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Communication FUNdamentals
May. 6, 2008
The Jury is Out on Too Much Communication: Part 2
Last week I told you what happens when you give out too much communication. This week I will share with you what happens when you don't!
The next time I received a Jury Duty summons, I decided to take the advice of the person who excused me before. I filled out my little postcard just saying that I had to care for a young child. Nothing confusing there, I thought. Nothing was listed that would possibly be construed as contradictory. I thought I would be excused right away. I mean, after all, this was what I was directed to do should I be called for Jury Duty again! Right? Not so fast Kowalski!
Yup! I received a denial in the mail saying ..."Additional Information Required". I wasn't able to call that day because they are only available until 4pm so I had to wait until Monday. I tried calling on Monday morning but was unable to get through. I called about three or four times until I finally got through that afternoon.
I explained the situation and was told that they needed additional information. What additional information could they possibly need?
Jury Dept: How old is the child?
Me: 8.
Jury Dept: What do you do when you go to work?
Me: I don't go to work. I work in my home.
Jury Dept: What do you do when he goes to school?
Me: I homeschool him.
Jury Dept: So he is with you all day?
Me: Yes. Isn't that what caring for a young child means?
Jury Dept: Yes. But some people go to work and leave their kids at school or with a baby sitter.
Me: That wouldn't be considered "caring for a young child" then, would it? Why would that be an excuse?
Jury Dept: It wouldn't. That's why we needed additional information.
Me: What should I put on the card to be excused the next time I am called? I can't serve for the next 10 years or so. My son will be homeschooled another 10 years and I have a business I can't leave.
Jury Dept: You should put that you care for a young child, that you homeschool and that you have a business. 
Ok. Here's my take on the whole Jury Duty thing. They NEVER excuse you without "Additional Information Required". It doesn't matter what you put down on that little postcard. Your relatives could put down that you died and they would send you that same little card stamped "Additional Information Required"!
However, it did bring up an important communication lesson whether or not it solved it. lol We should always consider our communication to make sure there is not too much information that would confuse our reader or too little information that would make "Additional Information Required".
Until Next Week...
From JoJo's Purple Crayon...
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Apr. 29, 2008
The Jury is out on too much communication!
I am called for Jury Duty about once every 3-6 months. It used to be that excuses were given over the phone where you explained to a live breathing person why you are unable to serve. Now technology allows you to go through this process with much more ease...for the Jury Department! However, we prospective jurors may find it a much more difficult process.
Now-a-days, you must mail them back a postcard with a check mark indicating your pre printed reasons for not being able to serve. Unfortunately none of them really apply to me or to any homeschooler, I would imagine. One of your choices isn't...
I am usually pretty thorough and in an effort to show them that there were many reasons I could not serve, I decided to check all that applied.
- Care for a young child during the day
- Financial hardship if missed work
I even wrote in that I homeschool and run a small business from home. I figured it was pretty clear that I was not able to leave my child during the day, that he would be missing school if I did and that I would have nobody to run my business if I was to get on a jury.
They didn't see it that way. They denied me saying "Additional Information Required". So I had to call and speak to a live person anyway. The gal in the Jury Clerk Department said that it didn't make any sense how I could run a business and homeschool at the same time. In other words, they thought I was lying. She said that if I was able to get someone to stay with my son while I went to work, I could serve on a jury. It took me some time before the gal could really hear me on this. She kept insisting that you cannot work and stay home at the same time. After about 25 minutes, I was able to get her to understand that it was very common these days for people to run a business from home. The light bulb went on above her head. I could practically see it! lol
However, very soon there after the light bulb dimmed as she couldn't reconcile how I could have time to run a business and homeschool my son. It took another 20 minutes or so to convince her that my son didn't have to be schooled from 8am-3pm and that I didn't have to work from 8am-5pm. I actually had to run down a typical day explaining how I got up at 3 or 4am to begin my workday before my son got up, schooled him in the morning and completed my work day at about 10pm. I even had to relate to her how I was able to get housework done in between each type of work task.
It seemed to me that since Jury People are unfamiliar with modern life and homeschooling, there might be a better way for me to convey my need to be excused from Jury Duty when they called my name in 3-6 months. I asked her what she thought I should put down on the postcard. She told me it would be less confusing to just put down that I cared for a child during the day.
Sometimes too much information is confusing to those who have no frame of reference for the concept. Sometimes "less is more". Sometimes it is better to be less thorough in your communication for clarity's sake. Sometimes....
Next week I will share with you what happens when it isn't "Sometime".
Until Next Week...
From JoJo's Purple Crayon...
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Apr. 22, 2008
What'd you say?
Some say that communication is only important for lawyers and politicians, speech makers and debaters. But down deep everyone realizes that effective communication is important for everyone every day! If you have followed Tuesday Tips, you already know that you may be able to live your entire life without making a speech, but you will not live one day without having to communicate something to someone.
Today I wish to dispel another communication myth. Most equate communication skills with speaking or writing. While the first rule of communication states that it is the speaker's job to be understood and not the listener's job to understand, there is another significant part to effective communication. Listening!
Listening is also a communication skill-and a significant one at that. It's one that most speech and debate studies never address. Good speaking and writing skills are essential to the communication process, but they are not all communication is. Good listening skills are vital. Why? Because it takes two in order to communicate. Even if the speaker does an outstanding job of communicating, the listener can misinterpret the communication by not paying close attention. If the reader is just skimming a note, he may miss some vital information. If the listener gets lost in thought for a few seconds during a conversation, she may never hear an important detail.
Did you ever read about a department store sale and miss the fact that it was "One Day Only"? Did you ever read a friend's email and not notice that he wanted the RSVP before week's end? Did you ever space out in a conversation and find that when you "came to" you had totally missed the point?
Active listening involves attention to detail, giving the speaker or writer your undivided attention and sometimes asking questions for clarification.
Until next week...
From JoJo's Purple Crayon...
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Apr. 15, 2008
Happy Tax Day! And Tuesday Tips!
"The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination." -Ronald Reagan
It's Tax Day and all are busy rendering to Ceasar what is Ceasar's. Thought I would throw a little levity into the situation. If you listened to Grace Talk Soup last Thursday, you likely heard my good friend Bette Dowdell share her insights on taxes. She says a good way to look at taxes is that we were fortunate to make enough money to require us to pay taxes! : D
That is a great way to look at things and this is my Tuesday Tip on communication this week. Sometimes all it takes to communicate well is a change in our attitude. A grateful heart to the Lord that we are privaleged enough to have the challenges we face can help us to deal with them more effectively. If we approach our issues with a happy heart that is grateful for the chance to address them, we greatly increase our efforts to solve them. If, on the other hand, we face them in anger and fear, we create a situation where it is more difficult to think clearly. Remember, a confused mind will not act. If we are confused, we are more apt to BE confusing to others. A confused mind will not act. As we confuse others, they are less able and willing to help us solve those issues.
Don't be confused. Approach each issue with sense of being grateful for the opportunity to do so, rely on and trust in the Lord for your answers and speak clearly to those who can help you!
For my next tip, I will perform a little slight of price!
As you know, my dd and dh will be leaving on a jet plane for Nashville tomorrow in the Tabares Family version of College Road Trip. Kelsey was accepted to Vanderbilt and now has to make a decision between attending there and USC. So off she goes into the wild blue yonder for a few days of campus tours and shaddowing a current Vanderbilt student in his/her classes for the day.
We here at Art of Eloquence never miss an opportunity to celebrate! So...in honor of our smarty pants dd, we are holding a never before offered 3-Day College Special!
During the three days they are gone (April 16th-April 18th), order The Homeschooler's Guide to Preparing for College (written by our dd!) and get Say What You Mean: Defending the Faith FREE!
This package packs a one two punch for your high schooler facing college in just a few short years! You will be prepared to plan their next few high school years in preparation for college and they will learn to share and defend thier faith in order to be prepared to answer the questions the secular world has for them in college and throughout their adult life!
Each eBook by itself is $19.95, and we are offering this two eBook package (College Prep Pack) on Art of Eloquence for only $29.95!
BUT... for three days (April 16-18th) you can get both of these important high school resources for only $19.95!
Don't wait or you might forget to order! This special is only good from Wednesday, April 16th to midnight on Friday, April 18th, 2008!
From JoJo's Purple Crayon...
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Apr. 8, 2008
Tuesday Tips: Communication MATH
Several years ago when we lived down the hill (about three or four houses ago), we went to a church where the pastor was a bit confusing. Oh, it wasn't what he said as much as how he said it. You see, he would use Communication Math...[whispered tones]...but it didn't add up!
First, I'd like to tell you the second thing third!
Numbering your points is a great way to make it easier for your audience to follow your thoughts! The best way to use this communication tool is to tell your audience, for example, that you have three main points you want to make and then list them. Next ,go back and share details about each point (preferably in the order you named them!). At the end, recap the three points you made in summary. It's also a great way for the congregation to know how long the pastor might speak! LOL
But what happens when the math doesn't ...ADD UP? Well, confusion of course! Furthermore, your audience is now concentrating on the order faux pas and not on your point. They are wondering whether or not they should write this down as point three even though you haven't yet shared point two...or was this subpoint 2 under point one?
"In order to get the best quality from your widget, first you must extend the thing-a-ma-jiggy by clicking the whatchamacallit on the thing-a-ma-bob. Thirdly, you have to make sure that you won't catch the dohicky inside the very soft edge of your whose-ama-whatsee before you first press the ginormous doodledoo in the second place."
One final example of Communication Math that doesn't add up:
"I am going to go over three main reasons why dogs are better than cats. First, you can train them. Secondly, they are more loving. Third, they can be security for your home. Fourthly, they are more friendly, and Sixthly, dogs are more fun to play with. "
From JoJo's Purple Crayon...
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Apr. 1, 2008
Even when you think you are communicating well...
A recent communication survey showed that only 43% believed themselves to be "effective communicators" over all. However, many times we think we do a fairly good job at getting our point across only to find that the other person didn't interpret our communication the way we had intended.
The first line in the following chart shows the frequency that the average person believes he has communicated well during everyday phone or email situations. You can see that 78% of the time he believes he has communicated clearly both over email and on the phone. What's interesting here is that the next line shows the frequency that the receiver of this communication believes he is correctly interpreting the email or phone conversation.
 SOURCE: KRUGER AND EPLEY,'EGOCENTRISM OVER E-MAIL.'; SCOTT WALLACE - STAFF
Though the sender believes he has communicated clearly 78% of the time, his receiver believes he has correctly interpreted this communication MUCH MORE OFTEN! Over 10% more often, 89% of the time, the receiver believes he has correctly interpreted the sender's email and a whopping 91% of the time he believes he has correctly interpreted the sender's phone communication!
The reality is that the receiver in a phone conversation correctly interprets the communication only 73% of the time. More importantly the receiver of an email only interprets it correctly 56% of the time! Though the receiver believes he has correctly interpreted your communication, it is likely that he hasn't understood it the way you intended.
What's the danger in thinking you communicate effectively more often than you do? (Much more for email!) The receiver believes he has correctly interpreted your communication so he believes you meant it the way he has interpreted it! Therefore, any interpreted offense is immediately taken!
If your receiver is confused about something you said on the phone, he can instantly ask you a question for clarification and you can move on with your communication. If the sender hears offense in the receiver's voice as the conversation continues, he can address any misunderstandings he senses along the way. Misunderstandings arise less often because your sender can hear your voice and gain further understanding through your tone and other vocal cues. However, many times an email receiver will not ask for clarification!
In an email, this does not happen in real time. Your receiver is confused for the entire email. It colors how he sees EVERYTHING you typed. And now he has to reply and wait for your clarification. Unfortunately, in his reply, he has the same statistics for his communication to be misunderstood. And so the communication has a greater potential to break down getting more confusing with each reply.
If you are conscious that your communication may not be interpreted correctly, you will take more care to choose your words wisely in the first place. Taking some more time for simple things like proofreading, making paragraphs and looking over your word choices can make an enormous difference in how your communication will be interpreted.
On the other hand, if you are blissfully unaware that your email has the likelihood of being misinterpreted 44% of the time, you are more likely to have misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
For more Communication tips delivered right to your inbox,
subscribe to our new weekly eNewsletter: Communication Tip of the Week!
From JoJo's Purple Crayon...
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Mar. 24, 2008
Tuesday Tip: Writing Tips from Kim Kautzer at WriteShop.com!
My friend Kim, from WriteShop.com is posting a series on teaching writing skills for three weeks. Part 1 in the series actually started yesterday but you can still access it here. She will be posting part 2 this coming Monday and part 3 the Monday following. Here's a bit of what you can expect in the series:
Beginning Monday, March 24, I’ll be posting a three-part series on teaching writing (especially helpful if you’re teaching 5th graders through high school). Hope you’ll join me!
March 24 “Teaching Writing, Part 1: First the Bad News” Disheartened parents. Frustrated students. Discover what makes writing so hard for you to teach, and why your children struggle.
March 31 “Teaching Writing, Part 2: Some Good News” I’ll share a few ideas and tips to get the ball rolling.
April 7 “Teaching Writing, Part 3: The Writing Process” Learn how the writing process can help both reluctant and motivated writers alike flourish and thrive!
For more Communication tips, subscribe to our new weekly eNewsletter:
Communication Tip of the Week!
From JoJo's Purple Crayon...
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Mar. 18, 2008
Tuesday Tip: Free Preview Chats from Cindy Rushton!
This week is full with FANTASTIC seminars that we are recording online. AND...you can join in as our treat! Deal? Yep! Great deal! Just make a note of the seminars you want to join live. Then, join in. Log in details are below. Here are the great workshops planned for this week:
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Tuesday...
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Teaching Math Biblically: Revealing the Biblical Heart in Math
Katherine Loop from http://www.christianperspective.net/
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
1PM CST
Talk-a-Latte Conference Room
The Power of Using Humor in your Homeschool
JoJo Tabares from http://www.artofeloquence.com/
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
8PM CST
Talk-a-Latte Conference Room
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Wednesday....
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Times of Refreshing and Renewing for Mom
Lisa Hodgen from http://frommeandmyhouse.com/
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
1PM CST
Talk-a-Latte Conference Room
Easy Homeschool Planning
Heidi Jo Kemp from http://www.HeidiJoKemp.com
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
8PM CST
Talk-a-Latte Conference Room
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Thursday...
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Taking Care of the Caretaker
Stephanie Guertin from http://www.academieguertinhomeschool.com
Thursday, March 20, 2008
10AM CST
Talk-a-Latte Conference Room
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Friday...
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Business Education for Homeschoolers: Basic Real Estate Investing 101
Rhea Perry from http://www.RheaPerry.com, http://www.EducatingforSuccess.com, http://www.RealEstateDays.com
Friday, March 21, 2008
10AM CST
Talk-a-Latte Conference Room
Tips for an Organized Homeschool
Maridel Willer from http://www.MaridelWiller.com
Friday, March 21, 2008
1PM CST
Talk-a-Latte Conference Room
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How to Join Our Conference Room Online:
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We provide the software download-free. Here is the link:
http://www.cindyrushton.com/Conference.exe
Click to begin download or copy/paste into your internet browser and click ENTER. It will only take a few minutes to download into your computer, but you want to do it ahead of time so you don't miss a minute in the Conference Room. After it is downloaded on your computer, it will set up an icon on your desktop that says CONFERENCE. Then, you will only have to click it to open up the room. Here are your instructions from there:
When you are ready to enter, you will enter your NAME or EMAIL ADDRESS in the first blank.
Add the following information when prompted:
Name of Room: Talk-a-Latte
Password: letschat (for Preview Chats)
Remember...your password is different for chats and other classes. It only works for the room when the room is open for the study.
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Can't Join Us Live?
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Oh! That is no problem! We are recording every session. Right now we have WONDERFUL sessions already recorded and being edited. We will launch our Membership Site April 25, 2008. It will feature ALL of these great audios AND our text chat transcripts AND our amazing gifts! PLUS! A full Vendor Hall and Mommy Grab Bag for 2008!
Go ahead NOW and get your ticket for our Ultimate Homeschool Expo, grab it here: http://www.UltimateHomeschoolExpo.com at any time!
For more Communication tips, subscribe to our new weekly eNewsletter:
Communication Tip of the Week!
From JoJo's Purple Crayon...
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Mar. 12, 2008
Tuesday Tip: Cherish Each Moment for soon they are 18!
Today's Tuesday Tip is from my own experience as a mom and as a student of communication for over 20 years.
When they are born, you take them home and you think this is just the beginning. A sense of awe and wonder and even overwhelming responsiblity washes over you and you think you have all the time in the world.
When they are toddlers, you have grown used to being a parent but still struggle to teach and get in each day to day activity with a little one in tow.
When they are school age, the time just flies by. One year you drop them off at Kindergarten and the next day they are graduating from your homeschool and moving 3000 miles away to college!
During the time in between, take the time to build memories, to talk with them about who they are and who they want to be. Share moments. Steal away time. Build relationships. For tomorrow they will be out on their own and these memories will be all you have left save some phone calls, emails and a few weeks home out of the year.
I treasure each moment I have had with my dd who will be turning 18 on Thursday. I keep each memory locked away in my heart so that I can pull it out when she is far from home so that I can feel her close to me.
One more tip: If you have a son or daughter who is graduating this year and going away to college away from home, DON'T go see College Road Trip! It's very cute, funny and rated G, but the ending where she goes away to college will have you bawling for three days. Trust me, I know from experience.
From JoJo's Purple Crayon...
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Mar. 4, 2008
Communication Tip O the Week
Feb. 26, 2008
Tuesday Tips: Tip #9 for avoiding an argument!
A new year brings some new Tuesday Tips and over the next few weeks, I am going to share some tips for avoiding an argument.
Tip #9 for avoiding an argument: Make a Sandwhich
If you have followed all of the Do's and Don'ts for avoiding an argument and you still find yourself needing to discuss a difficult situation with someone, the best way to approach the issue is to make a sandwhich. No I don't mean to argue over a PB and J! A sandwhich consists of the meat surrounded by two pieces of soft bread. If you build your communication the way you build a sandwhich, you would put the meat of your communication in between two soft groups of words.
"Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." -Proverbs 16:24
Begin by assuring the other party that you love them or that you respect them or that you agree with most of what they had said. This allows them to see that you aren't picking on them, but are merely trying to work out a difference of opinion or problem. Then share with them the problem in a gentle and respectful way making sure to adhere to the other tips for avoiding an argument like not raising your voice or attacking them. When you are done explaining the problem, allow the other person to speak their mind so the two of you may work out any issues and come to an agreement. Finally, show the other person that you appreciate them. Tell them you love them. Give them a hug. This reassures them that you harbor no ill feelings and are ready to move on.
Most issues can be resolved without argument as long as you follow some simple tips.
Happy Communicating!
More next week...
For more Communication tips, subscribe to our new weekly eNewsletter:
Communication Tip of the Week!
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Feb. 19, 2008
This week's Tip for Avoiding an Argument: Active Listening
A new year brings some new Tuesday Tips and over the next few weeks, I am going to share some tips for avoiding an argument.
Tip #8 for avoiding an argument: Active Listening
Only 7% of face to face communication is in the words that we use. That means that 93% of communication is in our body language, facial expressions, gestures, tone of voice, eye contact, etc. Most arguments are due to miscommunication of the "jumping to conclusions" kind. We often listen to the words being said without paying attention to how it is being communicated. If we listen, really listen, to the other person, many times we will be able to discern that the context or the tone wasn't what we thought it was. Sometimes there was no offense at all! And sometimes we can understand the motives behind the communication were not malevolent. The person merely misspoke.
Active listening means we aren't putting on our listening face while secretly plotting our next tirade. Active listening means we are paying attention to the other person fully noticing nuances in their communication giving us clues to their true intentions. Active listening avoids conflict because it allows you to more fully understand the context and the intentions of the other party and gives you time to interpret what they mean.
Happy Communicating!
More next week...
For more Communication tips, subscribe to our new weekly eNewsletter:
Communication Tip of the Week!
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Feb. 12, 2008
Tip #7 for avoiding an argument: Prepare to Negotiate
A new year brings some new Tuesday Tips and over the next few weeks, I am going to share some tips for avoiding an argument.
Tip #7 for avoiding an argument: Prepare to Negotiate
A relationship is give and take so be prepared to give in a little. See things from the other's perspective and be ready to show him/her that you are willing to accept some of the responsibility for working things out. Share how YOU are willing to give them some of what THEY want and then tell them what you want in return.
The order is important! If you first tell him what you want from him, he may not be listening any longer because he may assume that you are not willing to compromise at all. And if you are not willing to compromise or see his side, he isn't either. If you first tell him what you are willing to do for HIM, now he sees you as more reasonable and willing to work with him. Now he is willing to hear what you want from him. The rule of reciprocation makes him feel some inner pressure to give you a little too: If you give to me, I feel almost obligated to give to you.
Happy Communicating!
More next week...
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Feb. 5, 2008
Tips for Avoiding an Argument: Watch Your Volume
A new year brings some new Tuesday Tips and over the next few weeks, I am going to share some tips for avoiding an argument.
Tip #6 for avoiding an argument: Watch Your Volume
It is human nature to get louder during a disagreement. Raising your voice, however, has undesireable consequences that leads to an argument. First, the louder you are, the louder the other party feels he needs to be in order to be heard over you. Second, the louder he is, the louder you feel you need to be in order to be heard over HIM! Raised voices only lead to louder and louder communication but unfortunately both parties are now concentrating on the volume of conversation and not the quality of communication or, most importantly, the effectiveness.
In order to solve a disagreement, it is often necessary to keep the volume down so that both parties can more fully concentrate on solving the issue and not winning a shouting match.
More next week...
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Jan. 29, 2008
Tuesday Tip: #5 in my series of Tips for Avoiding an Argument
A new year brings some new Tuesday Tips and over the next few weeks, I am going to share some tips for avoiding an argument.
Tip #5 for avoiding an argument: Silent Treatment
There is a cartoon my son watches where the popular girl ignores the unpopular boy until she thinks he's cool. But by then he's too cool to talk to her and she says..."Stop ignoring me ignoring you!" Now this may seem childish to you but consider that many times we give the "silent treament" to a friend or loved one who has wronged us. We avoid talking to them or at least we avoid being overly friendly. I don't know what makes us think that ignoring the problem or the person will smooth a rift between people, but I'm here to tell you, it doesn't.
Hit your issues head on or don't let them bother you. If you have a problem with someone, talk to them! Respectfully petition them to work it out. Or, if it is really a silly thing, let it go. But don't make the mistake of ignoring the problem or the person in the hopes that things will get better between you.
For more Communication tips, subscribe to our new weekly eNewsletter:
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Jan. 23, 2008
Tips for Avoiding an Argument: Tip#4 Avoid Attacking the Person; Focus on the Issue
A new year brings some new Tuesday Tips and over the next few weeks, I am going to share some tips for avoiding an argument.
Tip #4 for avoiding an argument: Avoid Attacking the Person; Focus on the Issue.
It's human nature to attack when we are threatened. So when we are angry or upset our tendancy is to attack verbally. This war of words will never resolve the issue at hand, but will heighten the emotional content and turn any discussion into an argument. Why? The other person's nature will prompt him to retaliate and so on and so on.
"You're lazy!" is a personal attack on his character. What she means is she doesn't want him leaving his clothes on the floor. Sometimes people attack personally because they are not sure how to deal with the real issue. They don't know how to broach the subject or perhaps they are not even angry at him for leaving his clothes on the floor twice this month, but are really upset because they had a bad day!
The Lord loves the sinner but deals with the sin. We should also love those with whom we are in conflict but should deal with the issue.
For more Communication tips, subscribe to our new weekly eNewsletter:
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Jan. 16, 2008
More tips for avoiding an argument: Not every argument should be "won".
A new year brings some new Tuesday Tips and over the next few weeks, I am going to share some tips for avoiding an argument.
Tip #3 for avoiding an argument: Not every argument should be "won".
Sometimes we are so focused on being right or winning the argument that we lose sight of what is really important: the relationship! We should pick our battles. Is it really of great consequence that our best friend doesn't find value in our favorite book or TV show?
Being able to share our thoughts and ideas with our friends and relatives is a precious gift from God. It gives us a chance to get to know each other better, to hear new ideas... Once someone feels as if you have condemned them for sharing their ideas, they will be less likely to do so next time.
There are enough important arguments in this world to be won. Some things are better left for us to agree to disagree.
For more Communication tips, subscribe to our new weekly eNewsletter:
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Jan. 8, 2008
Tips for avoiding an argument: Don't make broad generalizations
A new year brings some new Tuesday Tips and over the next few weeks, I am going to share some tips for avoiding an argument.
Tip #2 for avoiding an argument: Don't make broad generalizations
"You ALWAYS leave a mess for me to clean up!"
"You NEVER help me!"
Statements like these only serve to inflame. If an argument hadn't already begun, there is no question it will begin NOW! Making these kinds of statements bring into the communication more than was at issue before. Not only is this incident under scruteny, but so are ALL THE OTHER issues that ever resembled it in the history of your relationship! Even of those issues were already dealt with and put to bed.
These arguments are easily refuted...
"Well on Tuesday...in 1973...I helped you on with your coat!"
Now you aren't dealing with the problem at hand. Now you are in a war of examples...
"And when was the last time you helped me on with my coat?"
If you confine your comments to this incident, you can make the other understand what bothers you and look to a solution.
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From JoJo's Purple Crayon...
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Jan. 1, 2008
Tuesday Tips: How to avoid an argument
Today is a new year! I can't believe it's 2008 already. Remember 2001: A Space Odessey back in 1968? I remember reading George Orwell's 1984 back in the 70's and thinking that it was so far away. I remember Y2K back in 1999 and here we are perched at the beginning of 2008! Time flies when you're having fun!
A new year brings some new Tuesday Tips and over the next few weeks, I am going to share some tips for avoiding an argument. Here is the first installment:
Tip #1 for avoiding an argument: Ask for clarification before taking offense.
Sometimes people misspeak. Sometimes they don't mean things the way they sound. Sometimes people are in a hurry to type a response and don't realize that the words they chose might be interpreted negatively. It's always best to ask that person for clarification of what they mean before we jump to the conclusion that they meant any offense. More often than not, it is a simple misunderstanding that is allowed to blossom into an argument.
From JoJo's Purple Crayon...
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Dec. 25, 2007
Merry CHRISTmas Everyone! Two more videos for you to celebrate!
Dec. 18, 2007
CHRISTmas Video Countdown to CHRISTmas
Yesterday I found a bunch of funny or poignent videos on God Tube.com and I thought I would share one with you each day until CHRISTmas. It's seven days til CHRISTmas
This one is called Who is Jesus? His life in scripture. It has some powerful music from The Passion.
From JoJo's Purple Crayon...
~ Don't miss the Birthday Bash show on Grace Talk Soup this Thursday at 8am to 11am PST! We are giving away 5 prize packages worth over $300 each! AND having some CHRISTmas fun and free communication workshops!
~ Need some last minute CHRISTmas gifts? Take advantage of our BOGO (Buy 1 GIVE 1 Free) eSale! You can even purchase on CHRISTmas Eve and have delivery for CHRISTmas!
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Dec. 11, 2007
"I know something you don't know"...lol
I remember saying that as a kid. Especially around CHRISTmas time. "I know something you don't know!" lol Well I just recorded several audios for the Say What You Mean Convention 2008 and I can tell you that what I can't share with you yet it soooooo precious! I can't wait til February 7th to begin sharing these audios with you. They are powerful!
So far I have recorded some amazing Audio Interviews with some of the most amazing people! You are going to have such fun and learn so much from the speakers this year:
* Lorrie Flem from TEACH Magazine will be sharing about attitude. It's a precious and powerful half hour as she encourages you on Children's Day.
* Felice Gerwitz from Truth Seekers Mystery Series will be sharing about the advantages of learning science through a narrative story and the fun she and her daughter had together writing the series. Another inspiring seminar for Children's Day.
* Annette Yen from Fun on the Ark with Noah's Ark will be sharing about how much fun it can be to have a family business as a homeschoolers and how it can enrich your finances, education. togetherness sand FUN on Career Day.
* Felice Gerwitz also shares on becomming a published author on Career Day. She explains the publishing process, the pitfalls to avoid and how to wow publishers or do it yourself.
These are but a few of the audio interviews we have in store for you this coming year at the Say What You Mean Convention 2008! Along with our Keynote Speakers:
* Carol Barnier, author of “How to Get Your Child Off the Refrigerator and on to Learning” speaking live on Children's Day teaching her seminar: Don't Miss the Gift!
* Michael Farris of HSLDA and Patrick Henry College speaking live on College Prep Day teaching about College Prep Resources.
* Kym Wright, Homeschool Author/Speaker speaking live on Career Day teaching her seminar: Ordinary Home: Holy Place.
We still have some of the free downloads and audios up from last year. Come on by and download them here before we have to take them down to make room for our new goodies!
We still have two awesome audios up from last year you won't want to miss:
* Gena Suarez, Publisher of The Old Schoolhouse Magazine sharing about Faith and the History of Homeschooling!
* Jeannie Fullbright, author of several Apologia Elementary Science texts speaking about The Science of the Bible!
One last tip for this week:
If you have some last minute CHRISTmas shopping left to do, I have a wonderfully easy solution for you! Art of Eloquence is having a BOGO eSale! That's Buy 1 Get 1 Free but it also stands for Buy 1 GIVE 1 Free! You can buy one eProduct and get another one of equal or lesser value and send it to anyone you like with a special CHRISTmas note from you! Read more about that here!
And don't forget that you can still pick up your free copy of The Difference Between Santa and Jesus until the end of the month absolutely FREE. A special gift for you from Art of Eloquence.
For more CommunicationTips, subscribe to our new weekly eNewsletter:
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From JoJo's Purple Crayon...
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Dec. 5, 2007
Tuesday Tips: A smile from God!
As we get into the hustle and bustle of the CHRISTmas Season, we often lose sight of the important things in favor of the busyness of the times. We have gifts to buy and trees to decorate and we still need to get our work done. Laundry waits for no man! LOL
A good communicator knows how to communicate with herself as well as others. This week's Tuesday Communication Tip is to put on your smile! It's an amazing communication tool the Lord gives each of us.
Smiles are highly contageous! If you put one on, chances are that others will catch the fever and after, a short while, smiles will be worn by everyone around you. It's amazing how a smile can reduce stress, make a friend, lift spirits and help us remember the important things in life.
At this very special time of year, it's such fun to look for the smiles and remember the reason for the season and not the frustration that can sometimes go with it. Here is something fun to help you get your smile started...
A Smile From God!
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From JoJo's Purple Crayon...
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Nov. 27, 2007
Tuesday Tip: Last day to enter our Family Words Contest is this FRIDAY!
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Dateline Tuesday Tips!
We interrupt this blog to bring you this important Tuesday Tip:
This Friday, November 30th, is the last day to enter our Family Words Contest and win a free copy of one of my lastest eBooks, The Play Book: A Play What You Mean Activities Book just in time for the holidays!
Do you have words or terms that your family made up? Terms that only you use and understand? Come share the term and the story behind it this month and you could win a prize!
This has been a public service announcement. If this had been a real Tuesday Tips emergency, you would have been instructed where to turn for further news and information. I now return you to your regularly scheduled blogs...
For more CommunicationTips, subscribe to our new weekly eNewsletter:
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From JoJo's Purple Crayon...
Psst: Does your family have terms or words you made up? Come share! Tell us what the term is and the story behind it and you could win a prize! Last day to enter is this Friday! Click here for details!
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Nov. 13, 2007
Tuesday Tips: A few communication tips for daughters
Over the next few weeks I'll be sharing some tips from my latest workshop for Mother/Daughter Communication that I will be including in one of our upcoming communication eBooks for parents.
A few communication tips for daughters:
* Sometimes it isn't a matter of her trusting you as it is a matter of her not trusting the situation.
* As with a broken arm, once your mother's trust in you has been broken it may take months or even years to heal.
More next week. Stay tuned...
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From JoJo's Purple Crayon...
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Nov. 6, 2007
Tuesday Tips for Mother/Daughter Communication!
Over the next few weeks I'll be sharing some tips from my latest workshop for Mother/Daughter Communication that I will be including in one of our upcoming communication eBooks for parents.
A few communication tips for moms:
* Begin to let your child have input into things that affect him at an early age. This will give him a feeling that he has a say in what affects him. This doesn't mean you have to agree or allow-just that you have given him his say and considered it prayerfully.
* Don't give empty praise but do praise. Giving empty praise can hurt more than help. Kids know when you are not being sincere. If you don't mean what you say, your children will not feel accomplished at anything because they won't feel it was earned.
* Understand that your child is not you and the Lord has unique plans for him. The most difficult thing for a parent sometimes is to understand that their children are not "mini thems". God has given each child his own talents and desires and his own mission. We need to allow them to discover this for themselves and support what the Lord desires for their lives even if it is not what we would have chosen for them.
More next week. Stay tuned...
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From JoJo's Purple Crayon...
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Oct. 30, 2007
Tuesday Tips: Famous things daughters say. Heard them before?
Over the next few weeks I'll be sharing some tips from my latest workshop for Mother/Daughter Communication that I will be including in one of our upcoming communication eBooks for parents.
Moms and daughters use a lot of phrases with each other that don't really communicate much, but they do serve to anger each other. Last week I posted famous Mom sayings. This week I will share the phrases their daughters utter. Again, most of us can relate to them as we have either heard our daughters say them or maybe we have heard them come out of our own mouths some years ago!
Do you recognize these Daughter Sayings?
But Moooooooooom!
I don't KNOW!
Why?
Why not?
In a minute Mom!
 (eye roll)
 (Insert audible sigh here)
Have any to add?
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Oct. 23, 2007
Do you hear your mom come out of your mouth?
My dd and I have a special relationship, but there were times when I would hear my mother come right out of my own mouth! Pretty startling! I realized that these terms do very little by way of effectively communicating with my daughter. Avoiding them has really helped us.
Over the next few weeks I'll be sharing some tips from my latest workshop for Mother/Daughter Communication that I will be including in one of our upcoming communication eBooks for parents.
Moms and daughters use a lot of phrases with each other that don't really communicate much, but they do serve to anger each other. Next week I will post daughter sayings, but this week I will share the pat phrases moms utter. Most of us can relate to them as we have either heard our mothers say them or heard our mothers come out of our mouths!
Do you recognize these Mom Sayings?
Because I said so!
Are you wearing THAT?
Don't make me come down there!
Wait until you have kids and they do to you what you do to ME!
I recommend avoiding these sayings alltogether. If you do, you can avoid much of the miscommunication and frustration between mothers and daughters.
For more CommunicationTips, subscribe to our new weekly eNewsletter:
Communication Tips!
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