peanuts in my Coke

• Jan. 29, 2009 - On Line for the Roller Coaster

Posted By Elfmom
Hi, I was going to title my entry "On the Great Roller Coaster Ride" but then I thought it overkill. Too melodramatic. So, I am just waiting to see if there is a seat waiting for me on the roller coaster. I went to the tumor center yesterday for an appointment with the neurologist. I have a preliminary report on the unwanted brain-guest but he was going to delve a bit further with me. Dr. V. said the tumor is stable. It has not grown. It has not shrunk. He noticed some swelling and maybe some flares which indicate cell activity. But, he said he was looking hard for it since I was having symptoms (headaches that won't go away), he thinks something is happening that is too small to see on the MRI. He compared the most recent scan with one over two years ago and said there is marked improvement. He called the 2006 scan "really ugly". He suggested I start chemotherapy. He said it might keep the tumor from growing but it is only a small chance. It's not certain that the tumor is becoming active. Dr. V. says my symptoms will announce future activity but it isn't definite that the tumor is planning on growing because my headaches are increasing. I have opted not to start chemo yet. I am saving that as the "Hail Mary" pass when we have exhausted all other options. Now, I am on a stronger pain medication. If that doesn't take care of the headaches, I will start steroids (yuck) and if that doesn't help, then I will go to chemotherapy. I am praying that the pain will just go away. Come to think of it, I am praying the same fate for the tumor! The headaches are not incapacitating. My head feels like a big bruise (opening for a joke here). It fades and returns on and off but it never really goes away. This is where the concern comes into play. So, the outcome of all of this is that we really don't know what is coming next. I am asking for more time with my wonderful children, my loving husband, my other supportive family members. But even more than that, I am asking that God would accomplish His will in me and through me. Use me, Lord, in all my fears and failings.You are worthy, Father. Please show Yourself powerful in my life. I'll update as the news comes in. Love, Elyse
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• Jan. 22, 2009 - It's Late but Happy New Year!

Posted By Elfmom
I had grand plans to write on New Year's Day about my high aspirations for this new year. Title "This Year I'm Gonna" and I was going to elaborate on my fondest wishes and best ideas. Well, that didn't happen. Oh well, maybe next year!
Anyway, the muse didn't offer enough for me to write about then. And I just can't write until something hits me in the face to write about.
So, I have news that I can share. I have been getting headaches that will not go away. At first I thought it was the weather. Low pressure systems give me headaches. But, Ibuprofen would not take it away as it usually does. We went to an MRI appointment last Friday at 10pm. That astounded me that they were still open that late but it is.
A neurologist gave an initial report that there was no growth of the tumor. He said there may be some swelling and he saw some cell activity but he said I did not have to go on steroids (PRAISING GOD, here). I have an appointment with Dr. Friedman next week and I should know more. I am hoping I don't need chemotherapy. I feel like that is the "Hail Mary" pass of the tumor world and I would rather not go there. But, if it is what is necessary, then so be it.
The headache is like a bruise on my whole head. It occasionally flares up in certain spots. The drugs I have been using aren't really touching it. The headache doesn't land me on my back in pain. It is just a constant thrum of pain. My dizziness, if this is possible, is gaining on me. But, I can still sit up and take nourishment, which my Nana says is the greatest blessing when you aren't feeling so good.
I will write again with something witty and clever when I think of something witty and clever to say. I hope it comes soon!
Joyfully,
Elyse
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• Oct. 31, 2008 - New Mom Gift Shop

Posted By Victoria Carrington in Day in the Life
Check out our new Mom Gift Store.  I have partnered with many prominent online companies like Family Christian, Cooking.com and Organic Style to feature gifts mom will love.

Our newest site features camera gifts, cooking gifts, Christian gifts, bath and cosmetic gifts, flower gifts and more.

Our most exciting feature is our Mom Gift Quiz for you to print out and give to your loved ones so they will have a better idea of a perfect gift to get for you.

Come on by, browse and give me your feedback at www.MomGiftStore.com.

Thanks!
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• Sep. 2, 2008 - Changing Blog Focus

Posted By Victoria Carrington in Day in the Life
I have been maintaining quite a few blogs so it is time to consolidate.  I will primarily be blogging at Homeschool Mom Tips for now.  Come and visit me there.  I have lots of updated links, devotions/Bible studies and reviews.
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• Aug. 20, 2008 - Almost Vacation Time

Posted By Elfmom

Yes, it is the last week in August but there is still time to go on vacation! This Friday begins our summer vaction! It's a much anticipated, much needed rest and I am so thankful it's finally here!

I had my biannual MRI and neurology appointment last week. Repeating a good idea from last time, I went to my MRI appointment with some girlfriends and then we went out for dinner. It was lots of fun! The next morning, Craig and I went to the Tumor Center. My appointment was at 9am. I wasn't seen until after 1pm. It may have been a matter of bad scheduling but I think it was also that there are so many people coming in with tumors that need lots of time with the doctor.

I am always so affected by the number of people sitting with me in the waiting room. Lots of the patients are waiting with their families and friends. This kind of appointment requires lots of support.  I always try to listen to other people talking while I wait. It isn't any of my business, I know, but I like to find out where they are in their journey. I feel like we're like a fraternity and I am endlessly curious. Every time I am forced to spend a lot of time in the waiting room, I am overwhelmed by the sadness, the hopelessness that seems to be part of this place. I want to hug each person who has tears falling down their faces. I want to tell them that there is hope. Maybe there isn't hope for a complete recovery of their lives before the tumor, but there is hope of eternity that is theirs for the taking. Someday, someday, I will figure out a way to support these people. To show them the silver lining of this cloudy experience.

Well, finally, the doctor came in. He's usually a smiley kind of person and this time his smile seemed a little bigger. He told us there is evidence of the tumor either shrinking or becoming scar tissue. This is very good news! There was no evidence of the tumor being alive. There were no flares coming off of the tumor which says there is no growth occurring. It will take more time and more MRI's in the future to supplement this information but it's a wonderful report anyway! Thank you so much, God!

My feelings are in flux right now and I don't know how to explain them. So, I'll just leave it here and give God all the glory for the great things He has done. Thank you, Lord.

Joyfully,

Elyse

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• Aug. 13, 2008 - Preschool Printable ABC Bible Learning

Posted By Victoria Carrington
Come by and check out our new website and our revamped Bible ABC printable lessons at AboutTheBible.

We had sold the Bible ABC cards previously and based on customer's feedback, we are now offering more components and an instantly downloadable version without the worries of shipping.

I hope you will tell others who may be interested about our First Bible Lessons as well.
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• Jul. 18, 2008 - Praying: It's An Action Verb

Posted By Elfmom in Update

I presented the ideas found in the book Praying in Color by Sybil MacBeth. I am posting the text that I gave at the Women's Ministry Breakfast at Grace Community Church in Angier, NC.

When my parents told their parents that they were pregnant for the first time, they all started praying. They prayed for a healthy pregnancy, for a safe delivery, for me to know Jesus at a young age, for a mate who would be God’s perfect will for me and probably a thousand other things.

I was born on a Monday and the following Sunday my mother brought me to church. After the service, she laid me on the altar and said, "She is yours, Lord."

When I was living a life far from fellowship with God, my mother prayed for me. I was on vacation in the Bahamas with my college friends. On our plane ride back, we hit some stomach-churning turbulence. My best friend was convinced that this was it. I reassured her by saying, "Don’t worry, my mother prays for me. God won’t let anything happen to me and since we’re on this plane together, we’ll be just fine."

I prayed for a husband. I prayed for a job. I prayed for another child after I had a miscarriage. I have prayed for friends going through divorce. I have prayed when I needed to find lost keys. When our dog ran out the door, I have prayed that He would bring her back alive. I have prayed for the salvation of my in-laws and for the safety of my brother-in-law while he was in Iraq. I prayed for Linda and for the healing of my grandparents who are slowly succumbing to the difficulties of aging. Every night I pray with each of my children and I try each time to pray for a different aspect of their lives and their relationship with the Almighty God.

Like many of you, I have prayed for big things and little things. I’ve prayed long, gut-wrenching prayers and the shortest one ever, "Jesus" when I think I’m about to get into an accident or my child is falling out of some high place and headed for a broken bone. There is much to say, theologically, about prayer. How many times is it mentioned? 109 times in the Old and New Testament of the King James version. What is the first mention of prayer? Genesis 4:26. Though mankind and God have been communicating since God breathed life into Adam. What is the dictionary definition of praying? To ask earnestly; address or petition; ask with humility and reverence; supplicate; to make supplication to God.

God speaks to us through the Bible. We speak to God through prayer. So what does God say about praying in the Bible?

Philippians 4:6-7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" We can go to our Father God with anything. It doesn’t matter if it’s a big thing or a little thing. Those things in our lives which cause us anxiety are just the things to bring to the Lord in prayer. I pray with my children every time they lose a toy. Then we praise the Lord together for answer to our prayers.

Romans 8:26 says "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." When you don’t have any more words to say. When the pain is too great. When we don’t know what to say, God has us covered. He has sent the Holy Spirit to intercede for us in a language beyond words.

James 5:16 says "Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The fervent prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much." Prayer is the key that will unlock the chains that keep us enslaved in sin. Prayer brings healing.

I Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Prayer is not something relegated to the dinner table or saved for the last seconds of consciousness each night. While we should pray at those times, prayer is more of a flowing river of communication between us and God.

These are just a few times praying is mentioned. Prayer is like a many-sided diamond. Every time you study it, it reveals more of itself. It is a gem that doesn’t lose any of its attraction, no matter how many times you look at it. You could spend a long time studying it and still there would be more to discover.

Right now we’ll focus on one facet of praying: our personal relationship to prayer. The benefits of a healthy prayer life are many. But even if our prayer life is on the south side of healthy, there are still benefits. I can think of nothing more important than talking to the Creator of the universe, the lover of our souls, the beginning and the end in my walk as a Christian.

But even so, sometimes there are roadblocks to prayer. Here are a few of those roadblocks. I think it is safe to say all of us have encountered one or more of these at one time or another:

  • Your attention wanders after "Dear Jesus"
  • Your prayers feel like a Christmas list instead of a love letter to God
  • The right words escape you and you feel the effort is hopeless
  • Your prayers feel inadequate or self-centered or phony
  • You’re bored with the same old prayers
  • You forget who you promised to pray for
  • You can’t wait for prayer time to end
  • You start praying and realize you’re thinking about paying the bills
  • Prayer feels like checking off a to-do list
  • You fall asleep while praying
  • Prayer feels like an obligation and therefore a drudgery
  • You feel inferior to other Christians

Then, so many times, I resort to throwing prayer darts. "Hi God. Bye God"

Then, there is the responsibility we have to pray for others. When someone asks you to pray for them, it’s not an invitation to lunch. It’s a yellow flag that is yelling, "Help" or "Danger". That person is opening a door that leads into a room where vulnerability, sorrow and maybe fear is trying to set up residence.

And or course, there is always guilt. It hovers over us like a helicopter. It can land anywhere in our day with a swiftness that can take your breath away. Or, it can drive stakes into our hearts and set up camp, fully expecting to make a home there. But worry slanders every promise in the Word of God. Why worry when you can pray? Worry should be the checkered flag that starts us on a race to prayer. It’s a place to start, not a place to stay. Worry is a dead end. It takes us to the wrong side of tracks, to a neighborhood full of self-indulgence, paralysis and emptiness. But prayer chauffeurs us out of that place and exposes worry for what it really is; inaction pretending to be action.

Praying is an action verb. And since the very first thing God did in this universe was to create, I think I can’t go wrong by imitating Him. My creation is not even in the same galaxy at what God can do, but as I am made in His image, I don’t think it is wrong to bring the gift of creativity that He has given all of us into our prayer lives.

It’s called Praying in Color. It is the invention of Sybil MacBeth. Now, I can’t tell you what flavor of Christian she is. The book she wrote to explain this method is not a theological treatise on praying. But, I think this is a wonderful idea.

All you need is a writing instrument and paper. You can use a lot of time or just a short time. This can be done morning, afternoon or night. And it can happen anywhere.

Take out your pens, markers, crayons or pencils and use the paper in the center of the table and let’s get started.

Here are the steps (draw on white board):

Draw a shape on paper

Inside that shape write the name of the person for whom you are praying.

Add detail: this is not an exercise in artistic drawing. It is the creation of a visual image to help heart and hand remember

Enhance the drawing: each stroke is time spent praying for that person

Keep drawing until you feel you’re finished

Add color

Start with a new request, person or verse

When you are finished, spend some time looking at your drawing to allow it to make an impression on your memory.

Now this method does not preclude distraction. If you get distracted, don’t start judging yourself and get discouraged. It’s okay to notice the distraction but refocus on praying. If the distraction comes back write a word on your page that will help you remember it later and keep praying.

Here are some more applications for praying in color:

Compost prayers – everything and the kitchen sink prayers when we dump complaints, whining, complaining and misery; those heavy burdens that God has promised to take for us. God turns our garbage into compost, but we have to throw it out first.

Thanksgivings – count your blessings name them one by one. Count your blessings, see what God has done.

Amends – With whom do you need to make amends, to make apologies, ask for forgiveness. Write the names and the wrongs. Use the drawing as a dress rehearsal. It may not even be possible to do this in person but if you invite God into the process of your confession clarity and cleansing can happen.

Spiritual journey – Make a map of your personal journey to God. Include the big things and the little things that happened along the way. One memory will trigger another and you’ll remember or discover for the first time how God has been standing next to you all along.

Mentors – Who has helped you in your spiritual life? Sunday school teachers, parents, other relatives, pastors, friends may all be on that list. Are there less obvious people who have helped you see how much God loves you?

Personal mission statement – Verbalize and visualize who you are, whose you are and what is important to you.

Healing of memories – Use praying in color to articulate old wounds, or even fresh ones, face them and then face them down.

Names for God – Let your drawing become a meditation on the way we understand and expand knowledge of God.

Scripture – Write the first verse or sentence of the verse you want to memorize. Repeat it while you add designs and color until you can say it with ease.

With a calendar – Use a blank calendar to record a prayer a day. Create an intercessory advent calendar and add a new person every day.

Let’s each choose at least one of these ideas and take 10-15 minutes to pray in color.

Praying is an action verb. Here is another way to put your prayers into action.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him" Ephesians 1:3-4

 

 

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• Jul. 18, 2008 - An Anniversary of Sorts

Posted By Elfmom in Update

Hi!

I haven't written in over four months. Linda's passing affected me deeply and I didn't have anything to say. As my dad says, "I've used all my words." While her death has made me sad because I don't get to see her and speak to her, I am so excited that she is in heaven, talking to Jesus. It also affected me on another level, though.

My deepest sadness when I think about my own mortality is how it will affect my children. Even as I type, my eyes fill with tears when I think of being apart from them. I watched Linda's children at the funeral service and the gravesite and all I could think of was how my children would be handling this situation. Linda's children are adults, yes, but I couldn't help but think about my own children. It made my heart hurt to think they may have to sit in the front of the church while I am eulogized, but also reminded me how important every day that I am given is to the lives of my five children. I do miss you, Linda.

Three years ago today, I was given the news that I had an inoperable brain tumor. Two days prior, I had gotten an MRI because I was incredibly tired, I was having trouble signing my name, dragging my left foot when I walked and having a terrible pain in my head when I bent over. I had gone to the emergency room at Rex Hospital at the insistance of the radiology technician who had read my scan. He wouldn't say what the problem was exactly, just that I needed to go to the emergency room, immediately.

I was transferred by ambulance early in the morning to Duke University Hospital because the neurologists at Rex didn't have the capacity to deal with my case. I needed to be seen by one of the best neurology oncologists in the world. That made me scared. I had a 10 week old baby and four other children waiting for me at home. I was a nursing mom. I had a lot of wonderful work in front of me. This just couldn't be the end of the road here on earth.

I was diagnosed with a low-grade glioma lodged in my brain stem. Talk about deer in the headlights! In a moment that brought great clarity, my neurosurgeon said, "We're dealing with shadows here. We really don't know how dangerous the tumor is." This is the same neurosurgeon who removed the brain tumor from Edward Kennedy a few months ago.

The immediate concern was the swelling around the tumor. My symptoms were largely a result of that swelling and a stroke was a clear and present danger. I got on a super high dose of steroids and a 30-day round of radiation. The swelling went down and the tumor did not grow.

Now, it's been three years. The tumor has not grown but neither has it shrunk. I have lost some hearing and my eyesight has declined. I am constantly dizzy, like I just got off the Tilt-a-Whirl, all day. I could go back to bed for the day by 10am. And I am constantly fighting emotions that seem to be one step ahead of my thoughts and words.

Even so, it is well with my soul. Now that I am in the thick of living with these restrictions and shortcomings, I often question God. Three years ago, it was clear to me. God is in control and He loves me more than I can imagine. He loves my children more than I do. He has a plan for me and it is perfect. All of those things are still true. They have not changed one little bit.

What did change were my assumptions and expectations of what my life would be like as I grew older. I often get stuck in this vortex of wanting to wring every last bit of life out of every day and being so tired that I can't finish a sentence without stuttering. It's aggravating, and tiring.

So what can I do? Bring it to the Lord in prayer. That is my recourse. It isn't a magic wand that waves itself over my life and makes everything shiny and perfect. Sometimes, He changes my circumstances, sometimes He gives me a different perspective. In either case, He shows me He loves me so much. I don't go to the Lord every time, but I know I should. Sometimes, my sadness and fear takes me far from the arms of my Creator. But, when I finally bring the burden of this tumor to Him, He always answers with love and grace.

Thank you, Lord, for giving me more days than I was told to expect. Thank you for walking next to me every step of this experience. Thank you for loving us. Thank you for reminding me that You have it all under control and nothing takes You by surprise. I love you, Lord.

Joyfully,

Elyse

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• Jul. 10, 2008 - Chase and Alyssa Love Swimming!

Posted By Victoria Carrington in Day in the Life
alyssa swim capalyssa back floatchase swimming
I can hardly believe it!  Chase is now on our local swim team.  He loves it.  I was not sure if he would enjoy the long practice but he is so excited to be on the team and practicing his swimming skills that he hardly minds.

Some of his friends from baseball are on his swim team so that makes it more fun.

Alyssa is doing better each day in level 1 swimming lessons.  She has moved up from the beginning "Learn to Swim" lessons.

Despite her apparent trepidation, she is a trooper and tries everything her teacher asks.

Today, she actually jumped off the side of the pool and off the diving board! (into her teacher's arms of course).  She is becoming more confident in the water.

Alyssa also sees many of her friends at the pool.

Good thing as we have a while to wait there while Chase is doing swim team practice.
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• Jul. 9, 2008 - Bible Study for Moms

Posted By Victoria Carrington
I felt the Lord leading me to start another blog consisting exclusively of my studies  in the Bible. 

Of my own accord, I feel completely inadequate for the task.  Thanks to the godly counsel of a more experienced woman, I am reminded that I do not look to myself for my strength but rather to God as I follow his leading and calling in all things.

My husband urged me to pursue this as he can see how much I love being in the Word and sharing it with others.

Stop by Bible Moms and subscribe to keep up with the first study "Are You Equipped?".

I hope you find the blog to be an encouragement.

Let your friends know about it as well.
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