MY THOUGHTS on Stormie OMartian's "The Power of a Praying Wife"
Chapter 18: HIS FATHERHOOD

How fitting for us to come to this chapter with Father's Day right around the corner!  Even if your kids have already left home, or you haven't even begun to start your family, you can still pray for "his fatherhood".  Fathers play such a crucial role in the life of a child, girl or boy.  Unfortunately, society doesn't give their role enough credit, and we are seeing the ramifications of absent or abusive fathers as children grow into adults who never feel adequate or good enough.  FATHERS ARE SO IMPORTANT IN THE LIFE OF A CHILD!

Men don't always realize how important they are to their children.  They sometimes feel they are only there to provide materially for them.  But the importance of a father's influence can never be underestimated.  How he relates to his children will shape their lives for bad or for good.  It will change his life forever, too.  For if he fails as a father, he will always carry that sense of failure with him. If he succeeds, there will be no greater measure of success in his life.  -Stormie OMartian (p.140)

John Eldridge, author of Wild at Heart, also wrote a small book (less than 60 pages) called You Have What it Takes: What Every Father Needs to Know.  John tells how important the role of the father is, and that boys NEED to hear from their father that "they have what it takes" while girls NEED to know that they're worth fighting for."  Seems like such simple things, but they literally can change the course of how a child grows into an adult.  This can't be accomplished by the mom in the same way... there is something special about fathers, just as there is something special about mothers. 

Thoughts of failure and inadequacy are what cause so many fathers to give up, leave, become overbearing from trying to o hard, or develop a passive attitude and fade into the background of their children's lives.  It can be especially overwhelming to a man who already feels like a failure in others areas.  - Stormie OMartian (p.138)

Here is one area where we can play a HUGE role as wives... and mothers.  While praying for our husband's to be the father God desires them to be, we must also make sure that our words and actions are conveying support and respect for them.  We must encourage them and let them know that we think they're doing a great job when they're doing a great job... but when they're not doing so hot... we need to "shut up and pray" (again). 

Some areas, we need to simply "loosen up".  I know some wives who will not allow their husband to dress their child because "he'll do it wrong" or "put on something that doesn't match", or correct  him as  he changes the baby's diaper.  Sheesh... if I were the husband getting that kind of "support"... I'd quit doing anything to help out!  LET YOUR HUSBANDS BE A FATHER TO THEIR CHILD.  Don't make him look stupid or incompetent in front of others.  They may not do it how you would, but that doesn't mean it's wrong.

If there is an issue that needs to be talked about, take it somewhere other than in front of the kids (or other people).  IT'S NEVER OKAY TO UNDERMINE YOUR HUSBAND IN FRONT OF THE KIDS.  They will pick up on that in a heartbeat, and your marriage will begin to suffer as your children play the two of you against each other, knowing that you disagree.  Remember, the order of your priorities are to be: God, your husband, THEN your children.  Do NOT get this confused.  Your children must know the order in which you place your priorities.

Mike has told our children that while he loves them VERY much, they will leave home one day and we will be left together.  He has made sure they understand the order of our priorities, not only for our home, but for their homes someday as well.

The best way for a man to be a good father is to get to know his heavenly Father and learn to imitate Him. The more time he spends in the Lord's presence, being transformed into His likeness, the better influence he will be when he spends time with his children.  He will have a father's heart because he understands THE FATHER'S heart.  -Stormie OMartian (p.139)

You can make sure that your husband has private get-a-ways where he can spend time with God.  There are things like "prayer cabins" at resorts or camps for people to go and spend some time away from the world for a short period of time.  You could also arrange for him to stay in a hotel, or even at home while you go visit family somewhere.  Schedule a men's retreat for him... just make sure that somewhere in his life he is getting the time he needs to spend with God.

For those of you who have a husband who is not walking with God, you can still arrange for him to have time alone, whether it be a hobby of his he loves or maybe even going on a retreat with some other godly men.  When your husband is alone, those are always times when God can speak to him... pray for those moments to come forward.  While your husband may not be the spiritual leader in your home, be sure that you are careful to not become the spiritual "leader"... or your husband may become comfortable with you in that role.  Believe that God will change his heart and that this is only a temporary situation.  It's okay for your children to be praying for their father as well.  Then they will be able to rejoice with you when the day comes that their dad gives his life over to the Lord!

Pray for your husbands to be the fathers that God designed them to be, and then step aside and LET THEM BE... too often we get in the way of our husbands being a father.  Let God do His work in this area of your husband too!  Fatherhood is a gift... be sure you let him "open it".

Dear Heavenly Father,  I pray for my husband to be the father You desire him to be.  Give him the skills of communication with his children.  I pray he will not be stern, hard, cruel, cold, abusive, non-communicative, passive, critical, weak, uninterested, neglectful, undependable, or uninvolved.  Help him instead to be kind, loving soft-hearted, warm interested, affirming, affectionate, involved, strong, consistent, dependable, verbally communicative, understanding and patient (p.141).  I also pray for him to have a good relationship with his father and forgive him for any hurt he may have caused him that could prevent him from being the father and man of God that You created him to be.  Help him to be the best father he can be.  Give him wisdom in all circumstances and help me to support him and encourage him.  Lord, never let me belittle him, but lift him into the position of fatherhood that You hold for him.  Thank You for giving me a man who loves his children so deeply... I pray that all of our children would know how intensely their father loves them.  In Jesus' name, Amen.

NOTE:  Now, I know that there are all kinds of women going through this book with us, and some of you are single (never married) or widowed... praying for your future husband.  Others are divorced or separated and praying for restoration.  Unfortunately, there are single moms and there isn't a role of a father being played.  In this case, a mother can pray to be able to fill that gap as much as possible or for a godly man to step in a fill the role of mentor for her children.  We will be talking more about this topic when we pray through "The Power of a Praying Parent" the month of August.  (Stay tuned for more info on that coming at the end of the month... or you can join the facbook group, S.H.M.I.L.Y. for 30 days of prayer for parents... too!)

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It's not too late to join us for the month of June as we pray for our husbands!  You can check out more about it by clicking the following link: S.H.M.I.L.Y. for 30 days of prayer...  Please share a link to your blog post if you've made one on this chapter!