As another year ends and one begins, I'm struck with the reality of how many "uncertain" things are going on in my family's life right now.  With the loss of a huge account, along with the decline in construction, my husband's business is becoming a memory.  He's been taking online college courses for a degree in ministry, but won't be finished until after this summer.  To add one more "uncertainty", Mike and I are going to an Assessment Center for potential church planters the end of January.  I feel as though our life is "on hold" until after the Assessment Center when we will learn what direction our life will take.  Until then, we really can't make any kind of long-term decisions.  We are fervently praying that the Lord will make it clear to us (and to the assessors who will be interviewing & evaluating us over a period of three days) what it is that we're to do next.  We feel the Lord calling us into full-time ministry, but we honestly don't know where. 

And so, when people ask us what we're going to do next… we smile and say, “we don’t know.”  As I write this, I have to chuckle as I think about some of the facial expressions we’ve received in response to that.  I guess it really does sound crazy… after all, we live in a world where planning is a part of life… an organized and well-thought out one anyway.  I mean, who in their right mind would leave themselves open to something so… unknown?  

We may like to believe for our own security, that God doesn’t expect us to do whatever He asks without question… but He does.  We may try to convince ourselves that He wants all our desires to be fulfilled instead of desiring nothing more than to live a life full of Him… but that’s not the case.  And we feel “safe” with our vehicle, savings account, job or relationships on a daily basis justifying the “need” for each one… but the Lord wants us to instead be putting complete trust in Him.

As I look at the possibilities 2008 may hold, I have to admit… I can’t even begin to guess.  It’s really THAT uncertain.  I have no idea where we will be and what we’ll be doing.  Other than our baby being due the beginning of March, I have no idea… absolutely none.  Me, the “planner”… the one who makes a check list a week before going somewhere to be sure that nothing gets missed… and I don’t have a clue.  At times it breaks me as He chips away the hardened clay resisting the inevitable changes He requires… and at other times it completely humbles me as I allow myself to be molded and shaped into what He desires me to become.

More… there is more…  

And so I continue to climb to the top of the mountain where He beckons me to come… the walk is not easy but I know there’s a purpose… and when I finally get there, and He calls me to the edge to overlook the beauty that lies ahead… I will continue to trust Him… to look forward… to not go back but forge ahead right off that mountain, jumping into the future He has planned knowing He will be there to catch me… and what an exhilarating free fall it will be knowing when it ends, I will be in the safety of His arms.

Still Seeking,
Amy

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