For those of you who have been following along with my blog, you know that I've been struggling on and off over the past few months. There have been moments of testing, trials, and frustration. Through all of it, I knew that things could be so much worse... I certainly had no "right" to complain. I received encouragement through those who have prayed and emailed me. I have also continued to receive emails asking questions and those needing help. I kept trying to keep up with everything, losing ground little by little... more and more.
Over the last two weeks, there have been many changes in our home... good and bad. I have continued with my on-going inner struggle and the voice of the enemy seeking to destroy me. I have tried hard to fight, but it's become more than I can bear. I know now that I was trying to do it on my own, with the occassional "lift" from the Lord.
I also had been doing things in obedience to the Lord. I know the right answers, and have been going through the steps... but my heart hasn't been willing. I have done what I've needed to do, but not in the way He wants... with a loving heart. I have stressed out my husband in needing him to fulfill me in ways he simply cannot... and that is where I found the Answer...
Lord, why won't You answer me?... You aren't listening... Why is everything so tough right now? I can't possibly do everything! Why do you hold on to the things that weigh you down? Give your burdens to me... completely... you must not worry and complain... you must GIVE THEM UP COMPLETELY... I'm alone Lord... No, you're not... and I feel like such a failure... that is NOT my voice you hear... I love my husband so much, yet I am failing as a wife... you must not love him more than Me... and I have little to no relationship with my step-son... you have given up... and school isn't going well AT ALL... you are not teaching what I want... give up your plans... and the kids have been so horrible lately. Motherhood has been such a struggle... I love them so much but I've been at a loss with them... they are MY children... quit raising them as you would and raise them as I want... and I keep crying out to You Lord, but You're not answering... you aren't waiting for my reply... I have cried out to You so many times asking for help... You are not listening for my answer... I have done what You would have me do... but you haven't felt it in your heart... This is not just about obedience My child... this is about LOVE... and as a woman of God... well, I just feel empty... Ahh... there you go child... it's your heart that needs to be filled. Are you ready? I'm so empty Lord... Yes... I know... I need to... be filled... It is time... are you ready to listen? Are you ready to be filled to overflowing once again? Come child... come and be filled.
I will be fasting over the next 30 days. I was unsure how or what to do when this first was impressed on my heart, as I'm nursing... so how could I possibly fast? But the Lord has spoke to me over the past week, and answered my questions. It all started when I came across another woman's blog about fasting from buying anything. The Lord began to speak to my heart that moment. Over the last week, He has told me this "fasting" will be to fill myself with more of Him and that it was time to evaluate what was taken time from Him.
Over the next 30 days:
I will not be buying anything outside of neccessities.
I will not be on the computer at all... no email, no blog, no forum... nothing. (My husband will be checking my email and such in case there are any emergencies to notify me of, but I will not be here.) This was a tough one for me to swallow, as there are so many of you who are so dear to me. I also was concerned that people would stop coming to my blog... and the Lord convicted me right away that this is NOT about "numbers". He has given me a wonderful opportunity to "minister" to as many that have ministered to me, and it would be nothing if not for Him. I will post and let you know when I'm back and I'm sure I'll have many things to share.
I will not be using the phone. I'm turning the ringer off. My husband will listen to messages and answer it, but I will not have it on during the times I am home alone, nor will I talk on it unless NEEDED.
I am joining a study group as well and look forward to growing in that. This is the ONLY exception during my fast from the computer, as the study in online. I will have a specific time to do this.
Let's face it... I'm a mom of six children under ten. There's not a lot of "free time" to spend in constant conversation with the Lord. Therefore, I will have some set times that I am with the Lord in the night hours (setting my alarm) and I will journal my time as well. It will be interesting to look back on this when it's over.
Thank you to those who have prayed for me. As I've stated, things could be so much worse. I am so blessed in my life. But this isn't about that... this is about a heart that has become empty... and there is only One who can fill that. I am taken what's broken to the Healer Himself. It's time...
Dear Heavenly Father, I'm so sorry for getting so busy with things of this world, that I have lost my passion for You. With so many "wonderful and helpful" things... I have occupied my time and not spent the time with the One who fills me up... and I have become empty. Lord, I want less of me and more of You. I come thirsty Lord... quench me... I come empty Lord... fill me. I pray that I would overflow once again... In Jesus' name, Amen.
• Tuesday, September 12, 2006 - Prayer Requests, Updates, and Praises...
Here are some prayer requests, updates & praises that have been brought to my attention. Please feel free to email me, or leave a comment for any prayer requests (or praises) that you know of as well!
New Requests:
Pray for Rebeca here at HSB. She had miscarried in the womb, and now the baby has left her body. Keep her recovery physically and emotionally in your prayers.
Many of you know, or have been to, the Choosing Home website, blog, or forum (and if not, you should check them out!). Molly had surgery and is still sore. Please keep her in prayer for a speedy recovery!
Sylvia has asked for prayer. She has one child and would LOVE to have more. It's hard to read about big families as she has such a strong desire to have more. Please pray for peace in her heart at whatever the Lord's decision is for her.
Maria has asked for prayers as she is going through many changes in her life and having lots of decisions to make.
sherrydhoneycutt has written to me about an urgent request for a fellow homeschool blogger, maehsweet. She emailed me the following:
Everybody, please if you get this message please get to the Lord right away and intercede on Mary's behalf. Apparently she had a real nice visit with her sister over the weekend and coming home went and visited her Gram. Somebody found her passed out, she either fell or fainted and bumped her head. She has amnesia. She doesn't know who anyone is or how old she is or anything. I feel very helpless. I know God is watching out for her. But her family has been struggling financially, physically, spriritually for a quite awhile and now this. Is there no relief in sight for them?
Updates & Continued Prayers:
kidsus8 has asked for prayer for two of her children recently diagnosed with Ushers Syndrome Type 1. This is an incurable disease where our deaf children will become legally blind before they are 20 years old.
Crystal posted a request on her blog for a single mom with Churg-Strauss Syndrome, which causes devastating injury to the organ systems. Because of this insidious disease, she is unable to work.
Suzanne has posted a prayer list for those who are serving in the military. Stop by her blog to pray, as well as add anyone you know to the list.
daybydaygrace had a request for a young man from their church who had come up missing in the Navy. The Navy contacted the family and they have found Eric's body. It seems as if he wrecked his motor-cycle and went off the road into the woods just far enough in to the edge of the woods not visible to the eye. Therefore no one could see him and the Navy has been searching the roads this whole time and this is the tragic news we received. The family, as well as the church family is very disturbed. They still desire everyone's prayers.
Susan, a fellow homeschool blogger, is pregnant and her baby has Potter's Syndrome, which means the baby will survive shortly after birth. There is a prayer chain where you can commit to a specific time slot for her and her family. Please pray for them during this difficult time.
Continue to lift the Vanderclan family in your prayers at the loss of their baby. She wrote a heart-wrenching story on her blog as well.
Continue to keep Emily in prayer. Check out her mom's blog for more updates on Emily's cancer treatment.
Continue to keep hallfamily8's daughter, Susanna, in prayer. She has neurofibromatosis, a neurological tumor disorder.
Christi has been fighting cancer for years. Recently, she has been in a horrible amount of pain. Please send encouragement and prayers their way, as well as read updates on her blog.
Continue to pray for strength and wisdom for Tom (Missey's husband) as well as their children at the time of this deep loss. You can read more about Missey's time with us at HSB on her blog, Heart Schooling. (If anyone knows any information on how things are going for them, please let me know so I can share.)
Continue to keep our family in prayer with many things going on right now, including our home for sale. Please pray for us to have a clear direction to what the Lord wants us to do in all decisions needing to be made, as well as protection from the enemy seeking to bring discouragement and doubt in my mind.
Carol's son, warnoman, is back home!!!! Please continue to pray for the Lord's will to be done in his life as well as their family as they are experiencing many changes recently.
Thanks so much for praying! In Him, Amy
(I'm continually adding people who would like to be a part of "Sisters & Brothers in Christ". Please read about it for more information and sign up if you're interested. I will also be posting updates and requests that you can click on at the top of my blog's sidebar to read the most recent prayer requests and updates.)
• Wednesday, September 6, 2006 - 48-Hour Prayer Chain for the Godfrey Family (NOTE: due to the overwhelming response, we have covered the Godfreys OVER 48 hours of prayer!)
Quote from Susan's Blog on Sept. 6th: "This morning has been really rough. We are now less than 1 week away from the baby's birth and on the way home from taking Marty to work, it hit me pretty hard. I had to pull over and cry and pray for a bit. I'm feeling better, but the tears are still just under the surface..."
Please join in prayer to uplift this family during this tough time. Susan Godfrey (former blog at homeschool blogger) will be induced on September 12th, with a potential c-section if things don't go well. Because the baby has potter's syndrome, it will die within hours of being born. They have known about it since the beginning of June and her blog has contained many heart-wrenching posts about the life alive within her that's safe until it enters the world.
For those of you interested, please leave a comment (please include your blog address) as to what time slot(s) you would prefer to pray for Susan, baby, husband, and two children, and then click on the following link to print out a "reminder sheet" to put somewhere you can see so you won't forget the time you've committed yourself to (this is central time zone, so adjust accordingly... if you're having trouble figuring your time zone in relation to this, go to TIME AND DATE . COM). Also, you don't have to pick a time if you'd like to just pray as you feel lead. Please leave a comment letting us know so the Godfrey family can see the many prayer warriors lifting them in prayer! GODFREY PRAYER REMINDER
UPDATE (Sept. 8th): Susan has posted one last time before the baby arrives with prayer requests. She wrote:
1. That we have a quick and safe labor and delivery 2. That I don't have to have a c-section 3. Please pray specifically for my children, Colt (13) and Riley (2). While Colt is really old enough to understand, he still hasn't expressed his grief much and I'm pretty sure that "the dam" will break after the baby gets here. Riley doesn't really understand what's happening at all, but I worry about the emotional scars on both of my children from this. 4. That the Lord's will be done, what ever that may be. While we pray for a miracle we also know that the Lord may have reasons we don't understand for the baby not to survive. 5. That Lord helps us to accept his desicion, what ever it may be. That His grace and mercy comfort us.
Please spread the word on your blogs as well. This will be a tough time for the family, and I'd love for them to be blessed by knowing they are completely covered in prayer!
NOTE: Because of the confusion with time zones and such, please make sure to stop back to be sure I've written you down for the correct time. If I've made a mistake, please feel free to email me and let me know. Also, some didn't write in their blog address or weren't logged in at HSB. Because of the overwhelming response, I haven't had time to search for your links. Thanks for understanding (as I have 6 under the age of ten running around) and thanks again for praying!
(I'm continually adding people who would like to be a part of "Sisters & Brothers in Christ". Please read about it for more information and sign up if you're interested. I also post updates and requests at the top of my blog's sidebar.)
• Wednesday, August 23, 2006 - Urgent Prayer Request from fellow homeschoolblogger...
It was brought to my attention that a fellow homeschool blogger had an urgent prayer request. Please visit Mrs. Incredible's blog for more information. Her sister and niece are in desperate need of some uplifting (and peace).
In Him, Amy (I'm continually adding people who would like to be a part
of "Sisters
& Brothers in Christ". Please read about it
for more information and sign up if you're
interested. I will also be posting updates and
requests that you can click on at the top of my blog's sidebar to read
the most recent prayer requests and updates.)
and a woman seeking the Lord's Will (daily!), a wife (striving to keep the romance alive), a "Smamma" (Step- mother) of one and a homeschooling mom of seven (I was never going to have children), who starts every day over (after messing SOME thing up the day before), knowing God's grace is overflowing (just like my laundry), and so thankful He's blessed me more than I'll ever deserve.
