October 15, 2006

Blessings, Gifts &/or Curses?

Well, I was reading back over previous posts, In Limbo, and decided I needed to put out an update so those of you who might be interested could maybe find out how things were going and the answers to some of those prayers and questions. I really do appreciate the comments they are often so encouraging.  I don’t really know how to respond to the comments yet.

First of all I still feel like I am in limbo but we are settled somewhat for now.  We at least are hooked back into the internet as of this week.

   Isn’t it really funny how much you can miss something that even just a few short years ago you didn’t even know existed?  Anyway, what I mean by somewhat settled is that we are still not in our own home but if you have read previous posts you know that we are staying with my grandmother. I previously stated that we had found out that she had cancer what we didn’t know until just a few weeks ago is that it is in Stage 4 and is in the lymph system and may possibly already be in the brain as well.  The last two weeks have been difficult since she has gone down rather rapidly.  In the same week we had to have a hospital bed and wheelchair delivered due to the fact that she was getting up quite frequently in the middle of the night and kept falling. After two trips to the ER we called Hospice and they have been a great blessing. 

So we are unsure how long we will be here and where we will go when she is no longer with us.  I am concerned about exactly what I should do about the kids though.  I have started working part time and that was leaving the girls to do most of their school work while I am away.  My 16yo1d has been a marvelous help in the care of my grandmother while I am at work but it now has become necessary for there to be two people here to lift her and help her go to the bathroom.

  I am really torn about what I should do? I don’t know whether I should quit the job that I do enjoy, (and it does help us with the bills we are in need of paying) or whether I should put my 8yo2d in school? I know she is looking forward to going but I don’t think it is going to be what she expects; actually I don’t know what she expects. 

I pray that we will make the best decision for all involved right now.

Although a big praise has been that at least the frequency of my grandmother’s risings in the middle of the night has greatly decreased which has provided my husband and I the much needed sleep we have been missing. 

I will keep praying for the peace and rest that we need to get by and keep our relationships strong with each other and the children.

Speaking of relationships yesterday was the 17^th anniversary of my husband’s and my wedding, which I also find to be a blessing, I don’t know if either of us really expected to be married to one person this long considering both of our pasts. I mean we didn’t put divorce as an option when we agreed to marry but still he had already been divorced and I was a child of divorce and had seen several step parents come and go on both sides.

 Please keep praying that we will find the much needed time and privacy we need together to keep our relationship strong. Hard thing to do with three children of various ages (2, 8, 16) and no room of our own right now.

I have become involved at church again.  I am excited about what I am doing but wonder if it is too soon with all that is going on in my life at home right now.  I committed to these things before we knew about my grandmothers condition but have continued my commitment thinking I need to make myself have an outlet to have somewhat of a break.  Just the same I do have a problem with telling people no when there is a need I can fill.  Sometimes I think the gift of service can also be a curse.  Just kidding really I think God wants us to realize that serving is where we are to find our joy and I do it is just sometimes hard to find it when you are exhausted.

Speaking of exhausted I think it is time I go to sleep who knows when I will be called out of bed before I am ready so until next time … which should be sooner that it was before.

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