• Saturday, November 10, 2007 - Day Ten... My Trials
Dearest Provider,
Thank You for my thorns. Today I specifically want to thank You for our uncertain future.We have no idea where we will be in a few months... a baby is due and I probably won't bring this child to the place all of my other babies have known. But, I know You will provide a home for our family. I thank You for this pregnancy as well, and ask Your forgiveness for viewing it as a "trial". I know that children are a blessing from You... I know women who would give anything to be pregnant... yet, at this time in our life, I laughed sarcastically when I found out I was pregnant. I feared what I could see, instead of having faith in You and Your plan. I drew closer to You, and I know that whatever happens, this child has a purpose. With Mike's business, I know You will provide as well. I have prayed for a miracle so many times in this area to save us from "going down". The business encompasses so many other aspects of our life, as well as others', and I have gotten so discouraged at the seemingly lack of an answer. And now, as the answer has been "forced" on us, I struggle with that too, for the answer seems worse than the question. You told me You would provide for us (in fact, we tell everyone that when they ask HOW we have such a big family... "God provides"), and I became angry because the answer certainly didn't seem like provision... how could our lives stand as a testimony to You in this way? And then I saw... You have provided throughout this time of suffering and trails. What is happening isn't necessarily what You had desired (just as Adam and Eve in the garden), but even so, Your provision has never wavered... and has even brought new promises in the midst of our darkest hours. Our financial future is completely unknown, but You still have provided a new path for us and as we walk it, I know You are there.
I am scared... but I stand more sure than before and I know that this life... this world... is not about me... or even the effect I have on it, but instead on how You have been glorified through me while I was here... in joy AND trails. Teach me of the glory I bring in carrying my trails with courage and faith in You. Let my life be a living testimony to those struggling themselves. Let them see that You are the Only Way to find true peace in ALL circumstances... and let them see that through my response and reactions to my trials. Use me Lord... I commit my life and myself to You to use as You see fit. Give me strength Lord and sustain me... and thank You for my trails... bringing me closer to You.
and a woman seeking the Lord's Will (daily), a wife (striving to keep the romance alive), a "Smamma" (Step- mother) of one and a homeschooling mom of seven (I was never going to have children), who starts every day over (after messing SOME thing up the day before), knowing God's grace is overflowing (just like my laundry), and so thankful He's blessed me more than I'll ever deserve.
