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Confessions of a Homeschool Dad
Jul. 20, 2006
Of beauty, Ben Franklin, and "good enough"
Okay, so you've probably read that Christie Brinkley and her husband are getting divorced.
And you've probably heard the follow-on questions/comments:
- "What kind of moron would cheat on a supermodel?"
- "How can we normal women measure up / keep our man when she can't?"
- "Why are all men pigs?"
I include the last one because it is a result of the complete lack of understanding that these (usually) women have. And ladies, don't worry. Men have the same syndrome (even if it works it's way out differently).
It's called "good enough syndrome". And it's completely wrong.
MEN'S GOOD ENOUGH SYNDROME AND BEN FRANKLIN
Men's Good Enough Syndrome (mGES) says that I, as a guy, can't get a girl unless I'm super in-shape, full-head-of-hair, mega-handsome HOT! It seems to be more true every day.
I have several single friends that have this crippling syndrome. They won't go out and try to meet women because they aren't super-hot, mega-handsome guys and (think) they can't compete with those that are.
To debunk this theory, I always tell them 3 things:
1) You don't want the women whose heads are turned so quickly by someone more handsome. Because there's always someone more handsome.
2) Benjamin Franklin was probably the least attractive man in history. While, in the end, an immoral man (that's beside the point for this discussion), he was swimming in women half (or less) in age in the US and France through the end of his life. If it's all about looks, this could never happen.
3) Take a look at the "hot women" marriages you know of. Generally speaking, the hot women are married to generally average looking guys. This, too, couldn't happen if it is all about looks.
WOMEN'S GOOD ENOUGH SYNDROME AND CHRISTIE BRINKLEY
While men worry about catching a woman, women who suffer with wGES are concerned about keeping a man. And they think, "If I'm more in shape, better looking, etc., I can keep him interested in me." It is these folks who are baffled at the Brinkley divorce and distraught about the implications of it.
And I have lots of good news for any of you who might, periodically, suffer from wGES:
1) The whole Christie Brinkely thing proves that it isn't about how you look. No matter how good looking you make yourself, there is obviously a much larger component to making / keeping a man happy. The fact that it was her 4th marriage also testifies to this. So take it a little easy on yourself, huh?
2) Yes, while I'd like my wife to look nice, what I'd like more is for her to look at me nicely. Do you know what the #1 thing I hear consistently out of mens' mouths about why they look for female companionship? "She [the "other woman"] doesn't get angry about everything I say, doesn't nag at me, and we can have a pleasant conversation. She might even laugh every now and then. Do you know how long it's been since I heard my wife laugh?!"
Honest. I have heard it so often that it was sort of amazing to me.
THE BIG SECRET
I thought I'd reveal "The Big Secret" for you, as well. Okay, so you probably know the main Big Secret - put Christ first and everything will work out. Maybe my secret is a way of accomplishing that. But, in any case, here it is:
If you treat your husband, no matter what his many flaws undoubtedly are, like he is more important to you, than your work (house or otherwise), your kids, or your girlfriends, he will be yours forever.
That's it. Easily said, but not easily done, I guess.....
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