I've been thinking about the way people often talk about "society" or "young people," and how they are not describing individual people with individual stories, but rather, the masses. I hear folks talk about how to educate young people, or how to reach young people, or what's wrong with society, etc., - basically, all the theories people have about how to change the world.
More and more, it seems clear that by touching an individual's life, by ministering to one child, by helping one family or one person, we are changing the world. It doesn't seem like much, though, does it? To lovingly teach your own children at home, to give them a healthy, joyous start in life, with a heart to be a blessing and a servant to others may not seem like the "answer" to the world's problems. But, you know, the answer to the world's problems is an individual. . . Jesus. And He - the light of the world - deals with us as individual people. He knows us individually - He created and loves the uniqueness of each one of us, He blesses us in individual and uniquely appropriate ways, He calls us individually to follow Him.
And, now that I've started on this, let's bring it home to those of us who have chosen to educate our children. Once we start on that unusual and amazing journey, we have to be very careful to individually love and educate and train each child. They are not robots to be filled up with the exact same number of memorized facts as the next child. They are not carbon copies to go through the same standardardized teaching as their neighbor. They are not blobs of humanity to be molded into shape by rigid rules of behavior. No. Our children are one of a kind. . . woven together in their mother's womb. . . with a created, one-of-a-kind design which goes far beyond the fact of having a unique thumbprint.
If we are to deal with them as individuals, uniquely designed by God, we must begin looking for something beyond formulas, beyond everyone-must-do-this-in-this-grade. We will start looking for the ways to draw our children into their own education - where they begin to discover a love for learning and a self-motivation. We will begin to learn about how to honor a child who is constantly moving around (not because we're helpless to stop them but because we recognize that GOD is the one who created them as kinesthetic learners). . . and how to honor a child who always wants to do things with others. . . and how to honor a child who loves doing things alone. . . and how to honor a child who is always singing or dancing around the house. . . and how to honor a child who prefers drawing to talking. (It's not that they always get to do these things, it's that we start honoring their "bent" and start looking for ways to encourage them, all the while communicating that we actually like who they are.)
I know that some might look at this and think, "Well, there goes another humanistic, child-centered, milk-toast mother," as they cheerfully go back to applying the FORMULA of their child-training or homeschooling guru. Problem is, I've lived long enough (50 years), and traveled widely enough (4 continents) to know that formulas and fears don't give the results parents were promised. We have seen the fall-out, the devastation, the demeaning, the destruction of harsh or rigid formulas applied across the board to "the masses."
And, on the other hand, we've seen the results of people who have endeavored to learn about each of their children's needs, their giftings, their passions, their desires. . . and what happens as these parents have sought the Lord for His wisdom, patience, and insight as to how to train their children, to raise them, to teach them, to disciple them as individuals.
The key to a non-formulaic, non-guru-following, parenting/homeschooling approach which allows you to work with the individual: Follow the Lord. Listen to His heart. Discover His ways. Pray for His wisdom - and then wait till you get it! I've often prayed for His heart for my children, so I would understand how He sees them, and so I would know, at least in part, HOW He wants me to walk with them. A quote would be pertinent here, just to keep this all in perspective: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, termperance: against such there is no law." Gal 5:22-23
So. . . my prayer for you tonight is that you would be liberated to love your children - each one - freely, gently, kindly, patiently, faithfully, creatively, wisely, delightedly. . . That you might learn how to enjoy what God Himself set into their makeup, and discover more fully how to be yoked together with Him as you parent.
Loved reading your blog this evening - thank you for being led by the spirit as you encourage parents to love their children! I will never forget 15 years ago, as we were getting ready to welcome our first child into this world, how scared I was... there are so many different "approaches" to parenting.
The person who impacted me the most was a mom of six girls. This mom (Carol) had raised girls who were not perfect, but they had hearts after the Lord, and I can remember wishing that if the Lord should bless us with girls, (or boys!!) I would want that same thing for them. Carol's advice to me was to put all those parenting books aside and really soak up Scripture! I can still hear her telling me that we would all be better parents if we saw our kids like Jesus sees them - uniquely crafted in HIS image - loved by Him - . God really does see each one individually. He's so creative, too :)
You're right - we can't use a "cookie cutter" approach to parenting because one size doesn't fit all! Thank you for reminding me. I have been refreshed :) Wagons, HO!
when I came across your blog this morning...so it was great timing. Very insightful and encouraging. Thank you! I linked to this post in my blog this a.m...hope you don't mind!
Eleanor
Your post has come at a very appropriate time for me. It seems as though I am surrounded by people who constantly tell me I am doing the wrong thing by homeschooling my children.
I stumbled upon your blog quite by accident this morning...or should I say...the Lord led me to your blog...where I found your inspiring words. You have really lifted my spirits. Thank you!
I have 4 children, all of them very different from the others. My 8 yr son is a very tender person. He crushes easily. I am so worried I am going to ruin him. He falls apart at the silliest tiniest things! I know the Lord created him with a heart of Mercy. I have watched this in action. I have been humbled by my own son. It has been a learning game for me to deal with him on a daily basis. We have good days and bad days. I wonder some times if God makes our children certain ways as a tool to teach US with. I have had to learn to be more merciful. I have had to learn to be more orderly, in my 10 yr daughters case, as she si such a free spirited little thing! She can be a HUGE slob!! LOL But I have learned to love her pens and pencils and markers and papers and journals and all that artsy stuff. I ahve been changed by my kids being who they are. Pretty funny, huh! Thanks for your words and encouragement!
How funny that I'd happen to read about this entry today. I was directed here by another blogger and am glad I read it. I've been thinking about this and, even though I've not been around for 50 years yet, I have to say I agree with you wholeheartedly...there is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all parenting or schooling philosophy. But it's such a rare thing to read people actually believing this. Usually people will rale (sp?) against a particular method then tell you that their method is the one you should use instead. Kind of funny and sad all at the same time.
Thanks for this encouragement! Sometimes I feel like I need to throw out all my books on raising kids and just pray. I know there's wisdom in many of these books, but it's easy to get more discouraged when the "formulas" don't work. So, thank you for your exhortation.
I also appreciated your chapter in "Homeschooling Methods".
Bless you,
Rebeca
Diana~
Thanks so much for this message~ I was reading through it and the 2nd paragraph just really touched me. We are just starting the process of a second adoption from Vietnam. I wrote an e-mail to family and friends the other week to "introduce" them to the idea and to get them thinking about ways in which they may help~ prayfully or financially.
Anyway, I know that you meant this as a "homeschooling" message~ but I took it as an "adoption" message also~ touching just one child is a very real ministry and mission.
Thanks,
Heidi
Extremely happily married since 1979, Bill and Diana Waring home schooled their three children for more than twenty years. The Waring kids were the proving grounds for all the precepts, concepts, and encouragements Bill and Diana teach--the real-life examples of the wonders of home schooling! Now, new grandparents and somewhat empty nesters, Bill & Diana travel all over the world to share the joys of loving learning, honoring one another in the family, and enjoying the journey.
• Apr. 4, 2006 - Fish on!
Loved reading your blog this evening - thank you for being led by the spirit as you encourage parents to love their children! I will never forget 15 years ago, as we were getting ready to welcome our first child into this world, how scared I was... there are so many different "approaches" to parenting.
The person who impacted me the most was a mom of six girls. This mom (Carol) had raised girls who were not perfect, but they had hearts after the Lord, and I can remember wishing that if the Lord should bless us with girls, (or boys!!) I would want that same thing for them. Carol's advice to me was to put all those parenting books aside and really soak up Scripture! I can still hear her telling me that we would all be better parents if we saw our kids like Jesus sees them - uniquely crafted in HIS image - loved by Him - . God really does see each one individually. He's so creative, too :)
You're right - we can't use a "cookie cutter" approach to parenting because one size doesn't fit all! Thank you for reminding me. I have been refreshed :) Wagons, HO!
Love you
heidi
Edited by Heidistjohn on Apr. 4, 2006 at 9:27 PM