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Confessions of a Homeschool Dad
Oct. 9, 2006
The Thing About Spouses
Some of you may not know this, but I have the best wife in the world. I realize that some of you may be under the delusion that either you or your wife are the best wife in the world, but you're wrong.
It may come as a surprise that I, some unnotable schlub in Texas found, wooed, and captured the perfect wife. In fact, it surprised me, too.
However, when I see other couples and how the wife talks to / about her husband, I know it's true. When I talk to other husbands and they are obviously hen-pecked and do whatever they can to stay away from home, I know it's true. And when I see women kick their husbands out of their homes for the most ridiculous things, I definitely know it's true.
THE THING
You see, the thing is that I frequently think that I don't have the best wife in the world. She could be doing more of this and less of that. It takes seeing other couples to understand what I have.
And I know my wife feels the same way. She was talking to a friend about our situation recently and the friend said something to the effect of, "He's such a godly husband. I hope you know how blessed you are." (Yes, the whole point of this post was to tell you that! - Oh, wait - maybe there's more...)
My wife said something like, "Well, I do now, but I often don't think about it." In other words, I could be doing more of this or less of that, so she doesn't think about the good stuff I do.
I'VE BEEN STRUCK - OUCH!
The thing that struck me was that many of us have the perfect spouse for us. At least, as perfect as it's going to get on this Earth. And we still want more of this or less of that and hold it against them that they do or don't do those things.
In other words, our ideal picture of a spouse is so completely unrealistic that we can ruin the spouse we have with it. Let me give you a picture of this:
My wife is a recovering perfectionist. As a result it is her natural reaction to point out what is wrong with the things that I do. So, when I've killed myself doing something for her ("stock up" grocery shopping at 5 different stores, repairing things, taking the kids on errands all day to give her some peace, or whatever) and the very first thing she tells me is what I did wrong, you can only imagine what goes through my head.
The same goes for when I finish a project and she says something like, "Okay, now this needs to be done." Huh? No, "Good job"? No, "You look hot [as by this time I'm drenched in sweat] - let me get you something to drink"? Just, "back to work!"
I'm not the smartest guy on the planet, but I can figure out that if, after doing something for my wife, I'm either going to get criticized or more work, I'm going to do a whole lot less things for my wife.
It's the same thing when we beat up our spouse with, "Why can't you do more of this or less of that?!" or "Why can't you be more of this or less of that?" or "It's your fault that this or that happened" or (for the women) "I thought you were supposed to be a spiritual leader!" or (for the men) "I thought you were supposed to be a help to me!"
You can see where this can lead.
LET IT GO!
Now, I don't know what your idea of the perfect spouse is, but I advise you to let it go. You aren't married to that person and, what's more, s/he doesn't exist.
I know we see things in real life and in blog life that make us sigh and imagine if our spouse would just do things like that. But the truth is that every spouse is a bundle deal - you get some really great qualities and some that aren't so great.
Not only can't either of us have all great qualities in our spouses, we would complain if we got it. Having the same human nature of the folks who put Jesus to death for not being religious enough, I'm sure we'd make up a problem with an all-perfect spouse.
So, as for me, I'm going to try to enjoy what I have. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go do something for the best wife in the world.
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