My friend, Kim, has a saying on her Facebook, "A woman's heart should be so lost in God, that a man has to seek Him in order to find her." But this generation seems to be lost to Facebook and their cellphone making it way too easy not only to find her but everything about her too. The combination has made any rules of engagement (pun intended) obsolete.
David Brooks examines how cell phones have changed the dating game.
Once upon a time — in what we might think of as the “Happy Days” era — courtship was governed by a set of guardrails. Potential partners generally met within the context of larger social institutions: neighborhoods, schools, workplaces and families. There were certain accepted social scripts. The purpose of these scripts — dating, going steady, delaying sex — was to guide young people on the path from short-term desire to long-term commitment.As a parent, we've encouraged our young adults to establish appropriate guardrails which will help them navigate the temptations that are ever before their eyes. But it isn't easy for them or us. We understand the traps that lay before them that could derail their hopes and dreams, but frequently our young people only see another "friend" to add to their growing list.
Over the past few decades, these social scripts became obsolete. They didn’t fit the post-feminist era. So the search was on for more enlightened courtship rules. You would expect a dynamic society to come up with appropriate scripts. But technology has made this extremely difficult. Etiquette is all about obstacles and restraint. But technology, especially cellphone and texting technology, dissolves obstacles. Suitors now contact each other in an instantaneous, frictionless sphere separated from larger social institutions and commitments.
In the "Happy Day's era as Brooks identifies it, a young man thought longer before he reached for a phone and called a girl. More importantly, the ring of the phone and one-side of the conversation were heard throughout the household. Now, the instantaneous access to a new friend through cell phones makes it easy, very private, and speeds up the courtship process. Add in social networking sites like Facebook and young adults quickly learn what their new friend's favorite food, music, song, and a whole lot more before the first date. They become emotionally bonded and "in a relationship" before parents and others in their social sphere know they even exist.
Even parents like us, who have encouraged our children not to commit to a long-term relationship until they are ready for marriage are struggling how to navigate these waters. The only "script" seems to be written by the next generation as they go along, eliminating many safeguards that prevented heart break or at least softened the blow.
God said it was not good for man to be alone, so He created woman and said it was very good. We created technology that has become our constant companion and what is happening to our generation because of it isn't so good.
-Spunky
Cross-posted, with permission, from SpunkyHomeSchool
- Sometimes I struggle with feeling weak. Physically I just can't do all that I want or sometimes even need to do. When people look at me, they can't see anything wrong. To them, I “look” healthy, but there can be quite a war going on within my body and mind even as I smile.
- There are times when I've been in so much pain, that I've really thought about using one of the motorized carts at a store. But I haven't been able to do it. Deep down the idea of needing help just to get around is still too much for me. As silly as it may sound, the thought of going to the grocery store or a field trip with my kids can have me clinging to Philippians 4:13, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
- I have to remind myself that even though I may not be physically strong, I can still be mentally tough. I can be strong in the Lord, even when my body fails me.
- Being strong is a choice, not a condition. God tells us to be strong in the Lord, not by our own power. Our strength comes from our union with Him, from his all-mighty power. Zechariah 4:6 says “Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the Lord Almighty.”
- Being strong means remembering to walk by faith and not by sight, releasing the fears, and clinging to Truth. It means putting on the armor of God each and every day.
- And that much I CAN do.
- Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Ephesians 6: 14 – 17
At a homeschool convention last year, another vendor and I struck up a conversation. He had a lot of energy but seemed a bit uptight; however, he readily admitted that he felt totally out of place because he didn't homeschool and this was definitely not his "typical convention." Not really interested in finding out what his "typical convention" was like, I smiled and assured him that we all knew he was out of place the minute he walked in the vendor hall, but we're a polite group and so we didn't point or stare as we talked about him to each other. He grinned and relaxed a bit.
"Obviously, you're a pretty direct person," He said. "So I was wondering, how does a guy who knows nothing about homeschooling sell his product to homeschoolers?"
Ignoring the fact that this out of place "greedy capitalist" was there just to make a profit, I chuckled and asked him, "Why do you think homeschoolers would even want to buy your product if you know absolutely nothing about us?"
He didn't seem to want to answer that, so I continued, "Get to know us a bit and you'll figure out it's not that hard to sell to us. We're pretty frugal but can be gullible in the right circumstance with a promising product, especially at a homeschool convention."
"Fair enough." He replied. "Then I'd like to show you my stuff and see what you think. But first there's one thing I've been wondering about homeschoolers for quite a while now."
"Oh, and what is that?"
"Why do you homeschoolers have so many kids?"
"Umm, gee, maybe it's because we have more exciting things to do than watch Jay Leno after the kiddos go to bed?!?" (Okay, I didn't really say that but I did think it.)
Instead, I politely tried to explain that for some of us homeschooling isn't just an educational choice but a life decision based on a belief that children are as a blessing from God. He wasn't getting it and I was getting hungry so the conversation quickly died of natural causes.
If I ever run into him again, however, I'm sending him over to Ethan Demme (of Math-U-See fame) who gives a much more thoughtful and complete answer to the question, How do I reach the homeschool community? His post is directed at politicians but he starts from the same premise that you have to know something about us, past and present, in order to reach us.
As a homeschool grad and marketing guru, Demme provides an excellent round-up of information and resources to understand this growing but changing movement of homeschool radicals who actually believe they can teach their children at home and live to blog about it. Check it out and keep in handy if you ever run into my vendor friend at your state homeschool convention.
(Note to Demme: Please add a paragraph on fecundity and homeschoolers, thanks in advance.)
-Spunky
Cross-posted, with permission, from SpunkyHomeSchool
I have been thinking a lot about contentment lately. I have some friends who are going through some extremely hard times. They are people that I love and admire. And honestly, sometimes I thought they were “more blessed” than me. (Do you ever think that?)
On the outside, they seemed to “have it all”, great careers making good money, nice homes and cars, loving families, lots of friends, health, etc...
But now, they are going through some things that put all of that in perspective and made me realize I need to rethink some things.
I realize that many times I've looked at God blessing me by what He gives me. Now I know that often He is also blessing me with what He doesn't give me – the things He has protected me from.
Does that make any sense?
It's not that the money or success that they've experienced are solely to blame for what they're going through. That's actually far from it. But those good things are what I could see and admire. I didn't see all of the things that they were privately battling (or would someday be battling).
Shame on me for thinking that somehow God loved them more because He was blessing them with certain things. Sure we struggle, but my family is extremely blessed. We love each other like crazy, we've got a comfy home with plenty of land to enjoy, and we get to spend lots and lots of time together. I have GOT to quit taking that for granted.
All families have their struggles. Some will struggle with finances. Some struggle with family tensions. Some struggle with marital issues. Others struggle with health or loss. Those things just come from living in this sinful fallen world where accidents, confusion, selfishness, envy, and disease run rampant.
We can't control all of the things that come into our lives, but those things don't have to consume us. We must walk by faith and not by sight, all the while trusting in God and knowing that He has our best interests at heart. We have to quit looking at others and wondering why things seem so hard for us, but so easy for them. Our lives were not created for our comfort. God chooses whether we need the sweet or the bitter. We were created to glorify Him and He gets to decide how – whether it is through success or trials, health or illness, joy or sorrow. Sometimes being content means letting go of our plans and desires.
We need to quit keeping score. Being content is a choice. One day I met a woman who was going through a horrible time, the worst time of her life. Yet she really didn't have any sympathy for others. She was certain that everyone else had things so much better than she did. She didn't know that many of our friends were facing extremely trying times themselves. Because even as those women were struggling, they were trying to be content, to count their blessings, and to look at how they could bless others.
It doesn't take a perfect life to glorify God, He uses struggling imperfect people every day.
And even IN our struggles, God is there, which is truly the greatest blessing! Remember the story in Matthew 14: 22-33 about the disciples being out in the boat on stormy waters? Even when Peter began to sink because he was scared by the storm, Jesus reached out to grab him and saved them all. We have to remember that He will reach out and grab us when we are scared and sinking too.
That's where my hope is. That's what keeps me content.
“This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.”
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I just saw a coupon code on the TOS Facebook page and thought I'd pass it along in case any of you missed it. If you order a one-year US print subscription before midnight, Friday, October 30th, and use coupon code 10GIFTS, you can get the sub for $7.95 AND pick 10 free gifts from their Fall special. Just click HERE for all the details.
But click through MY links if you decide to buy anything. I'm a TOS Affiliate and earn 15% whenever you click through my links to buy a TOS product.
Here are the options:
Plus, if you subscribe now, your subscription will start with the Winter issue (pictured above). I've got an article in this issue about the benefits of sunshine and good ol' Vitamin D! I hope you all like it. After taking a break for a few issues, I'm a little nervous. :O)
With the holidays right around the corner, we thought this might be a good time to discuss favorite family games. My family enjoys playing games with our family and friends at Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I've found that games make GREAT gifts.
My favorite is probably Scrabble, but here are some of my kids' favorite games:
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Monopoly and the new Monopoly Deal card game
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To Bethlehem (Especially perfect around Christmas!)
And these are our favorites to play at get-togethers:
Hope this helps spark some ideas for fun or gift-giving at your house. I've got to admit that I don't play games nearly as much as the boys want me to. I drag my heels and tend to find other things to do, but I'm trying to do better about joining in the fun and hope you all will too!
Enjoy every minute!
~Nancy
PS – I noticed on Amazon that you can get the Monopoly Deal cards FREE when you purchase some of the other games before October 31st. Click here for the details!
*This is reprinted from the October 28, 2009 Favorite Games THM. If you are interested in getting The Homeschool Minute e-Newsletter, you can subscribe HERE.
I snapped this picture of the boys while we were at the pumpkin patch with our homeschool group the other day. Somehow the old truck just made a very fitting prop for my boys.
Hard working. Reliable. Lots of character.
I wish I had been a fly on the course when this event took place. Let me explain . . .
I have a very dear friend who lives and homeschools in the city of Detroit. Her neighborhood is rough and her circumstances are difficult; yet through it all she manages to smile and trust the Lord to help her do the work necessary to raise five children without the support of her husband. Her children range from 12 to 19 in age.
The oldest two young men are both homeschool graduates and attend a local college. To help pay for their studies they tirelessly work as caddies at an exclusive golf course. My friend sent me this exchange her son Josh had with the golfer he recently assisted around the course.
Let me set the scene for you . . . Josh meets his golfer. They shake hands and begin the loop of 18-holes (3-4 hours) together. Golfer expresses how impressed his is with Josh and comments on how well versed Josh is (says Josh is able to give intelligent opinions on many subjects golfer initiated, speaks English not Ebonics, wears trousers that fit and such)The Detroit Public Schools is currently seeking more money to fix the schools. It's a public works project that's never works. Currently DPS spends over $11,000 per student yet they have the worst graduation rate in the country. Young men like Josh are living proof that it isn't money that is the problem. It is a government system that creates a poverty of spirit and a vicious cycle that Robert Bobb and many others perpetuate to protect their power. However, parents have the ultimate power if they would use it.
GOLFER: So what school do you go to? (eagerly awaiting an answer)JOSH: I recently completed my high school studies and just graduated one month ago.
GOLFER: Really? Which DPS (Detroit Public School)?JOSH: The Mitchell Academy! (proudly spoken)
GOLFER: a look of bewilderment . . .JOSH: Smiling proudly. I am home educated.
The golfer begins coughing and (for a black man) turned white as a sheet.
Who was the GOLFER? None other that Robert Bobb, Detroit Public Schools' emergency financial manager who is trying to encourage every Detroit resident to denounce charter, private and home schools and return to DPS. Even though Josh knew his name, he still had no clue what this man did for a living. Josh then offers his golfer bottled water to calm is choking cough.
My courageous friend bucked the government's system of dependency and despair. Like her son, she is proof that a dedicated mother can break the cycle and raise GREAT kids who positively impact their community and the world. Bravo to you both!
-Spunky
Cross-posted, with permission, from SpunkyHomeSchool
My friend, Juliestew, is having a contest on her blog to give away some Tea Tree Oil from Beeyoutiful. I discovered tea tree oil a few years ago and we use it quite a bit around our house.
She's drawing a winner on Wednesday so head on over there to enter!
Also, have you ever visited the WellTellMe website that is chock full of discussions about natural alternatives and the such? I have learned quite a bit over there!