I have come to believe that there is a certain amount of surrender that must happens when one decides to become a homeschooling family.  I have been thinking about this for a while now and I have just decided to write about it. 

When our family decided to make the move to homeschooling several things happened at once.  We lost an income (mine) and gained a child (Dec) and moved.  With all of those changes, I have not really had the time to stop and digest what we have done to our lives or what I have done to my life. 

Please do not misunderstand me, I love being a mom and I feel the children are seriously thriving as they would never be able to in any other environment.  They love learning at home and I love what it has done for our family as a whole.  We are closer and more united in a way that we have never been before.  We take time to actually just "be" together and view every moment as a learning opportunity as well as one to spend as a family.  That is a beautiful thing.

What I am lamenting right now is the professional side of myself.  The part of me that was a part of the rat race and quite good at it!  That changed the moment my daughters were born.  But at the same time, I stayed a part of it even if mentally I was completely with my girls.  Then when My son was born and I made the move from interpreter to mommy full time, everything in life happened so quickly that I stayed in action mode.  Now things have slowed down.  I actually am lamenting, if only a bit, the loss of my career. 

I have traded great corporate clothing for work out clothing often smeared with what ever science project, food, or other dirt that we have been working/playing in that day.  I no longer bring an income into our household.  Instead I am the one who plans the budget and must make sure that we stick to it.  If at any time something goes wrong with the finances, it is me who must hash it out to figure it all out.  I cook, plan, clean, and schedule day in and day out.  Each day looks startling similar to the next and the last.  Our days have a rhythm to them, but at the same time, each day flows to the next in a way that never happened while I was interpreting and had the day to day excitement of not knowing where I would be or with whom. 

Basically, I have not surrendered yet.  I have not surrendered that part of me that still longs for the excitement of interpreting.  I have not yet surrendered that part of me that loved the status of interpreting.  I have not surrendered to the awesome responsibility of being the mother of three children whose day to day life must revolve around the awesome task of making sure that their spiritual, educational, physical, and emotional lives are all healthy and cared for.

It is an awesome task that I have undertaken.  I just need to become used to the idea that this is what I do now and surrender to the beauty of it.