Have you ever been disappointed by a friend? My daughter and I were talking about this the other day. It seems that friendship has taken a back seat these days. Neighbors aren't as neighborly. Friends aren't as friendly. People don't feel the need to come help a friend or get involved. Has friendship suffered a transformation? Have we lost something in the translation? Is friendship what it used to be?
The topic has come up several times in my family. People don’t always act the way they say they feel in being a friend to others. We have noticed that people seem to feel differently than we do about what it means to be a good friend. We have pondered whether life is just too busy or if things are not as important to people as they used to be. As we discussed it, we came to understand how we define a friend:
1. A friend is someone who calls (or emails or texts or whatever) regularly to keep in touch on their own. I have had friends over the years who never contacted me and then made the excuse they were busy. Yet when we would talk, I found that they weren’t too busy to spend several “lovely afternoons this past several months just sitting around with nothing to do”. I even had one friend tell me that they were so bored after a while that they had to look for things to keep themselves occupied, yet they never called me because they were too busy.
2. A friend is someone who will stick with you in fair weather or storms. Meaning they don’t call only when they need something or only when they have great news and they don’t abandon a friend when they are in need because it’s too difficult to deal with.
3. A true friend is someone who will share with you when you have spinach on your teeth but not do so in public! It is important for friends to tell each other the truth especially when it might affect them or others around them, but I have seen “friends” share delicate matters with others around making it an uncomfortable situation for all concerned including the innocent “byfrienders”.
4. A friend is someone who includes you when they make plans for things. I have seen friends invite others to do the things that they had been planning with one friend. Yet they never did get around to inviting that friend to the event. When they are reminded, their answer is usually “Well, we didn’t know what you were doing that day?”
5. A true friend doesn't allow a little misunderstanding to destroy a friendship that has been build over so many virtually trouble free years. We had all compared notes and had found that there has been a recent trend where friends will "write each other off" after a brief misunderstanding. Instead of being willing to forgive, they would rather hold a grudge. Instead of extending grace, they would rather take revenge. Instead of valuing a long friendship, they would rather lose that friendship than work it out.
6. A true friend needs to send the communication that says they care. If their words and actions are not congruent, we believe the actions. Actions speak louder than words. When someone is going through a period of hard times or difficulty, that is quite a different story! In that case, THEIR friends need to understand. If a friend forgets once in a while, we should forgive. However, if the actions consistently speak of neglect without a valid reason, it is hard for their friends to feel they really care.
How do you define friend? What communication tells you they are your friend? Is it just the words they speak or their actions that make you feel they really care?
From JoJo'sPurple Crayon Teaching communication skills the FUN way!
So true Jo Jo. I had a friend for many years who said I was like a sister to her. I have been by her side through MANY difficulties she had faced. Yet when I need her she says she can't for a number of different reasons. I learned quickly that I was a friend to her, but she was not the same kind of friend to me. Oddly enough when we decided to homeschool she dropped me as a friend. She'll still smile at me and have kind conversation when I run into her, but nothing more.
God made it clear to me that not many people know how to be a real friend and that He wants me to show them how by my example.
Recently I saw her in the hallway at church crying. When I extended my arms to hug her she said that she didn't think she could tell me what was wrong because I'm so busy and have enough on my shoulders. Where did I drop that ball? I assured her she could talk to me and she did. I was amazed at that moment.
We're still not as close as we once were, but I have left my door open. The world is full of people who seek after their own desires, that's why they have lost the art of being a true friend.
I am blessed by the Dixons, God sent them in my direction when I thought I had no friends left. Then God sent me Charlene. Do you know Charlene yet?
I was raised by two Atheists of Jewish heritage, married a non practicing Catholic and became a non denominational Christian due, in part, to some Amway meetings and a Jehovah's Witness who came to my door. My purple crayon writes with humor and almost always a little out of the lines.
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This blog is my creative and fun way of sharing my thoughts on communication skills relating mostly to homeschooling and sharing and defending the faith. It also reveals a bit about how the Lord took this shy Agnostic girl and allowed her to find her voice and her purpose, a zany voice to the Christian community with insight as to what unbelievers need to hear about Christ Jesus.
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I'll share news items, quotes, family friendly humor, tips, trivia, and my newest feature: Question of the Week. I invite you to come share your thoughts!
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For more creative fun with JoJo you can visit www.ArtofEloquence.com
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"A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver." -Proverbs 25:11
Jan. 12, 2009 - Untitled Comment
God made it clear to me that not many people know how to be a real friend and that He wants me to show them how by my example.
Recently I saw her in the hallway at church crying. When I extended my arms to hug her she said that she didn't think she could tell me what was wrong because I'm so busy and have enough on my shoulders. Where did I drop that ball? I assured her she could talk to me and she did. I was amazed at that moment.
We're still not as close as we once were, but I have left my door open. The world is full of people who seek after their own desires, that's why they have lost the art of being a true friend.
I am blessed by the Dixons, God sent them in my direction when I thought I had no friends left. Then God sent me Charlene. Do you know Charlene yet?