"The Five Love Languages of Children" by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell
"Keeping Faith" by John Schaeffer and Frank Schaeffer
"Flags of our Fathers" by James Bradley
"Loving God With All Your Mind" by Elizabeth George
Deployment Thoughts...
Posted: 1:11 AM, Jul. 1, 2006
As we head into the countdown for Brian to deploy, I find myself tossing and turning every night. I decided tonight to get up and blog instead of lying there staring at the wall.
I have so many random thoughts flowing through my brain. It has been awhile since we’ve been in the deployment rotation, and I had forgotten the emotional cycle we go through leading up to and through the deployment. It is different this time, too, because the kids are older. I’m finding I don’t have time to deal with my emotions, because they are having such a difficult time dealing with their emotions.
I have so many people who say to me, “I don’t know how you do it” or “I could never live your life.” One would think they are referring to homeschooling!I find those statements amusing, though. Of course you could do it. It is amazing what we can do when we don’t have a choice! I knew when I married my husband what I was signing up for. In fact, I knew it better than most since I myself am a military brat. You would think that would have prepared me to help my children deal with deployments, wouldn’t you? I don’t feel prepared. Right now, for Tinkerbell and Peanut, emotional breakdowns are a daily occurrence. I know it’s normal.It is difficult to see them go through it though. I told them both yesterday that this period we are in right now is the WORST part of the whole deployment. It sounds terrible, when we should really be enjoying our last days with daddy, and really, I’m not sure one can understand it unless they have lived it. I say it is the worst part of the deployment because we know daddy is leaving, there is nothing we can do to stop it, and so we just need him to go so we can start the countdown to him coming home!
I have so many blessings to count, and during these difficult days, I try to keep them in mind. I am so thankful that Brian has such close relationships with the children. Often times, daddies are gone so much that those close ties don’t get established. We have been so blessed to have had daddy home the last few years. The down side to that is that the three of us have become incredibly spoiled by having daddy home. Now the three of us are wondering, “What are we going to do without daddy?” Oh, we’ll be fine, I know.Daddy really gets the short end of the stick.At least the three of us have each other.I can only imagine how daddy will feel on Peanut’s 13th birthday and Tinkerbell’s 10th birthday. How he will feel on Thanksgiving and Christmas. We will miss daddy, no doubt about it, but we will still be in the comfort of our home, and we will have each other to hold on to. Daddy missing those things are what makes Tinkerbell emotional right now.She hates the idea of daddy being alone on those days. She understands that daddy made this choice, to serve in the military. She understands that daddy loves being a Marine.However, she also understands that daddy hates leaving us, even while he loves his job. At her young age, she can empathize with the emotional torment daddy goes through. Peanut is in a different stage right now.He has already passed the upset emotion, and has moved on to being angry. He is angry that daddy isn’t going to be here for soccer season, or his 13th birthday. He can’t remember a time when daddy wasn’t there, cheering him on the sidelines, or watching him blow out candles. All of these are normal in the deployment emotional cycle, but boy, it is definitely much more draining than it was when they were little and only needed mom!
We have many activities planned during July to try and take the focus off daddy being gone. We have friends coming to visit, and we’re going to visit my sister in Phoenix. Each of the children have a little notebook they will take notes in during the deployment, so that when it gets closer to daddy coming home and we are assembling our “deployment journal” they will have things to refer back to. I am sure that once we get on base and they see there are other children in the same situation they are, that will bring a level of comfort to them as well. There is just something special about living on base and knowing that the people who surround you know exactly what you are going through, even if the rest of the world can’t fathom it. The military is a special family, one I am eternally grateful for. The media may only portray the “bad eggs” but for every 1 “bad egg” there are 500 wonderful “golden eggs.” I can honestly say that when Brian retires, I will wholeheartedly miss the Marine Corps. I won’t however, miss the deployments!
I'm praying for you.
My husband is a marine also- has been in almost 12 years. We're actually making the move to get out at the end of this enlistment b/c with Bug's issues, he just can't handle my hubby being gone. It gets very very bad for him, and my husband reazlies that he needs to be in a job where he isn't leaving all the time.
I have to admit though, I will miss the marine corps wholeheartedly as well. it is a special family.
I smile too when people say I don't know how you do it- in reference to Bug's issues, homeschooling, being without my hubby- i feel like saying- do i have a choice?! God gives grace for circumstance, not imagination.
Hope you are able to get through the next few days until D day. You're right, i understand wanting them to just go so that you can try to get back to life and count until they get home.
Praying that you have wisdom to share in your childrens' emotions right now.
Bless you
and please express our appreciation to your husband from those of us he is protecting. And to your kids for sacrificing their daddy so that my kids can go to sleep safely every night. And to you for carrying the burden while he is gone. We will pray for you and your family.
...my dad would probably groan to hear me say that, but it's true -- especially after reading what you said about living on base. Sometimes, I wish I could live on base again for the comaraderie and understanding from others. My dh has never been in the military or reserves, so I don't know what it's like to have a hubby deployed. Just wanted to leave a comment to hopefully encourage you in some small way.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. It does make sense that pre-deployment wuold be the hardest. The last day of my husband's rest-cycle is the hardes for our children...once he is back in the rotation of being gone most of the time and sleeping when home, the kids seem to go right back into their routine and be ok with it. But after having his attention for a few days, the reality of him being mostly gone for the next week is tough on them...and we are only talking about a few days at a time!
(and they still need mom...more than they let on : )
I don't have a point of reference for what you're going through, but I can only imagine how difficult it is for you all. God bless you and prosper your family in love for each other during this time, and I pray that it goes by quickly! Thank you on my behalf for the sacrifice your whole family is making for our country!
You and the kids will be in my prayers. I know what you mean though. Don't it get tiring hearing things like...I could not move that often. I just couldn't do what you were doing? It would just me too hard on me and the kids. What about the kids? They will not know what is like to have childhood friends because you keep moving so often?
You can do what you need to and God always gives us what we need when we need it.
I can sympathize with you. My husband is deployed and the weekend before he left was the hardest! We are into a routine now, but it isn't the same without him. We are celebrating our first birthday without him today. Hopefully we will only have one more birthday to go through before he returns.
Toni
We are going through the same thoughts and emotions. my dh doesn't leave until Sept but we just did this last year though, so it's still pretty fresh. My little one is having the hardest time with it, and dreading the holidays, birthdays without him.
I think you are so right to focus on him too and remind yourselves how he will be feeling. Sometimes in the midst of the stress it causes US, I forget how terribly hard it is on HIM too. It's no fun sleeping on a cot--if that-- in the middle of the desert, missing your family.
Anyway, we will keep you all in our thoughts/prayers as you go through these last days before D day.
God bless you all
I will be praying for you... My hubby has been gone 3 weeks (1 at camp, and 2 in Europe on a Mission trip) and I can barely stand it. We've got 3 days left. I know it will be hard.
I'm sorry your family has to go through this. I know what you mean when you say that God gives you what you need to go through things. I have two sets of twins and people are always saying to me "I don't know how you do it!" I find this a little irritating because you do what you have to do in any situation that you are in.
God Bless and I will be praying for you.
Heidi
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