When we were attending the church where Mike lead worship that was 20 minutes away, I began a "tradition" of going to the gas station and getting a few boxes of donut holes (the inside part of the donuts) for the kids on the way.  It was just easier to get everyone ready in the morning first (Mike had to leave early to be at the church so I got myself and the kids ready each Sunday), and then have food on the way to church as a great incentive if we were running on time (and they were a VERY cheap breakfast).

Every Sunday as I waited in the vehicle with my kids while my boys ran in to buy the donut holes, I saw an older couple pull in and get out to get coffee together on their way to church.  I remember thinking it was sweet, but never gave it much more thought.

I knew that the man had many health problems recently and passed away August 8th.  He was seventy-two.  Certainly not "young".  He'd lived a long life, had five children, 17 grandchildren and two great-grandchildren.  He died with his family knowing that they would be reunited in heaven.  The death of this man didn't impact me in the same way as the 3 year old boy found in his backyard pond...

...until this morning...

As I went to get donut holes, I drove by a van parked on the side of the road and thought I'd seen the newly widowed wife sitting inside.  I got the donuts and then drove by again... more slowly to make sure it was her.  As I saw her sip coffee from her mug, I knew it was her, and as I slowed to a stop at the stop sign only several feet from where she was parked, I paused a little longer there...

Go back...

I thought about her sitting there... alone, and I since I'm such a "godly woman" who cares... I said a prayer for her in the safety of my vehicle and began to drive ahead.

Go back...

After all, I didn't want to make the woman feel uncomfortable by talking to her... I mean, what was I going to say?  Surely it would be completely awkward to just stop... and the woman had been through enough.

Go back...

Besides, she may be fine and then I'd say something and make her think of her husband and make her sad.

GO BACK...

I came to another stop sign and couldn't move.  I tried to reason... I tried to escape... I tried to ignore... and as I turned in the opposite direction of where I'd planned, and toward the direction I was being told to go, my son asked, "Why are you going this way?"  I told him there was something I had to do. 

As I put the vehicle in park and walked across the street toward where that woman sat in her van, I had no idea what would transpire, and in those several seconds I doubted...

...until she rolled her window down and I saw her tear-stained face... and then I knew... this moment was right...

She shared with me how she knew he was no longer in pain... but how she was left here... alone and she didn't understand why.  She told me that when her husband was sick and bed-ridden, someone had asked what he missed, and his answer was, "going to get coffee with my wife".  Those moments I'd given little thought to, were the ones he cherished... and that she now reflected on as only memories.  She shared with me that this was the first Sunday that she was going to church since his death... and the first time she was having coffee... without him.

I had no words... there was nothing I could do to make it better... except to approach the throne of God together with her and so I prayed...

After we prayed, I got back into my car, dumbfounded by the encounter.  I'd been lead to exactly where I needed to be, when I needed to be there... and it wasn't just for that woman either because I went away from that different... I didn't leave an "old" woman who had lost her "old" husband thinking that was just the way life was.  Instead, my life came too close to a woman who was left behind... who would no longer see her husband when she woke up in the morning or kiss him before falling asleep in his arms... who was alone and was, dare I say... angry at the reality of it all.  I could see myself in that woman...

She asked the same question that I've asked after the tragic death of my dear friend's son who drowned in their backyard pond... "Why God?"  Why does one leave this earth while others are left behind are in so much pain?  I cannot even begin to imagine the pain a parent must bare with the death of a child... but I know that I've heard from some of those parents first hand how it makes the longing for heaven that much stronger... and I thought of that woman I'd left behind drinking her coffee alone... and I knew that she longed for that day as never before too... and then I thought about my own life...

While I think heaven will be great... I've been in no "rush" to get there.  I have a wonderful husband that I love so passionately it makes me cry to even think of walking a step on this earth without him... I have so many precious treasures in the 8 children God has blessed us with and I pray that I will get to see each one marry Godly spouses and hold each of their children... each precious grandchild in my arms... great-grandchildren would be even better!  And with that "I'll get around to heaven later" kind of attitude, I realized that at any moment my world could be shaken... a loved one could leave this earth and it wouldn't matter if it were a young one... an "old" one... a death from an illness... or a sudden "tragic" death... I would mourn regardless... and long for heaven...

And that's how God wants it... He wants me to care for everything He's given me on this earth, but he doesn't want me to become so distracted by or so content with those things (whether they be people or material things) that I put Him on the wayside to get around to after everything else.  Instead, He wants me to long for heaven, and Him, as I would if my husband or a child were there... to ache for that day... to tell others of that joyous day and want to see them there too... and to feel as though something is missing that will go unfulfilled until I am there with Him forever...