I've been thinking a lot about this verse, as well as the moments I've cried out to the Lord to save me.  While there certainly have been moments of honest need for help, I have to admit that there also have been a “fair share" of cries to be spared from trials out of my own selfish desires and pride.  Selfishness told me I “deserved” what I wanted.  I was able to justify my wants and desires, and each time I gave in, eventually I wound up begging for mercy.  Pride kept me from listening to the Lord’s discipline as He tried to correct me and prevent me from making the same mistakes again… and again. 

 

Imagine “Selfishness” and “Pride” as a virus holding hands, set on taking over our lives by disguising themselves and fooling everyone into believing they’re something beautiful and true instead of ugly and fleeting.  They make us believe our motives are pure, and so we dismiss looking deep into our hearts for the virus that brings impending doom. 

 

Think about it for a moment… examine your heart… look at your struggles with new eyes and see how much selfishness and pride have invaded your life.  Don’t stop at the obvious, but look DEEP down at where the feelings are coming from.  All the justifying in the world still doesn’t make selfishness and pride go away… it just keeps them away from your mind and secured in your heart and where selfishness and pride reside; nothing of God can come forth. 

 

Lord, I have been selfish with my time and let my calling as a mother slide.  As my home has fallen apart, I know that in examining myself further, it’s my fault.  I’ve been lazy and uncommitted.  I’ve found other things to do that were less stressful or easier to do than to be diligent in the training of the blessing of children You’ve given to me.  I have been unwilling to commit my whole future to Your will and submit myself to whatever You desire for my future.  I have also been upset with Your correction, and been stubborn in my ways.  Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been angry with how Your will is revealing itself in our life, and as I look deeper, I know that it’s because of fear that I don’t want to move forward into the unknown… but it’s because of pride that I have refused.  Please forgive me Lord for all my selfishness and pride.  I willingly give them up and wait for Your correction so I can grow.  Thank You for loving me enough to teach me and desire for me to be more than what I can see.

Still Seeking,
Amy

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