• Tuesday, August 14, 2007 - Crying out... again...
So today is just a continuance of yesterday... As most of you know, my husband owns a stamped-concrete business and one of the downfalls in owning your own business is there isn't a "scheduled" pay day. But aside from everything else going on, my husband was supposed to be getting a check in the mail last Friday... or Monday at the latest, but when he called yesterday afternoon after the mail had come and the check wasn't there, they said they hadn't sent it yet. So, if that wasn't bad enough, he paid bills for the business in faith that the check would come, and I had written bills at home. So yesterday, everything began bouncing.
Today he left at 5:30am to start another job, but when I called to see how he was doing, he said that it hadn't went well and was indicative of what's been going on. We're beginning to feel as if we fighting a never-ending-no-chance-of-winning battle. (Feeling like the guy in the video below...)
So, I'm confused, angry and frustrated. I'm frustrated for obvious reasons... I mean, we just seem to keep running into a wall. We're trying... man, my husband is trying so hard and watching him is the most helpless feeling. I'm angry because I just don't get this... how can we be a "light" in this darkness? And I'm confused because I don't understand why the Lord is seeming to bring us to a place we never said we'd go... not out of pride, but in the belief that the Lord provides... period.
And so in trust, we continue to wait on You... and give it all up... again... and again... and again...
Oh, how I wish I could sit down and share our story with you (I'm in Ohio and I don't know where you are). We were in the same, same place. My husband owned a Christian business, and it died a long slow death with so many bounced checks and humiliation along the way. 5 years ago we ended up having to sell our home to pay the business debt. It's been 5 long years of living in a rental, but God blessed us so much during those 5 years, even though it seemed like we'd never pay off the debt. In those 5 years we paid off about $200,000, which is incredible and such tangible proof of how powerful and loving He is. And just last month God blessed us with a miracle - a home I had fallen in love with 8 years ago. I can't tell you how many people my husband and I have been able to minister to through this pruning. So many who are drowning in debt and need to hear that there really can be light at the end of the tunnel. My husband and I are different people today. We have come through the fire, and feel that God has grown our character and witness so much. As hard as it was, we can look back and be thankful that that's all we had to go through, and hope that God found us faithful during those days.
Your heart is beautiful, Amy. God will bless your family - I know this. Hang on.
I completely understand where you are coming from. My husband has his own construction company which was going strong. And then at the beginning of the year it turn a serious turn for the worse. We weren't sure what the Lord was trying to do with us at the time. We spent a lot of time just seeking the Lord and praying for some sort of guidance.
We now believe that the Lord was trying to show us that all providence comes from him no matter what form it takes. It is funny that you should post this today. My husband went back to work for an employer TODAY. We aren't closing our compay. We are just waiting for this season to pass. My husband has been working soooo hard the last year trying to keep things going. It took a lot for him to call some companies and look for work. But we do live in a world where you need money to pay your bills. We also did a ton of advertising. We figured that we would just wait and see which door opened first. Yesterday he received a call from a company and today he received another call from a different company. So this is where we are for now. Who knows where the Lord will lead us. All I know is that there has been a big weight lifted.
I am not saying what you and your husband should do. All I am saying is that you have to pray a lot, have faith that he will keep you, and wait to see what the Lord has for you. But I am sure you already know this. I do know how helpless you might feel. Not really being able to do anything to help your husband but pray and be there for him. And believe that that is really enough.
I didn't intend to write so much. My heart is breaking for you. I will be praying for you and your family.
I can also relate to your post today and I'm sorry life is at such a difficult place for you.
My husband was laid off from his job of 20 + years over five years ago and we are still living around poverty level while he has started and lost another job and is presently trying to get an insurance business started from the ground up. We have lost so much, material-wise, and are living with a fraction of what we once had. We have also begun the debt trap once again - we had conquered the beast a few months before the layoff and now we're back! It's hard and embarrassing and an extremely heavy load.
Some times I can live in that *rest* mode knowing that He is in total control and we have not been forgotten. Other times, I am a wreck. :o)
Love to you and know that you are in my prayers today.
Paula
Edited by PollyJo on Tuesday, August 14, 2007 at 6:52 PM
I understand what you are talking about, as my husband also has his own business. I, too feel helpless at times. Wish I had the answer, but without Jesus, I think I would completely fall apart. It has certainly taught me to rely on Him.
Hi Amy, I just read your post. I shared it with my husband. Our hearts go out to you and your family. We have been in similar situations where we stepped out in faith. The song you chose I personally have leaned on to remind me of God's sovereignty(spelling ?) He is there , We will be praying for you.
Praying that Heaven will rain down blessings upon you and your family! Did you notice that the guy in the video was able to get out easily from the bonds when he stopped striving? Just a thought. Sometimes we are striving so hard that we actually keep ourselves in the place of bondage. When we relax and trust in HIM then the chains just fall away. (((HUGS)))
I've been noticing a recurring theme with quite a few folks in similar circumstances.
Kinda seems like He's stretching our faith walks a few more steps at a time...
Building up for ??something??
Breaking down for ??something??
Hang on and cling tight to Him!
Gotta get past this before you can look back to "get it"!
Yes, I did notice what had happened to that man. Just before he fell to his knees, it shows his hand reaching as if giving it all to the Lord... then he quits struggling.
When I showed the video to my husband, I asked if he noticed what happened to the man. He said, "Yeah, the ropes fell off." I asked, "...but did you realize why?" He laughed and said, "Um, no... you know I don't "get" things like that." I told him, "The loosened when he quit struggling..." I looked to my husband, who was then teary-eyed.
We're letting go... we're trying... we're learning that it's sometimes a continual process... with every trial...
And to everyone else... I can't tell you how much your prayers mean. Thank you...
Hi, Amy! I've missed you.....
I will be praying for your family through this difficult time. We, too, owned a business for several years and struggled with not getting paid on time. In fact, if anything, it has made us more aware of the importance of paying for any work that we have done promptly. I am sorry that you are going through this valley and will pray that you will be delivered quickly.
Trust in Him -- He knows your needs, even before you do.
May God bless you abundantly and work ALL for His glory.
In Him, Beckie
Praying things get better soon for you! We are in a very difficult situation financially too. Makes me feel like I need to be working.
I love that song, I just played it an my 2 yr old is trying to sing along =)! He is going around saying 'never alone'.
~Erica
(((Amy)))
I'm praying for you here. I may not know exactly what you're going through, but we have been having troubles here, too, with our finances. I, too, watch dh work so hard to try and do what he can, and yes, it is HARD to do. He said the other day that he thinks God may be reminding him that he can't do enough himself to meet our needs, that we need to look to God and lean completely on him. I am so glad he realized this, because he had been getting down on himself about not working hard enough and not providing enough for his family. Huh??? That's the hard part, seeing how hard he works and then watching him kick himself because he doesn't feel like he's doing enough. I am being refined in the fire as well...I am learning so much through this...learning new skills that will save money, learning how to truly be a helpmeet to my dh, learning how to lean on God and trust in Him. Ever since I was diagnosed with MS, my "motto" verse has been Romans 8:28. God bless you and your family, Amy!
Amy, your post touched me about what did/does Jesus look like in our lives. My husband shares the same profession as yours and currently we have everything for sale and are waiting on the Lord to lead us. I too find myself struggling with watching my hubby under such financial pressure. We are growing, and trusting and praying. I will remember you in my prayers. Don't let the enemy win, he has NO power and we do in Christ. Amen
Edited by kristarella on Wednesday, August 22, 2007 at 9:29 AM
and a woman seeking the Lord's Will (daily), a wife (striving to keep the romance alive), a "Smamma" (Step- mother) of one and a homeschooling mom of seven (I was never going to have children), who starts every day over (after messing SOME thing up the day before), knowing God's grace is overflowing (just like my laundry), and so thankful He's blessed me more than I'll ever deserve.
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•Tuesday, August 14, 2007 - Hold on, Amy
Your heart is beautiful, Amy. God will bless your family - I know this. Hang on.
Tina