1. God. The single most important type of listening I try to do, and teach my children to do. The best praying is the "listening" kind, where I just sit, and seek God's will, and let Him reveal it to me, for the day, for the moment. He always does--always in line with His Word. And, if I remember to listen and follow, it ALWAYS works.
2. My husband. This is harder for me, and still a struggle for the children. We are all working towards having good ears and a closed mouth. But if I just stop and really listen to my husband, I can better meet his needs. I know what is on his mind, and can determine what might help him or encourage him.
3. The parents. My children are exhorted daily not to let any of their parents' words "fall to the ground," even in the smallest commands, exhortations, or suggestions. We remind them, biblically, of how the success of their life depends on this, and how it trains them to also stay in the listening mode to God (especially as they grow older, and grow spiritually).
4. The children. I try to keep my children's hearts by remembering as much as possible to stop, tune completely in when they are talking to me, and look them in the eyes--even if it means kneeling down or picking one up. This way, I stay in tune to their hearts--their needs, their desires, and can better train them up in the way they should go.
5. Sermons. When we need one, we hold devotions with Dad (kind of like a family church service). We all get "sermons" from Dad as he studies and then shares the things he learns--the things he meditates on. My children get mini-sermons from me throughout the day as I teach them the Word of God and God's ways as they apply to our every day lives. When we really want to target an area, we still use sermons by Dr. S.M. Davis.
6. Others. I try to listen when I get a phone call, or am visiting or fellowshipping. I try to remember to pray to have a servant's heart and to serve, listen, encourage, and praise all whom I come in contact with. If I get an email that requires response, I try to take time to read it through several times, to sleep on it, and pray about it--I pray to really be able to listen. And then I also pray at the same time, about how to respond. This is double listening--because listening best to others also means listening to God at the same time for leading about how best to minister.
6. Music. I'm not much of a music person. I almost NEVER turn on music in the home or in the car. I can rarely worship in Spirit and in Truth through music--because to me, most music is distracting from how I commune with the Lord. But there are times I just want to praise Him, and sing praise to Him with all my heart, and mean every word I am singing. I wait until I feel led to do so--as in, I just "HAVE" to sing. Then I go get the CD player, send the kids out to play, and put in 2nd Chapter of Acts (Hymns or "20"--anyone hearing me on this?), or Keith Green ("Rushing Wind," "Psalm 23"), or Selah. This happens about once every other month. Sometimes the kids and I do a good pick-me-up of singing with some Keith Green songs. Have you ever heard, "He'll Take Care of the Rest," or "So You Wanna Go Back to Egypt?" How about, "You Put This Love in My Heart?" or, "The Sheep and the Goats." But this is not often. I sometimes (once a week or so) have my son play some hymns and have my daughter sing along. I like listening to the children play the piano--they play hymns and classical. Once a year I'm in the mood for a little classical music or some opera. I was energized by hearing John Denver's "Thank God I'm a Country Boy" over the loudspeaker at the store, and my husband and I had a great walk down memory lane hearing the 70s-80s-90s track playing in a restaurant one evening (all the CDs we USED to own! Hootie, Blondie, UB40, and more). The older kids have iPods/MP3 players. They listen mostly to Keith Green, 2nd Chapter of Acts, Randy Travis, Michael W. Smith, Del Way, Selah, and Growing in Grace (a local SG group we liked--but they no longer exist). Sometimes they can listen in the car, with permission. Sometimes they dock 'em and play music while they're playing legos or blocks with the babies.
And about once a year, I sit down and play on the piano. That's about all I get the time for!
Now--am I the only one who knows and loves 2nd Chapter and Keith Green? Chime in, here. My life song has been "Make My Life a Prayer to You." Am I the only one (besides my kids) who loves bebopping to "He'll Take Care of the Rest?"
You know it ain't no use, banging your head, up against that cold stone wall.
'Cause nobody's perfect, except for the Lord, and even the best bound to fall.
Remember, he is diVine, and you are de branch,
He'd love to get you through it if you give Him the chance
Just keep doing your best, and pray that it's blessed,
and Jesus take care of the rest.
Yes the Lord said that
He'll take care of the rest (He's gonna do it)
He'll take care of the rest (He'll see you through it, yeah)
He'll take care of the rest (The Devil blew it)
Well, He'll take care of the, he'll take care of the rest.
Just think about Moses, in front of the burning bush
barefoot on the Holy ground.
You know, he must have been thinkin', "Hey, what's an old dude like me
gonna tell them all when I go down?" (Go down, Moses!)
The Lord said, "Hey, Mo, don't you worry 'bout your goin' down south,
I'll be saying every word that comes out of your mouth.
You just keep doing your best, and pray that it's blessed.
Hey, Mo. I'll take care of the rest."
You just think about Noah, a-totin' his umbrella,
When there wasn't a cloud in the sky.
All his neighbors would laugh at his pet giraffe, and they would all
snicker as he passed by.
But the Lord said, "Hey Noah, be cool! Just keep building that boat!
It's just a matter of time till they see who's gonna float.
You just keep doing your best, and pray that it's blessed.
Hey, Noah. I'll take care of the rest.
(I'm the Weatherman!)
Yes, the Lord said that He'll take care of the rest.(He's gonna do it)
He'll take care of the rest (He'll see you through it, yeah)
He'll take care of the rest
Well, He'll take care of the, he'll take care of the rest.
Just believe, and you'll receive, that comfort you need.
You just think about all those lonely people you know
who got everything they want, but they got empty souls.
He'll take care of the, He'll take care of the, He'll take care of the
care of the rest...
But I will close this with the words to the song Jesus has used to carry me my whole life--since I was a very little girl. This song captured my heart's desires-even then--and it carried me even when I was lost and wandering and didn't even know what I was doing. I loved it then, and over 30 years later, it is still my favorite. My heart song.
Make My Life a Prayer to You
Make my life a prayer to You
I want to do what You want me to
No empty words, and no white lies
No token prayers, no compromise.
I want to shine the light You gave
through Your Son, You sent to save us
from ourselves and our despair.
It comforts me to know You're really there.
I want to thank You now for being patient with me.
It's so hard to see, when my eyes are on me.
I guess I'll have to trust and just believe what You say.
You're coming again.
Coming to take me away.
I want to die, and let You give
Your life to me, so that I might live
to share the hope You gave to me,
the Love that set me free.
I want to tell the world out there
You're not some fable or fairy tale
that I made up inside my head.
You're God the Son
You've risen from the dead.
I want to thank You now for being patient with me.
It's so hard to see, when my eyes are on me.
I guess I'll have to trust and just believe what You say.
You're coming again.
Coming to take me away.
I want to die, and let You give
Your life to me, so that I might live
to share the hope You gave to me,
I want to share the Love that set me free.
He has most certainly answered that prayer for me! (and continues to do so every day). I love how He has given me the gift of this blog so I can tell about the Love that set me free, so that I can share the hope He gave to me. What a blessing. Praise Him.
I wanted to share why I chose the name "Living Sacrifice" for this blog.
I'll give you today, for example.
My daughter and I got up early and left the house because she had an early morning play practice with her community children's chorus. After I dropped her off, I drove to run an errand before I picked her up. While driving and sipping my coffee (organic dark chocolate cherry--a splurge), I gave full heart attention to my Lord. Up until this point I had been too busy "DOING" to give Him full attention, even though it feels like He never leaves my mind. But up until this point, I had been nursing the baby, dressing him, getting a shower and getting dressed, getting the three of us out the door, driving to choir and talking with my daughter (one of the best times for talking with her about things). But with that all done, I started in full prayer, which often means getting out of the off-handed talking to Him mode and just tuning into "listen" to what He wants from me for the day.
After sending messages of gratitude for all He has done for me, and even for the lovely cup of coffee, I said, "Lord, how can I make this day a gift to you, pleasing to you?"
My husband came to mind (priority #1 after the Lord). I was created to be a help meet to my husband. My husband is busy--getting the rest of the firewood in for the winter, plus a couple of other looming household projects like HVAC modifications, insulation, and more. I know he was counting on getting a lot done today. I knew it would please the Lord if I made sure my husband's time was completely maximized--I took care of the kids, the meals, the housework, without asking for so much as one iota of help from him. Not even a potty trip for the baby, not even carrying the baby swing downstairs for me, and not even leaving him to fix himself a sandwich (he did fix himself a sandwich, but I offered several times before that to fix him something!)
My children came to mind (priority #2 after the Lord). My little newborn needs loved, nursed patiently, held lovingly and talked to as much as possible. My 20-month old needs positive attention, loving and fun activities, managed surroundings and boundaries, and patient, loving, CONSISTENT correction. My four-year-old needs to feel my support. I know he would benefit if today I offered a fun activity, such as painting or baking alphabet cookies (something he has wanted to do). My daughter--she and I sewed together yesterday. But today, I want to give her the gift of some free time to read, draw, write, and relax. My oldest son, 15, needs exhortations and encouragement regarding all his little decisions throughout the day as he is learning to make all his daily decisions himself as his own man. He also needs quiet time to get his school done--as much as I can give him.
The Holy Spirit brought to mind that sometimes when I am nursing, I turn on the TV to help me be more "patient" while I nurse. What happens, though, is I get more impatient with the other children because I want to hear the news or whatever other stupid thing I decided to watch. I lose time because even after I finish nursing, I sometimes stay to finish whatever show I started--and then I'm irritated and behind and things don't get done. I promised God today that I would "sacrifice" the TV--not even turn it on.
Within a few quiet moments of waiting on my Lord, I had already set my tone for the day. I wanted nothing more than to be a loving servant to my family and to sacrifice myself (my moods, my emotions, my rest, my comforts, my wants, and even my needs) to please God by serving and loving my family. If I do this, I KNOW He will supply my needs.
You see, I have needs. It is our flesh nature to think of those first and worry about how those are going to be taken care of. For example, my needs: I haven't even come close to getting enough sleep lately. My adorable newborn is not so adorable at night. I am often up most of the night with him. I am exhausted. My memory foam pillow is my favorite spot in the house, when I actually get to put my head on it and enjoy it! I have a cold. I know my body needs rest. How easy would it be for me to "put that first" and have an agenda all day long that I need to get some rest? Also, I have personal projects I need to finish that would help my family. I have things on my mind--concerns, thoughts.
Each day, I try to give them ALL up--a living sacrifice--in order to put God first. I make myself a sacrifice. It's like I take all of me--my needs, my wants, my thoughts, my concerns--anything ME-- and just put it on the altar and light fire to it.
But I know my God.
And I know He promises that if I love HIM first, and seek HIM first, then He will supply all my needs. I don't even need to remotely worry about my needs. I am confident, because His Word says so, that if I sacrifice myself and put only God's agenda first (seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness), then I will have all my needs abundantly met. He promises so in His Word. I WILL get rest. I will get healing. I will get time, energy, and strength to do all that needs to be done. There is no worry.
None.
When I mess this up, and try to logically plan my days to meet my needs as well as everyone else's, the day falls to pieces. I become selfish. My priorities are off. I procrastinate and waste time because I get crabby, or irritated, or depressed--all trying to fit "me" into the day.
How do you know you're not living as a sacrifice unto the Lord? You will feel stressed, tired, overwhelmed, and depressed. That's what happens when you stay in "me" mode.
The term "Living Sacrifice" is what helps me remember not to do this. To sacrifice each day full of things I want and replace it with only the things my Lord wants.
You should try it.
It works.
Conversely, you know the saying, "If Mama's not happy, ain't nobody happy." In my house, this is so true. But it is also true that, "If Mama has a servant's heart, everybody has a servant's heart."
Take today, for example. It is now the end of the day. By dinner time, I was actually "fighting" with other members of my family to do things to serve my family. Everyone was trying to serve. That was the tone of the day. We did paint pictures. We did make Alphabet cookies. My toddler had a great day of play and discipline--I was amazed at how well his training works out when I put the Lord first. Chores got done. My daughter got free time to play with her new watercolor pencils. I got a one-hour nap with the baby. It was a blessed day of peace.
And that's just how it goes when I love the Lord with all my heart and put Him first.
My husband and I, after avoiding it for YEARS, finally took the facebook plunge to connect with a few long lost friends--which we did, and it was nice to find them. I have mixed feelings about facebook still, but I do like how it has connected me with my family and friends--I don't miss them all so much anymore. It actually helps us stay in touch.
Two things so far, have amazed me about facebook--or about the whole email/chat/text/facebook/twitter/youtube type. And no, I'm not going to gripe (today) about the amount of time people spend online (you know if you spend too much time on the computer without me having to say anything).
One thing I noticed is a generational shift. The kids and teens today are growing up with this type of communication. Many are not even learning how to have normal conversations because they don't have to. My son called a friend he hadn't talked to in years--on the good, old-fashioned telephone. The friend mumbled a bit and then said, "Do you text? Are you on facebook?" And that was the end of it. Text language is hard for me to swallow--all the abbreviations and shortened spellings (you'll notice I NEVER use them on this blog!). But kids are professionals at it. Kids who have struggled with spelling, grammar, and writing for years suddenly have no problems--and are actually quite amazing-- with this new language of electronic messaging. Amazing!
No--I'm not letting my kids into this world, yet. I would like them to have cell phones, but it is not feasible at this point. We don't get service where we live, for one. The older ones both have email addresses, and they use them sparingly. The rule is Dad or I must download the messages first to check for inappropriate messages or spam, then they can read and respond with our approval. We read all outgoing messages, too. And we have caught some pretty nasty stuff showing up in the inbox from some thoughtless spammer.
This leads to the other thing I noted. One evening during a family "church" service, we began discussing these things because we were discussing the end times. Earlier, I had commented to my husband about how amazed I was with the "reality mentality" our culture is beginning to adapt. Because of reality TV, blogging, facebook, twitter, youtube... everyone can see themselves as a reality star. They have no problem picturing their lives with cameras pointed on them 24/7 and sharing it all with the world. I was shocked at the nature of some of the things I saw people posting on facebook! So personal! Did they not realize how many people were reading their words? And then I realized that people are beginning to think this is normal--willingly sharing every part of your life with everyone--and being comfortable with having your every move watched and tracked.
You may have noticed I don't chronicle our day to day lives on this blog! Just snapshots and testimonies here and there. This has always been one of the reasons why (along with time issues, too, of course)
But maybe, just maybe... this is staging for the end times. Maybe this is part of how people will be so easily deceived. Maybe they won't recognize the Antichrist and his controlling one-world government until it is too late, because they already willingly gave up their control and said, "Hey! Watch me! Every move I make! Listen to me, every word I say!"
That was the discussion we had in our family church service. We want our children to be discerning of these things. We talked about how they are never to adhere to the teachings of man about how the end times will play out. They can listen, they can think about it. But they are to read it for themselves, pray, and meditate. If they continue to keep God first in their lives, and pray fervently that God guides them--then God will, and they will not be deceived. They will not miss something that maybe the rest of the world--even the Christian world--has become immune to.
With God's help, as always, facebook or not, my family will follow Christ and Christ alone. We will be cautious, aware, and discerning, through continued prayer and walking in the spirit. We will overcome!
Now, that said, this blog now has a facebook page (but the blog will stay here), as well as me personally (some of you are already my friends). I am testing and praying, seeing how God leads. We'll see what happens. But you are welcome as my friends. Maybe by joining together we can be a community of exhortation--exhorting each other in godly living. Maybe facebook is a good place to give testimony of all the things Christ does. Maybe not. We'll see.
In any case, this blog is on facebook under the name "Living Sacrifice" (as a person). The facebook avatar is the same as this blog avatar.
And thank you to all who have become my friends here. I've told you before many times, if I could bake you all cookies and send them to you, I would. I am so grateful for all the encouragement and support you have given me over the past three years. You have been a blessing and a gift from God, and you remain in my prayers continually.
• Oct. 13, 2009 - How it's going: Losing the Baby Weight
Posted By Mrs. E
And as for Losing the Baby Weight, Round 5, I have lost about 20 pounds now of the 35 I needed to lose--praying every single step of the way. This is such a spiritual issue for me. Just today, I was talking on the phone while I fixed the little ones lunch, and caught myself halfway through a slice of cheddar cheese before I even realized what I was doing! Just completely mindless and oblivious to my state of self control! Not to mention, losing weight gets harder as I get older (turning 40 this month). Touche! All the more reason to get in shape and STAY in shape.
My husband and I had the kids giggling the other day during a car ride. I was telling my husband about my diet progress (like he really cares--he was just listening politely and patiently), and he chimed in and shared about how he watches his weight-and he does. He does a really good job of it. I told him, though, "I don't mind if you put on a few extra pounds. I kind of like it." He said, jokingly, "You just want me to be old and fat." I said, "Yes, because it makes me look younger and thinner when I'm with you. That's part of my diet plan."
And the other musings I had on this subject were not pretty.
My grocery budget FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY goes down quite noticeably when I am dieting.
The food in the entire household lasts longer (days longer) when I am dieting.
I don't even go to the store as much when I am dieting. I was thinking last night, "Wow, I haven't stopped at the grocery store in town for a long time!" I do all my grocery shopping once a week in the next town over on music lesson day, but stop by the grocery store in my town if I run out of something or need to make a special trip. When I'm dieting, I don't run out of things, and don't need the special trips, which are usually whims for things like ice cream, or cinnamon rolls, or baking supplies for a special project, or frozen pizza because I don't feel like cooking--but in my mind, all these things are FOR THE KIDS. The truth of the matter, though, it seems, is that these things were mostly for me.
But with God's help--and I know it is only through Christ I am able to do this--the weight is coming off. And hopefully, I will become even stronger spiritually in this area. I grow in this area every time I diet. I'm a little more honest with myself, a little more humbled, a little less fleshly... maybe one of these days I will truly be broken before Christ in every area of my life and have no more hang ups.
Oh yeah-that will be in heaven. Just imagine! No hang-ups! No fleshly battles! No illness! No physical problems.
• Oct. 10, 2009 - How it's going: The Newborn Babe
Posted By Mrs. E
Oh, what a delight! What a smiley, gorgeous, sweet, gooey bundle! What a gift--our precious newborn son!
Having the patience for nursing is a trial for me--therefore it is a blessing, is it not? How much prayer, and dying to self I have put in to have a quiet spirit and patience for nursing and loving my little one when there seems to be so much else to do around me. But God clearly showed me that this babe is more important than the laundry, the dishes, and even the workbooks and history lessons. There is a time and season for everything, and this is my time to relax and enjoy this precious babe.
So many blessings can be reaped during this time! So much extra prayer time! What a time to "be still and know" that HE IS GOD! What a time to have everyone learn to sit quiet and know! This is often the time I sit and pray for all of you, my blog readers--so many of you by name. Oh, how I am grateful for the encouragement and support you all have given me over the past three years!
I am so excited that my oldest is preparing to leave the nest, but I am so excited to be starting a brand new journey with our fourth son. What a blessing.
I was surprised at how things "went up a notch" adding this fifth little one. Okay, not a notch. It imploded around here. I wrote the following to a friend:
I have been praying a bit about this baby issue. I am old and feel old. I will be 40 next month. I have arthritis. It has been a challenge for me to care for the little ones--it is hard for me to carry them and keep up with them. In any case, I told God, in an overwhelming moment (and I've had many) "Please! You know I can't handle any more."
But then the Holy Spirit pressed upon my heart, "Children are a blessing, and HIS reward."
There is no other way about it. If God sees children as a blessing, I am opposing Him to see it any other way. I must trust Him. If He decides to give us another, I will reach up with both hands and take my "blessing." I will not doubt God, His design for my body, and His words telling me that children are a blessing and His reward. I will not doubt His plan for my life. I will not refuse God's blessing, and I will understand that God's way is not my way.
And, oh! The blessing this baby has been! I have been praying so much more! Needing my God so much more! And I have been GETTING God so much more.
Is that not a blessing?
I can't right now imagine having more--but I will tell you this, if God does give us more, I will definitely praise Him. I KNOW I will be blessed. He tells me so, in His Word. God has impressed upon me that this is just a season. Yes, for the first time in over two years, my laundry is not caught up. My house work is not caught up. Lots of things are just not getting done. But I know it is just a short season.
And no--this baby is not sleeping through the night. He likes to wake up between 1:00 and 3:00 a.m. and nurse and doze the rest of the night. I am still working on trying to set his schedule, watching the clock to make feedings more regular, and using the swing to make nap time more regular. But I don't mind going with the flow, either, just praying and being mindful, and walking in the Spirit. (Lord, help me to walk in the Spirit!)
My 4-year-old started kindergarten this year. This is the second time I have taught kindergarten because we started homeschooling when my oldest was in 4th grade and my daughter was in kindergarten.
This boy is something else. I can see many years of interesting prayers being answered about this boy. We all adore him--he is just adorable in personality, and so enchanting. He looks exactly like his dad and amazingly, has so many of his same "quirks" (that is said in a GOOD way!).
He has Tourette Syndrome, which is nothing serious at this point and it seems to have no effect on our days, or his training. He is just slightly noisier and more fidgety than the other kids, due to his physical and audible tics.
He just started reading words, and he is so excited about this ability. I've never seen a child so excited about learning to read! He worked with his sister for two hours yesterday building words on his phonics board (a small magnetic board with letter tiles). The PBS show "Word World" helped him A LOT with this understanding. I have been putting together my own phonics and reading program for him, using the Abeka "A Handbook for Reading," Centrifuge Language Arts (resorting the pages to match the Abeka book), a generic phonics workbook I picked up that had good exercises, and a smattering of beginning readers. He makes his own wall cards with pictures for each sound, and we have his magnetic letter board.
We started his Kindergarten math (Making Math Meaningful), and flew through the first 25 weeks of it in two weeks trying to get to a point where we actually needed to slow down and start solidifying some concepts. He loves doing math and has a natural ability to grasp numerical concepts.
I have been noticing in this 4-year-old the fruit of his older brother's example. He has picked up on being neat, organized, and a hard worker (for a 4-year-old). He is enthusiastic about school and completes all his assignments willingly and diligently. He does chores well and without a fuss. No, seriously, he really does chores well and without a fuss. I know these things have been a breeze because of the example he sees daily from his older siblings. It's just they way his world is.
Train your oldest to be a good example!
In turn, I am really trying to teach my four-year-old all the ways he can be an example to his little brother (the 20-month-old). The bulk of my exhortations have to do with him being mindful of the example he is setting while playing, eating, working, and obeying.
I'm waiting for the "question" phase about God. He says prayers, reads the Bible with me and his Dad, sits in on family devotions and family "church" services, and hears explanations and exhortations about living to please Jesus, reminders that God made everything and is in charge of everything, and more. But he hasn't started yet to try to figure it all out. But I can't wait until he is eager to understand more!
• Oct. 10, 2009 - How it's going: Growing a Godly Young Woman
Posted By Mrs. E
My only daughter--she is 10.
You may have read previously how I've been praying for guidance as I help grow her into a godly young woman.
I have had a hard time connecting with her. I'm not sure why. But I have been praying for God to bring us closer and strengthen our relationship so that I can truly guide her and train her and mentor her as she grows. I was so distant from my mother when I was a young girl and teenager. We had a huge breach in communication and understanding. I am praying for insight into my daughter, and for understanding of who God has made her, understanding of her point of view, and wisdom with how to guide it all.
God is answering these prayers so beautifully.
Not long ago, my daughter had a meltdown after being corrected (just verbally corrected with a calm reminder!) and just collapsed on her bed in a heap of sobs and tears (my daughter is Elsie Dinsmore in real life!). I just went and held her, and hugged her, and smoothed her hair, and told her how much I loved her. I assured her of God's love for her and the plans He had for her. I asked her if there was anything I could do to help her as she was growing, to strengthen her and help her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Do devotions with me."
I realized then how much I had been missing the boat. See, with how busy our house has been, I have been thankful that my daughter does her own devotions and Bible study. I had been counting our discussions and my exhortations throughout the day as enough for her spiritual training. But I see now she needs me to sit down with her each day and help her seek the Lord, because that is first and foremost in her heart.
We began doing that the next morning, with a hot cup of tea at 7:00 a.m. at her "Pub Table." She has been strengthened and helped. I either share with her how God is currently leading me, or what God is showing me in Scriptures when I read and pray, or I choose something to search out together in Scriptures based on weaknesses I see in our household, or I choose a lesson or a reading from Polished Cornerstones, Bright Lights, or Beautiful Girlhood.
It is working. She recently left me a card that said (after I had left her a card praising her virtues and letting her know how thankful I was for her),
Dear Mom,
I thank you so much for the card, I really like it. I also want to tell you how much I love you and how you are the best mom in the world. Thanks for starting the Bible study. I really enjoy it.
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: When he is old he shall not depart from it.
You're doing a good job of it, Mom!
I love you.
Love,
(Your Daughter)
The other way I noticed God is answering my prayers is that He seems to be helping me to distinguish between her child moments and her woman moments. Sometimes, she is very womanly, working with me side by side to manage this home, to care for her younger brothers, to serve her father and older brother, to help with a project, to consult with me as an equal on the menu, grocery list, and budget for other household needs, etc. She is a great friend and support to me, and I am a mentor to her as a young woman. But at 10, she is still just a child, and sometimes she simply needs me as a child needs her mom. I am learning to recognize those moments of childlike joy and simplicity and let her know I appreciate her for who she is, right where she is in life at this moment. I am joyful with her when she is having a particularly fun time playing, or singing with her choir, or some other youthful activity. I share her enthusiasm when she is enjoying something that maybe I wouldn't enjoy (like learning to do flips on the trampoline), and I share her hurts and frustrations that she meets with as a child (brothers, tiredness, confusion).
I praise God for all He has shown me and how He is my ever present help. Always with me and always guiding. I know He will continue to lead.
My oldest son is 15. This year, I turned him loose from my constant management and his regular household duties and have been exhorting him to work on his own--set his own schedule, plan and complete his own schoolwork, and make his own decisions on how he sets his priorities and spends his time. I have been trying to give suggestions, support, encouragement, and guidance. I have high hopes (because of how I have trained and taught him) that he will be able to walk in the spirit, seek the Lord fervently each day, be a good judge of how to spend his time, be serving to his family (like he will need to be as a husband and father one day), be responsible, a hard worker, be a leader and mentor to his younger siblings, and make wise decisions. With just a smidgeon of high school work to finish (about 3-4 credits), we needed to gauge whether or not he was ready to work independently with CollegePlus starting in January.
And I say, "Whew!"
He is doing so well! I have been so pleased with this young man.
He set a schedule on a calendar for finishing his HS work. He started setting his alarm to get up at 6:00 a.m. to knock of some school work. He still works with Dad so much, and he still offers to spend time with the little ones to give me a hand. He still pitches in on chores he sees that need done (one day I came home from taking the younger ones to doctor appointments and he had cleaned the whole house--such a blessing!).
I was talking with a lady not too long ago who began off-handedly lamenting about her teenager. She said, "What do you do when you tell them they can't go somewhere unless they clean their room--but then they don't clean their room?" I gave her a sympathetic nod, and didn't say anything. But I was thinking, "Wow! My teenager--not only would he never have a messy room, but he wouldn't even consider not cleaning it (or anything else, for that matter), if he was told." I am blessed and thankful. I know God created my son with a free will. I know he could choose at anytime to disobey. I am thankful that it is firmly embedded in his heart the importance of honoring and obeying his parents. He knows that it is the commandment "with promise" for him. The Lord has done a work in his heart -- PTL!!
I am still praying fervently for how to guide him. Most recently I have been teaching and exhorting him that God tells him to be wise as to good and simple towards evil--reminding him he doesn't even need to know the details of all the sinful things people do. He is to flee from evil, look away (which I have taught him since he was little). He is to keep his thoughts on things that are true, honest, just, pure, and lovely. He understands. He believes it with all his heart. His love for God and God's best blesses me--it just blesses me.
I was also blessed when I heard that he gave my daughter the following advice. He said, "If you prove by the time you're 12 that you're mature and responsible, people will just expect and accept that that is the type of person you are and won't freak out as much when you're not like all the other teenagers." I liked the advice, and I liked that he was thinking of her enough to mentor her and help her. I liked that he had learned from his own experience and was able to draw this conclusion and give this advice--because he came up with it on his own.
I don't want to mislead anyone, he still has plenty of areas where he needs growth. He is good about jumping in to care for his little siblings, but he sometimes still doesn't catch the need to do so. For example, we were sitting in church just this week. I was at one end of our row, and he was at the other end. Next to him was the 4-year-old, who decided to start jumping and hopping and pulling all other sorts of antics that he has NEVER been permitted to do in church. My 15-year-old was oblivious. Didn't even look at the little one next to him until I sent a tap on the shoulder down the pew row.
Yet I will never stop teaching, counseling, encouraging, and exhorting. I know he will continue to grow. The growth I have seen just these past few months has been tremendous. My prayers for him continue. I know God will guide me every step of the way as I seek to fulfill this purpose--raising this young man for the Lord.
• Oct. 10, 2009 - How it's going: Toddler Training
Posted By Mrs. E
We've got a LOT going on these days. There's no way I could possibly share it all, but I want to share some of the goodness of God.
I've learned one of the reasons why God considers children a blessing: now that I have five, I am definitely praying more. I need Him more! I need His help more! That is certainly a blessed place to be--any time God puts me in a place where I need Him more so that I must grow closer, I must grow stronger... Praise God.
Oh, how my prayers have increased over caring for my two littlest. My 20-month-old is a willful terror and must be constantly managed or safely contained. His training is quite the project. He is a whirlwind. Just picture the Tasmanian Devil from Bugs Bunny and that's what I feel like I'm trying to tame. Do you know how hard it is to correct him effectively and consistently, say, for screeching in defiance, when he does it 20 times in 30 seconds?
But I am learning and growing. And so are my two oldest (15 and 10)--because they have been such a great help to me. I have been teaching the oldest through my best efforts, but also through my mistakes. For example, we were at the mall to pick up my daughter's new eyeglasses. We had two strollers--one for the newborn, and one for the 20-month-old. He kept screeching (earsplitting banshee-like) when he was told not to touch something, or if we didn't let him get out of his stroller, or if we didn't push him when he wanted to go, or... for any other reason. I dropped the ball. I ineffectively corrected him--little hand swats, verbal admonishments, placing my finger over his mouth..nothing serious, and he knew it. He didn't quit. He barely toned it down for a short time, only to screech again. He knew he didn't have to quit. I had proven to him I wasn't serious about it and wasn't going to correct him. He pushed the boundary.
After we left the mall and got in the car, I confessed to my daughter that I did not train him properly. If I had been serious about correcting him for screeching, at the first screech, I don't care how inconvenient, I would have turned around, walked out of the mall to the car, and corrected him properly, and it would have been over at that point. I told her he still screeches because I continue to be too lazy. He screeches in defiance so much, and I don't come running to discipline him every time--because I'm nursing, or upstairs doing laundry... and I'm just too lazy to put down what I'm doing, or to go upstairs, or downstairs.. I told her that if I did it right, we could have the problem handled by now. I pointed out that when I do correct him quickly and properly for the screeching, he quits instantly and doesn't try it again for some time. I just keep dropping the ball.
But screeching is just the tip of the iceberg. He refuses to sit in his high chair, he refuses to cooperate with just about anything--getting dressed, going potty, cleaning up (so willful!), he loves to throw things, run away when called, get into the school desks, get into my purse... you get the picture! I have seen improvements. We are making progress--both him and me. I am learning to be more patient, calm, loving, and consistent. I am thankful. He is testing the boundaries less and less--but my lack of consistency is still dragging things out longer than necessary.
The Lord has shown me some wonderful things and grown me in some ways I needed to grow. For example, I had prayed recently for God to teach me more and grow me in the area of fasting. The verse on fasting in Matthew had really been coming to mind a lot for me. It says, "
Moreover, when ye fast, be not, as the hypocrites, of a sad countenance: for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear unto men to fast. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou fastest, anoint thine head, and wash thy face; that thou appear not unto men to fast, but unto thy Father which is in secret: and thy Father, which seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly. Matthew 6:16-18
From that verse, it seems that Jesus expects us to fast, but doesn't say when, or how often, or why. I prayed for God to show me when, how often, why... to just show me how to grow in this area. I didn't want to read anything written by men, or consider any teachings I have heard. I just wanted to hear what God had to say.
Well, one night, I was lying on my bed and praying before I fell asleep. The day had been a whirlwind of toddler training, newborn nursing, spiritual training and school for the older children, plus the usual mountain of chores and caring for husband and home. I said, "Lord, I need to learn how to walk in the spirit more! What can I do to stay in the spirit and stay dead to self?
He said, "Fast!"
I said, "Duh!"
Prayer answered. I looked up all the references on fasting and read them in this light and was so blessed! My toddler training took on a new life, with added hope and help from my Lord.
Not to mention, I am so grateful for my husband, who is such a great father and a help, and my two older children, who have been an incredible help. I am blessed.
And in the meantime, I will press on, like I always have. I know my calling--to train these children in the ways of the Lord. Each day I will get up, and I will not be weary in well-doing, and I will press on!
I fully agree with what you had to say in this post and many of the comments by other readers about keeping our children simple to evil, but my husband who is not walking with the Lord, doesn't share this view. He does allow them to watch kids movies that I would just throw out if it were up to me and discusses certain things in front of them that I would love to keep their ears from hearing. Right now he doesn't have a job either so I can't do much Biblical training while he's here. Please, any suggestions? I feel so helpless.
I wanted to take time to respond because I get so many comments and emails of this nature!
The first Scripture I want to share that promises help in this situation is:
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God,
to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
If you LOVE God, then ALL things work together for good. Your marriage, your children, your life. It will all work for good.
Do you love Him? Not just casually. Not just, "Of course I love Him." But LOVE Him. Is He first and foremost in your thoughts each day? Do you love His goodness? Do you feel like singing forth His praises like David did? Do you long to please Him? If you don't...
Pray to be this way. It starts HERE. And it IS the solution. It is that simple.
Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great (most important) commandment. And the second is likee unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. Matthew 22:36-40
Do you see? ALL ELSE hangs on these first and great commandments. Once you get this one "obeyed," everything else can fall in to place.
Problem is, people don't love Him with all their heart (their heart is full of themselves and the things they want--Jesus does not rule in their heart). People don't love Him with all their soul (they don't even try to walk in the spirit and die to self--and truly turn their souls over to the Lord), and they definitely don't love Him with all their mind. Their thoughts are most often not on the Lord. They think about God when they need Him. They are not always thinking about how to please God because they love Him. They fill their mind with meaningless things, worldly philosophies, and all sorts of books, TV shows, movies, and more that He doesn't like.
There is a ONE STEP solution. It is simple. You must LOVE HIM. With all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. If you know you don't love Him this way (and few people do),
then I beg you,
PRAY to love Him this way.
And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive. Matthew 21:22
Do you believe Him?
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Matthew 7:7-8
ASK to love Him this way. It is His will. It is His commandment. He wants you to. If you ASK, you will receive. And you will be changed. And everything else will fall into place. EVERYTHING.
I recently gave a class on the subject of feeding a family on a small budget, and feeding them in a healthy way. But I told class that I could give them any and every suggestion I had, but unless they LOVE God first, they shouldn't even bother to try to change. Unless pleasing Jesus was their main motivation, then nothing I told them would work--they would just spin their wheels. Hopefully, you will see that theme at the heart of most of my testimonies!
I was a "Christian" for years, and I would tell you over and over that I loved God. But I knew deep down the love I said I had for God definitely didn't match what the Scriptures said I should have. I didn't love Him enough to obey Him. I didn't love Him enough to think about Him more than I thought about anything else. I didn't love Him enough to just want to praise Him--the way David did. I knew I didn't love Him that way, and I knew most people didn't. But one day, shortly after I really began seeking God and seeking His best for my life, I heard a speaker explain this all to me, and she said the same thing I'm telling you. If you don't love Him, then pray to.
Dear reader, we are living in a time of weakened Christianity and watered down truth. Don't water down these truths. Don't take them lightly any more. So many "Christians" SAY they love Him, because it makes sense to say that. That's what Christians say. But, they are just pretending. Unless you can say, for sure, that you love Him, with all your heart, soul, and mind, then you must "park" here until you do. Otherwise you will just spin your wheels in your Christian walk and get nowhere, and get no help. You will just be pretending....walking a walk and talking a talk--maybe even all day and all night. But if you don't love Him, you are getting nowhere.
HAVE you been pretending?
And, if you read this blog, this is how I pray for all my blog readers continually. Because I know it starts here.
Make it real. Ask and pray, unceasingly, to love Him, and then you will know Him like I know Him, and He will be your ever present help in ANY situation you are in. Especially your marriage. Especially your parenting. And just especially, any kind of help you particularly need, because He loves YOU.
To read more about this, and about my thoughts on what to do if your husband isn't on board, check these prior entries:
When Your Husband Isn't On Board
But don't expect any of these entries to help you unless you LOVE Him the way He commands you to love Him--unless you truly seek first the Kingdom of God.
My fervent prayers, as always, will be with you as you seek to love Him, to know Him, and to please Him.
