I have a confession to make.  I sometimes cannot make myself leave the house.  If it is for my family, I do it.  If it is for myself, I generally say I will go somewhere, and then cannot make myself leave.  I don't think it's an actual phobia, and God, I pray it is not pure laziness!, but no matter how much I want to go somewhere, I will talk myself out of it. 

So, my confession is, I missed 7 weeks of church in a row.  *sigh*  But the good news is?  I went back today!  Yay me!  Thank the Lord.  I've been praying for weeks to give me the will to get up out of bed and drive to church every week now.  I've felt unworthy.  I've felt lost.  I've felt ashamed.  Now, I don't believe that everyone who does not join in with a church is a bad Christian.  I don't believe all who DO come to church are GOOD Christians.  But for ME -- I need that time in God's House.  I need that foundation to work on my inner self.  And isn't that why I am purposely charting these 30 days? 

Now I feel back on the right path!  I feel a great burden lifted off my shoulders.  I feel more like myself again.  I feel more empowered as a Christian and just "better". 

My purpose in life is to live it for Jesus.  My purpose in this world is to do as instructed by the Bible.  To raise and train up the children that the Lord BLESSED me with.  To be the type of wife that would make God proud of me! 

If going to church makes me feel THIS GOOD -- why in the world wouldn't I go every Sunday?  And Wednesday?  And to Bible studies?  I want to get there --- oh, how I want to get there!  But I still have the problem of leaving the house. 

Tomorrow night is our homeschool meeting.  It is actually IN my church and WITH several of my church friends and my FLY lady friends.  I plan on going.  I told two dear friends that I will try my very best to go.  Yet, as much as I REALLY want to go -- I'm afraid I won't.  WHAT IS THAT?  I don't understand it really. Please pray for me that I will go.  Once I start going places, it seems like it's easier to go to more places.  Once I get into these ruts, they just get bigger and bigger.

AND I have something wonderful to share about my good friend Cindy.

First a short background.  We've been friends for about 6 years.  She has 2 boys, one who has some emotional problems (mainly anger issues) and the other who is just sweet as pie.  She and her husband have had some major issues and she has had to pray and be very faithful in the Lord to stay with him at some points.  She has been faithful, and I believe she is truly starting to see His rewards.  Her HUSBAND took the boys to the church breakfast yesterday, and he CAME to church today!!!!!  Praise God!  We spoke together about how it was important for both of us to keep coming to church.  He said he needed God's help to be patient with his older son.  I also saw Cindy and her husband connecting during the sermon.  And best of all?  Cindy is just BLOSSOMING!  I told her husband how she looked at peace and just HAPPY.  She was in her element.  I thank God for what he has brought to their family.  And I hope this is just the beginning.

It's difficult to have a nonbeliever as a spouse.  My husband is very scientific and HE isn't even sure what he believes.  He's complicated to explain.  He does like what church brings to me and he certainly doesn't talk down about me being Christian.  And I am happy about that.

SO!  Today my goal is to be a good Christian.  To continue with RAOK's (I have been trying my best just to be kind to people, doing small favors, unexpected things ... it's amazing what a small bit of kindness does for others...and for YOU!) to be a good mother by making my kids smile today, and a good wife by doing something special for my husband and making him feel special. 

On an INWARD note -- this journal is awesome for that.  I will also read my Bible, especially some Psalms, as I love those.  I will also listen to some wonderful music, and do something kind for myself.

Many blessings on all of you!  And I PROMISE to post the chicken penne pasta recipe later! 

Sherry