposable! Plan meals that can go far! I love to carry soups/salads/homemade bread or a meal like lasagna/salad/homemade bread. Of course, brownies or chocolate is always a hit! Meals take a BIG load off of those that need to rest and be nurtured a bit! PLUS, it helps SO much to know your family’s fed well!
• Be there! We just got home from Papaw Glenn’s funeral. I mentioned to Mrs. Rushton and Harold that it was simply phenomenal to watch the ministry of those that stepped up to the call of ministering to our family during this tough time! The funeral home was packed every single minute. Even meals prepared for the family by two separate churches were so special with those that took the TIME to go above and beyond just making a meal—they were THERE to minister to each and every one of us. No cliche’ answers or great “grief war stories” to “touch” our hearts. It was the simplicity of BEING THERE. Sweet hugs. Sweet smiles. REAL concern! AND keep coming! Especially after others begin to forget!
• Laugh! Yes! Now, this is not counsel to be crude, rude, or inconsiderate! However, laughter brings healing! For the longest time during our losses, I just wanted to be able to grieve, yet still laugh. It seemed as though everyone around me was so tense that I just wanted for everyone to lighten up and laugh with me a bit! One of my favorite gifts was a DVD featuring Chonda Pierce. From the first seconds, I laughed harder than I had laughed in years. All of the sudden life fell into perspective...my joy was spurred on...life became more doable again. So, find a way to laugh in the midst of tears. You will minister to the heart of those who are hurting!
• Pray! Oh! The power in prayer! This really should be first on the list! There are times that ALL you can do is pray. But, even when the situation allows for other means of ministry, prayer is the mightiest gift you can give to a friend! A friend of mine shared with me this past week about how the Lord was convicting her of the importance of intercessory prayer and the void left when we fail to step up to the call to pray. Just think of the difference that intercession made as Moses stepped up to the mountain in prayer while the Israelites battled the Amalekites (symbolizing the flesh in Scripture). Even Moses had helpers while he interceeded. What a difference it made with the whole crew loose during the battle. First, the battle would have been impossible without those valiant warriors on the battlefield. Then, we see that God used Moses to intercede and point those warriors to the Lord during their battle. But, with those valiant warriors AND Moses loose, still the battle was going back and forth swaying between victory and defeat—well, until Aaron and Hur stepped up to the call to hold up Moses’ weary arms. Then! Victory! Your loved ones may be battling for their very lives, but you have a weapon with great power! When you want to wage ware on their behalf, fall down on your knees and pray till heaven moves! You will be sure to minister to the hurting in a mighty way!
• Don’t use grief as an opportunity to “practice” your doctrines on others! I think that after 7 years of infertility intermingled with loss, I can say confidently that there is NOTHING that I have not heard yet...but, I am ever amazed at the insane things that “Christians” will say in an effort to minister to others...hummmmm! I don’t want to sound crude, but DON’T! Trust me, it is better that I share this suggestion than YOU hurt someone deeply in the midst of a precious opportunity to minister to them! When a loved one is in the midst of a trial, they MOST need our presence and concern...not our explanations, judgment, or assumptions of what God is up to or what WE think God is all about! So, hug...smile...touch...but GUARD that tongue! Don’t be guilty of being like Job’s friends...or wife...hummm!
• After the whirlwind of activities, plan a special time out together! Treat them to a special time out! Tea? Coffee? Antique shopping? Scrapbooking? Find something just FUN and bless them! Don’t forget to let them talk if they want...AND watch YOUR talking!
• Minister during those tough times. Remember that certain days will be tough... Christmas without that precious baby there! Thanksgiving without Grandma! Mother’s Day after a loss of the baby—or every Mother’s Day for the barren one! Oh! Mother’s Day is such a tender time for those whose mothers are gone on to be with the Lord! Father’s Day! Even other special family times are so hard and lonely! The hardest times are where traditions are no longer possible...or where expectations and dreams are shattered. Get to know your loved one and their heart so you can minister during those tough times!
• Don’t forget! Anniversaries! Talk about a precious way to minister to the hurting. Jot down the date of the loss in your Daytimer. On anniversaries, jot them a note or plan a special time out to minister to them! Anniversaries are SO tough! It may not be SEEN on the calendar of your hurting friend, but you can guarantee that it is written on their heart! Encourage them to take it easy on those anniversaries. Let them cry. Let them tell those sweet stories and memories. Talk about a blessing!
• Let them get REAL with you! If there is a need in our culture, this is IT! What is it that we have allowed the devil to do among the church? I am ever amazed at the “secret sorrows” that so many Christians bear on their own. Let’s bear one another’s burdens...oh, is that in the Scripture? Great idea!

Oh, so much can be done to minister to others. You probably have many, many ideas too. Go for it! Just be a friend. A real friend! Stick close when those you love are hurting even though those are the toughest times to be there. It is SO hard to watch someone you love go through a time of pain and suffering, but keep in mind all throughout that nothing hurts more than going through those tough times ALONE! The little things REALLY make a big difference! Take the time to be a real friend. Let God minister through you!