Today I'm feeling sorry for myself. I have always been surrounded by friends, until now. We have moved around a lot and in each place we have lived God has provided me with an abundance of GOOD friends. Now my husband says we are finally staying put. As glad as I am to be settling, I have yet to make even one  "good" friend, and I have lived in this town almost 2 years.

 I know, I'm being a big baby, but this is a BIG deal for me. I have always cherished my friendships, and to have that part of my life completely missing is pretty tough for a super social gal like me.

 I can't help but wonder what's going on. Does God want me to spend a season alone so that I learn to rely more heavily on HIS friendship? Do I need to sow the seeds of my time into my children instead friendships? Am I too picky? Is it ME?

 I was starting to finally make friends, but my choice to homeschool again this year scared most of them away. Moving out to the country caused a few more to jump ship. Now that I am following my convictions to take my children out of "kid's church" I feel like the last person has pulled away. Harsh judgment and scorn has taken the place coffee dates. People have no desire to socialize with my children present. I am constantly shocked by the way I have been criticized by following my convictions.

Why is God calling me down such an isolated road? I want to follow his will, but I sure could use a partner for the journey. My dear husband has no desire to hear my sorrows as he has little need for "friends" and does not understand my heart in this way.

 So I cry these silly tears of loneliness, wondering "Does God have a purpose for this season?" Or is it just circumstance?

• Post a Comment

Feb. 20, 2007 - Not Alone

Posted by Anonymous

I too find myself feeling so alone quite often. And as much as I know to go to God in this time because He's wanting my friendship I usually choose to sulk and cry. Why do I have to be alone? Why do others have lots of friends? Why are they "in" and I'm not? As much as I could rattle off advice here, I don't take it for myself and so I just want to tell you that you're not alone and that for however long this season is I pray you'll gain much more than you feel you've lost. May you become a deep well.

Your friend,
Kari

• Permanent Link

Feb. 20, 2007 - P.S.

Posted by Anonymous

I also got a cat...she listens and she likes me and she thinks all my convictions are great :)

• Permanent Link

Feb. 20, 2007 - Wishing I Lived Around the Corner!

Posted by EEEEMommy

God always has a purpose!
And there's nothing wrong with your convictions!
I will be praying that God brings you a kindred spirit who either shares those convictions, or isn't threatened by them!
I understand the need for girlfriends. My husband is certainly my best friend in the whole world, but there is something special about having a girlfriend with whom to share life. I hope you find one who homeschools and has kids the same age as your own. Don't be afraid to pray specifically for that kind of friend, God cares.
Until then, continue investing in the relationships with your kids, and your husband, and continue pursuing God and taking all your cares to Him. Maybe you could even chat aloud with Him while you give yourself a pedicure, it just might warm His heart.:)
I left behind a whole slew of good friends when I moved here, and although it sounds like I'm having an easier time making them than you are, I'm still longing for more and deeper, and more consistent, interactions with girlfriends. So, I understand. HSB fills the void a bit, but it's not the same as having coffee with a friend while the kids play.
And lastly, shame on all those who judge harshly and scorn!!!!! They're not the kind of friends you need anyway!
What's the status with the new family-integrated church you posted about? Maybe there is potential there.
Praying,
With sincere Christian friendship,
Angel

• Permanent Link

Feb. 20, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Karen

I don't remember how I found you, but I have enjoyed reading your past posts. I can relate to this one today, as I am dealing with a difficult relationship. We women do need friendships of other women, if for no other reason than to compare notes on day to day living.
Many things you spoke about today, have been in my heart and mind lately, and I think we are kindred spirits.
We need to pray that Our Father will fill that void.
I would love for you to visit me at my blog home: Kindred Haven http://grammie58.blogspot.com/

• Permanent Link

Feb. 21, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by callmekate

It's a lonely road, sometimes, to follow the path God has laid for you. I'm sorry you are going through this. I pray that this will pass with time and that the Lord will bring you a friend that will share your convictions. I've lived here in OR since 1991 and find myself now very socially alone. Since I had kids, I've spent a lot of time on them and ignored my own friendship needs. For me, it is worth it though I wish I had a kindred spirit to talk with. On the other hand, if all I did was rag on my dh to a friend, it wouldn't be honoring to my husband. My "best" friend from CA and I have drifted apart due to my homeschooling and her career as a public school teacher. And I'm not suppose to worry my mom with nonsense (according to my older sibs) So, when I need to complain, I talk to the Lord. When I need to share, I blog or sometimes run into an acquaintance in the community and chat a bit. I know that it's just where I am at the moment and if the Lord wills, there will be time for me in the future. I consider you my friend! E-mail me anytime!

Kate

• Permanent Link

Feb. 21, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Rachelle

I can very much relate to how you're feeling. I lost almost all of my friendships a couple years ago when we left that other church we talked about. It's been a lonely couple of years. I have some friends, but nobody yet that I would call a kindred spirit, other than my SIL who lives an hour and a half away. I'm so sorry for the hurt you're experiencing.

I was also wondering if you would mind if I added you to my blog list?

Rachelle
3knightsandaprincess.blogspot.com

• Permanent Link

Feb. 21, 2007 - the lesson of Job

Posted by authorDonna

There are always things that God wants us to learn. Reading through Job taught me much. Perhaps, like Job, you rely too much on friends and God is teaching you to rely on him--or perhaps he is showing you how worldly the church has become--or perhaps he's wanting you to reflect on your role in the family--or perhaps all or none. Either way, He will remain your firm friend. If he has chosen this path for you, choose to rejoice in his choice. You'll find out the why of it eventually. Blessings.

Donna Fawcett
Author of Thriving in the Home School
Donna Dawson
Author of Redeemed and The Adam & Eve Project
Word Alive Press' top seven author 2007
www.inscribe.org/donnadawson
www.freewebs.com/donnadawson
www.blogger.com/christianfictionnovels

• Permanent Link

Feb. 21, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by quietcajun

I understand what you mean... and I applaud you for obeying God instead of "man". We are in the same place right now and are even looking at possibly switching to a church that is family-integrated instead of sending the children off for children's church and youth group. It is hard, but stick to your convictions! You are not alone hear in "blogland!"

• Permanent Link

Feb. 22, 2007 - Oddly I understand

Posted by TeachingDad

I do really - I understand. I think that God calls us down the road less traveled to see what he can do there. To make us trust and lean more than usual. I have only a few friends, I got together with one night before last and it was the first time since before Christmas. Another friend is supportive, but most of them work for a living. I don't let myself get together with other homeschool moms, unless on a field trip, I don't know of any other dad who does what I do. But, pioneers have it that way. I bet the pioneers of the plains had it this way too. Except the comforts of modern life.
Hang in there.

• Permanent Link

Feb. 22, 2007 - 1st visit

Posted by BeccaBeard

to you blog, but wanted to encourage you! I went through a time when I felt amazingly alone and begged God for SOMEONE. He gave me Psalm 32:8.
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."

God is jealous for your heart and time. :-)

Love,
Becca

• Permanent Link

Feb. 23, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by CTdittmar

Hang in there, buddy! It is hard to feel misunderstood. I know I was seen as weird by certain neighbors in our community in OH. If they'd have known me 10 years ago, I would have seemed "normal" to them! Some people (like me) are intrigued and attracted to people of deep conviction. As Iron sharpens iron, right??? Folks who are threatened by conviction need strokes and others who validate their choices. Try to look out for someone who may need special friendship...that person may even surprise you, an elderly neighbor ...acres away...one of the older women of the church. Sometimes precious friendships can spring up out of the most unlikely places. I too am having a season of loneliness as I literally have not a soul here in our "transient spot" and am really a people-person! I pray we will both lean on God to sustain us, and build the precious longer lasting relationships with our children.

• Permanent Link

Feb. 24, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by jaminacema

I have gone through the same thing for the last 3 years! I have learned a lot about myself and am coming to peace with it. BUT, I don't like it! I will say a prayer for you! We girls need at least one close friend, who is close enough to hang out with!

Jamin

• Permanent Link

Feb. 25, 2007 - You are not alone

Posted by Kellyque777

Please know you are not alone in your season of life. Like you I have struggled with extreme times of loneliness and lack of friendships due to my husband being tranferred to different states for jobs. I have found that the best friends take time, and sometimes years to establish, especially during these years of raising our children and focusing on home-life. You'll see some come and go along the way, but the real ones stay for the long haul.
To go a bit deeper though . . . this time of separation that you are going through reminds me of the separation that Jesus had to go through before he entered into ministry. Right after God told Jesus that He was His Son in whom He was well pleased, Jesus was immediately taken into the desert (Mark 1:11-13) and tested. When we take a stand for the Lord and follow His leading we aren't going to be popular with everyone. Perhaps through this wilderness experience you will see how much God truly loves you and that to go deeper you must be willing to give up the old remnants of the world (superficial friendships, abiding by man's ways instead of God's, etc.) which will lead you to deeper, more meaningful friendships not only with friends God will bring to you, but with Him as well. Continue in patience, and soon you will see the fruit of friendship. In the meantime, don't despise this time of pruning.
((HUGS))
<>< Kelly

• Permanent Link