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Some months ago, I was deciding how big I wanted my new kitchen to be... what kind of cabinets I might want... how the screen porch would look with windows everywhere, so we could sit out there all year long! The new flowery furniture, whicker with plump cushions, and oh yes, a ventless heater to sit out here in the middle of winter! God had other plans. :) Well, here we go. We have had an amazing guidance from God to adopt from Liberia. It is a huge step of faith, and I mean huge. There is fear, the what ifs?, the unknown, the financial side of it, we might need a new vehicle to fit everyone in...blablablablabla... BUT, God wants its, and HE is going to work it out- I know it. Most often in my life I haven't really depended on God. I have always been one to give him my path, my sorrow, my joy, to be very thankful, to be sorry...but I've never truly depended on Him. With dependence comes trust. It's a picture of what the children waiting for adoption in an orphange are faced with. They will depend on the adult adopting them, and with that, they have no choice but to trust the adult with their life. So, I'm faced with depending on God to give me the children he wants us to have. To provide the finances, and to make the way straight. There is fear in having someone new come in and possible upset the basket of our family for a time. There is fear of what disease, and malnutrition have done to their little bodies. There is fear in what some friends or family may say. The provision we will need to rely on Him for is the money to finish the adoption, the money to adopt a sibling that we may not have been counting on, the provision for extra strength and energy on our part, to preserve our health as we minister to these children, and if we get more than we thought we were getting, to provide a bigger vehice. (Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I might outgrow a mini van!) I know God is not the author of confusion, and I know he will not have called us to this if he will not make a way. This is going to be quite a ride. I better strap my helmet on. My husband has been open to adoption longer than me. I keep thinking, "yikes, what happens if I get a migraine, and now I have double the kids to think about when I'm laying down with the world spinning." God whispers:" but, I made you... I formed you...I called you to adopt, to offer the cold water in my name." We found out last night that the company my husband works for will reimburse up to $5000 of our adoptio cost! That was the most encouraging thing! My kids are being awesome about it... they basically want the whole orphanage. :) I told my husband last night that one of the things I am dealing with is that I'm scared I won't be able to share myself with the children we adopt. That selfishly, I get these thoughts of our little family, maybe we shouldn't "broaden our borders...we've had a good thing going...." then, one of my kids comes up and hands me an envelope with her entire life savings.... $26.00 . Written on the envelope, her words are..."This is to help save lives." My children , in their pureness, their innocence, their total dependence and faith in God, are teaching me what giving of myself means. They don't even think one selfish thought about sharing their mom and dad... they think, "YEA!! We can share our Mom and DAD!! WOO HOO!!!" How often have I rationalized myself out of a blessing, or ministry to another? Chidren don't rationalize...it's what makes them children. With the comes the good and bad. In this case, adoption, it's the good...soooo good. Love, Denise |
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So, here goes- I am jumping onto the blog train! I talk to myself anyway, so why not write my words instead of babble them to myself, and answer, "no, no, Mommie's just talking to myself..." "ABOUT WHAT MOMMIE?" "uh... nothing, just stuff...". Stuff- hmmm. Like, what is heavy on my heart... my brother's wife having their first baby next week- the baggage his poor wife carries from a childhood of abuse. How God called to her two years ago, and she is now a child of His. Stuff- oh yeah, the fleas. How could I forget? $85.00 later, and 6 "bombs" put off in our house, cough, cough, gag.... and the little boogers are still around. More stuff- which phonics program to teach Kate with- the one that worked with Tyler and Molly, or a brand new one- sparklying new- not the old, creased one on the shelf. Hmmm.... something here, let me think on this (out loud, of course...). Why try something new, when the old was working...? To fit in? Self doubt? Questioning that maybe there was a better way, and I missed it the first time? Have I asked God? "..He will give abundantly- more than I could even imagine- " Shame on me. Stuff- did I tell Him about it? Shame again.... Time to drive to piano lessons! Jumping off the blog train, back into the minivan. Woo hoo!! |