Well, I'd like to be able to give the report that my kitchen has been put back together and everything looks as good as I'd imagined...  I'd like to say that, really... I would... however, there's been a LITTLE "backsliding".  In fact, last week when I'd made plans to spend the day in the kitchen and finish the "ordeal", my dear friend called and had to be out of their home for the day due to toxic foam-insulation being sprayed in their addition... and so she needed a place to go for the day with her six children.

Uh... yes, I told her to come... and yes, I DID stash everything back into every cupboard, drawer and crevice that I could find.  When she walked in the door, all but sweeping needed to be done.  It really was a miraculous result... um, as long as you didn't need to find anything.  In fact, this was so "wonderful" and my heart was so "overjoyed" at the picked up (but not even close to organized kitchen) that I decided I would just give up... ahem, I mean, forge ahead into the laundry room and proceed with the same wild abandon on getting that area picked up once and for all.  Organization?  HA!... I was back to my "old ways" and feeling utterly defeated, I cried huge sobs as I stuffed things in totes and garbage bags.  In a grand total of 30 minutes, I could see my laundry room floor after months... and I knew where nothing was other than the now mislabeled totes looming in the corner reminding me I was a failure.

After writing things on how to get your home in order, organize, de-clutter, and the like... here I was... and it felt horrible.  Hadn't I grown?  Hadn't I learned?  How could I be back to this all over again?  How could I be so broken... again?

I will heal you...

I know better, so how could I feel so useless... so undeserving... and so unlovable?

You have forgotten to ask Me... I am here... come to Me... What you were does not matter... except that it's brought you to where you are... and where you are does not matter... except that it's getting you ready for where you're going.  Do not get discouraged.  I love you, my child... and you are on a journey.  Come to me... I love you... and I will heal you.

Oh Father, In the midst of the chaos... I let myself get caught up in my mess and disorganization instead of getting caught up in the overwhelming love You have for me.  May I feel overwhelmed this week Lord... but I pray for it to be Your love and grace that consumes me instead of the fleeting things of this world...

Still Seeking,
Amy

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