MY THOUGHTS on Stormie OMartian's "The Power of a Praying Wife"
Chapter 13: HIS TRIALS

After typing, deleting, typing, deleting, and typing the first sentence again... I have to just say, I don't know where to even begin with this chapter.  Please hang with me because there's a lot that I'm going to cram into this one...

I know that this chapter is about "his trials", but because Mike and I have been considered "one" on many levels, not to mention the fact that we've had our names together on business ventures and now are a "team" in planting a church... well, there's very little separation for us when we experience trials.  Everything we've gone through, we've gone through together.  It's made it especially tough for me to stand aside and keep my opinions and feelings in check when I'm going through the same set of circumstances.

Everyone goes through hard times.  It's nothing to be ashamed of.  Sometimes our prayers help us to avoid them.  Sometimes not.  It's the attitude we have when we go through them that matters most.  -Stormie OMartian (p.111)

I wish I could say that I've always shined through our trials... but I have definitely not.  A couple of years ago after Mike and I could see that we were headed into some kind of full-time ministry, things for us took a turn for the worse financially.  Mike's business lost a HUGE account due to them no longer carrying the product Mike's company was producing.  They not only lost the account that was sustaining the business, but they were left with tens of thousands of dollars in finished product and the supplies  bought specifically to make them.  I had no idea how things were going to work, but believed God was going to somehow fix it. We had been financially blessed before this particular business venture, and because my husband had taught me to be giving, we loved to give when we saw a need and continued to do so, believing that something big would come along and take care of everything... after all, we were Christ followers... doing God's work... committed to Him... so of course, HE would "fix" this... 

Months passed and things didn't go as I assumed they would.  With the economy taking a plunge, it got worse and the shop's "outside work" came to a screeching halt as well.  It was an extremely tough time for Mike, and didn't happen overnight but over a very long period of time.  We just kept holding onto hope... Mike knew that God wanted him in full-time ministry, but he was a partner with his brother and thought that when he left, his brother would still be able to have the business to take care of his family.  My husband not only carried the burden of worrying about our family, but  felt responsible for his younger brother's as well.

A wife's prayers for her husband during these times may not change some of the things he must go through.  After all, if we never suffered anything, what kind of shallow, compassionless, impatient people would we be?  - Stormie OMartian (p.111)

I had hurt so badly for Mike, that I took on as much of his burden as I could... and it changed me for the worse.  Looking back on it now, even though I was praying for my husband, he wasn't praying for me (specifically for this anyway) and so I was WIDE open for the enemy.

If your husband is going through a difficult time, carry it in prayer, but don't carry the burden. Even though you may want to, don't try to take away his load and make it yours.  That will ultimately leave him feeling weak or like a failure.  Besides, God doesn't want you doing His job.  He doesn't want you trying to be the Holy Spirit to your husband.  Even though it hurts to see him struggle and you want to fix it, you can't.  You can pray, encourage, and support, but God uses trials for His purpose and you must stay out of His way.  -Stormie OMartian (p.113)

I remember one of my more "stellar" moments when Mike and I were having a discussion... loudly... and I screamed at him through tears, "Tell me one good thing from this... ONE GOOD THING... if just one good thing came from this horrible mess, it would all be worth it, but there IS NOTHING!"

Okay, so I told you I was ugly...(sigh)  Those were some very dark times...

I continued to get more and more angry with God until one day I couldn't stand it anymore... and looked something like this:

"Lord, Mike and I have committed our lives to You... we have said we will go where You ask and do what You want us to do... but how are we 'sposed to bring glory to Your name when we're broke?  I thought You would make everything okay... I thought You fix this...  I don't need to be rich... I just want food for my family... I just want to be able to pay our bills... People are mocking You saying, 'So THIS is how YOUR God takes care of you?!'  We don't believe in bankruptcy... and yet, we aren't seeing another way out... How is bankruptcy going to show others how You take care of Your people?  WHY are You allowing this?"

I was dumbfounded... and I cried.  I had no idea why we were going through such trials, but I had a choice in how I would respond from that point on... and regardless of my circumstances... HE was still worthy to be praised.

His purpose for our trials is often to bring us humbly before Him to experience a breaking in our inner, independent, self-sufficient selves, and grow us up into compassionate, patient, spiritually strong, God-glorifying people.  He uses these situations to teach us how to trust that He loves and cares for us enough to get us through the tough times.  -Stormie OMartian (p.112)

We were losing everything... literally.  As the past crumbled into the present and our world was shaking, we had the promise of a future in ministry and continued to pursue it with very few people realizing we were drowning. 

Whether it feels like it or not, when we serve God, His love attends every moment of our lives --- even the toughest, loneliest, most painful and desperate.  He is always there in our midst, working things out for good when we pray and look to Him to do so.  -Stormie OMartian (p.112)

God used that time to show us many blessings in some VERY loving and thoughtful people, and while it was still miserable and scary... we clung to God's promise and the call he placed on our life to plant a church.  We had no idea how that would come to pass... but we believed it would.  I prayed for Mike and released myself from his trials... let's face it, I had enough of my own (tee hee...).  It wasn't that I didn't care about what he was going through, but I was trusting God to know what Mike needed in order to prepare him for the future... and I knew God was doing the same for me.

Fast forward to May of this year... I knew one of the toughest moments for Mike was coming and that June was going to be a tough month.  We hadn't decided on a place to plant yet and it was weighing heavily on Mike.  He was behind in his classes, and June 1st was our bankruptcy court date.  I knew I needed to cover him in prayer more than ever before as he was struggling to maintain any ground.  I came across "The Power of a Praying Wife" on my bookshelf and thought that would be perfect... 30 chapters... 30 days in June... it would be perfect. 

Then God took over...

I decided to invite 170 of my friends to see if they'd like to do the same.  There wasn't much time... there was less than 2 weeks to get the word out, but on June 1st over 1,500 women (married, single, widowed, separated & divorced) had committed to pray for their husband!  I was FLOORED!  When I went to bed the night before (May 31st), Mike reminded me about the "discussion" we'd had long before about the bankruptcy... you know, the one where I told him to tell me ONE GOOD THING that came from this (referring to us having to claim bankruptcy)... and He told me, "Fifteen hundred women is a pretty good thing huh?"

Is 1,500 women "good enough" Amy?

The very night before our bankruptcy, God answered my question... in ways I NEVER could have imagined... I started SHMILY for 30 days of prayer... because we were ending a chapter in our life and finally able to move into our future... had circumstances been different, who knows when or if I would have done it.

God took our trials and He made something good come from them...  and He can do the same for you, your husband and your marriage.  Whatever it is that your husband is struggling with, know that the trials he faces will prepare him for the future... your future together. There are still many things we have to face... this has been a very difficult road for Mike, but our marriage has become stronger.

One way I try to think when I'm faced with trials is this... God is preparing me so I am ready down the road.  If I skip something, then I won't know how to handle what's ahead.  It's like going out to sea on a ship, but not learning how to sail before you go... how will you ever know how to steer clear of dangerous rocks, or sail with the wind if you never learn BEFORE you get there?

Pray for your husband's trials... pray for him to endure them with God's strength and hope in Christ, and praise God that He loves us so much that He wants to prepare us for what He created us for to begin with!

Dear Heavenly Father, I may know when my husband is struggling, but only You know to what depth it is and can actually FEEL it with him.  Help me to be able to support him when he goes through trials, knowing that You have a greater plan and purpose for him.  Help me to encourage him in the ways he needs and never try to "fix" the problem.  I never want to belittle him or make him feel like a failure.  Lord, please help me to find new ways to help him to "escape" from the pressures of the world when he's with me.  Let our marriage be a comforting thing to him that he can find rest, peace, comfort, and love.  Lord, give my husband the strength and stamina that he needs for the battles he must go through, and may he constantly renew himself in Your word, knowing You are always in control.  I pray that he will bless Your name in good times and bad always.  In Jesus' name, Amen.

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It's not too late to join us for the month of June as we pray for our husbands!  You can check out more about it by clicking the following link: S.H.M.I.L.Y. for 30 days of prayer...  Please share a link to your blog post if you've made one on this chapter!