MY THOUGHTS on Stormie OMartian's "The Power of a Praying Wife"
Chapter 5: HIS AFFECTION

I thought this was an interesting chapter because, even though it’s about His Affection, it is very much about us as wives too. 

Affection isn’t at the top of a man’s priority list because men often see sex and affection as being the same.  A woman’s greatest need is for affection.  –Stormie OMartian (p.71)

If we are feeling loved (affection), we are more eager to have sex. It’s not an intentional thought… it’s the way we’re “wired”.  Men are wired differently… but even then, not all men are alike. 

After all the emails I received on the previous chapter (His Sexuality), I know that this chapter is really going to be hard for some of you women.  While men are "normally" the ones with the drive for sex in the marriage with women being “less aggressive” in comparison, that's not always the case.  I've hurt deeply for those of you who have shared about husbands who are NOT the "driving force" in your bedroom and I’ve lifted you in prayer (even though some of you have written anonymously, God knows who you are and hears every prayer). 

While those men may be very comfortable with the way things are, a woman feeling less than loved through the lack of sex can lead to other problems.  While other women are complaining that all their husband thinks about is sex, these women sit in silence and die within.  She begins to create answers for why her husband isn’t like “all the other husbands” and may even blame herself or turn to other dangerous answers. 

ALL men can have a hard time showing affection to their wife, but for a man who doesn’t want sex often, a wife can be left completely dumbfounded and wonder what she’s done wrong or begin to feel undesirable.  It’s a dangerous place to be because everyone wants to feel loved and even God desires that for marriage.  As a wife, it’s not wrong to WANT affection, and a truly healthy marriage knows what the other’s needs are.

Sometimes a man doesn't know what their wife wants or needs (and it's not because "they're dumb women... it's NEVER okay to say that).  Sometimes we, as wives, change how we feel and expect our husbands to know about it… like… telepathically or something (pause for your hysterical laughter).  After I have a baby, Mike is so good about waiting for sex (uh… well… he tries).  Seriously though, after our 7^th baby, he had decided that he would wait until I “made the moves” this time, unlike ALL the other babies.  Well, I had no idea that he’d decided this, and after a week (yes, I said a week) I was wondering how repulsive I’d really become to him because he had barely even touched me.  I went another week trying to convince myself I was crazy to worry, but he continued to “leave me alone” until one night (hormones and all) I came to him crying and wondering why he didn’t love me anymore.  Okay… it wasn’t THAT serious, but I really wondered what was wrong.  He felt horrible and chuckled (cuz every man who feels horrible chuckles…) saying he’d decided to not pressure me just to show me he loved me.  He thought he was being sweet to me and I thought he didn’t love me anymore… You see how important communication is in this area?!

For those of you who are feeling less than fulfilled in the affection area, have you discussed this with your husband?  Let me go one step further and ask you… do you even know what it is that makes you feel loved?  How will your husband know if even you don’t?

In Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, he talks about understanding what makes us feel loved as well as finding out what makes your spouse feel loved.  Often we are different and so we speak different “love languages”, but if we take the time to know our spouse’s love language, many issues can be resolved as we learn how to love our spouse like they NEED to be loved.  I found 2 places to take an online test to see what your love language is.  To be completely beneficial for you, ask your husband to take them as well.

• 30 Second Assessment Test
• Love Languages Test (take a little longer, but better in finding out your love language)

Do not look out only for yourselves.  Look out for the good of others also.  1 Corinthians 10:24 (New Century Version)

Affection is something we all desire… and as wives we should be seeking to make sure whatever it is that shows our husbands we love them, that’s what we do.  While many men may fall under the “physical touch” love language, there are other men who simply do not.  Find out what it is that your husband needs if he’s one of those men.  If you are a wife who needs “physical touch”, this may be a great time to open up the lines of communication and share with him what makes you feel loved. Maybe you'll learn more about each other in the process.  Do not criticize or condemn… let this be a fresh start to learning more about your husband to help your marriage be the best it can be!

MY PRAYER: 
Dear Heavenly Father, Please help my husband and I to always have open physical affection toward one another that we may be examples to our children and others of what a marriage based in You really looks like.  Give us a boldness to love each other and never be afraid to be what You desire for a husband and wife to look like... in complete and total love.  Help me to always look at him in adoration and help me to speak his love language Lord, regardless of whether he speaks mine or not.  And in those times when he isn't speaking my love language, I ask You to help me have patience and trust in You to speak to him instead of me nagging or "guilting" him.  I know he loves me Lord... and he knows I love him, but please help us to not get caught up in the busyness of life, but instead get lost in each other's embrace and always seek the other's needs first.  In Jesus' name, Amen.

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It's not too late to join us for the month of June as we pray for our husbands!  You can check out more about it by clicking the following link: S.H.M.I.L.Y. for 30 days of prayer...  Please share a link to your blog post if you've made one on this chapter!