MY THOUGHTS on Stormie OMartian's "The Power of a Praying Wife"
Chapter 4: HIS SEXUALITY

I had to chuckle when I opened up the next chapter and read how Stormie was making it a point to deal with all the most important issues to our husbands first... I couldn't help but think... "funny this one wasn't first chapter then..." (tee hee...)

Seriously though... I remember when I read this through the first time years ago and thought is was so revealing how after Stormie would talk to women with dead marriages, that often the sexual relationship was low on the priority list.  "Life" seems to get in the way for a woman, and between all the things screaming for her attention (kids, work, finances, managing a home, emotional stress, exhaustion, sickness, and marital strife (p.61)) sex can seem like another thing on the list of things to do.

Even if the wife may have felt fine about this arrangement, (her not having sex on any kind of regular basis) her husband was being neglected in an important part of his being.  For a wife, sex comes out of affection.  She doesn't want to be affectionate with a man who makes her feel angry, hurt, lonely, disappointed, overworked, unsupported, uncared for, or abandoned.  But for a husband, sex is a pure need.  His eyes, ears, brain, and emotions get clouded if he doesn't have that release...  - Stormie OMartian p.62

Sex is supposed to be a priority in our marriage.  Unfortunately because of society's view on premarital sex, it's getting to be less and less of a "big deal" to enter into a marriage "pure".  Honestly, I wish I could say I did... but that just wasn't the case.  In fact, I didn't even know that kind of thing really happened.  "Everyone was doing it" and I was no exception.  The even more unfortunate thing about that is, the first time is hard... but with each time after that, there's less of yourself that you keep... and as you give yourself away... there is less to give to the one you commit to spending the rest of your life with.  While I am a FIRM believer in the importance of sex in a marriage... I am also a firm believer that sex was made FOR marriage and only when it's experienced within that realm, can it be what God truly intended it to be.

Another thing I believe is important is the communication and protrayal of a Christian marriage.  There are so many people following God, and yet, the passion they show for their spouse could be compared to a rock... in the desert... if ya catch what I'm sayin' here...  Christian marriages DO NOT have to appear dead or dull.  If you believe that God created all things... then certainly He created sex... and He doesn't make junk... so even HE knew it was good!  I have to believe there is nothing more that the enemy loves than to see a dead Christian marriage, cuz let's face it... what does that say to someone who is critical of God?  Why would someone want to be a part of something so lifeless?  God is LIFE... and our marriages should glorify that.  It's okay to love your husband... it's okay to encourage others to do the same!  I know I ride the edge of that line all the time, but I gotta tell you... people know I love my husband... emotionally AND physically... and, as I always say, "We're married so it's okay!"

Some of you may just not like sex and see no point.

When we're married, our bodies are not our own.  We owe each other physical attention and we're not to deprive one another.  The frequency of sex depends on the other person's need, not ours alone.  If your attitude about having sex comes down to only what you need or what you don't want, then you don't have God's perspective.  HE says our body is to be used to comfort and complete the other person.  Something is built up in the man and the marriage when this need is met by his wife.  Something is diminished when it is not.  You leave yourselves open for temptation, and far more destruction than you can imagine, when this area of intimate communication is neglected.  -Stormie OMartian p.63

Now, some of you have been hurt and the last thing you want to do is be vulnerable with your husband, cuz let's face it... women view sex as just that.  There are times where healing is required.  Pornography and adultery cut to the very heart of a marriage and leave wounds only Jesus can heal.  But you still have a choice... and either way is gonna be tough.  You can choose to stay... or leave... and neither one will be easy.  It will take time and a LOT of forgiveness... but find encouragement in those who have made it through.  It can be done...

Now, I'm a mom of 8 with one on the way in December.  I DO understand what it's like to be completely exhausted at the end of the day and crawl into bed and hope that I... I mean, you can just fall asleep. (tee hee...)  But I what Stormie shared has stuck with me over the years about praying for God to give me a heart for my husband and a good attitude.  I think about the women who wish their husbands desired them and I become more thankful for my husband who desires me on a very frequent basis... tee hee...

SHMILY Times (See How Much I Love You) came from my desire to put the spark back into marriages and take back what God desired marriages to be.  I hated what was happening to people who once were in love... and because my husband is divorced, I've seen the other side of that as well.  Now a days so many give up before they give in... and it becomes a game of who will budge first.  When no one is willing, there is no where for the marriage to go.  Simply, I don't want to stand back and watch satan ruin life after life... we have a choice.

I know that when things are most stressful for Mike and I, it would be easy for me to put sex on the back burner.  I really struggle "being in the mood"... but I also know that when I make it a point to make love to my husband during those trying times... I become a place of refuge for him and he knows that regardless of what the world is throwing him... I am there for him.  I also know that when I'm having sex with him on a regular basis, it's harder for me to be mad at him.  His attitude changes as well. 

I've told women before and I'll say it again... if things are bad in your marriage... look at your sex life and where it's at.  On a scale of 1 to 5... where would you rate it?  Where would your husband rate it?  Now, challenge yourself to increase making love to your husband one more time during the week (so if you have it once a month or go even longer... now you'll have it once a week.  If you have it once a week, now you'll have it twice... and so on.)  Try it... see what happens... I dare you.  :)  For more ideas on how to put the spark back into your marriage, check out my SHMILY Time blog.

MY PRAYER: 
Dear Heavenly Father,  Please bless my husband's sexuality and make it an area of blessing for him.  Help me to love him in the ways he needs to be loved.  Protect our marriage bed from apathy, busyness, unforgiveness, deadness or disinterest.  Help me to make time for him always.  I also pray for us to create time for each other.  It's not easy in our home, but I love the times when we go into our room, lock the door and watch a movie together or give each other a massage.  Thank You for those moments.  I cherish them.  Please help me not to take them for granted.  While we didn't come into our marriage sexually pure, I pray for you to make our marriage pure and protected from the enemy's attempts to steal away any joy in our marriage.  I pray that we will always desire each other and no one else.  Help me to never use sex as a weapon or to view it as a selfish act for You created it and it is good.  Lord, I give this area of our life to You to keep alive and new.  In Jesus' name, Amen.