Communication FUNdamentals

Jan. 8, 2008

Tips for avoiding an argument: Don't make broad generalizations

A new year brings some new Tuesday Tips and over the next few weeks, I am going to share some tips for avoiding an argument.  Tip #2 for avoiding an argument:  Don't make broad generalizations "You ALWAYS leave a mess for me to clean up!"  "You NEVER help me!" Statements like these only serve to inflame.  If an argument hadn't already begun, there is no question it will begin NOW!  Making these kinds of statements bring into the communication more than was at issue before.  Not only is this incident under scruteny, but so are ALL THE OTHER issues that ever resembled it in the history of your relationship!  Even of those issues were already dealt with and put to bed.  These arguments are easily refuted... "Well on Tuesday...in 1973...I helped you on with your coat!" Now you aren't dealing with the problem at hand.  Now you are in a war of examples... "And when was the last time you helped me on with my coat?" If you confine your comments to this incident, you can make the other understand what bothers you and look to a solution.  For more Communication tips, subscribe to our new weekly eNewsletter:  Communication Tip of the Week! From JoJo's Purple Crayon...

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Jan. 8, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Shannon Smith

Well said, Jojo! I often find myself trying to explain what's bothering me to somebody and they start bringing up examples of the past. It's like I have to beat it in there head that I'm not talking about the past, I'm talking about right now. This is bothering me right now. Sometimes though people get so defensive that they are going to bring up examples of the past or take it like you mean all the time even if you are very clear it's just this one time you are upset about. Don't you think?

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