Communication FUNdamentals

Feb. 19, 2008

This week's Tip for Avoiding an Argument: Active Listening

A new year brings some new Tuesday Tips and over the next few weeks, I am going to share some tips for avoiding an argument.  Tip #8  for avoiding an argument:  Active Listening Only 7% of face to face communication is in the words that we use.  That means that 93% of communication is in our body language, facial expressions, gestures, tone of voice, eye contact, etc.  Most arguments are due to miscommunication of the "jumping to conclusions" kind.  We often listen to the words being said without paying attention to how it is being communicated.  If we listen, really listen, to the other person, many times we will be able to discern that the context or the tone wasn't what we thought it was.  Sometimes there was no offense at all!  And sometimes we can understand the motives behind the communication were not malevolent.  The person merely misspoke.  Active listening means we aren't putting on our listening face while secretly plotting our next tirade.  Active listening means we are paying attention to the other person fully noticing nuances in their communication giving us clues to their true intentions.  Active listening avoids conflict because it allows you to more fully understand the context and the intentions of the other party and gives you time to interpret what they mean.  Happy Communicating! More next week...    For more Communication tips, subscribe to our new weekly eNewsletter:  Communication Tip of the Week! From JoJo's Purple Crayon...

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Comments

Feb. 19, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by psalm113v9

JoJo, I'm so glad you posted this today. I was recently listening to a workshop on CD by Lorrie Flem of TEACH Magazine. She said one technique she uses with her children to let them know she is truly listening is to Stop, Drop, and Roll. She STOPS what she's doing, she DROPS (stoops down) so she's at eye level with them, or ROLLS her eyes in their direction to look at them when they speak if they aren't right in front of her. I've been trying this with my kids and it's amazing how much we've learned to better communicate with each other. I'm famous for getting too busy, half-heartedly listening, then responding with an answer that's either garbled, hurried, or whatever pops out of my mouth! EEK And it drives me nuts when I'm speaking to someone who has their back turned to me. They usually seem to hear what I say, but I like having some eye contact as confirmation of that. :0) Blessings, Karla

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Feb. 19, 2008 - Ahhhh...

Posted by MayTheyBeMightyMen

This is HUGE! (Especially the part about not "secretly plotting our next tirade.") *big old roll of the eyes* I am going to grow in this! Thanks for helping me do that! P.S. Thanks for stopping by for my chicken joke. :)

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Feb. 21, 2008 - Active Listening

Posted by boysrus

I love your blog! One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone appears to be listening to you but you KNOW they are not! I try to teach my boys all the time that listening is one of the most important skills you need to master to be successful in life. In your job, your relationships, your ministry. I have drilled into them that "people only know you are are listening to them if you look them in the eye". My boys tend to pick up at lot even though their eyes are wandering all over the place and absorbing their environment - which is fine if you are at home listening to mom read aloud - but not so fine if you are listening to a lecture at a museum or something like that. Their wandering eyes apear rude and send the message that they are uninterested in what the speaker has to say. Sorry - speaking of communicating - I'm rambling! Thanks for your wonderful blog! Dee

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