Our life has been something of a roller coaster lately. I could blame it on "pregnancy hormones", however, it's been so much more than that. We've been tossed back and forth with almost everything, that I've felt "sea sick". There have been days when I'd rather have stayed in bed and not "played homeschooling mom or loving wife". I've found myself giving into sadness and utter despair at our current circumstances whether it be dealing with our finances, our home, our mode of transportation, our children, our marriage, or our future. At any given moment, one of these have sent me in a downward spiral and further away from God as I've listened to the enemy try and work his way into my life.
My house is in chaos with a baby coming soon. I doesn't take much to get overwhelmed each and every single moment of the day. Things have been tough... and I have no idea what the answers will be or when they will come... but I know Who does and my choice will be to cling to Him to whisper the Truth in my heart instead of the lies the enemy screams. It's up to me to decide who I will listen to... it's up to me to choose... and then let go to everything I've been holding on to... including all the doubt, sadness, anger and fear.
Lord, I have been listening to satan for too long lately, and have felt so sad because of it. When I've looked around at my home, I've been overwhelmed by despair at all there is to accomplish before this new life enters our home. So many things I want to get done... so many things I want to have "just right"... and yet, in all that I hear one word standing out... "I". Instead of listening for Your schedule, I have tried (unsuccessfully) to make my own and failed... then listened to the lies of the enemy telling me I will never get it all done. Lord, I know You "don't make junk" and I know I am Your creation. With everything going on in our lives... please help me to draw nearer to Your truth and hear Your words of encouragement that will bring renewal to my life. Today I release all the doubt, sadness, anger and fear about the future and current circumstances and wait on Your breath of life to give life to me and my home.
Please join us in sharing your online reflections of the "CREATE IN ME A CLEAN HEART!" Devotional, or if you're already participating, please share the direct link to your post for the week on "Mr. Linky"! Thanks for sharing your heart!
Amy, I have been there lately too. It helps to go back and remember his provisions in the past.I just posted an entry on doubt and provision. It was timely for me to have to remember.
It's so easy to get in despair. Satan thrives on us doing just that. We truly must cling to the Lord during these times as that is the only thing that will truly get us through.
This is such an easy place to get into! I love the song by Casting Crowns at the moment called 'Voice of Truth'. It says about the waves or the giant telling me again that I will fail again but then the chorus says:
But the voice of truth tells me a different story,
The voice of truth says do not be afraid.
And the voice of truth says this is for my Glory.
Out of all the voices calling out to me,
I will choose to listen and believe
The voice of truth!
Be encouraged Amy! And get that CD if you can - it is a great encouragement!
Dear Sweet Amy, It broke my heart to read your post. In part because a few years ago I was there, but for the most part because I know no one can really help...truly. Of course we all know you can lean on the Lord, but I bet it just doesn't seem like He is near you right now huh? I was there too. I want to tell you what would have save years of grief for me if I would have looked.
First, look at your diet! Depression is usually only a tablespoon of sugar, or food coloring away. We always eat worst when we are pregnant because we think we can. My last pregnancy sent Candida (a natural growing yeast into my blood-something I did not discover until a few months ago-it was an aha! moment)Sugar (even God's good kind) can be tricky on a pregnant ladies body. If the yeast takes over it will not allow good bacteria to grow and the yeast-in it's die off stage will give you this brain fog and depression feeling-similar to what Autistic children go through . So it's simple,ha ha. just get off of the sugar. Easier said than done right! But it will be a start. Ask your family to help you.
Second ask for help, call whomever you can and say please could you help me clean the house, or organize it before the baby gets here. Trust me if my preger girlfriend asked me for help I would jump at the chance. I bet you would too, so don't hesitate to ask for some help, even have the kids do a little more right now.
Last, take some time (maybe an hour) for just you. I know this is the hardest part for moms. We ususally try and still it when the kids are busy or asleep. But during this time...do what makes you feel closer to God. For me it's usually working on making me a better mom and wife so I read good books on that. Then the next hour apply that to your kids and husband.
Don't fret about reading volumes of the bible, instead read just on verse a day and sing it in your head.
A lot of our depression is how we see ourselves, if we are unhappy with us, we feel it all inside, so even though you are unhappy with you right now, focus on what you do do (he he I said do do-okay too much time with the kids)right and then improve on that, the weak spots will come into play. I am a big-HUGE beat myself up kind of girl, but I dig myself some HUGE holes that way. find yourself inside you and be her! The ugly stuff will soon melt away or will not be such a big deal.
and a woman seeking the Lord's Will (daily), a wife (striving to keep the romance alive), a "Smamma" (Step- mother) of one and a homeschooling mom of seven (I was never going to have children), who starts every day over (after messing SOME thing up the day before), knowing God's grace is overflowing (just like my laundry), and so thankful He's blessed me more than I'll ever deserve.
Posted by 
Posted by 
Posted by Anonymous 
Posted by 
•Monday, February 11, 2008 - Untitled Comment