Well, I know that is has only been a few weeks since my last post and I thought I was going to be able to post more often but then life picked up a notch and proved me wrong. However, I am getting them closer together so that is progress.

I really love coming to see what other people comment it can be uplifting and confirming. I would love to be able to get more involved with some of the stuff I see going on with other blogs. I will just have to see how things go.

This has been a very stressful weekend. I have been taking care of my grandmother these past few weeks since her diagnosis of lung cancer and it has a been a rapid decline she passed away this past Thursday. I know that she is no longer in pain and she will be much better off in many ways.

She only found out Labor Day but I am not sure if she even really realized what was going on. It was sad to watch her lose so many things in such a short time. I constantly worried about how it would affect my children to be around her night and day and to see the decline and pain. I worried about my family as it became difficult and sometimes impossible for us to really do things together as a family since it required so much of us to take care of her. I really didn’t mind making at least her final wish of dying in her home come true.

But I was beginning to wonder how much longer I could make that happen but I guess God saw that and intervened. I must admit that I was somewhat relieved when she did pass on. (I hope you don’t think I am an awful person. Well I can‘t really stop you but I know that I am not.) It was really hard to watch her leave us even before she stopped breathing. I am thankful that I was able to grieve as we went though it did make it much easier for the funeral. I really only cry when I think about the things that we will no longer be able to do together.  

I know that I don’t want that to happen to me and at the same time that I don’t have much control over it. It can be very hard to watch someone else’s life spin out of their control and watch them fight it but be able to do nothing. I know that God is always in control. Sometimes we find it hard to trust that he has our best interest in mind. But Why do we find it hard? Do we really believe that our creator would create us just to torture and mistreat us? I don’t and at every crisis in my life I have stopped and wondered what I am suppose to get from the situation and how I am to pass on that knowledge and experience to help someone else. I find it the most difficult when I keep going through the same type of experience. Then I begin to feel like I am stupid and didn’t learn what I was suppose to learn the first time. After a while I began to think that maybe I just happened to be the innocent bystander that had to pay because someone else in my life did not “get it”. (But we won’t mention any names okay.)

I look forward to learning all the lessons that God has for me to learn and use to help others to His Glory. If anything I put here does that then it is just another bonus. Sometimes as I write I am able to straighten the jumble in my mind out and it all starts to make sense. Not always so I apologize if this is not making any sense to you.