For those of you keeping up with my blog, you know that life has been challenging for me lately.  While I realize things could be SO much worse, it's still felt like a roller coaster ride that I've wanted to get off of.

The other morning was no different... While in the shower, I could hear the screams and bickering of the children in their rooms and down the hall (right outside of the bathroom).  I decided to stay in a little longer and try to enjoy the hot shower, knowing what awaited me outside the door the minute the shower stopped.  The voices continued to escalate and I knew it needed to be taken care of... but the water was so nice and it was "safe" inside that shower.  The childrens' skills in the fine art of... communicating... where needing to be addressed however, and  I also knew that even if I stayed inside the nice shower, eventually the hot water would turn cold and I HATE a cold shower... even worse than disciplining the kids...

So I got out, with less than a happy heart about it.  In fact, I let it ruin the entire morning.  My plans for a wonderful shower had been ruined, and I wasn't about to let those children feel good about that.  I was unhappy... and everyone knew it as soon as I opened the bathroom door.

After sending each child to their bed for some quiet time... I sat on the couch and prayed to God to help me make it through the day.  It was then He spoke words to my heart... words that were hard to hear, but true...

The morning had really been how my life has been lately... the warm shower where I wanted to stay has been how I've been treating the Lord and His calling for me.  I've wanted to stay where I'm at... continue with life the way it is... where it's "safe" and sure instead of venturing out. 

It might be tough, Lord...
DRAW YOUR STENGTH FROM ME...
...and I'm not sure what's out there.
I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU...
and... what if... I don't like them?
FOR WHERE YOUR TREASURE IS, THERE YOUR HEART IS ALSO...

I also knew that if I stayed in the shower for too long, I would eventually get cold... just like if I don't do what the Lord is asking, my realationship with Him will grow "cold".  How can I be on fire for the Lord if I'm unwilling to go where He asks?

I'm scared Lord...
DON'T BE AFRAID, I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS...
but I know that Your way is the only way...
I AM THE WAY, THE TRUTH, AND THE LIFE...

I needed to get out of the "comfortable shower" and take care of the children that the Lord blessed me with.  I needed to be what He'd called me to be, and do what needed to be done.  This is my life story right now... and I have to admit, that while trying to be what the Lord has planned for me, I have also tried to twist that into what works best for me.  Then when I got out of the shower, realizing what I had to do, I made eveyone else "pay" for ruining my plans and pouted for not getting my way.

Oh Lord, forgive me for being selfish...  Forgive me for not trusting you...  Forgive me for being angry...
I FORGIVE YOU, MY CHILD...
I want to follow You...  I want whatever it is You'll have for me.  Where ever You lead me, Lord, I will follow... where ever you lead me Lord, I will go... I am ready... I'm sorry it took so long.